BEING A "MISTRESS"

[patchuchai]

Will you consider someone as a mistress if the guy has been separated with his legal wife for  20  years and separated with this live in partner for 6 years. He is currently my boyfriend.

[kvandenhaak]

^NO. There's no cheating involved.

[Girltalker2]

^ agree, not a Mistress
So long as totoo sabi ng guy na wala na sila

[patchuchai]

Yup definitely wala na sila, kasi kung sila pa I wouldnt stay in this situation.

[Girltalker2]

^ May kakilala kasi ako before single daw sya (guy), di alam ng girl na married pala talaga. Until the girl fell for him at sya na kusa lumayo, but ang hirap daw.

[IamMarieLove]

Pero how can you forgive someone who doesn't even think he/she has done wrong? Then pa tuloy parin sila?

Tama po. I know it's hard to forgive po lalo na if they never ask for forgiveness. Mas mahirap po to forgive if you see them happy together kaya kung ako ang nasa situation na same nito maybe I will go somewhere off the grid. A place na hindi ko sila makikita, if I have kids I will bring them and In my mind i will not let them see their father but hindi sigurado kasi iba na pag may kids. Basta gusto ko walang contact with each other so I can start anew and move on completely and in God's perfect time, all things will heal. Prayer then para mas maging mabilis ang healing.

Ms. girltalker2 may question lang ako. Paano po pagbumalik si Ex tapos you see him very repentant and regretful, will you give him another chance? Let's say iniwan niya si other woman and he is very much willing to do everything for you?

[Girltalker2]

^ I'd say it depends. If you have moved on, di mo na sya ma accept at di mo na sya mahal, wala na kayong dapat pag usapan pa.

Actually my ex told me wala naraw sila ng kabit nya, so why do I need to continue the annulment. It is not that ayoko ng may asawa. In fact ang saya if you have a very loving and caring husband di ba? It is just that I think I'm wiser na (after going through the trauma), and I perfectly know he is not the right guy for me. I'd rather be alone kasi in my mind, alam kong di kami magiging masaya together.  at higit sa lahat, I'm sure mas masaya ako without him. Had I known this fact, I would have left him earlier and not wasted my 10 years with him.

Kaya nga minsan nalulungkot ako hearing the stories of wives suffering. Even mistresses narin. How can they allow men to treat them that way? If they love themselves, or kung mahal nila mga anak nila, or even yung parents na naghirap palakihin kayo, have some dignity. Don't allow anyone to just treat you like sh*t, lalo pa sa only guy you have entrusted your whole life with.

[IamMarieLove]

Hi Girltalker2.

Paano po pag may kids? Hindi po ba unfair sa kids na ilayo sila sa father nila? Sabi niyo nakipaghiwalay yong ex mo sa kabit niya and even asked you to stop the annulment which happens to be very long and expensive. Based po dito, i assumed he asked for 2nd chance? In your experience po, kailan mo masasabing tama ang magbigay ng another chance? and May kilala rin po ako, neighbor namin dati. Maganda ang work ng husband niya and malaki talaga ang kita. Bata pa lang ako may cheating issues na sila pero hindi nagkipaghiwalay yong wife kasi paano na daw ang financial support. And at the same time sabi niya siya daw ang legal wife so kahit mamatay pa yong hubby niya sa kanya pa rin ang lahat ng benefits. Literal po nasa isang bahay sila pero they no longer treat each other as husband and wife. and Hypothetical question lang, would you allow this kind of setup?

[lovemeagain30]

^^ Makiki comment lang ako dear kahit hindi para sakin eto. To answer your last question about your neighbor, although i'm not in a position to judge her decision to stay pero sa totoo lang 'it's a waste of life' to stay in that kind of marriage. ang ikli lang ng buhay. 

[IamMarieLove]

heheh Hello Lovemeagain30, same sentiments po. wala kasi work yong neighbor and if magkawork man siya di rin malaki sweldo so parang practical sa kanya ang setup nila. Tapos wala lang sila pakialamanan. Yong husband niya maraming kabit pero walang binabahay kasi papalit-palit at minsan naman pumapatol sa prostitute. Sa kids naman nila ngayon lahat may sariling family tapos si husband sa bahay na lang kasi na stroke siya 2 years ago yata.

[Girltalker2]

Paano po pag may kids? Hindi po ba unfair sa kids na ilayo sila sa father nila?

I don't think so. It doesn't mean they cannot see each other. Kaso another issue ulit iyan visitation etc. Pero come to think of it, di ba mas makakabuti sa mga bata growing up not seeing a lying father or emotionally suffering/haggard mom? Kesa makita nila blatantly niloloko nanay nila at okay lang?

Gusto mo kalakihan nilang values ang di Pag respect sa kababaihan? Gusto mo ba na maraming kabit din ang anak mong lalaki or yung babae mong anak ok lang maging kabit or legal nga, ok lang may #2/3/4 ang asawa?

 Sabi niyo nakipaghiwalay yong ex mo sa kabit niya and even asked you to stop the annulment which happens to be very long and expensive. Based po dito, i assumed he asked for 2nd chance?

Actually I don't know their story and I already didn't care at that point. Sabi nya wala na sila. But I don't know kung sino nang iwan kanino. Since mapride ang ex ko he didn't ask me to stop the annulment, tinanong lang nya if it is necessary.

Annulment was long and expensive but it is all worth it, compared sa paghihirap na pinagdaanan ko.

Tsaka Isa pa, sinungaling syang tao. Malay ko ba kung totoong hiwalay na sila? Wala na syang kahit katiting na credibiladad sakin, why would I want to be with that kind of person, I will only make his and my life more difficult kung ipilit kong makipagbalikan. Babantayan ko sya ng husto at mag ala detective, as if I have nothing better to do in life. Sya naman ewan ko patago at laging careful mambabae para di mabuking? Gosh, pathetic.

In your experience po, kailan mo masasabing tama ang magbigay ng another chance?

If BOTH of you still love each other. Take note di Ikaw lang ang nagmamahal, dapat sya din. In fact, sa ginawa nyang kasalanan, dapat mas mahalin ka pa nya.

Effort talaga for him to make the family intact. Truly sorry at Hindi isang sorry lang balik na naman sa dating gawi at pagsisinungaling.

Lastly, as the Wife, kelangan you won't feel any insecurity or paranoia of some sort to be with him again. Dapat wala yung fear na 'baka maulit ulit kaya bantay sarado asawa mo'. Para sakin Hindi healthy iyang relationship na iyan, one way or the other, the marriage will still breakdown, so para san pa na nag reconcile kayo kung away din kayo ng away at mauuwi pa sa hiwalayan. Parang pinahirapan nyo lang mga sarili nyo.


Regarding sa neighbor mo, maganda work ng lalaki - no wonder malapit din sa tukso.
Financial support is a major concern. Kaya as women, we should be financially independent. Para Kung nagloko asawa mo, you can still find happiness by leaving him.

Bata pa lang ako may cheating issues na sila pero hindi nagkipaghiwalay yong wife kasi paano na daw ang financial support. And at the same time sabi niya siya daw ang legal wife so kahit mamatay pa yong hubby niya sa kanya pa rin ang lahat ng benefits.

Im sure this has entered our minds. Bago makipaghiwalay what are the pros and cons. Ang question ko lang is paano mo masiguro na sya una mamamatay sa inyo, to think Ikaw ang tagasalo ng kunsumisyon at sya naman ang laging masaya? Secondly, natural na sinungaling yung lalaki, so paano mo din nasiguro na ang mga ari arian nya or cash eh di nya pinapangalan sa mga kabit nya or anak sa labas? In other words, anything with these types of people (philanderers) eh siguradong di mo din maaasahan.


 

Literal po nasa isang bahay sila pero they no longer treat each other as husband and wife. and Hypothetical question lang, would you allow this kind of setup?

No way. Not to me, to my Daughter or even to my parents. I always think we only have 1 life to live. It is best to make it worth living. Find yourself, find happiness and be at peace with God, yourself and others. Masyadong maikli ang buhay para i-subject mo ang sarili mo sa ganyang buhay na parang impyerno/purgatoryo. Have some life, have some dignity. Have some true happiness.


Edit: agree w lovemeagain, not worth sayangin mo buhay mo nang ganyan. Your parents hirap na hirap to bring you up well, loloko lokohin ka lang ng isang lalaki, at papayag ka naman?!

Sa kids naman nila ngayon lahat may sariling family tapos si husband sa bahay na lang kasi na stroke siya 2 years ago yata.

Isa pa Ito...
During his happy days, babae at inuman ang pinagkakagastusan nya. I think one of the stories ng GT na feature din when hubby came back to Wife, Pero nung nabaldado na. Ano tingin nila satin? Caregiver? Kung Kelan sila na-stroke tsaka magbabait-baitan para may mag alaga, as if they have a choice.

Swerte kamo ng neighbor mo at nastroke ang babaerong asawa nya. I bet mas nakakatulog na sya ngayon ng mahimbing. Though maybe not as lucky, she would have been luckier had the hubby died, mas mahimbing siguro tulog nya.

[lisse]

^agreed to everything pointed out! Just to add, mahirap talaga magtiwala sa pathological liar. I gave my ex a chance after finding out na he's effing around, even gave up my good job to save the marriage and this is the second time na nag-give up ako ng career for us and our marriage. Eh Hindi din naman tumigil eh. Re: financial, I could have everything I want if I stayed married to him. As in I don't have to even see my cc bill-he takes care of it all no questions asked. Travels, houses, etc, name it. Pero by the end of the day, these will not truly make you happy. And I wouldn't want my kids if ever (wala kasi kaming naging kids) nor my siblings to be trapped in that kind of life especially if they can do something to get out of it. It's the realization that I do not like the person I am becoming when I am with him that pushes me to be strong and heed the words of my higher self. And nung makita ko parents ko na nasasaktan for me, that's it! Kasi whether we like it or not, at kahit anong tago pa natin, the people who truly love us will eventually know our pains and I can't bear to be the one to bring grief to those I love.
Ngayon, I am in a much better place. No paranoia, no mind games, and I do not need to be on guard all the time. After a hard day's work, I can completely relax. Enjoy life after work with people who can bring out the best in me. And most importantly, I have reclaimed my self-confidence and self-worth which he trashed on.

[IamMarieLove]

I agree po. I think close communication ang kailangan para maging ok yong kids. I've heard stories din po kasi ng mga rebel kids who mostly came from broken families. In fact po my close friend came from a broken family and his mom was a battered wife. My friend had a lots of commitment issues kasi his fear is to be like his dad until now my baby na siya pero wala pa rin long term relationship.

Sobrang bilib din ako sayo Girltalker2. Imagine you've been through all of that and still you were able to realize that there's more to life. I know it was never been easy, may mga tao rin nga nawalan lang ng bf/gf nag-papakamatay na. How did you do it? How did you went on with your life?


Lisse, True. You can buy material things as long as you work hard for it but the peace of mind, it's priceless. Sa case ng neighbor ko, iba yong pinili niya kasi nga hindi naman siya financially independent, she's not happy I know but siguro she learned to deal with it na din. When you get married, did your husbands ask you to give up your job?

[Girltalker2]

^ hay naku sis, if you only knew what one goes through. Sobrang hirap at walang kasing hirap especially if you are the victim.

Sabi nga nila, Hindi naman nakakamatay ang broken heartedness. Ikaw lang papatay sa sarili mo if you allow yourself to get depressed.

I went through depression. Isolated myself as well. But what kept me going were my kids and my parents and siblings. My loved ones. Went through a lot - nakakahiya man aminin, but I share my story now to let people know, there's more to life than being a Wife of a stupid philanderer.  I went to novenas kung saan saan church, gayuma/witchcraft, nag private investigator din ako, a lot of makeovers - as in monthly nasa spa, salon, shopping ako. Ya magastos but those activities really kept me sane. I also committed suicide and after which I told myself never again, never ko gagawin yun at mga anak ko lang mags-suffer. I filled up my calendar, took courses, part time jobs, activities for my kids, engage in part time projects, saved saved and saved (kasi I don't know what the future lies as well). And I also had a career going.

Mahina din ako at one point in my life coz my hubby was my childhood sweetheart. I never dated or met anyone else before him. Our story was nearly a fairytale until he did that. And everything fell apart. Di ko alam gagawin ko kasi all my life, sa kanya lang ako nakaasa.  That time wala pang GT so sinosolo ko ang problems because I was hoping it can still be resolved, kaya ayaw ko ipaalam sa iba.

I think in the end, it is through God's grace kaya I have survived. Una una, di ko pa maintindihan bakit ako? Bakit sakin pa Ito nangyari? Tapos after praying all the rosaries and novenas I can think of, nagkaron pa sya ng anak sa labas. So tiis ulit, pray ulit. Then God was so good that he blessed him again with a second bastard. And you know what? That was it. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. God paved the way to where I am now. I am super happy compared to where I was when I was with that wrong person.

[IamMarieLove]

Oh my God sis.......... Naiiyak ako habang binasabasa to. Hindi mababaw luha ko pero naiiiyak ako dahil sobrang inspiring niya. Napaisip talaga ako paano pag nangyari sa akin to? Hindi ko alam kung makakabangon pa ba ako or baka mag suicide na lang. At napaka awakening ng sinabi mo dati parang fairy tale yong story mo but suddenly nagkaroon ng wicked witch... At tama ka, talagang kapit lang dapt kay God kasi na sa kanya naman lahat eh. I remember when I was having my review for the board, the priest told me the day before I took the exam that "Our dreams are just the shadow of God's dream for us" So kahit daw magfail ako sa exam hindi daw dapt ako magalit sa God or mag question kung bakit ako nagfail kasi sigurado may mas magandang plano si God at siguro sa ngayon hindi natin makita pero in his perfect time daw darating yon.

Yong hubby mo, hindi ko maisip kung bakit nagawa niya yong nagawa niya. Siguro may mga reasons pero parang ang babaw lang. Siguro Diyos nalang ang bahala sa kanya. At sana maka inspire ka pa ng maraming babae, women empowerment ba lalo na dun sa may pinagdadaanan na kagaya ng sayo para makita rin nila kung ano yong nakita mo at maging positive din sila na mas lalong mahalin ang sarili nila. Loving oneself isn't bad at all, I think its what we need but fail to give sometimes to ourselves. Nakaka-proud makausp ang isang tulad mo. To be honest, I always have this fear in marriage, takot na baka dumating ang point na mangyari din to sa akin pero siguro ngayon not that im expecting it to happen to me, my reminder na ako sa sarili ko sakaling mangyari ang ganito. At tama ka rin, God will pave our way to a brighter paradise.

[akotobakit]

I was once a mistress. He was my professor in the university. He was 27. His civil status or personal life was never discussed in his class. I was a quiet aloof student, and it was my atypical behavior that fascinated him. He was very gentle on me especially after he learned that I was undergoing psychiatric treatment then.

Nakuha niya ang loob ko for he was the lone person na naglakas loob na kilalanin ako at idiscuss in length ang issues ko. He was very nice, until our closeness led to courtship, which lasted a few months. He had so much time for me, kaya never akong nagduda na may kakaiba (or may iba). Until a year into the relationship, a classmate told me about it.

He admitted it, his wife is in the US. Ako pa ang sinisi. Imposible daw na hindi ko alam o na hindi ko man lang nahalata. May few times daw na suot niya ang wedding ring niya at kapag gumagamit siya ng laptop niya, there’s this picture of a lady na parang frequent sight nga sa files niya. He assumed that I already knew at na tanggap ko ang “role” ko. Hindi ako nagtatanong dahil hindi ko alam na may kailangan akong itanong o i-clarify sa kanya.

I was at a loss. Hindi ko matanggap. Kabit na pala ako all those times. Ang sakit sakit. Ang bata ko pa. It was hard to quit lalo dahil bumait pa siya nang doble after that confrontation. I don’t know if that’s a tactic womanizers do. Kahit anong away at pagtaboy ko sa kanya, ang bait bait niya pa rin saken. He never fought back. The relationship continued, kahit sa loob ko gustong-gusto ko nang bumitaw.

I quit school. Akala ko dun na matitigil yun. Pero he was very persistent. And I don’t know why I couldn’t resist him and his invitations (yes, I was used sexually). Dinistract ko ang sarili ko. Nag-work ako. I thought of ways to avoid him, to leave that immoral relationship. Sabi ko, sige papayag na akong magpaligaw sa iba. Pero nakonsensya ako. Maling gumamit ako ng ibang tao para lang makawala sa problema ko. So ibang way naman. Nag-business ako. Online business, buy and sell, and lending business. Nagpaka-busy ako. Naging successful. Lumago ang businesses ko. Good distraction, but not good enough. I still had time left for him, kung kailan niya ko kontakin at “kailanganin”. I felt bad for myself. Napakahirap kumalas.

In my desperation, nag-search ako sa internet ng church group na pwede kong salihan para hindi na vacant ang weekends ko. I enjoyed it naman. I would go there regularly kahit mag-isa lang ako. Nalessen ang pagkikita namin, pero meron pa rin. Until there’s this one day na may big event sa church and I promised to God that I will allot that attire day for Him. Sakto naman, a day before that big event, my bf contacted me. He wanted to see me kinabukasan dahil may mahalaga daw siyang sasabihin. I gathered all my courage and for the very first time in our relationship, I said NO. I didn’t mention why, basta I answered a big NO. He didn’t complain, he just said ‘OK, bahala ka’. A week after that, I noticed na hindi na siya nagpaparamdam. His phone cannot be contacted either. So out of curiosity tumawag ako sa bahay nila, pretended I was his student. His dad broke the news na bf already flew to the US.

Masakit, for I had no idea that he was up for petition by his wife. Na all those times that we were together, may pina-process pala siyang ganon. Walang goodbye, walang closure. It took me a long time din bago nakapag-move on. Pero that sudden disappearance niya is a big blessing in disguise. What I learned is, siguro sabi ni God, “Alam ko Anak, ginawa mo na lahat ng paraan na alam mo para bumitaw sa maling relationship na yun, pero hirap na hirap ka pa rin. Eto, this will surely hit you hard, pero this is the only way na nakikita ko para matapos na yang kasalanan mo.” Today, I am so thankful that God intervened in my ordeal and He freed me from that sin. As for the wife, eversince naman nahihiya ako sa kanya. She has no idea about what had happened. She has no idea that I ever existed in their married life. She’s like an Ate to me every time I look at her picture. Naaawa ako sa kanya. She looks very nice and pretty and up until today, in my prayer time, hinihingi ko ng tawad ang lahat ng kasalanan ko sa kanya.

[Shadow Angel]

^be thankful dahil nakawala ka at sana naging lesson na talaga sayo. Mahirap kapag emotionally dependent ka sa tao. Mas maganda hwag mo na lang tingnan ang picture nun wife para hindi mo na maalala. Wag ka na rin makibalita para totally mawala mo na sya sa buhay mo. Hindi nyo naman need ng closure isipin mo na lang na isa sya pagsubok ns dumating sa buhay mo na nalagpasan mo. Bata ka pa marami pa magagandang bagay na pwede mangyari sayo. Kung mahilig ka gumala mag travel ka magandang therapy. Hanap ka ng ka travel buddy or group. Goodluck sayo.

[hisana]

^^What a total *censored*. How I wish the wife found out about the affair sooner so she didn't have to waste time, money and effort on this jerk. The mistresses can have him, good riddance sana.

[IamMarieLove]

Tama si Shadow Angel Akotobakit. God has his reasons and ways to make our lives better. Sometimes, his ways hurt us or something that is not easy to accept but eventually you'll get by and feel better. Sabi nga nila, hindi nagbibigay ng pagsubok si God kung hindi mo man kayang malagpasan.

And yong nagawa mo, yes Mali siya kahit pa sabihin nating hindi mo alam in the first place na may asawa na siya and kahit noong nalaman mo nagpatuloy pa rin kayo. Wala sigurong reason na pwedeng maka justify sa maling nagawa mo pero hindi ibig sabihin noon ikaw lang ay may kasalanan. Sa situation mo, mas malaki ang kasalanan ng professor mo kasi alam niya na may-asawa siya and the fact na nilihim niya sayo ibig sabihin lang may intention talaga siya na magloko. Ang sama niya at ikaw pang sinisi dahil hindi ka nagtanong, eh bakit ka ba niya niligawan in the first place? Nakakainis din kasi naturingan siyang professor tapos ganyan ginawa niya? Well, si God na siguro ang bahala sa kanya.

And be grateful kasi mahal na mahal ka ni God kaya mag move on ka at mas mahalin mo sarili mo. Huwag mo na rin hanapin sa iba ang love na pwede mo na man ibigay sa sarili mo kasi minsan may parte sa pagkatao natin ang di kayang punan ng iba maliban sa sarili natin. Know your worth and find the things that will make you happy. Patawarin mo na rin sarili mo sa nangyari and please don't ever ever make the same mistake twice. Huwag mong sayangin ang isa pang chance na binigay sayo para itama ang mali mo. Be brave and learn to appreciate the things na sayo lang talaga at never ka dapt magsettle sa isng bagay na alam mong hindi mo deserve. Cheer up and pray to God cause with him, everything will be alright.

[dismembered]

Pero gusto ko gumawa ng vigilante group. Something like Anonymous group na kung saan, gagawa ako ng wall of shame para sa mga lalakeng nambabae at totally walang alam ang mga asawa nila. Andun na ang names nila for historical purpose. Something na makaka add ng fear sa mga G@gong to na hindi sila makakalusot sa mga consequences ng actions nila. The world deserves to know yung mga kalokohan nila. At least kung may gusto mag take ng risk patulan ang mga to, at least they have been warned. Oh well. I might go as far as making sumbong sa mga kalokohan ng mga to sa mga niloloko nilang asawa.