After discovering that he cheated, how did u move on? ok pa kayo or hindi na?

[Girltalker2]

I have been there. Done that. Over that.

Realization lang, kung wala nang love, it is not worth fighting for. And this love has to come from BOTH parties.  Respect and Trust follows.  Kung walang effort on his part, at di sya upfront sayo ano talaga nangyari at di na mauulit... forever it will haunt your mind and soul. Slowly it ate me up until hindi ko na nakayanan.  All because his efforts were not enough.  All because kahit sinabi na nyang wala, meron pa pala, up to the point na sabi nyang wala na talaga but hindi ko na makuhang maniwala. So until now kahit sinasabi nyang wala na, para sakin, meron parin. And as of this point, the marriage is not worth saving anymore.

After a while, nung hiwalay na kami, I found out na mas masaya pala ako nang ganito. Kasi may peace of mind. Ultimately, lahat ng nakikita ko na friends ko na matagal ko nang hindi nakikita, they say I am blooming or mas bumata itsura ko. If they only knew anong secret ko - nilubayan ko kasi ang asawa ko.

[Shiecg]

^ same here, i look better and feel better after na nakipag break ako sa kanya :-) it suits me daw, hamak mo yon, 6 years pala akong nagmukhang yaya, hehe.

[yukai]

full of miseries, haunted and unloved/rejected

mahirap and situation ko kasi ulila na ko sa magulang at ang family clan sa side ng nanay ko , outcasted na kami kasi sa mga utang namin sa kanila whereas, sa side ng tatay ko naman di rin ako maka asa na matulungan kami kasi meron din silang problems.

in short, nagtitiis ako sa buhay ko with my hubby who is a good provider for my kids. kaya ayaw ng mga anak ko humiwalay kami sa dad nila.  ayoko naman iwanan ang mga anak ko sa asawa ko.

i don't know how to solve my problem..only God knows.

[imbisibol_]

What is with that yaya na wala ako? ;-(

please don't consume yourself with that thought.  i would suspect it's not an issue of what you have or don't have.  for some people, it's the thrill of doing something illicit with the possibility of being caught that gives them a high.  it's not that your husband was looking for something wanting in you.  nor is it because he found something special in the other girl.  i would chalk it up more to your husband wanting that high and then conveniently finding an eager partner in the yaya.

[eimerej5]

Ouch! it hurts reading the stories being shared here but this also helps us na mailabas lahat ng emotions that we have na hindi natin nasabi sa iba....

And i know women are stronger than men...

kaya natin lagpasan ang mga ganitong problems or challenges sa buhay.. Prayers can really help us and ofcourse a support group that understands what everyone is going thru.

Like this GT thread.. It really is great to be in it...

[eimerej5]

Mga sis, i have a question. Sana you can give me your opinion....

Its about my husband and the same officemate na he admitted 3yrs ago na nagandahan siya or should i say he liked her pero wala n dw un...

well, my questions is i saw his office emails, and they have emails to each other pero more on work but there are some fr my husband that says - "i'll be there tomorrow morning" and the girl replied "awesome".. and last tuesday from my hubby ang sabi niya ' baka sabihin mo hindi ako tumawag, voice mail eh"...

then when i looked at his cell last night tinanggal n nya yung email account ng office nya sa cell niya...
kaya lalo akong ngduda... i dont want to confront him kasi baka hindi na cya mgkwento lalo sa ken ng mga ngyayari sa kanya sa office. Though once a week n lang siya nandun sa office na yun kasi sa ibat ibang facility siya nandun...

ano sa tingin nyo mga sis? should i think n there is something or baka naprapraning lang ako....

[smoothie]

I think you should observe first.

Magdududa din sa ginawa niyang pagbubura ng office email account niya.

[eimerej5]

I think you should observe first.

Magdududa din sa ginawa niyang pagbubura ng office email account niya.

I think you should observe first.

Magdududa din sa ginawa niyang pagbubura ng office email account niya.

Thanks for the reply sis.. Yun nga ginagawa ko ngayon pero ang hirap kasi hindi siya masyado
nagsasalita since naconfront ko siya 3 yrs ago about the girl... kaduda duda nga yung pagtanggal niya ng email acct sa cell nya... yun ang ngtrigger sa ken na magisip na...

[hun_nie08]

Can relate sa minsan bumabalik ang nakaraan - we broke up 2 years ago for 3 mos - 6 years na kami nun. but bumalik naman sya. minsan di ko na sineshare na ganun sa kanya para di na sya magworry. Okay naman kami so far - pero syempre di pa rin un mawala - sobrang traumatic experience ko kasi yun e.

[Girltalker2]

full of miseries, haunted and unloved/rejected

mahirap and situation ko kasi ulila na ko sa magulang at ang family clan sa side ng nanay ko , outcasted na kami kasi sa mga utang namin sa kanila whereas, sa side ng tatay ko naman di rin ako maka asa na matulungan kami kasi meron din silang problems.

in short, nagtitiis ako sa buhay ko with my hubby who is a good provider for my kids. kaya ayaw ng mga anak ko humiwalay kami sa dad nila.  ayoko naman iwanan ang mga anak ko sa asawa ko.

i don't know how to solve my problem..only God knows.

Sis, hindi naman ibig sabihin kapag may family ka, may kakampi ka na. In these situations, it is best if you have the support of your family and friends.  Kaso in my case, I did not have the support of my family, at least initially, because their mindset are based on the old school.   

In this battle, it is only you who can resolve it. 

Dati inisip ko rin magtiis pero may hangganan din ang pagtitiis ng isang tao.  Hanggang sa di ko na kinaya.  But in a sense, I was lucky as I am financially independent, kahit pa andyan sya o wala, kaya ko buhayin nang sarili ang mga anak ko. Pero it took me several years din to be ready to leave him, at least emotionally and mentally. I went through counselling, tapos when I got a chance to leave for work, without any hesitation, I pursued it, and pinilit ko talganga bitbit mga bata, because for me, that is also a non negotiable na iwan sa tatay. Napaka sinungaling nanga ng tatay, sa kanila pa lalaki ang mga bata, so ano nalang ang kakalakihan nila.

 

[jie1015]

I can say that both of us really made an effort to start again. He is doing his very best para ipakita sa akin na he is a changed man. Ako naman, I'm trying my best na huwag na isumbat sa kanya his mistakes.

Although there are times na nalulungkot ako kapag naaalala ko. Pero sinasarili ko na lang. Parang no matter what I do, the pain will always be there. Will there come a time ba na pag maaalala mo, di ka na masasaktan? Kelan kaya?

Just yesterday, he asked me kung pakakasalan ko daw ba uli siya on our tenth year? Parang renewal ng vows. I said no. Ewan ko pero I don't feel like marrying him again. We already made our promise in front of God when we got married. Pero di naman namin natupad iyon. Para saan pa at magpapakasal uli kami.

[Shiecg]

 ^ thats still my question too sis, " kailan mawawala yong pain" im single for 3 years na but i can still feel the pain kahit ayaw ko. sa ngayon talagang tinitikis ko na na wag muna makipag communicate sa kanya, para malaman ko kung may pag asa ba na mawala yong sakit and maiwan nalang yong parang feeling na magka kilala lang kayo but no past between sa inyo.

[Girltalker2]

^^ Good question sis. I am sure mawawala yung sakit, hindi ko lang alam kailan.  Let's wait for others to share. 

Sakin nawala lang ang sakit when I left the marriage. I stayed in the marriage for over 10 years after knowing he has a mistress. Ako rin ang nag-give up. But the thing about my ex kasi, hindi naman sya parang hubby mo na proving he is a changed man.  Ang peg nya - ito ako, tanggapin mo ako o hindi.

[swatchgotha]

He did it a lot of times but i always firgive him. Pero ang pinakamasakit ay ang nangyari lately..
he had a child with the girl and nalaman ko nakapanganak na ang babae. Sobra ang galit ko. we are married for 18 years. Pinalayas ko sya pero ayaw nya umalis. kame daw ng anak ko ang mahal nya. Hindi ko sya napilit umalis pero halos araw-araw away kame dahil di ako alam kung paano ko tatanggapin ang lahat. Napakasakit, sobra. Magkasama pa rin kame till now. sabi nya wala na sila communication pero panay naman ang post ng girl sa fb nya kung nasan sya at ano pinagkakaabalahan nya. Hindi na nag-oopen ng fb husband ko, yun ang alam ko ha pero ewan ko kung wala sa bahay. kasi nga di ko pa rin maibalik ang tiwala ko. Mag iisang taon na mula ng malaman ko ito pero ang sakit ganun pa rin. Medyo nabawasan naman na ang away pero madalas pa din naisusumbat ko sa kanya ang lahat. Pag nagagalit sya sa sumbat ko, sinasabi ko sa kanya na kung di na nya kaya panunumbat ko umalis na sya at balikan ang kabit at bastardo nya..

[Girltalker2]

^ Sorry sis for your situation.  I have been in your shoes as well.  Nalaman ko may anak sila.  Hindi nya kami iniwan pero hindi naman nya sakin sinabi na kami ang mahal nya. May time pa sabi nya wala na sila, but then again, lagi ako nagdudududa, tama nga ang kutob ko. And eventually, nalaman ko (through tsismis) na meron syang anak na pangalawa sa iba ulit. That's when I gave up.

Ako ang umalis kasi ayaw nya umalis. 

In your case naman, ayusin nyo pa sana kung kaya ninyong ayusin.  But definitely, di makakatulong ang panunumbat mo. Kaso in hindsight ah, hindi kasi ako nagger dati, tapos most of the time tahimik lang ako. Kaso after ko malaman na hindi pala nagbago yung hudas, eh nagsisi lang ako na sana sinumbat ko nalang sa kanya lahat ng sama ng loob ko. Pero that's water under the bridge. Ang point ko lang, if you are to stick with the marriage, iwasan mo na na mag-away kayo and try to forget the past.  However, if you think you want out of the marriage, todo todohin mo na ang panunumbat. 

[fegloria1954]

Been there too - various forms of abuse (verbal, emotional, psychological, physical although not beating/battering but more on physical/health effects due to the stress and also due to exposure to diseases, etc.), various forms of infidelity, etc.  I actually had posted this forum - username fegloria1954 - quite a lot already about the life I used to have, so I won't detail the here anymore.

How did I move on?  I opted to forgive, let go of the many negative feelings I had and that were wreaking havoc on my health, arrived at a mutual decision with my husband for us to go to a marriage healing program that helped us help our floundering marriage relationship as we learned many tools that we could use to improve the way we communicated with each other, and now, here I am still married to my husband and yep still living with him - and trekking the endless and craggy road of forgiveness and healing, each day being aware that I must make those decisions - to commit to my marriage, to love, to forgive and to trust - despite my feelings and in spite of his behavior and actions that sometimes are still "off" (since it is difficult for us humans to unlearn ingrained habits and we have to be aware that it will take long to unlearn these).

Too I look happier now - and younger too.  Do I remember the past?  Yes, I do - and as sharing couple (in the same program we went to in 2008 and in sheer thankfulness we eventually volunteered to be a sharing couple) we talk about our past.  Do I still cry over the past?  Not anymore.  And each time I recall the past, I feel thankful for the experience, since it has given me more wisdom (well, I like to think I have that now LOL) and for having overcome it.  I have moved on, to a better place - but still with the same man I married almost 40 years ago.

Mommy Fe

[ysa_38]

i still can't accept that this happened to me. I read the whole thread and I can relate. recurring yung pain. one day, i love him so much then the next day, i hate him naman. di ko na alam kung paano magmove on. im lost.

[Girltalker2]

^ it takes two to tango.  kelangan kaakibat mo sya na willing sya to change for the better, stay committed and love you, and be remorseful of what he did.  Kung wala ang mga ingredients na iyan, it will be near to impossible for the betrayed to move on.

[lovely_carrot]

The first time I learned about it, I forgave him much too quickly but I was never the same, paranoid talaga ako araw araw. Then when the doomsday finally came, a year later after the first discovery, I guess nakunsyensya na sya sa kakukulit ko, so he confessed and 11 days later, I moved out of the house with our daughter. Hiwalayan talaga, that's the only way I can move on. We're not married naman kasi so I guess the choice was a lot easier.

I was in the "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" mood for 2 to 2.5 years then I mellowed down, and now we're okay, as co parents.

Cheating is really a deal breaker for me, esp if it's an affair. Kasi yung mga one night stand na yan, I think I can still forgive (given that my current BF is a seaman) but not without him learning a hard lesson.

You do what you gotta do to make yourself whole again. If I chose to stay with him at that time, I wouldn't be where I am now. Cheating changes a person. It reduces one's self esteem and self worth. You become someone you're not and I don't want that. Thank God,  I made the right decision.

[aquacharly]

When sh1t hits the fan, do your best the sh1t doesn't stay with you.
That means, do not wallow in the pain of betrayal.
Cry as much as you can in 24hrs, then get a grip on yourself.
Nothing is gained by collapsing in a corner & crying for days. Learn to kick back --  to survive.
Hindi ko say tit  for tat ha, mind you that.

THERE MUST Be True Remorse & Reform. Otherwise, forget it.
Without TRR, even if you are both lovey dovey again, bet your 2 ears another Betrayal will occur.
Now, a word of caution. The Betrayer must be into TRR, WITHOUT qualifications.  It was him who made The Wrong Choice, not you --  so do not buy into the crappy story that you share blame for the BS. Hello, hwag mo akuhin ang kasalanan ng iba.

Can you still mend your broken heart with just TRR?
Yes.  Start with seeing if the qualities that made you fall in love  are still there. Nope? Move on.
Do not negate what your heart deems  important. Otherwise, your soul will forever yearn for something. 

2nd, ACCEPT that after all the BS, you are not the same 2 people.
You both have changed. Strive for having changed for the better.
See,  heartbreaks force you to see things clearly. To face The Truth about yourselves.  Wisdom   & more maturity is the silver lining behind betrayal disasters.
With Wisdom and better characters. --  you 2 can have a relationship that is so much better than what it ever was. Peksman.

3rd.  If you 2 decide to continue with your relationship --  leave The Past in the past. Do not replay it like a bad movie. Do not nag.

4th.  Pray for Divine Guidance, every day.