i gave birth to an angel

[miss parker]

Oh my sis, naiyak ako sa experience mo. Condolences to you and hubby. I can't imagine the pain you went thru.

[haileybaby]

sisses... i'm a mom of an angel now...
sobrang sakit, sobrang hirap tanggapin..

1st trimester ko.. my spotting ako, request ng ob n mag duphaston at bedrest.. lahat sinusunod ko xempre, lahat ng bawal hindi ko ginagawa..

2nd trimester, bed rest ulit dahil nakita sa ultrasound na placenta previa totalis ako..
sinunod ko dahil takot akong mawala ang baby ko at baka mag labor ako nga maaga or baka duguin ako.. dhl nkita ko s net na gun daw un..

lahat ng mga check up namin ni baby ok.. kaya sobrang hindi ko inaasahan tong mga nangyri..

3rd trimester.. ito na yung pnakamasakit..
last check up ko is july 2, july 10 (29weeks) ako.. tapos huli kong nramdaman gumalaw si baby ng july 11 ng 2am bago ako matulog.. nagising ako ng around 11 am tapos buong araw ko na syang hindi naramdaman.. kaya at around 11pm pmunta n kmi ng hospital.. nag nst at ultrasound pero wala talaga mahanap na heartbeat.. umaasa pa din ako nun at kinakausap ko pa si baby na gumalaw naman sya at makisama.. hindi na ako pinagbayad sa nst at ultrasound.. bingyan lang ako ng request na magpa ultrasound kinaumagahan, magdamag na akong hindi natulog nun.. nag search na din ako sa internet.. hanggang sa ayun ng ultrasound na kinaumagahan at confirmed na nga na wala na si baby.. hindi ko alam kung pano ako magrereact, hindi ko matanggap.. 2nd pregnancy ko to at yung una is blighted ovum... sobrang sakit... hindi na ako placenta previa totalis sabi no sono.. low lying na lang.. pero aanhin ko naman un diba? tapos iyak na lang ako ng iyak.. pina admit nila ako agad at ang daming lab test.. my request ng torch at tsh, ft3, ft4.. yung tsh, ft3, ft4 lang muna pinagawa namin dahil sobrang mahal ng torch nsa 23k.. lumabas result na my subclinical hypothyroidism ako.. na hindi ko alam kung posibleng dahilan kung bakit nawala si baby.. kasi ang sabi ni dra. nung lumabas c baby ay cord coil.. hindi pa ako nkpag post natal check up dahil hinhntay ko pa yung result ng torch na s iba ko nalng pinagawa.. importante dn kasi yun pra malamn kung may iba pang dahilan.. my repeat tsh,ft4 dn ako...

4 days ako sa labor room.. (12hrs everyday hanggang s 4th day nga lumabas n sya)
masaya ako nung nkita ko syaa pero mas mgging msaya sana ako kung buhay syaa..
sobrang hindi ako makapniwala n wala n syang buhay..
ang taba nya, ang tangkad nya, may buhok n nga sya eh..bwal n xang hwakan, pliguan at bhisan..
prang kaya nya namn kung nilabas ko lang sya ng maaga...
kung alam ko lang na mangyyri yun sana ngpa CS na ako kaht ang layo pa ng due date ko.. sobrang nag eexpect ako na ok kami kasi wala naman akong bleeding..
sobrang nkaka disappoint na ganun yung nangyri. sobrang mahal na mahal namin si baby..


sorry sa sobrang haba kong post...

[bleucharmz22]

condolonces sis.  im so sorry about what happened to you and your baby. ano daw reason sis? basta hindi na lang siya gumalaw sa loob ng tummy mo?

[haileybaby]

thanks sis bleucharmz22.. sabi ni dra. cord coil daw.. nsakal sya nung cord, pero hinihintay ko pa rin yung mga ibang lab results, kasi yung subclinical hypothyroidism nakaka affect ata yun, pero hindi ko pa sure kasi pinapaulit yung lab test na yun sa august, nattrauma na tuloy ako, feeling ko hindi na ako magiging mommy, sabi kasi yung mga may problem daw sa thyroid hindi nabubuhayan ng anak.

ang taba taba sana ni baby, parang hindi sya 7 months,

^hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala na wala ng baby sa tyan ko
namimiss ko siya ng sobra, sa ngayon hindi pa ako lumalabas ng bahay, parang hindi ko kasi alam kung pano makikipag usap sa ibang tao, kahit nga sa bahay ng parents ng bf/live-in partner ko ayoko pa pumunta kasi ayokong mapag-usapan yung mga nangyari

lalo na pag dumating yung september na dapat ay due namin, akala ko talaga para sya samin
nabuo sya a day before our 5th anniv, nalaman kong preggy ako days before my birthday,
at ang due namin ay sa month na b-day ng bf ko, kaya akala ko meant to be lahat
kaso binawi nya agad, ni hindi ko man lang nahawakan si baby, di ko man lang nakita yung mga mata nya, grabe.. kahit kelan hindi ko naimagine na mangyayari to sa akin, sa amin..
22 yrs old pa lang po ako.. pero parang nawawalan na ako ng pag-asa
sobra akong nagdadasal simula pa lang nung nalaman ko na preggy ako,
na sana maging ok lahat dahil gusto na talaga namin ng baby,

[Dhee-Dhee]

sis shinta, red_apple, paydayramos, margiee, haileybaby.. siguro it's too late for me to say my condolences since ngayon ko lang nakita tong thread but i really cried nung nabasa ko stories nyo. i am not (yet) a mom pero sobrang naiyak ako, at grabe pa rin pagtulo ng luha ko ngayon while typing.. *hugs* my prayers are with you, sisses.

[crazylove]

^nabasa ko tong thread na to ngayon lang din..condolence din po mga sis..
kahit na single pa ko at wala pa ko baby, naiyak din  ako sa stories ng mga sisses dito. godbless mga sis.

[bleucharmz22]

@sis haileybaby, im so sorry about that sis. i don't know what to say because i'm not yet a mom but i could feel your pain. i pray that you heal in God's time.

[sissy_jaffy]

Sobrang naiyak ako sa mga stories nyo... natakot tuloy ako para sa baby ko... to all of you be strong... God bless sa inyong lahat!

[rowaenatural]

condolences po.  Alam nyo, I have a friend, naging angel na rin yung panganay nila bago pa napanganak, and after a year, they had twins.  Kaya dapat hindi nawawalan ng pag-asa kasi God has plans. God bless.

[shinta]

pina admit nila ako agad at ang daming lab test.. my request ng torch at tsh, ft3, ft4.. yung tsh, ft3, ft4 lang muna pinagawa namin dahil sobrang mahal ng torch nsa 23k.. lumabas result na my subclinical hypothyroidism ako.. na hindi ko alam kung posibleng dahilan kung bakit nawala si baby.. kasi ang sabi ni dra. nung lumabas c baby ay cord coil.. hindi pa ako nkpag post natal check up dahil hinhntay ko pa yung result ng torch na s iba ko nalng pinagawa.. importante dn kasi yun pra malamn kung may iba pang dahilan.. my repeat tsh,ft4 dn ako...

condolences sis. masakit talaga, but i pray you'll find your strength soon, both physically and emotionally.

you mentioned may subclinical hypothyroidism ka? kasi yun din yung pinaghihinalaan kong cause why my baby pooped early inside me. di ko sure kung may subclinical hypo din ako while pregnant. my OB ordered for ft4 and tsh nung 9th month ko na. I have slightly high tsh and normal ft4, pero she said it's ok naman daw. i have postpartum thyroiditis at ginagamot ko pa hanggang ngayon, so it's possible during pregnancy, something's wrong with my thyroid na.

kaya next time, pag nagbuntis uli ako, I'll find a more thorough OB. i love my previous OB kasi she's very nice and all, pero I can't help but think that if she had been more thorough, if she had ordered for the thyroid test earlier...it won't bring my baby back but maybe i can prevent it from happening again.

[jp_jameop]

sis hailey, condolence po. sobrang naiyak ako.. i cant imagine na mawawala baby ko...i pray that you will have the strength and faith pa rin despite of what happened.

[mae18]

Im a mother to a 2 year old boy now and hoped na magiging kuya na sya, since i got pregnant and supposedly im on my 23rd week now... Just this morning when i went to my OB for my monthly check up, i was shocked when my OB told me no movements and no fetal heart beat.... This isnt my first time to experience this... My first pregnancy also was an IUFD (Intra uterine fetal demise) same week, at 23rd week that lost his heart beat, ngayon naulit na nman on my 3rd pregnancy, same month, same gestational week... Wala akong ibang masabi kanina sa OB ko kundi kun pwede ba na pag nanganak ako eh may ituturok na din syang pangkalimot at pangnumb ng pakiramdam ko... Ang hirap at ang sakit sakit kasi mawalan ng anak lalo at inaasahan mo at ng lahat ng tao na nasa paligid mo.... Thankful pa din ako kasi nandito katabi ko yun panganay kong anak na lalaki whos only 2 years old na kapiling ko... kahit papanu nababwasan ng kaunti yun sakit ng mawalan ng anak....

hindi ko alam kun bakit at paano nanyari, natatakot ako kasi ang hirap ng mag expect tpus bandang huli kukunin din pala sayo...

[haileybaby]

^thanks po sa inyong lahat.. sobrang hirap talaga lalo na pag inaasahan mong okay naman lahat dahil lahat ng check up okay si baby, palaging active at okay ang heart rate, sobrang hindi ko inaasahan to, 29 weeks pa lang kami eh.

nadalaw ko na puntod ni baby, akala ko kaya kong hindi umiyak, pero nung paalis na kami hindi ko na napigilan.. hindi ko pa rin kasi kayang tanggapin na wala na talaga sya... ang hirap hirap.

@sis shinta thanks sis at condolence din sayo. sana dumating yung time na magkaron tayo ng babies na kahit pano ay makakabawas sa sakit ng pagkawala nila, regarding naman po dun sa subclinical hypothyroidism pwede daw pong maka affect yun pero wala sila sinabi sa akin, yung tsh ko lang din yung mataas, tapos normal naman yung ft3 at ft4 ko, pero papatest ulit ako ngayong 2nd week siguro ng august kasi yun yung request nung endo, wala kang request sis nung torch? yun yung titignan kung may mga virus ata sis like toxoplasmosis etc. etc. marami kasi sya eh, hindi ko pa nakukuha result ko, kasi 1 week sya.. sana lang maging okay yung mga result dahil gusto kong magkaron ng healthy baby sa future... kahit na nattrauma na ako, wala ring request sakin nung tsh na yan, siguro kasi wala naman tayong signs kaya akala nila wala, sabi ko nga mag iipon muna kami bago ulit ako magbuntis, sa opd lang kasi ako ng ust nagpapa check up though okay naman sila pero syempre sa case ko kaylangan yung bantay na talaga ako sa susunod. baka hindi ko na kayanin pag naulit pa to. nagpapakastrong na lang ako para sa mga tao na andyan para sakin, lalo na para sa bf/live in partner ko na hindi ako pinapabayaan..

@sis mae, condolence sis, alam ko kung gano kasakit mawalan hindi lang isang beses kundi twice din, kahit na walang baby yung first pregnancy ko (blighted ovum) masakit pa rin para sa isang umaasang magiging nanay na, lalo na nung ito nga IUFD yung pangalawa parang pwede bang mamatay na lang din? sabi ko nga sana ako na lang nawala kesa yung si baby yung nawala.. pero sis kaylangan mo din maging strong kasi andyan pa yung isa mong anak para sayo! you're still lucky.. kamusta ka na nga pala sis? nailabas mo na ba sya?

sana lang next time wag naman gawing angel ni God yung babies natin para naman makasama natin sila..

[shinta]

^ di ko alam yung torch sis. pero nagpa-thyroid scan, RAI uptake at iba pang blood test ako. dun ko nalaman na I have thyroiditis, and it's possible that it's due to my pregnancy.

next time maging preggy tayo, we need to be co-managed na by an endo.

[Banff]

To all the mommys who are grieving for the precious ones they lost, my heart goes out to you. I cry when I read your stories. It is so painful to experience such a loss. My prayers will be for you and your healing.

I found this site , i hope it brings some comfort since the lyrics came from someone who went thru the pain that you went thru. ( started crying when I heard this song ) .

 http://enough-angels.blogspot.com/2009/10/still-gerrit-hofsink.html

God bless

[ysa_38]

^sis mae18 condolence sis... I never thought ganyan yung mangyayare kasi nasa 4th quarter due date club tayo magkasama.. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss...

[jigsaw10]

I condole with you, sisses. Can't help but cry with your stories. Just be strong and don't lose hope. The Man up there knows what's best for all of us. I'll be praying for you..

[jhoya]

how sad  my condolences to all sisses who suffered pain for losing their babies.. i know God have plans to all of us.. Your babies are now your little guardian angel who guided you everyday..

Mga sis, especially @haileybaby I also suffered the blighted ovum 2 years ago.. so painful when i lost my first baby.. and hoping to GOD that now for my 2nd baby, were now on 28w3d na sana mag-tuloy tuloy na this october for a healthy baby boy..

Prayers to all of us mga sisses ^_^

[emmylou]

mga sisses,

hugs to all of you who lost their babies. i have 3 kids. my eldest is a preemie born at 6months 26 days born in 2005), my second son, i miscarried at 4months(2007). my water broke. i tried to get pregnant but nothing happened after 3 years of trying. i decided to stop. when i finally stop, i had the flu and never thought i was conceiving. i was the happiest woman. until found out on my CAS that my baby has a deformity. we were prepared for the worst. she came out and she is perfect in every way(2011). turned out that the deformity that was seen can be removed via an operation at 15 days of life. spent another 25 days on a ventilator. revived 4x. she was discharged from the hospital june 30, 2011. she is quite sickly. she has been confined due to bronchopneumonia 2x in 2011, gastritis 2x 2011 and almost lost her to dysentery last june. she had to have a blood transfusion since she was sooo pale. mga sis, i'm praying for you all. i know it is hard. i've been through that same rollercoaster of emotions with all my children and promised myself i don't want to get pregnant since i now have a son and a daughter. i'm also 36 years old. but i would suggest you try and try to conceive. it is really hard, but acceptance is the key. it will be a long way. there are no shortcuts. grieve because it will make everything easier to accept. don't be in denial. be strong sisses. you'll all be in my prayers. we have an angel looking down from heaven protecting us all.

[shinta]

^ sis, how's your baby now? i hope she's okay now at sana di na siya magkasakit. you and your baby have been through a lot.

i remember my baby when his heart stopped, he was revived naman pero according sa neonatologist niya, it's is not good daw for newborns kasi it will lead to brain damage and the fact that he's been on ventilator since he was born. the most humane thing daw that we could do was to let go. so when his heart stopped the second time, we let go na. so sad but hirap na din kasi siya.