Still Childless

[chinnie]

I feel for you sis Lisse… We just celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary. Since day 1 of our married life, we both wanted to have kids na. We are happy couple… we are happily married. It’s just that we cannot complete our own family picture. God gave me a wonderful husband. Sometimes I ask God kung quota na ba ako dahil binigyan nya ako ng mabuting asawa? Baka naman pwede pang humingi ng bonus (kahit isang anak lang). I know in my heart that we will be good parents.

For our first 5 years, we’ve been to different OBs for fertility work ups. We are not rich… and we cannot afford IVF though, we are both working and have a good career. Wala kami halos naipon dahil most of our income were spent for fertility work ups. Okay lang kahit walang ipon basta lang magka-baby. Until, we decided to stop. It was financially and emotionally draining. We just decided to live a healthier lifestyle (good diet, exercise) and try the natural way.

But until this day, wala pa rin. Sadness, envious, depression, anger… I felt all those negatives just because I can’t have what I desire most. Why do I dwell on things beyond my control, instead, I started counting my blessings and started learning new things. I’m into baking now, and slowly I am doing better on this… serves also as my outlet which keeps me busy on weekends. Para pag dumating si baby, I can make goodies and cakes for his/her parties.

Hubby and I are fighting this battle (with love, faith and prayers as our weapon). I am grateful everyday for the love that me and hubby have for each other. Every sundays, we go to St Claire or to our Lady of Manaoag. We also dance our heart's desires in Obando during the feast day. One time, one of the sisters in St Claire told us, "sana magka-baby na kayo"... told her, "keep praying for us sister". Then asked us, "baka may kulang pa kaya hindi pa dumarating si baby?... may bahay na ba kayo?". Wala pa nga po sister, we are just renting, we told her. Baka yun ang hinihintay ni baby bago sya dumating, she told us. Hopefully we can start building our own house this year or early next year, baka yun ang hinhintay ni baby.
                                 
Napahaba na… I just want to vent out and tell other sisses here na hindi kayo nag-iisa sa ganitong pinagdadaanan. Sana hindi tayo tumambay sa pinagdadadanan nating ito and soon malalagpasan din natin ang daan na ito. In God’s perfect time, He will give our heart’s desires. God loves us so much.

[mrsonthego]

mga sissess, naisip nyo ba paano kung hindi talaga para sa atin ang pagiging ina? lagi ko naiisip yun, ang sakit sakit

[Lizi]

hello mga sis, i dont think im in the position na mag-react re: babies, mag-1yr pa lang kaming kasal this October and yet, we never feel the pressure of having a baby. i guess dahil na din sa stress kami both sa work. you know, whenever they ask me kung meron na bang laman ang tummy ko (b/c i get fatter eversince kinasal ako) i tell them "yes, ang laman nito ay kanin". then shrugs it off. siguro na din dahil for us mag-asawa, hindi pa din kami ready for a baby, kaya parang hindi pa kami affected sa mga nagtatanong.

I wonder bakit ang mga tao, walang contentment sa buhay. Pag single, ang tanong "o bakit hindi ka pa mag-bf?", pag taken naman na ang next, "bakit di pa kayo mag-pakasal?" pag kinasal, ang next na tanong, baby! ano ba yan!

ang bottom line, wag ka na lang pa-pressure sa environment mo. I-enjoy mo na lang muna ang relationship mo kay hubby, ang sabi nga nila  - habang ini-aim, lalong di binibigay. kasi naii-stress lang daw sa pag-conceive.

[lisse]

^^sis, naisip ko na din yan and it came to a point na nagtampo talaga ako kay God and yan ang lagi nasa isip ko. I know it's wrong pero personally I can say na hindi pa ko maka-get over dun sa harsh statement na narinig.

^tama ka sis, and I agree about sa mga tao na wala na atang bukambibig kundi abangan ano na nangyayari sayo. some people I have learned to ignore, while some can still hurt my feelings with their words. eh yung mismong parents nga namin minsan they get asked din, bakit kay Lisse wala pa kayong apo? luging-lugi na kayo. haller para bang investment or interest ang magka-anak.

[chinkywinky]

Glad to see this thread. I feel for all of you, I am also childless and been married for 5 years. I'm 35 na sisses. Like what you all have been through, I also went through a lot for not having a child - depression, peer pressure, fear. I fear not for myself but for my husband who really wanted to have a child. I cried a lot na, I won't go into much details why we don't have a child yet but I came to the extent that I'm letting him go and look for another woman who can give him a child. We had misunderstandings to the point that I read that he was venting out to his friends about us being childless, that lead me to push with the separation, because that's not fair. We are supposed to talk about personal issues and solve them, just the 2 of us, others shouldn't be involved, we don't owe them an explanation. So we talked, we discussed things, what do we really want, do we really want to grow old together despite of being childless. He said yes, he wanted to grow old with me, even just the 2 us. He said sorry for being so selfish and insensitive. I was furious at him when he vented out to his friends but I can't blame him. I should also understand how he felt that time. He said that he was envy with his friends who already have children and posting photos on FB.

Now, I think our relationship is stronger and we have better communication. The key is ACCEPTANCE. We've already accepted our fate of not having a child, but we're not losing hope. We are enjoying our blessings and spending quality times together - we travel if there's an opportunity, we buy things that we want, we help others. We've accepted that a child is not for everyone.

We just ignore those insensitive people who annoyingly question our capabilities to have children. We are way past that. Those people who tell us that we are not happy and content because we are childless are those people who have personal insecurities and would only point our infirmities to make themselves superior.

Don't feel depressed sisses, there are reasons why our desires are not given to us.  We will not get all we want. Just enjoy your life with your husband and make your lives meaningful. 

[Myealexis21]

I wonder bakit ang mga tao, walang contentment sa buhay. Pag single, ang tanong "o bakit hindi ka pa mag-bf?", pag taken naman na ang next, "bakit di pa kayo mag-pakasal?" pag kinasal, ang next na tanong, baby! ano ba yan!

At pagnagkaanak na, ang next na tanong... kelan niyo yan susundan? hahaha!

Pero buti na lang walang masyadong ganyan akong relatives.  Sa officemates and friends naman, kapag may nagtatanong sasagot ako na wala pa nga eh, LDR kase kami...tapos susundan ko ng "may advice ka ba kung ano maganda gawin, kainin, etc." So yun may napulot pa akong idea hehe! Pati boss ko (lalake ito ha) mega suggest sa akin ng magandang supplements, magpa-accupuncture daw ako para di stress, binigyan niya pa ako ng dapat kong tawagang accupunturist hahaha!

Di ko naman sinusunod lahat...but I do keep all their advises in mind

[sofiamarj]

Sis Lisse, maraming reasons kung bakit siguro hindi pa dumarating ang 'little one' mo. Nakakarelate din ako kasi, noon minsan talaga nakaka depress at nakakainis lalo na pag lagi nalang tinatanong ng friends and cousins kung kailan ba magkaka baby. Naapektuhan tuloy ang social life ko kasi ayaw ko pumunta sa mga gatherings and occasions kasi alam ko na magiging topic yun. Dati ang joke pa namin ng hubby ko pag kami lang ang naguusap, 'yayaman ba sila pag nalaman nila na may baby na kami'  Nung newly married kasi kami, ok lang naman na bonding time muna kami ni hubby.
Pero habang nagkakaedad, minsan napapaisip din ako na mahirap pag walang anak kaya kung mabiyayaan, I'll accept kasi babies are blessings. Tsaka marami din kasing challenges noon kaya siguro binigay samin sa tamang panahon.
Kaya after 5 years of being married, we are blessed with a baby girl. Nasa late 30's na rin kasi ako. Pero thankful kami na nagkaroon kami ng anak.
Good luck sayo sis at sa hubby mo. Wag mong papansinin ang mga negative na naririnig mo sa paligid kung meron man. Darating din ang baby mo sa right time. Don't lose hope. 

[Nhetskii]

Hi mga sis!

I want to share my story and hope kahit konti makapag lift up sa inyo.

I got married at the age of 32. I can say na im a good daughter. Nagka bf din but was never engaged with premarital sex. After my last bf (Before ang hubby ko) more than 6 years yata ako di na nagka bf. Medyo na trauma yata ako... hehe

Anyways, my husband... which got married around 2001 -- yes di po ako ang first wife, eh na byudo after 1 year of marriage. Kilala ko na sya that time even his late wife.

We never thought na kami ang magkakatuluyan... we never had this called "magic" when we first met.  We even double date kasi friend/officemate nya yung ex bf ko. Sabi nga nila, love moves in a mysterious ways...

To make the long story short, we got married after only 7 months na ligawan December 2006.. we're both 32 that time. We tried to conceive right away.. since di na kami bata. Di nagka anak si hubby sa first wife. Maraming nagsasabi na baka stressed daw kasi that time my sarili syang business na sobrang stressful. 1 year is ok, then 2, then 3 years nakalipas... we tried to consult sa OB pero since financially unstable kami di na namin kinaya na careerin. Nag rely na lang kami talaga sa prayers...
pero habang tumatagal, na fru-frustrate na ko... sa loob ko talagang na de depress na ko everytime na nakakakita ako ng baby.. nang daddy na may kargang bata.. sobrang kakalungkot kasi bukod sa matagal na kaming kasal, di na din ako bata... sabi pa nila mas tumatanda ka, mas mahirap magbuntis. Nawawalan na din ako ng pag-asa.. Financially unstable din kami (nalugi ang business at nag iwan ng katakot takot na utang) napilitan din ako mag work ulit. Si hubby, naghanap din ng work. Dumating ang time na di ko na din alam kung ano idadasal ko. Di ko din alam kung dapat bang pilitin si Lord na bigyan kami ng anak kasi feeling ko kaya di kami binibigyan eh dahil baka di namin kayang buhayin ang baby namin just in case dumating sya. Feeling ko din, sobrang hina ako physically at baka di ko kayanin... 

And then one day, i decided to talk to God... i prayed hard at sinabi ko sa kanya na i really want a baby. Pero sya pa din ang bahala.... if He thinks na kaya namin, kaya ko financially and physically eh sana ibigay na nya... if not, then help me to accept it and be happy with it.. Na kahit dalawa lang kaming mag asawa, magiging masaya ang buhay namin.

God answered our prayers... after 6 long years... i was 38.  Tagal bago mag sink in samin na buntis na nga ako.. nakatitig kami pareho sa lab result, tulala... di makapaniwala na eto na! from that day talagang nabago buhay namin. Now, my baby is 4 months old.. premature sya but healthy.  Super hirap ako nang nanganak -- (different story) But super saya.

Mga sis, never lose hope... keep your faith in God. Pray lang nang pray (libre yan). Kulitin lang natin nang kulitin si God... Wag mapapagod, pwede namang malungkot, pwede ding umiyak but never give up....

Good luck! 

[yena^_^]

^ sis, thank you for this story. It made me realized never to loss hope, magkakababy din kami in God's perfect time. Thanks again.

[lisse]

^^ thanks sis, for sharing your story. It's really inspiring and I am sincerely happy for you. Someday soon, I hope kami naman magshe-share ng ganyang story.

[chinkywinky]

^^^thanks for sharing your story sis. Such an inspiration to everyone, even to me. 

[jeune]

Keep those inspiring stories coming! We will all be blessed one day

[chinkywinky]

^well said. Life is beautiful 

I just spoke with my officemate this morning. We're not really that close but this morning's conversation opened up some inspirational talks. She's been married for 8 years and since then she's trying to conceive. She's 33, btw, and she's Indian. I never thought that she could be that open, and she said 'keep trying, don't lose hope. Don't dwell too much about peer pressure.' She said 'don't lose hope' a lot of times. I will accept my fate but I will never lose hope. 

[Nhetskii]

hi sis cvscruz!

Dont lose hope... ganyan din ang naging feeling ko. May time din na naiiyak na ko kasi feeling ko super tanda ko na at baka di na nga talaga ibigay ni Lord ang hiling namin. Lalo na pagpupunta ka sa mga kamag-anak, kaibigan at tatanungin ka "Oh wala pa ba? Tagal naman! mas tumatagal mas lumiliit ang chance na magka-anak kasi nagkakaedad ka na" minsan gusto ko nang sumigaw! salamat ha!! laking tulong yan! kakainis di ba?! Si madam auring nga nagbuntis pa eh.. ako pa kaya 38 lang! Pero ang lagi ko na lang sinasagot... "In God's perfect timing!" which is true talaga... In God's time.. kahit walang OB kahit walang gamot na iniinom.. all we have to do is Pray, pray and pray... assure God na pag binigay nya, magiging mabuti kang magulang. Kaya relax sis, enjoy life!

I will pray for you ... 

[hisana]

This is medyo OT already, but I can't help but rant about relatives who think that being my kamag-anak gives them license to just tactlessly nose around my life. I'm not married and I don't have kids yet, but I'm at that age where my relatives think I absolutely should be, so puro na lang tungkol sa pag-aasawa at babies ang sinasabi every time. EVERY TIME. Ok lang naman sa akin na minsan magtanong or even sometimes mag-offer ng advice on what to do about it, but they don't have to be so patronizing about it, as if being this way is some sort of disease. Ang kulit kasi ng iba, paulit-ulit, and a lot of them are already being judgmental, if you ask me. Never mind all the other things about my life like my career, my accomplishments, my friends, etc. Basta they believe na kung wala pang sariling family, then something must be wrong with you and boy don't you forget it. Under the guise of "being concerned" lang naman daw. I already told them to not talk to me too much about it because it only stresses me out, pero ayan, sige lang.

Pasensta at nag vent na ako dito.

[Nhetskii]

True ka dyan sis hasana!

Nung di pa ko married, dumating sa point na nagka alopecia ako. Nung nag analyze ako kung ano ang cause... it because of my friends and kamag anak na nangungulit kung kailan ako mag aasawa.... sobrang na i-i-stress na pala ko. Hay!!

[Miss Charcoal]

Si Mama nag-asawa nung 29 y/o siya pero pinanganak niya ako after 5 years ng marriage nila. Only child ako at buti na lang nadaan sa medications.
Kaya wag mawalan ng pag-asa.

[Nhetskii]

hahaha sabi lang di ba.. tapos after awhile sabi nya nakunan sya.....

[brendzy]

hi sis lisse, you are not alone in this situation. Me too, I am 28 and hubby is 33. we are on the same boat. My hubby and I have been married for 2 years now, on bf-gf relationship for 6 years before marriage. I must admit, we had pre-marital sex, I thought it was ok, kasi we seldom use contraceptives and I never conceived even once. When we got married, I agree with the other sissies, there's a pressure from the family and other people, " hindi ka pa ba buntis?, I think you need to lose some weight." mga ganung tanong and comments na nakakainis  . But before my umalis ang hubby ko going to abroad ulit few months after ng wedding namin in 2011, we consulted an OB kasi gusto na din namin magka baby. we found out na may PCOS din ako, just like one of our sis here. yung medication, more or less 6months, but aalis na si hubby within 2months, so wala ring nangyari, he left, hindi ako buntis. after almost a year, sumunod ako sa kanya, then another year ulit, wala pa din. nung una, I was depressed like bakit ako pa? I know kahit di nya sinasabi, he's really wants na din. what just change my POV was when we were counseled. sobrang umiyak ako. I learned to be more patient and to lean more to God.

Although, until now wala pa din kaming baby, we are not hopeless and depressed. We are even more eager na magseek ulit ng help ng OB to prep us up both this year. Marami akong nakilala na nagbuntis after long time ng marriage, so nothing is impossible kay God. Let's keep on praying malay natin diba baka one these days. 

[Carylldax]

Hello mga sissies! I feel you all..
Today, we visited with my hubby a couple friend who just gave birth to a very gwapo baby. I was happy seeing them, but when i got home, i cant help myself to feel envy. Tears falling while writing this. The world is so unfair. What have i done to experience these moments. Naging mas emotional ako nung nabasa ko mga sentiments dito. Bat ganon noh? Able naman kami, financially ready naman kami, may bahay at sasakyan na kami. Tama kayo sis, kung sino may kaya yun pa ang wala. Im a jolly person, pero mood swings ko these ttc days is very unpredictable. Depress na depress po ako. May time rin naman na ok ako, pag isipin ko na lang na ok kami financially, mabili kung anong gusto, good job, pero kulang talaga eh. Everytime na mag mabuntis and manganak and binyag, laging bumabalik depression ko. Ayoko naman iwasan, dahil gusto ko matanggap na eto talaga, parang hindi pa talaga time. Gustong kong e feel o esa puso ang "god's perfect time" na sinasabi natin. Pero wala pa eh. Gusto ko rin esapuso ang sinasabi nating "relax", eh hindi pa siya dumating sa puso't isipan ko eh.