Didn't have a debut - depressed...

[janeblaze,project]

I  never had a Debut by  choice and 1st  of all  debut here in the states are very  expensive ...

I was registered to  have my debutante ball  in New York and have to pick  pa my escort from either West Point ( US Military  Academy ) or in the Naval  Academy in which ok sana kase I had friends who went to  those academies , kaso  paying 30k in usd  to join was a little too expensive .

So  as an alternate , I  gave my money na gagamitin sana for the debut in a soup kitchen or to  one of the churces here that has homeless shelters and also  gave my time in serving them ....

 Seriously it was a fulfilling moment for  me , hindi man ako nag debut ng bongga , but i felt good helping people during my 18th bday 

[franc1sgmp]

First, congratulate yourself that you're having a problem over youre missed 18th birthday debut. Why should you? Because it means that you have achieved a quality of life that makes you belong to the top 10% population of the country that has around 95 million people residing.

There is a name for that small perctange of people, and it is called the "affluent society." Unlike our poor fellow citizens who have to worry about food, shelter, clothing and even small luxuries sush as going to Jollibee, or working in an air-conditioned place, the members of the affluent society are beset with problems not about daily survival but about life-choices and life-styles.

Your problem is first and foremost an indication about your high expectations about life, and rightly so because that is the nature of the affluent society: it is a society that not just hopes, it is a society that expects. Ofcourse, we can never bring back the past. You can never be 18 years old again, which means you can never have that debut.

But just because it has happened does not mean that it has to end that way. Rather than languishing over something that we cannot do anything about, make that event a milestone in your life. Make your failure a rallying point for future success. If you havent been able to celebrate your 18th birthday with a blast, try make up for it by celebrating your 30th birthday with far greater fanfare. It is in your power because you belong to the "affluent society."

Another thing that defines the affluent society is not just expectations, but also a mentality or a way of thinking. For instance, people that have been born poor and are still poor usually resort to other-worldly hopes for a better life. This is what's called "ipinapasa-Diyos nalang." However, members of the affluent society do not just resign their lives to what will be in the next life. They attempt to change their lives right now and this is because of their attitude.

A poor person who won a 100M peso lotto might be wealthy overnight, but her attitude doesnt change. She still does not belong to the affluent society. But a hardworking person who slowly and gradually moves up the ladder acquires the skill, the taste and more importantly, the outlook of the same members of her social class acording to the right time and place. That is what's important.

In sum, what could help you is to reflect upon these things:

1. It's okay to regret things you have not done in the past because of uncontrollable circumstances but it is not okay to remain stuck in there.

2. Try to realize that as you move up the ladder, your problems become wholly different. It is now about self-fullfilment rathen than survival.

3. Realize that self-fulfillment is achievable because you have already acquried the tastes, the skills and most importantly, the outlook of someone who is affluent.


That's what matters the most, because an affluent attitude is what separates and elevates you from your past.

[kookieandcookies]

I wouldn't be depressed about not having a debut. I did not have a debut and did not expect my parents to give me one because we cannot afford it then. My brother and I were in college that time and our tuition fee/allowance are more important than a debut celebration.

[Myealexis21]

Ako hindi rin naghanda ng bongga when I turned 18.  di rin ako nagexpect that my parents would give me a party bilang we were having some financial difficulties at that time.  Nagluto lang ng pancit bumili ng tinapay at softdrinks, solve na hahahah!

And ayoko rin pala that time, kase yung mga kakilala ko sa church na 1 and 2 yrs older sa akin, at nagdebut talaga, after a year ayun buntis ang labas.  Kaya when it was my turn sabi ko sa mga tita ko even if may possibility na magkaroon ng debut, aayaw ako kase natatakot akong magaya sa kanila.  I know it was weird of me thinking that way, pero natakot talaga ako.  I promised myself kase na magtatapos ako at tutulong sa parents ko.  Dalawang sunod kaya yun hahaha! Tapos eto pa, just a few years ago nabalitaan ko yung sa church din naman 2 girls na nagbonggang debut, ayun buntis yung isa tapos natsismis na yung isa buntis din nagpalaglag lang daw.  Kaya ang future daughter ko wala ring debut LOL!

[gripfast]

I didn't have a debut when I turned 18. Di ko lang kasi feel. Most of my friends kasi ay Adventist and di sila pwede ng Saturday so sino pupunta? hehe

I just took the money and bumili ng kung ano ano and saved some.

[gil12]

hindi rin ako nagkaron ng debut when I turned 18, at the time medyo nalungkot pa ko kasi halos ibang tao cinelebrate yun pero I had to keep in mind that we didn't have the money to throw a grand party. we had dinner sa bahay lang with family and close friends. hindi naman ako na-depress dahil dun, buti na rin hindi ako mahilig sa mga bonggang birthday party. madami pa naman events sa life mo na you can celebrate like your wedding etc.. 

[merchee]

I didn't have a debut party as well. pero I wasn't depressed. It's my choice talaga na wag mag-ganon. kasi magastos and all.
My friends went to our house lang eat and drinks. then that's it. that's how I wanted to celebrate naman din kasi.

pero I was surprised, the day after...parents gave me money. Oha, I was happy na na that I got what I've wanted, may extra money pa. hahaha

[nessy]

Same here. Wala rin akong debut with matching cotillion. Choice ko iyon. Kasi ang mas gusto ko mag-celebrate sa bar. My Mom bongga talagang naghanda since sabay kasi kami ng birthday. So, sa house, maraming food then my mga visitors din. Pero Mom was not aware that Dad gave me money to pay that bar in Tomas Morato. So, ang mga nasa house family friends and friends ng Mom, ang mga friends ko, nandoon sa Decades.

[pumpkin13]

I spent my 18th bday on the road, mag isang naglalakad at walang mapuntahan. Hehe! I didn't regret not having a party. Siguro if there's one thing I could change, I would have spent it with my family.

My only dream of a bday celebration is either sa jolibee or mcdo, a kiddie party. My debut party would have been like that. But since hindi nangyari yun, in one of my next bdays gagawin ko yun. Magffeeling 18 ako or maybe younger. Hehe!

[sima]

I didn't have a debut -- choice ko iyon and I am happy and contented that I didn't have one.  I am a very practical person.  Yung perang gugugulin sa isang gabing pangiti-ngiti, pasayaw-sayaw, atbp. eh malayo pa ang mararating noon for my family and me.

[GD]

Wala rin akong debut. I'm 24 now. Siyempre nakakainggit yung may mga debut pero ayos lang saken.
Hindi naman kasi kami mayaman kaya okay lang saken. Kasama ko naman nun yung mga kamag-anak ko.
Family members at mga kaibigan ko.

Babawi ako sa kasal ko. Hahaha. =))

[chicafabulosa]

Hi,

I'm looking for some advice.  I think one of my biggest regrets in life is that I never had an 18th birthday debut.  I really regret it.  I'm 28 now and I still think about it, how I wish I had a debut.  I get so depressed when I hear about others who have it. It makes me so sad and it's been so many years that I've been depressed about it.  I feel like I'm the only one in the world that never had a debut.

I don't know how to get over this depression.  I'm just sad all the time and feel so much regret.

If you have time please your advice.

Thank you.

Lam mo sis it may sound harsh ha but i think sobrang babaw ng reason para madepressed ka. Wala kong debut rin no. Bakit? At that time mas important ang pagkain na ihahain sa table namin ng family ko kesa mag isip ako ng party. My family was disowned and hirap na hirap kame sa buhay at that time. Mas importante ang pagkain kesa sa party for me...

Di mo ba naiisip debut lang nawala sayo, eh di magpaparty ka ulit as if your debut. Problem solved! Maswerte ka kasi ang ibang tao ngayon they are sad because may taning na buhay nila, buhay ng love ones nila, wala silang matirhan, makain.. Ikaw kinalulungkot mo lanh debut? Parang ang babaw mo naman sis... Sorry ha, i have tobe harsh on you kasi maraming tao dyan ang mas malaki ang problema sayo at may rason na sumuko sa life but look at you, nagpapakdepress dahil sa isang debut? Parang napaka selfish naman yata ng dating nun for me. I dont mean na i save mo ang mundo, ang akin lang pasalamat ka wala kang problema kagaya ng ibang tao.

Now if you have a money to spend now, di magpaparty ka para matigil na yang depression mo. geez, your old enough now to be able to move on from what happened 10 years ago na sobrang babaw for me? Cant you be happy with what you have now and your current life situation just simply because of a simple debut party? Gosh if you will say yes and you cant function well dahil di ka nagkadebut, aba think again? And debut di yan kamay, paa,mata, or any body parts mo na pag nawala you cant move on and live well... Act your age sis.. Stop being depressed on this matter. There are other things you should be doing kesa sa pagkakadepress mo sa ganitong bagay..

See ilan kame dito walang debut pero we are able to move on and have a great life. Di mo kawalan ang isang debut.

Sorry sa ibanh sister ha if medyo harsh ako ngayon. Naiinis ako na may ganitong problema na kaliit liit eh ginagawang akala mo life and death situation. Haiz sorry again mga sis

[superbubly]

honestly sa akin wala akong regret na di ako nagdebut kahit ang mama ko gusto niya talaga kasi only daughter lang ako but I insisted na wag na kasi sayang lang sa panahon at pera for my parents, I don't deserve that occasion. Since matured ka na now sana wag ka ng madepress kasi. . sorry to say but its too shallow naman to be depressed na after so many years depressed ka pa rin, puwede ka namang magparty para ma experience mo ulet yun, kaya nga ang birth day natin habang buhay tayo we can celebrate it pa rin so com'on girl smile and cheer up noh!

[nessy]

To TS, I think chicafabulosa is right. Just wanna share the call I had before i took my lunch earlier.

Travel and Hospitality Management ang area ng account ko. Booking hotel room all over the world but mostly within the US. Itong customer ko, called in and wants to book a room at a certain Marriott Hotel in Virginia. Sabi niya sa akin, they will travel for 4 days. Then gusto niya, may bar dun sa hotel so pina-check niya pa sa akin. Tanong ko, why does she need a bar. Sagot eh, she just want to have some drinks before going to bed.Nagtaka ako since ang pinapa-book niya sa akin is for 1 night lang. So, I asked. Sabi niya, gusto niya kasi mag-stay on that specific Marriott hotel kasi on the day that they will check out, they, her and his husband and her daughter, will head off to Johns Hopkins Hospital for a surgery. She has brain tumor.

ang mga sisses natin dito who works/worked in a call center alam kung ano ugali ng mga Americans. Hindi ako nag-judge lang. based on my  experience/s yan. Pero this woman, hindi ko naringgan man lang ng rudeness/kayabangan/kasamaan ng ugali. She was very calm and soft-spoken.

My point is, mas marami pang tao na mas mabigat ang problem than not having a debut, pero they still find ways to enjoy life the way it should be.

TS, wag ka na ma-sad. Pa- party ka na lang kung hindi ka talaga maka-get over.

[angelzero]

when i turned 18 i had nothing. not even cake or ice cream. seriously.

debut parties are for people with extra money to spare. it's not practical for everyone.

[pumpkin13]

To TS, if you have extra money now for a debut party, then paparty ka na. Kasi if big deal talaga sayo na hindi mo yun naexperience, then go and have a blast. Invite mo kaming mga wala din debut party. Joke! hehe!

Kidding aside, everyone in this thread is correct. Hindi practical. Hindi rin sukatan ng pagkatao ang isang debut party. There were even people who celebrated their 18th birthday with a bonggang party pero for what? Attitude-wise, parang hindi naman nag-18. Teenager pa din mag isip.

[rae]

^ That last statement. Ang ganda.

I'm almost 30, and seriously, it never comes up in converstations. Kung pano ka nagdebut, sino sino nag 18-whatever.

[nageinna]

same here i never had a debut and to be honest i cant even remember how i celebrated my 18th birthday. LOL. it was not a big deal for me back then. pag birthday ko kasi mas feel ko intimate celebration lang with family and couple of friends. and if siguro you still feel bad about that part of your life where in hindi ka nakapag celebrate ng debut, it's never too late naman to celebrate now. care ba nila kung ilang taon ka na mag celebrate ng debut. you can plan your dream party. i'm sure it will be as memorable

[oshiawase]

Neither did I. I graduated with honors and I did not have a proper family celebration. Grow up and get over it. Theres more to life than just a one night debut celebration.

[iamsuperizch]

Never had one too.  If I remember it right, either I spent my 18th birthday in the hospital or I was discharged on the day itself.  See I can't even remember kung ano talaga nangyari nun.  Haha!    As long as you're alive, you can still throw a big party and celebrate life.  You can do it on your 30th birthday.  If may budget ka pa, throw another one on your 40th or every 10 years magpa-party ka and you know what?  Better yan kasi by that age alam mo na kung sino talaga "true friends" mo and it would be nice to celebrate your birthday with them and your family.  I believe small and intimate parties with family and close friends are much better than big ones.