Didn't have a debut - depressed...

[linacheng]

Didn't have a debut, pero choice ko naman yun eh. Gusto ko lang ng simple gathering with my family and relatives. And I'm happy. No regrets.

Ang reason ko nun is ayaw ko magspend sila mama ng ganung kalaking pera para lang sa isang party. Saka di talaga ako mahilig kasi sa mga party,party kaya ganun. To each to her own lang siguro.

Anyway, I have one story to share, I have a friend na todo pagisisi nung nagpadebut pa siya. Since she really wants to have one, napilitan yung mom nya na mangutang ng pera para lang mairaos yung party or ma-grant yung wish nya. Well, it was a one day happiness that leads to a miserable life after. Kasi di nakayang bayaran agad ng mom nya yung utang dahil after a few months natanggal sa work. Ang nangyari, kailangan nya tuloy huminto sa college, pati sister and brother nya stop din sa pag-aaral. They sold their car tapos nagpaputol ng kuryente para makatipid lang sila. Halos di na din sila kumakain. Yung little sister nya, isusumbat sa kanya yung nangyari sa family nila dahil sa pagpipilit nya na magkaroon ng debut. But now, unti-unti na din sila nakakabangon pero their life was never the same...

[sprinkledust]

Hi design21 and all the others who have posted so far,

Thanks for your advice. Some days it's okay but some times, I keep thinking about my regrets and it's so hard... A lot of you guys said just make it up for the future wedding when it happens...

I hope that can still happen and I won't feel so sad about not having the debut...

nagdebut ako pero take note daig ko pa coordinator one woman show ang role ko ako lahat nagasikaso no support from my family kahit ang binayad akin. ayaw kasi nila ako gustong gusto ko hahaha only girl kasi ako. buti bago palang ang hotel nun 50% off ang party package!

advice ko sa mga sad na hindi nagdebut bawiin niyo nalang sa kasal nyo

[vhanya]

i didn't celebrate it either. I asked to go abroad instead. mas ok for me =)

[izabelle]

Hindi din ako nag debut.. walang malaking party.. nung araw na yun, nag shopping lang ako then kumain sa labas with family. yun lang.. walang party party na engrande.

why? kasi my parents are very practical people.. they would rather invest money sa mga bagay na pang matagalan than 1 night event..

my parents' gift to me for my debut/18th bday is my own house and lot na sa akin naka name talaga with titulo.. until now im very thankful! and looking back wala akong regrets or tampo na hindi ako nabigyan ng party.

actually never talaga kami binigyan ng party ng parents namin except nung 1st bday namin.. kahit nung 7th bday walang party.. kaya kami ng sis ko lumaki kami na balewala sa amin ang parties.

[metasassy]

Ayan sis I hope you feel better, di ka nagiisa.

Bawi ka na lang sa wedding mo. Or on your 30th birthday. Whichever comes first.

Cheer up, don't dwell in the past. There are far more memorable events you can look forward to in life.

[chedz.03]

wala din ako party when i turned 18. my father wanted a big party for me pero since nasa abroad sya alam ko di rin magiging kumpleto kaya sabi ko wag nalang instead buy nalang nila ko ng computer para magamit ko during that time na nasa college ako.

2010 came my wedding. dun bumawi kasi nagkaroon kami ng dance ni father ko na super memorable at emotional

for me, hindi naman ang pagkakaroon ng party ang importante when we turned 18 instead pagiging mature enough to handle things. if magkakaanak ako and sa time na 18 sya, hindi ko rin isasuggest na magkaroon sya ng party instead bibigyan ko sya ng something na mapapakinabangan nya ng pangmatagalan...

[sprinkledust]

Hi metasassy, vhanya, izabelle & chedz.03,

Thanks for your messages. Metasassy, I hope I can make it up on a wedding but wedding isn't even close for me.

Ayan sis I hope you feel better, di ka nagiisa.

Bawi ka na lang sa wedding mo. Or on your 30th birthday. Whichever comes first.

Cheer up, don't dwell in the past. There are far more memorable events you can look forward to in life.

[hunny_ally]

I didn't have a debut. I wasn't even with my family when I turned 18th. I was a thousand miles up in the air flying to US. Yes I chose to go on a trip over a debut. Pinappipili ako ng parents ko and I opted for that (lus shopping galore) instead of blowing a lot of money in one night.

Did I regret not having one? No. I've had friends who had all out parties for their 18th & they can't even remember what happened in theirs and that was a little over a decade ago. Yes, including my friend who's parents spent a million pesos for her mandarin oriental party (she had side A as entertainment, Martin Nievera sang the father and daughter song and even had then Pres. Estrada as a guest of honor). Mas naaalala pa niya her European trip she took a week after her party.

Debut or no debut, it doesn't matter. What matters most is how live your life to fullest. And you cannot do that if you'll be forever holding on to your past, regretting things you even cant even get back (well unless, like what poster here said, you can invent a time machine and turned back the time and you're 18 again). Yes, you can feel bad about it from time to time but geez feel depressed? Something must be seriousy wrong. Feeling ko it's more than the debut. Have you tried seeking help From a medical practitioner? Dont get me wrong, di ko sinasabi may tililing ka. But sometimes help is needed to help you sort out your thoughts and feelings.

[sprinkledust]

Hi hunny_ally.

Thanks for your post. You're right I do keep holding on to the past and when I hear that someone's having one, I feel really bad and more sad... I can't help it, I just feel more regret every time.

I didn't have a debut. I wasn't even with my family when I turned 18th. I was a thousand miles up in the air flying to US. Yes I chose to go on a trip over a debut. Pinappipili ako ng parents ko and I opted for that (lus shopping galore) instead of blowing a lot of money in one night.

Did I regret not having one? No. I've had friends who had all out parties for their 18th & they can't even remember what happened in theirs and that was a little over a decade ago. Yes, including my friend who's parents spent a million pesos for her mandarin oriental party (she had side A as entertainment, Martin Nievera sang the father and daughter song and even had then Pres. Estrada as a guest of honor). Mas naaalala pa niya her European trip she took a week after her party.

Debut or no debut, it doesn't matter. What matters most is how live your life to fullest. And you cannot do that if you'll be forever holding on to your past, regretting things you even cant even get back (well unless, like what poster here said, you can invent a time machine and turned back the time and you're 18 again). Yes, you can feel bad about it from time to time but geez feel depressed? Something must be seriousy wrong. Feeling ko it's more than the debut. Have you tried seeking help From a medical practitioner? Dont get me wrong, di ko sinasabi may tililing ka. But sometimes help is needed to help you sort out your thoughts and feelings.

[Sisa16]

hi po, wala ding akong debut party kasi hindi kaya ng family ko ang expenses. i am 30 now and wala namang regrets. i felt na hindi ako para dun.

i have friends na hindi nagdebut party pero lately nagbirthday party sila.one was a party tapos parang debut nya as in nakagown sya though she is the same age as mine,other one is older than me pero nagkiddie party sa mcdonald's.  you may want to try that kung appealing sayo.

be happy, dont waste your times regretting.

[sprinkledust]

Hi Sisa16,

I'm trying to be happy but I still keep regretting.

hi po, wala ding akong debut party kasi hindi kaya ng family ko ang expenses. i am 30 now and wala namang regrets. i felt na hindi ako para dun.

i have friends na hindi nagdebut party pero lately nagbirthday party sila.one was a party tapos parang debut nya as in nakagown sya though she is the same age as mine,other one is older than me pero nagkiddie party sa mcdonald's.  you may want to try that kung appealing sayo.

be happy, dont waste your times regretting.

[buzzhang]

Hi, good day! I think you don't have to be depressed about not having a debut ten years ago. There are a lot of girls today who didn't have one either. Same here, 28 years old and didn't have any debut celebration way back years ago. What's more important is living your life to the fullest.

[ohcmon]

I turned 18 a couple of years ago and hindi rin ako nag-debut, simpleng dinner lang at home and a bit of shopping tapos nagpabili ako ng iPhone. Mababaw lang kaligayahan ko and even then I knew it wasn't practical to spend thousands of money just for a party, e hindi naman super high profile family namin to "introduce" me to the society (which should be the main purpose of celebrating your debut) so there, totally no regrets.

[chinkee]

Hi sis, I'm 23 now and I also didn't have a debut.. simpleng kainan lang sa bahay with family and friends. I guess blessing in disguise na rin yun kasi at that day dumating si Super Typhoon "Milenyo".. imagine na lang if meron akong party... magiging super depressed ako nun and siguro puro memories ko sa debut ko if ever is pangit..

Of course, I did wish to have one... but my mom was overseas at that time and parang hindi yun complete without her. Actually may times na nainggit ako sa mga friends ko na merong debut with matching 5 star hotel and cotillion pa... (with 18 roses na super gwapo.. hehe LOL!)... also, I was surrounded by "Rich/Upper Class" people kasi so parang lahat sabay sabay nagde-debut (from DLSU pero im a scholar).. Pero after a year, ng lahat naging 18 years old na.. wala na.. fade na ang inggit.. parang wala na, next birthday na.

For me, di naman ako depressed ngayon na hindi ako nagdebut... meron din naman ako friends na simple party lang din ang debut.. Siguro nga bawi na lang ako sa wedding! :-)

[Huntress Krystle]

Hi,

I'm looking for some advice.  I think one of my biggest regrets in life is that I never had an 18th birthday debut.  I really regret it.  I'm 28 now and I still think about it, how I wish I had a debut.  I get so depressed when I hear about others who have it. It makes me so sad and it's been so many years that I've been depressed about it.  I feel like I'm the only one in the world that never had a debut.

I don't know how to get over this depression.  I'm just sad all the time and feel so much regret.

If you have time please your advice.

Thank you.

Sprinkledust, as you can see, hindi ka nag-iisa. Share ko lang story ko sayo baka sakaling makabawas sa sadness mo. I'm 27 now. 3 days bago ako ako mag-18, my mom told me na anak nya sa iba yung bunso kong kapatid (what a way to ruin my debut). Tapos, wala din naman akong party, binigyan lang ako ng onteng pera. On my 18th bday, ang nag organize pa ng surprise party para sakin ay yung former bestfriend ko. Nag-organize sya ng rooftop party para sakin dahil alam nyang di ako bibigyan ng party ng parents ko. So sobrang saya at touched ko dun sa surprise party na yun. But guess what? Dumating ang nanay ko at "sapilitan" akong pinaalis dun sa party. Dapat daw ay mga pinsan ko nalang ang yayain ko mag-dinner sa ibang lugar. That's how ruined my 18th bday was. And up to this day, just like you, hindi ko sya maalis sa utak ko. I guess I won't ever forget that incident.

Masakit pa dun, itong half sister ko na bunso, sobrang spoiled at favorite. 14 years old palang sya ngayon pero naririnig ko na pina-plano na ang debut nya. I would never understand parents who do that to their children. Napaka unfair at insensitive.

Payo ko sayo sis, kung afford mo, organize your own party. It's never too late. Para lang ma-experience mo yung birthday bash na inaasam mo. Or give yourself something na maski hindi man party ay talagang alam mong deserve mo (maybe a trip abroad for example). Most importantly, kapag hindi talaga maalis sa isip mo to the point na sumasama na araw mo, isipin mo nalang parati yung mga katulad mo na hindi din nakatikim ng debut. Or talk to them para gumaan pakiramdam mo. 

[Kady_14]

Ok lang yan, as long as nabubuhay, pwedeng mag-bday. hehe... Go ahead and have a party even if you're way beyond 18.

[ldrwifey]

Hi Sisa16,

I'm trying to be happy but I still keep regretting.

hi sis, just a question, loner ka ba? do you have friends or outlet mo man lang in life? kasi since you opened this thread ang dami ng sisters natin ang nagshare ng stories nila and if merong man n may regret akong nababasa only around that time n kakadebut nila, pero its been a decade and its been a year since you posted how you feel, pero hindi pa rin nagbabago ang feelings mo towards what you missed. i just think its not normal... go out, magpaparty ka kung gusto mo, invite everybody you know kasi hindi naman healthy na inaalagaan mo yung ganyang negative feelings.. ang bigat kaya niyan sa pakiramdam.

[rhumbafrapp]

YKW what, i can relate sayo.
When i was 18, financially, we were just starting to recover. My mom got sick and died when i was 16, so basically, all the money, all the business, nawala lahat. All time low.  My sister started working and hand in hand sila ng father ko in raising/supporting us younger ones. Back then, yun isang BFF ko she had her debut, and syempre i cannot help but feel envious din. But, i guess, in the back of my mind i know wala din patutunguhan the inggit, so, i decided to move forward nalang

I celebrated in a simple salo salo among my closest friends (10 lang kami) and ako pa gumastos non ha. I got money gifts given to me by my aunt, my sister, my cousins. My cousin lent me his driver and car for the day, so hatid sundo ako sa mall.   My dad didn't give me anything, not even a small gift. Simpleng lutong bahay lang or even chinese take out ang handa sa house.

If you still  want to have a party, you can have pa naman e. Why not make it a bonggang 30th birthday party? You can have the works- the buffet/serve down dinner, strings, whatever floats your boat.

[CebuGem]

On my 18th birthday, I didn't have a debutante ball. Of course, i wanted one but I totally understood my family's situation so it didn't depress me nor I threw a tantrum. My parents were both working class citizens, sending three to college at that time. So I could imagine the expenses that entailed on having a party.

Looking back, it's just a party no matter how people argue that being 18 happens only once in a lifetime. What's more important is the maturity one has built while growing up.

For my daughter, I'll give her one if she really wants one and of course, I'll give her other options. Maybe, she'd rather want us to travel.

[ladyxylenz]

ok lang yun kahit hindi magdebut or wala super celebration..mas masaya kung kau family lang magkasama mas memorable yun kesa magcecelebrate ka nga ng debut mo wala naman pupunta mas nakakasad yun db?

be thankful nalang kay god kc blessings nadin yung makarating ka sa 18 na age db.