We've been married for six years and still wala pa din kami baby. Di ko na kaya idetalye lahat ng doctor at treatment na ginawa namin just to conceive pero wala pa din. We got married in 2007 and tried to conceive na from the start. I'm 38, by the way, turning 39. In 2008, we discovered I have a malaking myoma, instramural so pumapasok na sya sa uterine lining. I had an operation to remove it kasi it was growing and blocking one of my fallopian tubes.
After the operation, wala pa din. Been to so many different doctors, gone thru so many tests till it got to the point that I was beginning to feel like a lab rat. Yoko na idetail lahat ng sinabi at ginawa sa akin sa sobrang dami. I had an xray taken and they found out that one of my tubes is blocked but the other is not. Ironic, that the ovary of the blocked tube is better than the ovary of the unblocked tube. Crazy, di ba?
In 2010, after the xray, I had one doctor tell me to give up na lang, and not even consider in vitro since I have developed PCOS. Di ba ang saya? From bleeding like a blood donor sa red cross due to the myoma, to not bleeding at all. She even told me that I still have a small myoma and she thinks it could be cancerous.
Para akong binagsakan ng langit that time. How can this fertility expert tell me in one breath to give up my dream of becoming a mom and, at the same time, that I could have cancer. then the next breath, she scheduled me to come back for more check ups. I never went back to her.
Mga sis, that was the lowest point of my life siguro. I felt numb, I remember going to a nearby chapel and crying and crying and crying. I was calling my husband but he was caught in a meeting and couldn't leave. I'm crying as I write this kasi bumabalik ang pain kahit na matagal na nangyari.
After that, I went into depression. Sabi nga ng husband ko, di na daw nya ako nakikita tumatawa or ngumingiti man lang. Madalas tulala and walang gana sa buhay. I used to love babies and tuwang tuwa ako nakakakita ng baby. Nakikipaglaro pa ako. Pero that time, I stopped. Parang ayoko na sa bata. Nagkababy mga hipag ko, pero dedma lang ako. Ayoko hawakan o laruin o tingnan. I thought my husband didn't notice but he did.
I became better when I got my dog. She brought back the joy in my life and my husband knows it.
Right now, we're still hoping pero siguro nasanay na din kami na walang baby. We have discussed adoption pero my husband wants sana na kanya ang bata, so we've even gotten to thinking na kumuha ng babymaker. Pero it's all talk, nothing definite. Siguro umaasa pa din kahit papano.
It doesn't help when relatives, friends, and people we barely know ask if ilan na anak namin or if wala pa. Mas lalo na yung nagtatanong ng bakit wala pa. I swear some people are so rude to ask personal questions and it takes all my good manners not to make away sa kanila.
I'm close to giving up already. I try not to think about it anymore kasi i'm tired of hearing my own heart break.
Thankful ako sa husband ko kasi he's never made sumbat or sisi. He's very supportive of me.
