I want to know what did you do after you discovered that he cheated on you and what did you do to move on?
- A few weeks before actually finding out, I had a feeling that my then bf and an officemate (magkakaopisina kaming lahat, mind you) were having an affair and that my bf wanted out. I knew because he was suddenly extra sweet, extra nice, extra everything towards me and super sensitive and irritated towards the other person. I never asked bf until officemate posted on Friendster (I just dated myself, hehe) that "kausapin mo ang bebe mo, me problema yan. I knew it was meant for me since that person knows that bf and i call each other "bebe".
so i asked bf, point-blank, what it meant. he broke down and confessed everything. every sordid detail. it started daw as a one-time casual sex. and that person, who i knew from the start liked my bf, suddenly had ammunition to use against the bf. sinabi nya sa bf ko na pag hindi sya pumayag to have a relationship eh sasabihin nya sa akin ang nangyari. i know, i know, lousy excuse to have an affair. so in short, nagcontinue yung pseudo-relationship for a couple of months. the other person was in-love but bf was not. nakita ko nung mga times na yun how the bf was really, really pissed with the other person for no reason at all bago ko nalaman.
anyway, when i found out, i asked for a day to think things over. mind you, this was a couple of months before i was about to leave for a one-year scholarship abroad. so you just can imagine how difficult it was for me. the following day, nagkita kami. bf was so unkempt when he showed up. ni hindi naligo at nag-gel (which is a BIG thing for him, haha) kaya alam kong talagang bothered sya. we already had plans of getting married the following year kaso aalis nga ako. when he asked me what i wanted to happen, i said, "i'm still going to marry you"
simple as that. i forgave him. i forgave his indiscretion. i told two other mutual friends/officemates of what happened just so i'll have people to remind me of my decision kung sakaling makalimot ako paminsan-minsan. i really dont like digging up the past. as for the other person, i sent an email just to let "it" know that i already know. i told "it" that i felt betrayed. no name calling, i was actually pretty civil. i wasnt going to stoop down to that person's level anyway. ang nakakatawa, sya pa ang nagalit. na kesyo pinaasa daw sya ng bf ko. na kesyo sya pa nga daw ang nagsabi sa bf ko na magsabi na ng totoo. in the end, "it" moved out of the office at sa ibang division nagkalat ng lagim.
Is your relationship still ok? Are you still together?
- yep, we're ok. we're married now
Do you still feel the pain of what happened?
- nope. not anymore. i guess when i made the decision to really forgive him, the pain went away with it.
Do you still trust him after that? what did you do to bring the trust back?
- yes, i do. i trust him with my life. sabi ko nga sa sagot ko sa itaas, i forgave him already.
do you still feel that maybe he is still with someone else or still with the old sl*t that broke your trust and faith in him?
- nope. alam kong ako lang.
Share your experiences and thoughts about this....
- a) relationship without trust will never work. kahit pa sabihing konting doubt lang yan, nakakasira ng ulo yan. if you cannot trust someone, better end the relationship early on. unfair lang for both of you.
b) wag madaliin ang pagpapatawad. for some, they "forgive" their partners agad-agad dahil mahal nila. i understand that. but understand as well that if you decide to forgive, it means you decide to move on, to start the healing process. kung maya't-maya uungkatin mo yung naging pagkakamali, wala kayong patutunguhan.
c) learn to forgive yourself. and remember that it's not your fault. kahit pa nagger ka, or demanding, or whatever, it is still your partner's fault. he/she could have taken the high road and ended things with you first before going into another relationship. but no, pinagsabay kayo. so bakit mo sisisihin ang sarili mo?
d) in all these, it always takes two to tango. so dont heap all the blame on the other party. ang dami ko na kasing kaibigan na parating sinisisi yung naging kabit na as if walang kasalanan yung partner nila. hindi naman bata yang mga bf/gf nyo para hindi magkaroon ng sariling desisyon
