Feeling unpretty - advice?

[sprinkledust]

Hi everyone,

Need some advice for someone who's:

1. Feeling so ugly

2. Feeling so unpretty

3. Also this person has a facial scar so that makes them feel even more unpretty. And they feel guilty that they're so selfish by feeling this way.

Thanks and God Bless.

[muahmuahmuah]

if the person is slowly self destructing or imploding because of his/her impaired view of everything else thats beautiful, to the point na it's become so unreasonable for someone to believe that all he/she sees and feels is ugliness, have them  do charity work and volunteer at a hospital's  burn unit. if that doesn't change the person heart atleast one bit then Houston we have a problem talaga.

i'm sure there's more to that person than the scar. have them dwell in other things like talents, the people they're blessed with, the bountiful blessings.  God doesn't make junk.

[aquacharly]

Do something to lessen the scar's impact/noticeability.
Consult a derma/cosmetic surgeon about what can be done to diminish the scar... Then act on it.

Amp up your total  packaging by:
     Getting a flattering haircut
     Putting together a complete make-up kit so you can totally fix yourself up daily (consult cosmetic reps -- they  do free make-overs/show you what you need and how you will use the products.  Or, go search on You Tube )
     Simplify your wardrobe... Quality over quantity ... And express yourself.

Have your teeth fixed, if these require  improvement.  Nice teeth encourage you to  smile more often.

Strive to be a positive, pleasant person people find comforting  or pleasant to  be around.

Guilt? Dump it. Like Pride, what's it good for? Nothing.

[sprinkledust]

Hi aquacharly.

Thanks for you reply.  The scar doesn't help their self esteem but they didn't feel pretty in the beginning even before the scar.  Your advice is great for all girls out there who sometimes feel they aren't good enough.

thank you!

[definedelirium]

if you want to stop feeling unpretty, stop thinking about it and instead do some concrete actions to remedy it.

sa ngayong panahon, marami nang ways para mapaganda ang physical aspect ng tao, depende na lang sayo how far you're willing to take it. naglipana ang mga beauty creams and skin clinics. if your friend is conscious of her facial scar, maybe she could book an appointment with a dermatologist to do something about it? it may not be totally erased, but it can help.

a lot of people undergo cosmetic surgery and a lot of people walk away happy. meron din naman ibang tao na kahit patuloy ang pagpapa-plastic surgery eh hindi pa rin maganda ang tingin sa sarili. this is because it is not enough to enhance your physical beauty, you must also change your perspective and realize that while looks account for a lot of things, that is not the only thing that a person has to offer.

take up a hobby you are genuinely interested in. if your friend decides to take up a sport, bonus na ang gumanda ang katawan niya sa benefit na feeling good with yourself. hobbies are very fulfilling. so is charity work, like muahmuahmuah has suggested. self-esteem is a thing that everyone struggles with; kahit siguro si angelina jolie may mga araw na feeling pangit siya pero that does not stop her from doing things she enjoys. if she allowed that feeling to overcome her, hindi siguro siya magkakaroon ng lakas ng loob to do challenging roles or to do voluntary work for UN. the same goes for your friend, the more that she thinks she's unpretty, the more people will take less notice of her. it's the negativity that's not pretty.

mahirap gawin, but it's doable. your friend must resolve to make her life better everyday. if she stops focusing on how she looks like, she will find the energy to do things she has shied away from before because of her feeling unpretty. a happy and fulfilled woman is a beautiful woman.

[ecnarfoj]

Aside from trying to conceal the scar from everybody else, that person also needs to accept the scar. Yung physical scar kasi kayang itago pero yung effect sa confidence niya mas deep yun.

See it in a different perspective and yun ang ipakita niya sa mga tao. Wag siya mag-focus dun sa scar as something ugly. Like what definedelirium said, baka may hobby siya. Focus more on other things. Kasi the more na conscious siya about something, the more napapansin ito ng mga tao.

PLus, that person needs to stop comparing herself with other people. It will pull her down lang talaga.

[rae]

Hmmm... I depends if the person seeks for advice. I have a few around me who I know feel unpretty, and sometimes I feel this too.

When I am feeling unpretty, kahit anong compliment, hindi gagana.  What helped me gain confidence is when I realized I should start doing something about it.

Change must come from him/her/them.  Kahit anong advice ibigay mo, hindi gagana kung hindi nya gustong iahon ang sarili nya kung nasan sya.  Kapag nagdecide ka na that you've had enough of feeling sorry for yourself, ikaw mismo hahanap ka ng paraan. Pupunta ka sa google, t-type mo "how to feel confident" kung ano-ano.

What I do around people like that is to treat them as someone capable of great things. I don't acknowledge the existence of pity and self-loathing, not because I'm insensitive. When I was in that dark place, it helped that my dad and bf didn't encourage it. Tough love. They somehow ignored my pity party and empowered me to do things na productive.

Also, convincing me that I'm pretty or beautiful DOESN'T work for me. I tried convincing myself but I feel like I'm lying to myself. What I did is to accept that fact. I AM NOT PRETTY and that's perfectly OK.  I have a big nose, I am pimply, and my eyes are somewhat uneven. I made peace with these things and all the other things I don't like about me.

[rae]

@spinkledust Dati I really tell myself I'm pretty. Pero kasi, mahirap din iconvince ang sarili mo kung alam mong hindi at kung may nakikita ka na magaganda talaga. I know hindi dapat magcompare, pero bata pa lang tayo tinuturuan na tayo magcompare (e.g., big or small, thin or thick, etc.)

When you tell yourself your pretty kahit hindi para din syang telling yourself you're thin or fit, even if your unhealthily overweight.  I figured, there's something wrong with that.

Naisip ko na ang totoong confidence would come from really accepting yourself and how you are created. Tipong "I am born like this and I'm ok with it."  Mamahalin mo ang sarili mo, mamahalin mo ang scar mo, ang fat etc. It will come to a point that it doesn't affect you anymore. Kumbaga, hindi na reliant sa itsura ko yung respect ko para sa sarili ko. But if there's something I can improve on, I will. Pero may iba na hindi ko na talaga mababago like height, etc.

Dadating kasi ang panahon, na lahat tayo, in a way, papanget on the outside. Magkaka-wrinkles, age spots, tataba, at mag-s-sag ang skin or what have you. If our confidence will come from trying to convince ourselves that we're pretty, dadating ang araw, hindi sya gagana.

[showermist]

Ikaw ba yung friend ko sprinkledust? Hehe

I did feel unpretty for the longest time yata. 

It changed lang when I became financially independent. Nung kaya ko ng bumili ng kung  ano ano (damit, MU's), nung nakakapagtravel na ako. nung mas nai-expose na ako sa tao.

Na-boost kasi yung self confidence ko.

I can say this kasi nangyari mismo ito sa akin.

[rae]

^ Oo nga noh, friends ata tayo ni @sprinkledust.

Napansin ko din yan. When I started really being independent. I got my own place, etc. and realize na meron akong capabilities.  Nawala yung mga ganyang feeling.

Confidence should really come from somewhere other than the outside talaga.

[minicake]

Share ko lang. When I was a kid I used to hear compliments sa lahat ng makakita sakin how beautiful I am that's why di ako kahit kelan nainsecure sa kahit na sino or maiinggit kai I always think I have a fair share kahit di ako seksy carry lang nasa isip ko nobody's perfect. But everythings change when I got married at manganak tumaba ako at admit the fact na medyo napabayaan ang sarili ko pero ang masakit parati ko naririnig sa hubby ko na ang pangit at taba ko na and nagbago pakikisama nya sakin kung dati para kong reyna na walang sawa nya pinagsisilbihan,ngayon wala la pa ko maririnig kundi reklamo.. It also affect my self-esteem,nakaklungkot lang na sa iba ko na naririnig yung words na ang pretty mo parin kahit chubby kana. Kahit isipin ko na maganda ko di na tumatalab kasi I oftenly hear my husband saying "di kana gaya ng dati"ang sakit nun..

[rae]

Awww, bakit naman ganun si hubby. Sana man lang constructive, like hun, exercise tayo.  Swerte nya, hindi sya yung nabuntis.

Pero prove him wrong. Magwork out ka and eat well.  Kapag sinabihan ka nya na "hindi ka na gaya ng dati" sabihin mo "ikaw din" Kidding aside, hugs sis.

[minicake]

Thanks sis yah right now I'm working on it,hirap lang kasi magdiet kasi he doesn't support me tinitease nya pa ko kumain like magpapaluto sya ng masarap na pagkain sakin tapos kapg kumain ako sabihin nya kala ko diet ka.. So sad pinagtatawanan nya pa ko parati kapag nageexercise ako,[textspeak!] ba yun..

[rae]

Mala-Derek Ramsay ba ang katawan nya? Bakit kaya ganun? Wag mo na lang pansinin. Para lang yang mga bully ng gradeschool. Wag ka magpaapekto, or at least, appear not affected.

[minicake]

may point ka sis hindi naman maladerek mala Piolo lang at ako ay isang malakatrina halili(ng di pa nagpaparetoke) lang na chuby! Joke.lol

[martiella]

bakit naman ganun si hubby. dapat sya pa ang tumutulong sayo para mabalik sa dati ang body mo. hindi ba nya alam hirap manganak. hayaan mo na lang sis. pag sumexy ka ulit baka sya naman ang matulala sa yo..

[sprinkledust]

Hi showermist,

I see you felt the same way too?  It's great that when you started doing things like traveling, getting exposed to other people, you found beauty within.  I think when it boosted your self confidence, it made you happy too. Thanks for your reply.

Ikaw ba yung friend ko sprinkledust? Hehe

I did feel unpretty for the longest time yata. 

It changed lang when I became financially independent. Nung kaya ko ng bumili ng kung [textspeak!]-ano (damit, MU's), nung nakakapagtravel na ako. nung mas nai-expose na ako sa tao.

Na-boost kasi yung self confidence ko.

I can say this kasi nangyari mismo ito sa akin.

[minicake]

Thanks sis Martiella and sprinkledust.. Yun nga ginagawa ko ngayon starting to diet and exercise na,starting to love myself again na din kasi simula ng magkababy ako focus ako sa mag-ama ko and sa work,nakakasakit lang kasi talagang hearing those words sa isa sa pinakamahalagang tao sa buhay mo,sometimes I just think of lumayo sa kanya to regain myself and bringback the old me na confident,competitive,positive thinker,cheerful, beautiful at di basta basta nagpapatalo at nagpapaapekto sa iniisip o sinsabi ng iba.. I dont know kung bakit suddenly I lost it after ko magasawa at manganak..

[showermist]

Hi showermist,

I see you felt the same way too?  It's great that when you started doing things like traveling, getting exposed to other people, you found beauty within.  I think when it boosted your self confidence, it made you happy too. Thanks for your reply.

It did.  I am not exactly 'ugly.' But I felt so ungly/unpretty for the longest time. Nawala na lang yung ganong pakiramdam nung afford ko na ang mga gusto ko.  So I can say na when I improved financially, things became different. Am I making any sense? Hehe.

Feeling ugly/unpretty is not all about physical appearance.  It just came from within. From insecurities mostly.

[Senorita fifi]

If she has money siguro it will be helpful if she does something to get rid of the facial scar if it really bothers her...and analyze rin siguro bakit feeling unpretty? kng pango mag pa nose lift, kung maitim, mag glutathione...but of course all those are just superficial...she has to deal with her inner struggle first..pray and i wish your friend the best...