i gave birth to an angel

[megansmomma]

i feel for your loss mommy shinta and red_apple, my condolences.

it is really hard but i know your angels up above will guide and protect you always..

[emmylou]

sis shinta,

she's okay now. she has primary complex dahil sa labandera namin, pero she's now taking medication for it. i know how you felt sis. when i was watching my daughter being revived, hindi ko rin kinaya. lahat ng tapang ko sa katawan naubos. i told God before i gave birth na i won't be able to live without her. maloloka ako. sinabihan na rin kami ng doctors and nurses kung gusto pa namin irevive. sabi ko oo. sabi nila kawawa naman dahil hirap na rin. pero i prayed and prayed na talagang mabuhay siya kahit ako na lang kapalit. pero siguro dahil sa angel ko sa itaas, napagbigyan din ako. siguro sis, the doctors didn't give up din kasi. they were willing to help my daughter as long as i am willing to fight for her.

hugs to you sis

[france0220325143]

my condolences to you, sisses who have lost your little angels... i've given birth once and i can't imagine how hard it could be to lose a baby..

share ko lang din yung experience ng friend ko. this was on the news few weeks ago. she gave birth to a preemie (@6months) in Italy. Baby marcus was pretty tough, though. He was in the incubator for almost a month without any complications. He was gaining weight everyday and my friend was constantly updating us of how baby Marcus was doing. Until one day, he posted a very sad news. Baby Marcus was gone. What's worse was that she didn't know why he died just like died. Nothing was explained to her until she heard from the news that a premature baby died due to malpractice. That's when she discovered that her baby died because of a nurses mistake...

i'm sure God has plans for each of us. Just be strong and keep the faith...   

[megansmomma]

^sorry to hear your friends loss, i know nothing compensate of what they feel now, she should take legal actions if this will be proven true, that nurse must pay. Really sad to hear the passing of any infants and toddlers. I know baby marcus is safe with papa jesus now.

[kiz_me1109]

It's so sad to hear about your story sis. God has his opwn reasons for everything. I hope you'll be fine soon. Condolences to you and your family.

[mae18]

@sis mae, condolence sis, alam ko kung gano kasakit mawalan hindi lang isang beses kundi twice din, kahit na walang baby yung first pregnancy ko (blighted ovum) masakit pa rin para sa isang umaasang magiging nanay na, lalo na nung ito nga IUFD yung pangalawa parang pwede bang mamatay na lang din? sabi ko nga sana ako na lang nawala kesa yung si baby yung nawala.. pero sis kaylangan mo din maging strong kasi andyan pa yung isa mong anak para sayo! you're still lucky.. kamusta ka na nga pala sis? nailabas mo na ba sya?

sana lang next time wag naman gawing angel ni God yung babies natin para naman makasama natin sila..

thanks, oo, i had my d/c last Aug 11, induced labor ako since im only 23 weeks pregnant then, August 11 nun naabutan ako dito sa bahay namin manganak, hubby ko kasama ko that time, tuliro din sya kasi as in sumigaw talaga ako sa sakit hanggang sa ayun, naire ko na at nailabas, sobrang lungkot ako dahil wala na nga siya buhay, afte rko nun manganak, tinabi pa sa akin ni hubby baby namin, sobrang na depressed ako nun, kasi ewan... di ko maipaliwanag yun feeling na wala buhay baby ko....  inilabas ko din un inunan ko nun dito sa bahay, all the while akala ko di na ko dadalhin sa ospital dahil buong buo ko nailabas yun inunan ko, kaso my bleeding didnt stop, so hubby called my OB and yun sinugod na ako sa ospital para i-d/c.. i got out of the hospital the following day, since ayoko na tumagal dun dahil nga sa ayaw ko na din madagdagan yun gastos namin....

nakakulong lang ako dito sa bahay, takot ako lumabas at questionin ng mga tao kun bakit parang di na malaki tyan ko, kun kelan ako manganganak, di ko lam, ayoko matanung nila ako, kasi dati nun nangyari sa akin nun una, di ko nagustuhan yun mga nasabi nila, kahit sa alam ko na di yun ang iniibig sabihin nila.... alam ko ding wala ako dapat ipaliwanag sa knila dahil di ko yun obligasyon, kaso ayoko talaga ng pakiramdam na kakaawaan nila ako, dahil awang awa na nga ako sa sarili ko, kung pwede nga lang din oo, kasama na sana ako namatay, kaso andito yun isang anak ko, dapat ako mabuhay, at dapat ako magpatuloy....

sa ngayon, oo, umiiyak pa din ako gabi gabi, at minsan di pa nakakatulog o di kaya magigising na lang dahil umiiyak na pala ako sa pagtulog.... sana nga makabangon na ako, kasi kahit ngayon ang hirap isipin bakit sa dinami dami sa akin pa nangyari.... samantalang andami sa balita na napapanuod ko na buhay pa yun sanggol tinatapon sa basurahan... tapos kaming mga may gusto magkaanak, nagdadanas ng ganito....

im always praying na sana nga maging okay ang lahat, gusto ko na sana patali kasi yoko na talga sumubok pa na magbuntis at maging paranoid kung magiging okay ba o hindi yun pagbubuntis ko... pero si hubby, ayaw sumuko, magpapatingin daw kami, ewan, feeling ko parang di niya alam kun anong klaseng emotional pain un nararamdaman ko kaya parang ganun ganun na lang....

[megansmomma]

^stay strong sis, malalagpasan mo yan in gods time. keep on praying and believing din may god be with you always!

[fab_mom03]

I am so sorry for your losses, my heart breaks for you all who lost your precious little ones.

I, too, lost my second child last year. He had a congenital anomaly which was detected during my 20wk scan. Our world came crashing down, but as parents, we stayed strong, fought for our baby's life and tried our best to save him.

We lost our baby when he was only a few days old. We were blessed to have heard him cry and see him open his eyes.. but we never got to hold and carry our baby while he was alive. Watching my baby die while I stand helpless was the most painful thing I ever had to endure in my entire life. The moment when my lifeless baby was handed to me by the nurse will be forever etched in my memory.

I know how overwhelming grief can be, so my advise is to take each day at a time. Keep breathing sisses, it might feel like you wont be able to smile or go on.. but with lots and lots of time, the pain will be easier to bear. Just know that we will all meet our angels again when its our time to go.. love and hugs to all.

[Englemamma]

My deepest condolence to you Sis Shinta...i know there's no words that could help or heal your grief for the little one that you lost. And thank you for starting this thread, it now became a thread for Angel Mums like me.

Condolences to the other angel mums red_apple, paydayramos, margiee, hailey & all the other angel mums members of GT.

I also lost my baby girl Isabel. I gave birth to her naturally at 39weeks gestation on the 26th of May 2012. It was a silent birth. No sounds came from her when she was born. Sadly, I already knew it 2 days before her birth. I came to the hospital for a non stress test coz I haven't felt her moved the whole day on the 24th of May. That is when we found out that her heart stopped beating. The world crashed down on us and it's unfair & inhuman to learn that the daughter we are waiting for 8 years & ready to welcome in a week time became an angel inside Mommy's womb. It was a bittersweet birth. We were so happy to finally meet her & yet so heartbroken to say goodbye at the same. We took hundreds of pictures...lovely photos.
We are lucky though that we get to hold her, kiss her, hug her & even big sister Nina get to carry her proudly before she was taken for autopsy. We requested for a complete check including all test like amniocentesis, blood works & placenta biopsy on me and autopsy of Isabel. The result came back saying that Isabel has no gene defect or any defect, she was a healthy baby. My placenta though was sick. It has lesions & bloodclots & infection. It was diagnosed as placenta villit of unknown etiology or VUE. It resulted to IUFD or intra uterine fetal death.  It's a common placenta problem but mostly undiagnosed & it could even be possible that almost majority cases of miscarriage & unexplained IUFD is caused by VUE.

We buried Isabel complete with a ceremony and was attended by many close friends & family. We chose two beautiful songs for the ceremony & I get to read the letter of hello & goodbye that we wrote for her. we are looking at a beautiful heart shaped gravestone to put into her grave.

Life now is hard but we try to heal. It's allowed to cry. You are allowed to grieve. Don't let anyone tell you not to or tell when you should grieve. It's your way of healing. It cleanses your soul. Fortunately here where I live we have a support group for grieving Mums. Hindi ko alam Kung meron tayo diyan sa Pilipinas. If not why don't you other Angel Mums organize a meeting or a group date. It helps to talk about our angel babies..it's part of the healing process. Just a suggestion.

Although our babies are not here on earth in our arms, they will always be in our hearts. 
We take care of them everyday in our hearts until we meet them again.

Love & light to all of you my fellow angel mummies.
Grace

[emmylou]

fabmom_03,

sorry to hear about your loss. what happened with your second child?

[fab_mom03]

thanks sis emmylou, my baby had a heart defect, may malformation sa heart nya. He was a preemie and only lived for a few days. I know my baby did his best to stay alive, but since he was too small his body couldnt handle the surgery so he went into a cardiac arrest.  I miss my baby so much.

[Englemamma]

I'm sorry for your loss fab_mom3...no one should bury their children...it's inhumane.

They might not be here on earth but they will always live in our hearts forever.

Love & light to you!

[fab_mom03]

^Thank you sis englemamma and I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Isabel. I can't even begin to imagine the pain of carrying a baby to term only to find out that her heart stopped beating. Sadly, here in the Phil a lot of hospitals dont have bereavement training like in the US and other countries. I personally think that they do not know how to handle this kind of situations. Like in our case we were never offered to take our baby's footprints or give him a bath. When my baby died in the NiCU, they even brought us to Isolation/Infectious disease room. I was in no state of mind to protest or even care where we were because I was holding my baby and making the most of my moment with him. At least we got to take photos of him, but still.. there were so many things that we could have done differently had they known how to treat a grieving family.

Many hugs and love to you sis, im here if you ever need to talk xxx

[Englemamma]

^Thank you sis englemamma and I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Isabel. I can't even begin to imagine the pain of carrying a baby to term only to find out that her heart stopped beating. Sadly, here in the Phil a lot of hospitals dont have bereavement training like in the US and other countries. I personally think that they do not know how to handle this kind of situations. Like in our case we were never offered to take our baby's footprints or give him a bath. When my baby died in the NiCU, they even brought us to Isolation/Infectious disease room. I was in no state of mind to protest or even care where we were because I was holding my baby and making the most of my moment with him. At least we got to take photos of him, but still.. there were so many things that we could have done differently had they known how to treat a grieving family.

Many hugs and love to you sis, im here if you ever need to talk xxx

My heart aches soo much for you Sis...I'm crying here for you & your beautiful angel & I'm crying with you. It's really sad to hear that the hospital personnel didn't even take footprints & handprints & lock of hair for you to keep. Did they let you visit him & hold his hand at least while he was in NICU?
I agree that sadly in our country, Phil's, stillbirths are still taboo. No one should think of it nor speak of it. We don't have organized team of nurses or OB that helps the couple who are giving birth to a child that is expected to die or a child that died in the womb.
We are lucky  here in Norway the hospitals has expert personnel in handling bereaved couples. We even have a national organization for unexpected child loss. when we get to the hospital to give birth to my Isabel, she's already 24 hours dead in my womb, we were greeted by the midwife who became like a permanent midwife to me coz she's the one always on duty whenever I have my prenatal & a nurse that explained to us how we will go though the procedure of inducing my birth & at the same time all the blood tests & amniocentesis to be performed while waiting for the birth. They also explained to us how stillbirth goes & i can have her on my chest the moment she was born & my hubby too will get a chance to hold her since the baby only has 30mins of warm body then it will get cold. They asked us to bring a camera & video to take lots of photos coz it will help us in the grieving process.  we get to bathe her clothe her. The following day my MIL brought my first daughter Nina so she can see her babysister Isabel. we got lots of brochures & pamphletes from the child loss org. We were offered bereaved parents support group which we meet every 3 weeks. I also get to see a psychologist to work with my grief. That is how organized the health personnel here in this country for bereavement.

BTW Sis we're you able to bury your precious child? Do you mind telling us his name?
You can pm your Facebook add or nick or email so we can chat.

Also, CONGRATULATIONS for the little one on the way. So happy for you that you finally have a Rainbow baby in the belly. I pray that the baby is healthy & wish you a healthy & successful pregnancy.

We are still waiting for our rainbow babies, we are doing IVF now & cross fingers by November we are BFP.

Love & light to you Sis!

[haileybaby]

thanks mga sis..   hanggang ngayon umiiyak pa rin ako ng umiiyak, sis mae, ako halos isang bwan akong hindi lumabas ng bahay dahil hindi ko talaga kaya, sigurado may magtatanong, ero hindi naman pwedeng dito na lang ako habang buhay, yung mga unang araw na lumalabas na ako ng bahay, grabe ang sakit sakit tuwing may nagtatanong, nanginginig yung boses ko at hindi ko alam kung pano ko ikikwento, sobrang sakit, lahat bumabalik.. sa totoo lang nung nabasa ko tong thread na to, buntis pa ako at okay pa si baby, naiyak ako sa story ni sis shinta at kinausap ko pa nga nun si baby na sana wag nya akong iiwan, pero desisyon ni God yun. kaya pipipilit na lang naming tanggapin, kaso siguro after 2 months, ayun na naman, bigla na lang akong nagising ng madaling araw at nakita kong umiiyak yung bf ko, grabe parang dinudurog yung puso ko, sobrang sakit para sakin na makita syang ganun, kasi sa totoo lang bago dalhin si baby sa morgue hinele hele nya pa at sinayaw sayaw, ang akin lang, alam ko magiging mabuting ama yung bf ko pero bakit ganun, gusto nya na maging daddy, super excited na sya at ang dami nya ng pangarap like mag basketball daw sila ni baby, na kukulitin nila akong dalawa palagi, na mamamasyal kami ng sama sama, at ayaw nyang bumibili ng kandila para kay baby, kasi hindi naman daw patay si baby, toys ang binibili nya at nilalagay nya yun sa altar kung nasan pics ni baby.. sana sa future magkaron kami ng baby na makakasama namin hanggang sa pagtanda namin,

nga pala mga sis.. gusto ko sana kayong i add sa fb if ok lang... post nyo po sana mga e-add nyo or link ng profile nyo.. salamat mga sis.. gusto ko lang nung may makakausap na makakarelate sakin, and to meet new friends na din, minsan kasi sinabihan ako ng friend ko bakit daw nagpost pa ako ng pic ng anak ko., sobrang na hurt ako, proud ako na anak ko yun kahit wala syang buhay..

sis englemamma super lucky nyo at naiburol nyo ang baby angel nyo, kasi ako kahit nga madamitan sya hindi na raw pwede, kaya nga yung pic nya nakahubad sya, sana nga nabihisan ko man lang sya para naman sana para lang syang natutulog..

[haileybaby]

sis fabmom, super tama ka, sa ibang bansa nakita ko grabe sobrang binibigyang importansya nila yung mga babies. dito parang hindi man lang nila naisip na masakit yung nararamdaman natin at kaylangan natin ng something na makakapag pagaan ng loob natin like yung footprints nga, hindi ko nga nabuhat yung baby ko eh,tinanong ko pa nga kung normal ba sya or kung may defect sya pero wala naman, kumpleto naman sya at ang taba at ang tangkad nya,3 times ko lang syang nakita, nung lumabas sya, nung nagising ako sa recovery room at bago ako lumabas ng recovery room. samantalang sa ibang bansa may mga photographers pa, at pati yung mga nurse and doctors dinadamayan kayo. dito iilang lang, sa akin yung 2 doctors at 1 nurse at ilang interns super babait pero yung iba parang naiinis na sa akin kasi araw araw na lang akong nasa labor room, at hindi pa ako nagdidilate, akala siguro nila gusto ko yung kinalalagyan ko, kahit sa panaginip di ko naisip na mangyayari to sa akin, sa amin, ang hirap hirap, sobrang hinihintay namin si baby at inaasahan. sa undas nga hindi ko alam kung kaya kong dumalaw ng maraming ibang tao sa sementeryo,

[megansmomma]

^my condolences sis haileybaby, virtual hugs xoxo it's really hard although i am not in your shoe right now., just believe in the saying na "kung may nawawala, may kapalit naman na mas maganda" stay positive sis and make your baby your inspiration to go on, kayong 2 ni bf mo. makakagawa pa kayo for sure ng tons of bundles of joys, no one wanted that to happen except i know, its god's will. tama nga na nandito ka sa thread nato because you too -- gave birth to an angel whose up above watching you over, kayo ni bf mo. binabantayan nia lang kayo. Basta stay strong, always remember you have GT if in case no one wanted t listen. Dasal lang sis, soon I know you'll have "peanuts" on your tummy again god bless you sis!

[fab_mom03]

sis englemamma thank you for sharing the tears. How I wish we don't have to shed those tears for our little ones and talk about our baby's milestones intead of their funerals.

Yes sis, my husband and I were able to hold our baby's hand and tiny toes, take pics, sing and talk to him while in the NICU. But of course those photos and memories will never be enough. Parents are never meant to outlive their child. You are blessed to have those keepsakes of your precious Isabel. We were only able to get my baby's hand and footprints while he was in the casket. And yes sis, we did hold a service for my baby, and we had him cremated so he could always stay with us.

I really do hope and pray that you get your BFP soon. I will pm you my FB page. love and hugs <3

sis haileybaby, I cried while reading your post, I share your pain sis. Naiintindihan ko rin kung gano kasakit for your bf, minsan lang umiyak ang husband ko kaya pag nakikita ko syang umiyak, ang sakit talaga makita.

Kami din sis bumibili ng toys for our baby dont ever think you are strange or weird, its all part of the grieving process may gift din kami for him last xmas.. on his monthly bdays we buy him cake and balloons, cook something special and celebrate with family. These are the things that help us heal, it makes us feel close to our angel, like he's really here.

My advice to you sis, dont be afraid to talk about your child. Since infant loss is still a taboo subject in our country, we are expected to just remain silent in our grief. But in my own little ways Im trying to change that. I talk about my baby all the time and post photos of him, trying to "raise awareness" kumbaga. This journey is not easy, we will be judged, but as a grieving mom i will do everything in my power to keep my baby's memory alive.

Sis, advise/suggestion ko lang yan. I understand iba-iba tayo ng pananaw sa buhay kaya gawin mo lang kung ano ang nkakatulong sa pag-heal mo. I will pm you my fb page. I hope it helps a little to know that you are not alone. Andito kami mga fellow angel moms mo, we understand how you feel.
love and hugs to you sis <3

[haileybaby]

^thanks megansmomma sana nga sa future ay magkaron kami ng isa pang anak, pahinga ko muna katawan ko at ipon ipon din muna kami, at hindi pa din ako ready dahil for sure magiging paranoid lang ako, at hindi yun makakabuti, magpapa test pa din ulit ako nung sa thyroid ko, subclinical hypothyroidism daw kasi ako, sana maging ok lahat at pag ready na ako physically at emotionally try na ulit namin mag baby.

^thanks fab mom03, oo nga eh, kasama talaga sya sa grieving process.. hanggang ngayon nga kinakausap namin lagi yung picture ni baby, every month din yung toy nya, at plano ko ring mag cake sa bday nya, at oo nga sis, hindi ako nahihiya magpost about my baby, alam ko iniisip nung iba oa, or parang ewan lang ako, pero ano naman, di nila alam kung gano kasakit mawalan ng anak na sobrang inaasahan mo na makakasama mo, thankful pa din ako kay Lord na nakasama namin si baby kahit 7 mos. lang sya sa tummy ko, naramdaman namin maging nanay at tatay kahit sa sobrang ikling panahon lang, sabi ko nga ang hirap pala maging nanay lalo na kung may anak ka nga pero hindi mo naman sya kasama. at sana nga magkaroon ng org dito sa phil. para sa mga ganito.

^super thanks sa lahat ng moms, sisses na nakikiramay at nag take time to read our stories. sana i-pm nyo sa akin mga fb nyo. thanks. godbless us all.

[megansmomma]

^No worries sis, korek. i know in due time naman, god will no give us something na di natin kaya! kaya stay happy and positive lang You know, ewan ko ba. but it hurts me too when I read any stories about babies. maybe because motherhood na nga hihi! sige sis, il pm you! god bless!!