How to enjoy your 20's if you still have strict parents?

[Lute]

best is to move out. basta may distance between them and you.

some parents kasi as if hindi nila nadaanan yun.

[Miss Charcoal]

Nakakarelate rin ako. Pero only child lang kasi ako kaya alam ko na concern lang sila sakin.

[molybdenumstudios]

Well, since I recently turned 20 this year, I think my parents eased down the rules. It's a good thing that I could get out of the house by just informing them.

Well sis TS, I have a classmate during HS na hanggang ngayon, sheltered parin, despite graduating from college (like me). Not really sheltered, but 'yung under da rules parin... which I cannot explain further. But anyways, I don't think there's something wrong with that... basta you have to prove that you can be on your own safely. And don't go home late na rin.

[sugardrop]

I'm on my late 20's and I'll be 30 next year pero feeling ng mom ko, teenager pa ako. When I go out, text ng text na umuwi na ako and such. Hindi ko tuloy minsan ma-enjoy or I end up ignoring my phone. Nasabihan na sya ng tita ko about it pati ng friend nya to let me go at hindi na ako bata and baka sa ginagawa nya, hindi na sya magka-apo.

[Girltalker2]

To sis Annie M and Prunella, ask ko lang at what age did you guys move out?  I admit to being sheltered as well. 

Realistically, I admit that I can't afford to move out. Pero eto talaga gusto ko pag-ipunan.  Also, do you consider yourself as "well off"? Do you literally paid for everything kung san kayo nagsstay right now? Like all on you na?

Sis, ang pag-m-move out is not so much sa pag-ipon. It is a way of life kasi so dapat yung gastos mo kada buwan, afford mo. 

During my 20s, I had a chance when I studied again. So may "reason" ako to stay sa away from home, near school. Another alternative is if you work/study abroad, kahit sandali lang.  Para ma experience mo din.

Pero yung may permanent house nako at totally moved out from my parent's house - was only when I got married na.  That way, mas wala kang aalalahanin on your own, dalawa kayo sasalo ng expenses sa house.

 

[glacy_rein]

there's no place like home TS.. kahit na you curse it dahil hindi mo magawa ang gusto mo.

but yeah one way eh umalis ka talaga sa poder nila ng maayos at hindi dahil nagmamalaki kana.. (ganto kasi usual notion ng parents)

i have strict parents too imagine after college pa pwede mag bf so ako hindi talaga ako nagsasabe ng kahit ano tungkol sa boys, i always reason out which is alam naman nating mali pero i always get away with it. then nung legal na magka-bf kahit na isinasama na sa family gatherings may maririnig kapa din.

umabot ako sa point na feeling ko sakal na sakal nako kasi puro gusto nalang nila ang nasusunod only to realize after going abroad, giving me the freedom that i want, living the life alone, without any relatives, literal na magisa nalang ang lungkot pala! hahaha!

siguro its just me pero i appreciate them more nung sinubukan kong iwan lahat and i always assure them na trust me. just trust me enough dahil in the end kung may mali man akong gawin sarili ko din lang naman ang masisisi ko. (in which my mom would answer, anak kita kung anong nararamdaman mo doble ang epekto sakin, OH DRAMA. hehe. pero totoo naman maiintindhan din natin yan kapag tayo na ang magulang.)

try mo lang sis then share yours.

[glacy_rein]

^aww sis.. that's serious.. yung i-name ka ng kung ano ano ng mismong magulang mo? divert yourself for now and yes you have every right to move out lalo kung ganyang abused ka.. wala kang relatives to go with? other siblings to share?

[minnie99]

I can relate! 5 kaming siblings, 2 boys, 3 girls. Medyo hindi sila ganun ka-strict sa brothers ko, pero saming sisters, naku. Hatid sundo pa kami (sa work), may curfew, minsan ang driver, hihintayin na lang kami kung saan kami may lakad. Nakakaloka. Kunwari may field work, ipapa-drive pa kami sa driver. Kung malayo man, naku, baka sumama pa ang mommy. And they ask bakit ganito ang generation namin? Hehe.

My sister (26) broke up with her boyfriend, ngayon may nanliligaw sa kanya na officemate, tapos ang daming nasasabi ng mga magulang ko. Pag late umuwi ang sister ko, sermon ang abot. Ako, never akong nagpagabi kahit nung college pa ako. Sobrang dalang. Kasi nga, bawal naman yun. Tapos yung lalabas na nga lang ako with my boyfriend, parang ang hirap pang ipaalam. Dapat daw once a week lang. Eh hindi naman kami nagkikita madalas ng boyfriend ko. Swerte na yung magkita kami ng weekend. Siguro kung sa sister ko sila maghihigpit, maiintindihan ko kasi officemates sila, eh kami ng boyfriend ko, medyo long-distance, tapos kapag nag-date pa kami, maaga naman umuuwi. Yung kuya ko nga, halos gabi-gabi sila magkita ng gf niya.

Isa na siguro yung sobrang praning ang nanay ko. May trust issues ata siya. Masyadong takot sa mundo. Basta di niya kilala, feeling niya masama na ang balak. Tapos ayaw niya na isasama sa family gatherings. Mas mabait pa mga kamag-anak ko sa girlfriend ng kuya ko at sa suitor ng sister ko.

Sobrang nakakainggit yung friends ko na nakakapag-gimik na spontaneous. Ako kasi, kailangan planado kasi kailangang ipaalam pa sa magulang. Ang dami ko tuloy nami-miss na fun gimik. I can't even catch up with my friends because I'm in QC tapos sila, somewhere else. Eh di gagabihin pag nagkita on weekdays. Kapag weekend naman, iba ang lakad.

Anyway, I understand that it is their house and their rules. I can't wait to move out. Pero siyempre, matagal pa yun. Haha. Hirap kaya mag-ipon!

[zarazan]

@minni99  - nakakaloka yung parents na ang strict strict parin kahit may work na diba?  Parang hindi ba dapat, once you're of age, let go na. Tignan mo na kung tama ba pagpapalaki mo.

I feel sad also with the lack of spontaneity with having strict parents. Alam ko ang selfish isipin na puro kasiyahan ng sarili mo iniisip. Pero its part of growing up. Pag lagi asa pader ng magulang, ano matutunan mo?

[minnie99]

^Exactly! Ako, I work 10 mins away from home. 8-5 lang ako sa work, latest na yung 6 and madalang. Uwi ako agad lagi. Tapos, weekend, bawal pa rin yung panay ang labas. Kaloka. Ang dami ko nami-miss out na fun. As much as I try to think na para din sa ikabubuti ko to... Ano namang matututunan ko kung hindi ako magkakamali once in a while? Not that I want to make mistakes, pero alam niyo yun, doon tayo natututo eh.

Naisip ko rin, nakakainggit yung mga tao na ang relationship with parents ay maganda. Yung tipong walang tinatago. Yung tipong pwedeng i-share lahat tungkol sa lovelife, sa friends. Samin kasi, parang kinatatakutan pa yung mommy namin. Tipong magpapaalam ka nga lang, matatakot ka pa kasi baka di ka payagan at pagalitan ka pa dahil lalabas ka "na naman".

Well, siguro inspiration na rin yun kung paano ko palalakihin sarili kong anak in the future. Hehe.

[zarazan]

^Same here sis. Sobrang filtered ng stories ko with them na parang ang fake fake ng relationship namin. I used to be a daddy's girl, but now it seems that I am only pleasing them na parang takot na takot ako mapagalitan. Pag magpapa-alam ako, todo practice lagi sa utak ko. 

I have a friend na inaask ng mom niya asan na siya, then she said "andito lang kina _, inuman lang ma pero onti lang don't worry" parang ganyan. Oh diba? Walang kaproble-problema. Atleast she didn't even have to lie, tas in the end mas alam pa ng parents niya asan siya. Tayo kasi, we end up lying our whereabouts pa.

[DianeShishio]

I've always thought that having a job and starting to earn your keep bought a little bit of freedom in the household Ang rule sa bahay namin is laging magpaalam and inform the family of your whereabouts and who you're with, para hindi sila mag-worry kahahanap and they can reach you in case of an emergency.

I feel that it's high time that you move out, balitaan mo kami :3

[sugardrop]

I'll be 30 na this year kaya medyo mas lumalakas na loob ko. Basta I tell her where I'm going and who I'm with. I had to make her understand that I'm no longer a kid and that I can take care of myself with my own life to live. I also explained to her that she cannot make me live as if I were in her generation. Iba daw kasi panahon ngayon. Told her it's exactly my point, na iba na ang panahon ngayon and maybe she should open up to what this ibang nang panahon has to offer.

We had a talk before 2013 ended and although I may have sounded too harsh, I had to say it to get my message across, "If I end up being an old maid, I have no one else to blame but...". I did not even have to finish my sentence for her to understand.

[budzwhiz]

Sissies zarazan and minnie99 parehong pareho tayo ng situation. Well sabi nga nila, strict parents create good liars. Nung highschool ako weekends and after school, bihira lang ako lumabas with my friends and classmates. Kahit practice nalang na aabutin ng gabi, pahirapan pa sa pag papaalam. Kaya kung minsan mas pinipili ko nalang talaga skip mga lakad than ma hassle sa pagpapaalam at mapagsabihan pa. Nung nasa culinary school naman, I envied one of my classmates mas bata pa sakin pero sya naka-condo lang magisa while parents nasa province. Habang ako, from college up to now may bahay and may maid and parents always check up on me. Hay. Mga lakad, overnights palaging patago. Palaging may excuses. Kakapagod. Pag nakapag work ako ngayon, magiipon talaga ako. Para kung dumating man yung time na kailanganin ko na mag move out, I can do so. Just in case lang naman. It isn't just because gusto kong kumawala or more freedom, gusto ko lang din maging independent and stand on my own. Haaaayyy.

[zarazan]

@sugardrop aww sis I envy you that your mom finally understood.

And sis @budwhiz, I feel the same way about my friends who were allowed to live on their own sa mga condo. Actually, kahit nga mere dorm back sa college day, inggit na inggit na ako. Yung tipong nagugutom ng madaling araw, lalabas lang tas kakain. Dito kasi sa house, pag lagpas 7pm, tas magpa-alam ka umalis "delikado na" raw. WTF. Pano naman kung gusto mo mag last full show sa sine? 

Nakakahiya ang childish and selfish ng dating ko, but seriously, if you've been held back your whole life. Mabubuild up yung frustrations eh. But yeah, I am currently saving narin naman to be able to move out too.  Alam ko naman na its not overnight thing, years talaga to.

[minnie99]

LOL at the "If I end up being an old maid" speech ni sis sugardrop. Ganyan din naiisip ko minsan, na tatanda akong dalaga kung ganito mga magulang ko. No way. Hehe.

Hay siguro, sobrang iba na rin ang panahon ngayon kaya di nila maintindihan. Pinipilit nila na dapat, ganun pa rin ang rules, kesyo ganun ang rules nung panahon nila. Tama ka sis sugardrop. Iba na ang panahon, kaya nga dapat mag-adjust. Hay.

Nakakainis kasi sinasabi ko naman kung saan ako pupunta at sino kasama ko. Tapos parang wala pa ring tiwala sakin mga magulang ko. Full disclosure na nga eh, ano pa ba gusto nila? Siguro dahil din sa ginagawa ng iba kong kapatid (na I won't elaborate pa) kaya di nila ako mapagkatiwalaan. Hay. Or siguro wala silang tiwala sa mga kasama ko. Or wala silang tiwala sa mundo. Hehe. Saklap.

[sarah29]

Wow sis, I feel bad for you. After I graduated HS, wala nakong curfew. I was 15 at that time. Of course I had to text pag gagabihin, pero wala naman problema sa kanila. We moved dito sa States nung 16 ako.. then I was allowed to stay in the Philippines for 6 months when I turned 20. I lived on my own. I'm 21 now. Uuwi ulet ako for my Wedding.

Eto sis I don't know kung bad advice, pero dapat ata minsan sumuway kana sa curfew mo. Kase sa totoo lang parents mo na ang mali dito. Kahit ba nakatira sa kanila, mali naman na ang trato nila sayo e parang bata pa din. Akala ng mga magulang kase pag strict sila, mas okay. Pero it does their child more harm than good. Minsan kelangan pa ng gulo para ma-realize ng parents na mali din naman sila. Kase sabi mo din nga, di naman sila madaan sa matinong usapan. Tsaka minsan lang maging young and in 20's. Sana wag nila ipagdamot yung experience na yun sayo. Well anyway sis, if that won't work for you,  I hope maka-hanap ka ng paraan na magmove out. Remember sis, adult kana. May right ka magdecide for yourself.

[lilstar]

Ganyan din ako dati mga sis., Nung college ok naman mag sleep over pag may projects. pag need namin mag sleep over ni bf (now hubby) kailangan ko kutchabahin mga classmates ko na may projects kami or else, patay. After college, mas naging strict sila sakin. 2pm ang out ko sa work dapat 3:30 nasa bahay nako, malate ako ng 30mins katakot takot na explanation. Sobrang nasasakal nako noon sa kanila, so i decided na magbuntis. hahaha bad girl no?

Nung nagka baby na kami, di pa din kami pinag sama., so for 3 years need ko mag reason na may meeting sa office or may over time para makapag date / overnight kami ni hubby. ang saklap diba? Nung pumayag na silang mag sama kami ni hubby, medyo naging ok na kasi lagi ko na kasama si hubby. Pero bawal bawal at bawal kaming malate ng uwi. Nasakal kami parehas ni hubby so nag decide kami bumukod.,

After 3 years din ng pagbukod namin ni hubby ako naman ang nag explore, nag enjoy naman ako going out with friends which is di ko nagawa nung dalaga ako. Nag away kami ni hubby re dun, halos mag hiwalay na din kami. Pero what can i do? Gusto ko pala mag enjoy sa buhay ko e. Gusto ko lumabas at mag explore with friends, gusto ko mag try uminom at mag party. Ginawa ko yun for several times and it broke my heart to see our relationship falling apart. Kaya, i try to limit my partying. Ok na kami ni hubby, ang pagkatao ko, ok na din ngayon.

For me lang girls, sissies, we need to feel our freedom e, pag di natin nagawa yan nung dalaga tayo hahanap hanapin natin yan. Di pwedeng di natin maeexperience yung party life na tinatawag nila. If you pass that stage ikaw na din mismo ang magsasawa at susuko. hahaha

Enjoy life mga sis! gawan yan ng paraan hanggat bata. Life is short!

[sugardrop]

Nakakatawa lang minsan isipin na magtataka yung ibang strict parents kung paano natuto magsinungaling and magtago yung mga anak nila. They only see it from their perspective and sometimes, we also fail to see it from their perspective. I think it's still better to try and communicate with them. If all else fails, last resort na yung magdahilan. I understand why some parents feel the need to protect their kids. Pero sometimes, kailangan siguro magkamali ang masaktan yung mga anak to learn. It's part of the process and of life.

Ako na din mismo yung nagsawa sa night life. Ang nangyari kasi when I worked, nagwala ako to enjoy my freedom and did a few things I'm not proud of. Kaya sabi ko, pag ako ang nagkaanak, I will exercise authority but never to the point na masasakal ko na yung anak ko.

Sad to say, isa akong dead kid, gaya nung sabi nung ex ng friend ko na dead kids kami. Di namin na-experience maglaro sa streets and di namin alam yung ibang street games. Kaya sabi ko I won't allow my future kids to be "dead kids".

[sarah29]

Tama sis.. need talaga naten marasanan kahit papano yung mga partying, gala etc. Kase hahanap-hanapin naten yan someday. Dito sa California, hay grabe ang daming nagmumurang kamias. 50 years old na nakamini skirt pa at nagcclubing.. at todo post pa facebook ng mga sexy pictures kuno nila. Feeling ko parang pinagdamutan ata sila ng freedom nung bata pa sila.

Ako I started drinking and clubbing at really young age. I was 13. I'm not proud of it pero di ko naman niregret.. and hinde naman sya dumating sa point na naka apekto sa studies ko, or talagang malala. Never tried drugs, never smoked din. Choice ko naman yun. Kumbaga yung freedom ko, nasamahan naman ng lecture and hinde naman nagkulang tatay ko to discipline me. Ngayon 21 nako, ayaw ko na magparty or uminom. Feeling ko tapos nako sa phase na yan. Ngayon I'm more focused with school, work and getting married.

Sa tingin ko sis, kung di mo talaga makausap parents mo, sumuway kana. Just make sure na yung mga paglabas-labas mo e pera mo mismo, at hinde ka nanghihingi sa kanila. Kumbaga, kaya mong panindigan yung mga pinapasok mo. You're not getting any younger.. enjoy your 20's while you can as long as hinde naman masama ginagawa mo.