I Just Found Out my husband is Bi. What now?

[fegloria1954]

Mela, Mommy Fe here.  Nakapanganak ka na ba?

[pretinnes]

Hi sis mela,

*hugs for you* i think nakapanganak ka na by now. I don't want to give any advice kasi maski ako di ko alam ano ang gagawin if i were in your shoes. I will pray for you sis and hoping soon you will be able to sort this out with your husband. Be strong sis!

Onga pala sis, were there no signs that he has any inclinations when you were still bf-gf?

[aleng_maganda]

 Same question? No signs ba sya before you got married?

[chocochips_31]

  i'm shocked.. kung ako ang nasa situation na yan, hindi ko alam gagawin ko.. magiging dalawa na ang anak namin and ngayon ko lang nalaman.. siguro tell him kung ano yung nakita mo. mag-asawa naman kayo and dapat mapag-usapan yan para maging malinaw lahat. just ask him lahat ng gusto mong malaman. he owe you an explanation for that sis.

[guilleanne]

ay naku sis, yung mga friend ng kapatid kong ay na ganyan may double life, grabe ang sama nila para sa akin kasi iniisip ko yung mga anak at asawa nila. pero sabi nga nila, ones in never out sila, for most of them.

pero sis, isipin mo mabuti how painful it would be para sa mga anak mo if they later found out na bi and dad nila. and sis pano kung mahawa ka.

don't think na undesirable ka kasi they have good taste in women naman. talk to him sis. wag mong intayin na sumabog ka. wag mo lang isipin yung tolerance mo, kung kaya mo ba na bading ang asawa mo, may hinahanap syang never mong makakayang punuan, so when you two are talking and thinking things through, isipin mo lang ang makakabuti sa anak nyo.

kaya mo yan sis. dalawa na anak mo eh, dalawa na ang pag huhugutan mo ng lakas.

[miray]

ang hirap naman ng sitwasyon mo sis. Kung ako siguro iconfront ko sya after giving birth na lang. be ready na lang talaga sa mga isasagot nya sayo. Sana malampasan mo itong pagsubok na ito..

[rianne_mallows]

hi sis mela... side story muna ko

 my bestfriend since HS is gay pero hindi halata. gwapo, matangkad, macho, matalino.. nanliligaw din naman sa girls MINSANAN..  pero 90% ng nakarelasyon niya ay males.. Bi ba yun? anyway.. iyang stiuation ni sis MELA kaparehas sa PLANO ng bestie ko in the future.

according to him, when he reaches 30, hahanap na siya ng babae at magpapamilya na siya..
sabi ko --Nyek? Bakit? eh diba bading ka?
sabi niya -- eh yun ang KAILANGAN eh.. mas PRACTICAL
                      -stability sa relasyon
                      -properties/insurance/health benefits
                      -may mag-aalaga pagtanda (wife / kids)


Balik na tayo kay sis Mela

I Just Found Out my husband is Bi. What now?

ikaw.. bahala ka.. sabi mo tanggap mo.. kung tanggap mo naman edi next question na tayo..

Do i let him know that i know but i wont do anything because i love him?

you have to think about this VERY VERY CAREFULLY..  this can make or break your marriage..
ngayon, decision mo kung confront mo siya or not.. i'll just give you the pro's and cons

why not to confront:

 - he didn't let you know he's Bi for a reason.. pwedeng he wants to have a NORMAL family life.. sabi mo din ayaw mo masira pamilya mo.. you confronting him will shatter everything. 

- malalaman niya na ALAM mo na.. so pwedeng hindi na niya itago iyon.. meaning he might not ACT manly na in front of you and inside the household.. -awkward-

- pwedeng since alam niya na TANGGAP mo siya, baka lalo siya "mamulaklak"
 
- since pinakasalan ka, i think it's safe to assume na for keeps ka niya.. hindi man siya loyal sa iyo at namumukadkad pa din siya, kung makukuntento na na sa taong hindi ka iiwanan, pwedeng magbulag bulagan ka na lang


why confront

- you cannot address the issue of INFIDELITY if you will not lay down your evidence.. sadly, you cannot separate the issue because iyon ang nakita mo eh.. if may evidence ka that he cheated with a female pwede pa.. kaso i doubt makahanap ka

- STD ..  sabi mo you'll stay in that marriage of yours for the sake of the kids.. eh paano if magka STD kayo? mamatay ka agad? mas kawawa kids diba?

- peace of mind ..  you'll be hurt, but after that, mawawala na lahat ng questions sa utak mo kasi masasagot niya if you confront him

_____________________________________________________

I feel so resentful towards him. All thosr times that he rejects me everytime i initiate intimacy, i'm left feeling so cheap, & ugly, & undesirable.
He is a sweet person. He shows me he loves me. But i dont know what to feel or think anymore. Especially that the skype session i discovered was dated 2011, & we were married since 2006. I'm scared that he's having sexual relations with these guys, & i'm scared that i might get a disease.

all i can is.. be prepared.. harden your heart if you choose to stay with him because there's still a LIFETIME of that kind of torment to come.   
sa tagalog - ginusto mo iyan eh.. tiisin mo


does he love you?
    i think he loves you enough to build a family with you.. but not enough to stay loyal.
    hindi ka nag-iisa.. maraming nangangaliwa regardless of sexual preference,

frankly, ang napapaisip ako, WHAT KIND OF LOVE DOES HE FEEL FOR YOU ba talaga?
romantic love? o pang bestfriend na love?

    does he really love YOU? or just YOUR QUALITIES?
    pinakasalan ka ba dahil ikaw ang pinili o dahil ikaw ang natira?
 


pag-isipan mo mabuti.. God Bless

[chooga chooga]

Hi sis, nung bata bata pa ako may friend din akong who claimed he was bisexual. But in the long run of being friends with him,sabi niya na there is no such thing as a bisexual. Pag bisexual ka, you're gay. Kasi gusto mo lalake. Parang front nalang yung masabing bisexual ka cos ayaw mo aminin sa sarili mo at sa ibang tao na gay ka. Late din niya nalaman na bi siya or gay siya. Kaya siguro at first sabi niya bi siya but in the long run he said it runs in him na matagal na baka indenial lang siya nung bata siya kaya di niya mashado inentertain yung thought. Sorry if this hurt you.

[lady_avoidant]

kamusta ka na sis mela? anhirap nga ng sitwasyon mo ngayon kasi maski ako e di ko rin alam kung anong gagawin ko pag malalaman kong bi partner ko.. curious lang ako nung mag bf gf pa kayo, wala bang signs na bi siya?  dati ba e ma fe feel mong tsikboy siya o di ka niya binbigyan na nan tsi tsiks siya??

[ava_camille]

Hi Mela! Naiyak ako after reading your story I agree with all our sisses here na better confront him para may peace of mind ka na, not now mommy, mag palakas ka muna at prepare yourself kung ano man isasagot niya. Before you got married wala ba mga signs na BI siya? and after you got married may signs ba? or baka nakikita mo pero di mo lang pinapansin? Ang hirap lang kasi you have kids na. are you working too? or full time house wife? sorry ang dami ko tanong.

[Cluelesschx]

kamusta na kaya si sis mela, sayang hindi na siya naka pag update ;(