I Just Found Out my husband is Bi. What now?

[Mela]

hi, sis mela. *hugs*

okay, first things first. hingang malalim, watch funny shows/movies, mag-shopping (na i doubt kung magagawa mo pa coz you're giving birth next week) but basically what i just want to say is free up yourself from stress para paglabas ni baby wala siyang masagap na stress. that feeling na kapag pagod na pagod ka na, ayaw mo na lang mag-isip. upo ka na lang, nood tv, kain popcorn, ganyan tapos kebs na sa nangyayari sa paligid, yun.

then kapag ready ka nang maistress uli, talk to yourself. list down your options.
1. do i confront him (yes, confront kasi he's been hiding something from you -- a thing that you have the right to know) about his gender/sexual preference?
2. when i confront him and he denies it, how would i react?
3. when he admits he's bi and says sorry, would i forgive him (for being both bi and for keeping it from me)?
4. if he says he'll stop his skype sessions with men, would i believe him? and if i said i would, would i mean it? or will i be forever doubtful of him?
5. can i live with this, him being bi, without being hurt every single day?
and so on and so on, sis.

sis, ganito kasi yan eh, pag bi ka yun nga pwede ka sa lalaki or babae. pero (most of the time) may preference ka pa rin. so sa case mo, babae ang preference niya siguro that's why he settled down with you. pero yung landi niya sa katawan hindi nawa(wa)la eh. kaya siguro andun pa rin yung attraction niya sa men. and if you're the type of girl na hindi open sa ganitong klaseng mundo, the fluidity of sexuality, better make up your mind. magtitiis ka na lang ba at pahihirapan ang sarili mo o magmu-move on ka para sa ikatatahimik ng buhay niyo pareho, most expecially ng mga bata?

yung thinking na magtiis na lang para mabuo ang pamilya, imho hindi na uso. sooner or later mas mahihirapan sila and also ikaw, so it's better to start with a clean slate. new age na ngayon, daming mga fatherless children jan who are happy naman with their separated parents. but im not saying hiwalayan mo na kagad ha. pag-isipan mo lang muna mabuti.

and also keep in mind na hindi lang yung pagiging bi niya ang issue dito (and his keeping it from you). kinakaliwa ka rin niya, yes. hindi naman kayo mag-bf lang, mag-asawa kayo. so in my book, once you signed that goddamn marriage contract, you can't play with anyone else anymore. pwede lang siguro basta hindi mo alam. pero alam mo kasi nakita mo ang ebidensiya so para sakin he shouldn't get easily away from that.

think think think, sis. kaya mo iyan. but for now, focus muna kay baby, please. good luck!

Wow! I need to take down those options & save them for when I'm ready to deal with him. Thank you for the advice sis. I will "try" to focus on my giving birth first, & deal with the cheating bastard when I'm stronger.

[Mela]

@chicafabulosa & shadowangel: thank you girls. I will heed your advice, most definitely. I learned a lot today. I definitely need to recover  & take care of myself first. It's just too much to handle this by myself.

[mommylyn]

Hugs for you sis!

I'm also preggy right now at talagang na-feel ko rin yun stress pagkabasa ko ng story mo. Ang hirap nga ng situation mo sis. Sa ngayon, it would be better if mag-concentrate ka lang muna sa pagbubuntis mo. malapit ka na manganak so baka pag nag-isip ka ng nag-isip, mapaaga ang labor mo. I think mas makakapag-isip ka rin ng maayos after na lumabas ni baby mo. I will pray for you and your baby's safety.

Sa pagkaalam ko rin BI, means okay ka with either men or women. pero based sa nabasa ko, I think your hubby prefers men. I don't want to be negative, or baka mali ako, pero you mentioned kasi na there are times na tinatanggihan ka niya when you initiate that you want to make love. Tapos he wouldn't be interested na rin with other men if he really wants to change. he wouldn't keep recordings of videos or facetime chats and pictures of men sa mga files nya kung hindi sya mas interested sa lalaki. Why the need to save pictures of men and skype videos/facetime chats? Why would he be interested in having a cybersex? Sa tingin ko its kind of obvious na guy ang preference nya as of now. Saka sis, mahirap nga yun ganyan, hindi mo masasabi if hanggang cybersex lang or ganun lang ang gusto nya. Buti talaga if he just wants to watch, what if gusto nya rin gawin talaga? Can you live with that?

I know you love him, pero you should be prepared kapag kinausap mo na sya. I'm hoping that you could work your marriage out. But IMHO, sa tingin ko guy ang gusto nya. I know masakit, pero kasi it could also be na kaya nya lang maintain his relationship with you is because nahihiya rin sya malaman ng family nya about this secret of his. Pero obviously, hindi nya nagawang magbago.

Pag-isipan mo mabuti sis. Pray for Lord's guidance. I also pray na sana ma-enlighten si hubby mo. sana you would be able to talk to him about this soon. mahirap kasi ikaw lang ang isip ng isip and he doesn't know na alam mo na. baka bigla ka pa mag-breakdown nyan or magkaron ng post-partum depression. sis, I will pray for you. sana malampasan mo ito. Wag ka mawalan ng pag-asa pero I hope you would also be able to make a wise decision for you and your children. Basta, think of what will be best for you and your children. Be safe, God bless! *hugs*

[Mela]

@mommylyn: Hello sis, you're right. I should be prepared when the time comes. I have to be strong when the time to talk comes. And be able to restrain myself from saying awful things.

It also crossed my mind before na, what if he only asked me to marry him so he could keep appearances with his friends & family na straight sya? Or what if he wants to change & settle down with me & have a normal family life? Pero tama yung isa GTalker eh, hindi pa talaga nawawala ang landi sa katawan nya. It hurts to think na he could be making love to his wife anytime he wants, but instead he chooses cybersex with this guy/guys.

It hurts sis, so much. I know hindi na uso ang martyr, but what if he really loves me too? I'm willing to be blinded by what he did. You can all hate me now

I obviously have a lot of things to consider, & not just my feelings. Thank you for the reply sis. Thank you in advance for your prayers.

[Shadow Angel]

Tama ka sis hindi lang feelings mo nakataya i mean pati anak and family magiging affected i know hindi na uso talaga ang nagtiis but you need to cosider many things...hindi naman lahat ng prolema hiwalayan agad ang desisyon... Take you time sis hindi naman basta basta ang mawawala sayo if sakaling maging negative ang results once na makausap mo na sya..ang mahalaga sis kung saan ka magiging masaya kayo ng mga anak mo.. Kung saan ka magkakaroon ng peace of mind... Kung ano man ang magiging decision mo in the end...i know yan ang alam mo makakabuti para sayo o sa inyo ng family mo...good luck sis...

[Mela]

Tama ka sis hindi lang feelings mo nakataya i mean pati anak and family magiging affected i know hindi na uso talaga ang nagtiis but you need to cosider many things...hindi naman lahat ng prolema hiwalayan agad ang desisyon... Take you time sis hindi naman basta basta ang mawawala sayo if sakaling maging negative ang results once na makausap mo na sya..ang mahalaga sis kung saan ka magiging masaya kayo ng mga anak mo.. Kung saan ka magkakaroon ng peace of mind... Kung ano man ang magiging decision mo in the end...i know yan ang alam mo makakabuti para sayo o sa inyo ng family mo...good luck sis...

@shadow angel: thank you sis.

[jamberryknots]

sis if i may, how is your intimate relationship with your husband?
it's ok if you don't want to answer
feeling ko kasi sa Bi eh yes they get attracted to both genders pero laging merong mas preferred sila

[preciosa]

Nastress din ako sis ... kase naisip ko lang na kung ibang babae ang nilalandi ng asawa mo siguro mas ok kasi may chance na kabugin mopa yung ibang girl sa kung anong way dahil parehas kayong babae... Pero karibal ay guys...? Ang hirap ng situation... Sumakit ulo ko dahil paano kung nangyari sakin to parang ang hirap gawan ng solusyon dahil hindi naman mababago ang sexual orientation niya... Hindi sa gumagatong pako sa situation mo pero ang sakit sa kalooban lalo na buntis kapa sis... Ang hirap lumaban pag ganyan pero kapit ka lang sis tibayan mopa ang loob at pananalig mo kay God... Maiba ako sis sure naba talaga ba bi siya...? Hindi mo ba naitanong sa isip mo baka naman gay yung nakita mo sa skype at may gusto lang sa kanya kumbaga hindi naman porke nakakita ka ng ganon diba confirmed na agad... Malay mo naman hindi siya talaga bi baka may ibang aim lang siya kaya siya nageentertain ng ganon...
And hindi ba siya nakakahalata sayo na mukhang may gumugulo sa isip mo? Hindi kaba niya nakikitang umiiyak or sad? Anong sabi niya...?

[mommylyn]

i agree with sis SHADOW, whatever maging decision mo sis, it's important na magkaron ka ng PunEACE OF MIND for your sake and for the sake of your children rin. If you say you can live with it kapag sinabi ni hubby mo na love ka nya, you should also ask yourself kung hanggang kelan mo kakayanin na tanggapin sya as he is.

I know somebody, he's a sales agent sa isang realty development company. gay sya at obvious talaga sa actions yun pagiging gay nya. gusto nya magbago so nag try syang magkaron ng GF. it even came to a point na naging magka live-in na sila nun girl. spoiled yun girl ha. he buys her expensive stuff like designer bags. pero, while he's with the girl, pag umaalis sya at may nakikita syang "interesting guy" he would also splurge money for that guy. hindi rin tumagal at si gay rin ang sumuko. he said na hindi nya kayang magbago talaga at nakipaghiwalay sya sa GF nya.

i think mahirap talaga for them na magbago. lalo pa sa panahon natin now na tanggap na yun mga third sex.
basta sis, take care of yourself and your babies ha?

[Mela]

Nastress din ako sis ... kase naisip ko lang na kung ibang babae ang nilalandi ng asawa mo siguro mas ok kasi may chance na kabugin mopa yung ibang girl sa kung anong way dahil parehas kayong babae... Pero karibal ay guys...? Ang hirap ng situation... Sumakit ulo ko dahil paano kung nangyari sakin to parang ang hirap gawan ng solusyon dahil hindi naman mababago ang sexual orientation niya... Hindi sa gumagatong pako sa situation mo pero ang sakit sa kalooban lalo na buntis kapa sis... Ang hirap lumaban pag ganyan pero kapit ka lang sis tibayan mopa ang loob at pananalig mo kay God... Maiba ako sis sure naba talaga ba bi siya...? Hindi mo ba naitanong sa isip mo baka naman gay yung nakita mo sa skype at may gusto lang sa kanya kumbaga hindi naman porke nakakita ka ng ganon diba confirmed na agad... Malay mo naman hindi siya talaga bi baka may ibang aim lang siya kaya siya nageentertain ng ganon...
And hindi ba siya nakakahalata sayo na mukhang may gumugulo sa isip mo? Hindi kaba niya nakikitang umiiyak or sad? Anong sabi niya...?

Hi sis. Sana nga sis, pampalaki lang ng ego nya yung nakita ko. Pero ang laswa eh. I felt so betrayed when I saw it. Hindi ko na lang pinapakita na something is bothering me. I'm quite good at hiding my feelings.

[Mela]

@mommylyn: Will do sis.

[crazy_krizsa]

Hi Sis Mela... super nakakalungkot yung situation mo.  Mahirap kasi dahil may anak kayo, at mahal mo yung guy. Kahit sinong babae mahihirapan matanggap ang situation mo. I admire you for being so brave and calm. Ang hirap sabihin na wag mong masyadong isipin pero preggy ka kasi. I suggest you talk to your husband about this. Let him know na alam mo na, don't let him choose wag ka din mag makakaawa na piliin ka nya. Then pakinggan mo lang sya, nag save ka ba ng copy? baka kasi ideny nya eh. Sa ngayon yun lang muna maipapayo ko. Pray for Lord's guidance. Have faith Sis. Be strong! *hugs*

[i_v_y]

hi sis.

how would i take this if this happens to me? I will confront him. I know this is going to be a sensitive issue and I really have to be careful relaying my sentiments towards him. I will not be judgmental and will make him feel that I will understand and I am going to be the a best friend to him too. But no hanky pankies, no cheating. As long as he does not exercise his Bi ness while he is married to me, I will understand. If he does not agree to this, then I will not want to live a life with him.

I also believe na merong side ng bi ness nia ang mangingibabaw; sa lalaki ba or sa babae. He has to know that.

[imbisibol_]

whether or not it was a girl or a guy he was on skype with, that is still cheating. why would you want to be with a cheater?

[danne]

if sa akin ito mangyari, tiyak na makikipaghiwalay ako. sacred parin ang tingin ko sa kasal and pag-aasawa. lolokohin ko ng lahat pati sarili ko pero hindi ang asawa ko and I expect the same from my husband. sa case, simula pa lang, niloko ka na. and how inconsiderate naman ng parents niya para itago sa iyo ang totoo. pero tanungin lang kita, if simula pa lang alam mo na bi siya magpapakasal ka parin ba sa kaniya? ang husband ko one time nahuli ko nakikipagflirt sa fb, wala naman napag usapan talaga na serious or na may relasyon sila, nag uusap sila na kung pwede sila magmeet, parang simple pero for me, seryosong bagay na iyon. The fact na nagsimula siyang makipagflirt sa fb, made me realized na hindi lang iyon ang kaya niyang gawin. Narealized ko din na hindi mataas ang pagpapahalaga niya sa marriage namin. Ang masama pa non, kahit ganon lang ang ginawa niya, enough iyon para mawala ang trust ko sa kaniya. Actually, sobrang unexpected iyon for me. Never ko inexpect na kahit married na kami eh magagawa niya ang ganon. Good thing lang is naintindihan niya kung bakit ganon kagrabe ang reaction kahit isipin pa ng iba na simpleng bagay or for some, normal na bagay lang ang pakikipagflirt sa fb. Nafeel ko naman ang sincerity niya ng sabihin niya na hindi na niya uulitin iyon. Pero dahil may lamat na ang trust, mahirap na magtiwala ulit. Sa case, parang napakahirap. Andon na si hubby mo eh. Siguro ako dahil umpisa pa lang he tried to fool me na, I will ask for separation. Di ko keri sis. Kahit gaano ko kamahal parang hindi ko kaya na mabuhay sa ganiyang set up kasi unang-una, once malaman ng mga bata, may masamang effect iyan sa kanila and pwede madisorient ang views nila and isipin na 'normal' na bagay lang ang ganon.

[ms_babhie_anne28]

sis, i just want to ask. ilang years kayong mag-boyfriend before you got married? dati ba wala kang napapansin sa kanya?

[shineadet]

hi, sis mela! i understand that what you are going through right now is not easy. imho, you have to talk to your husband because it is right and just to know the truth. listening to whatever he as your husband has to say is something he deserves in return. talk to him first before you decide for yourself and your family.  *hugs din

[swt_fem]

Ang hirap ng situation mo sis.. but if you're saying na hindi mo sya kaya mawala at hindi ka handa sa sasabihin nya or reaction nya, edi hayaan mo nalang (kung kaya mong itago yung feelings mo).. If you feel like hindi mo na kaya itago yung nararamdaman mo, you need to confront him. It's either magpakatapang ka o deadmahin mo nalang.

Kung ako nasa situation mo, I'll confront him asap. Takot ako mawala husband ko pero gusto kong malaman kung ano ba talaga gusto nyang mangyari sa buhay nya at sa pamilya namin. Hindi naman ako papayag na may ka-share ako sa asawa ko, mapababae man o hindi.

Siguro you feel vulnerable kasi pregnant ka and you're about to give birth. Wait ka nalang muna sis until you give birth bago mo harapin yang prob na yan. Magpalakas ka na muna. Focus on your baby and your health.

Balitaan mo kami sis...

[Kady_14]

Wow, binasa ko lahat.

Totoo ang hirap ng situation sis, kung ako ikaw, siguro kakausapin ko agad ang asawa ko, hindi ko na mahihintay pa na manganak ako. Ayoko masayang ang oras kakaantay and who knows baka ngpprogress na or continous na ang relationship and hindi lang sa skype. I need to put a stop to it ASAP. Kumbaga kailangan na nyang mahimasmasan.

Kakausapin ko sya and sasabihin ko na alam k, papakita ko ang ebidensya and that i can't tolerate the fact na ganun ang gawa nya, (tama ang isang sis dito, save a copy) kahit pa nakakakilabot tignan ulit. Sabihin mo yung mga sinabi mo sa post mo, na mahal mo sya and takot ka na baka mahawa ka/magkasakit.

Tell your husband din na (hindi naman sa nangongonsensya) he should be a good example to your son/kids.

I'll pray for your safe delivery sis.

[nageinna]

hi sis mela, just like our other sissies here, confront him. but wait until you give birth muna IMO. baka lalong makadagdag sa stress mo yan if now mo na siya kakausapin. mas gusto kong kausapin mo siya sis kasi at least he'll know na alam mo na. kasi dyan nag uumpisa yung mga temptation eh. sabihin na natin na hanggang skype pa lang yung ginagawa nila, but if hindi mo ipapaalam sakanya nalalaman mo, mamaya lalo siya matutukso. para at least kung napag usapan niyo ng mabuti, maybe mapipigilan niya sarili niya. and if you dont confront him now, hindi ka matatahimik niyan for sure. konting galaw lang niya nakakaduda na for you. at least if you talk, you can hear his side before jumping to any conclusions. and if he admits naman to be a bisexual, you can see what happens from there.

hugs for you sis mela. hope all is well with you now.