Filipino couples who are childless by choice...

[sunfire25]

Kami naman, second marriage ko na sa hubby ko and i have 2 grown kids (hs girls) from my 1st marriage.  So kami, wala pa talagang anak.  We tried pero we found out that he can't have kids.  So not by choice, pero accepted ko na na hindi na kami magkakaanak.  I'm also getting old na rin kasi (37) , and might not have the energy anymore.  But nagiisip pa siyang magampon, which i'm not agreeing kasi meron na naman kaming dalawa e.  That's the dilemma.  Nung nag-asawa kami looking forward talaga kaming magkaanak, and nung di pwede, okay naman pala, siya lang ang medyo hindi.

But I understand why people decide not to have kids, parang pag masaya na naman kayo as is, diba.  I love my kids but sometimes inisip ko rin pag pinapagalitan ko at nas-stress ako sa kanila, how siguro easier my life without them.  It's really a big sacrifice kasi.  But happy ako sa kanila, yun nga lang since I was a young mom, medyo they made me grow older faster.

[baby michael]

what if yung wife lang ang ayaw magkaanak? but hubby wants to pero won't really assert himself. the scenario was  to try to conceive after 3 years of marriage pero now na after 6 years ng kasal, ayaw na bigla nung wife mag anak ever..

[izabelle]

I believe that if a couple does not want to have kids.. or plans na huwag muna magkaroon ng anak, it should be a MUTUAL agreement.. kasi kung hindi, eh hindi talaga sila magkakasundo para wala din regrets or sisihan sa dulo.

and kung sakali man na hindi na talaga magkababy kahit gusto, dapat both parties should accept that. Kasi for me lang ha, you get married because you LOVE each other yun ang number one reason. Secondary nalang ang baby. for me lang yun

[runaway_bridesmaid]

^korek ka dyan sis, kasi kami when we get married, we did because we love each other, nun time na nag pa plan pa lang kami, wala kami pinag usapan kung ilan gusto namin anak, basta we wanted to be with each other na..

after a few years of marriage, wala pa rin baby pero its not our choice na di mag anak, its because of my medical condition, ayaw namin gumastos ng work up kaya we just accepted na dadating kung para sa amin pero kung hindi okay lang, at pututunayan ko sa kanila na magiging masaya kami even without a kid

[Bubblin]

@cassiopeia: I agree with sis tabbru's comment.some people, like my ex-friend,is practically screaming to the whole world that she is a mature and strong invidividual because she has a child.I don't think the basis of maturity is about how you raise a child.it's how you handle the choices you've made.we choose to live our lives with freedom, and I think,living that way takes a different kind of maturity.same as,when you have a child,you have to demonstrate a certain kind of maturity also.as for me I don't have any traumas that made me decide to live a childfree life.it's just that this is my choice,and I am very ready to take it,live it,and be responsible for it.

@artegirl:yun nga sis eh.I think dahil iniisip nila eh maglalabas sila ng malaking pera. eh maglalabas ka rin naman ng pera kapag nagka-anak ka.minsan, mas malaking amount pa.yun nga lang, gradually ang paglabas ng pera.same as when having a business.yung iba eh talagang may business plan pa, plan within 1 year,within 2 years etc. etc. I believe parenthood is not totally by instinct.there are some aspects that a "business plan" will come in handy.on the subject of penguins,oo nga nakakaawa yung male penguin, talagang career kung career ang pag-aalaga sa itlog.buti isang itlog lang, paano pa kaya pag naging dalawa? lol

[ads83]

@tabbru: oo sis kakairita! sarap isilid sa sako tas itapon sa bundok. doon sila magngangangawa.mas lalo akong naiinis kapag nasa church. hinahayaan lang magsitakbuhan mga anak nila or mag-iiyak dun habang nagmi-misa.sa mall irita din ako sa mga parents na dinadala yung babies nila na naka-stroller, yung mga 6 months below. parang, hanubayan???

imo, there's nothing wrong with that. you cannot force a child to shut up or to stand still. hindi naman pwedeng iiwang magisa sa house. sunday is family day and dont assume that every kid has a yaya. i commend those who bring their kids a long, not naman sa mga places na hindi bagay for kids. kung saan pupunta yung parents, mom especially, kailangan nandun din yung kids. kids are people too. kawawa naman. kids who go to church have a greater chance of being close to god. they may have low attention span pero hindi ganyan habang buhay, they will grow up too..

i have nothing against people who are childless  by choice, parang our generation prefers to be childless. what im totally against is yung iniiwan lang sa bahay ang mga kids while the mom is doing nonsense outside. yung tipong kunwaring living the single life. yun ang nakakairita.

[tennisgirl]

@bubblin': parehas lang yung ex-friend mo and classmate ko. basta lang nasabi na may anak pero di naman talaga ready na maging parent. di pa responsible. ewan ko ba, bakit ganun. naalala ko tuloy sabi ng friend ko nung wala pa silang kids ng hubby nya tinatanong daw nya si lord kung bakit kung sino pa yung walang means para bumuhay ng anak, sila pa yung maraming anak. pero sila na may means, di magka-anak 

[izabelle]

@izabelle: hindi ko rin alam kung saang tadyang nahugot na selfish and taong ayaw magka-anak.in a way sis, childless people are giving out a lot, even if we aren't conscious about it. we can actually help the entire earth by lessening at least one or three more mouths to feed.we can help the environment and lessen the depletion of the earth's resources.

Korek sis. some people lang talaga can't accept that. too bad for them

[Bubblin]

imo, there's nothing wrong with that. you cannot force a child to shut up or to stand still. hindi naman pwedeng iiwang magisa sa house. sunday is family day and dont assume that every kid has a yaya. i commend those who bring their kids a long, not naman sa mga places na hindi bagay for kids. kung saan pupunta yung parents, mom especially, kailangan nandun din yung kids. kids are people too. kawawa naman. kids who go to church have a greater chance of being close to god. they may have low attention span pero hindi ganyan habang buhay, they will grow up too..

IMO, it doesn't necessarily mean that kids who go to church will grow up close to God.most of the kids scream inside churches because they are bored or would like to go outside,but their parents doesn't want them to.it kind of shatters the mass since the peace is disrupted.

in terms of parents going out with their kids, well I just don't like it when they are expected to be treated more importantly because they have kids.minsan, kids behave rowdy inside a closed area, like a mall. if they want to bond, why not bring their kids outside where there are lots of spaces where they can run around without bumping into someone?

[ads83]

^parents dont ask to be treated more importantly, all we ask is for people to be tolerant towards our children. like how we practice tolerance towards anyone..

alam ko that it doesnt necessarily mean that they will grow up close to god, that's why i said that they will have a greater chance of being close to god.

on children disrupting the peace during mass... if that's the way childless people think in church, na wawala na talaga ang essence of being a christian. why go to curch, diba? though i know not every childless by choice person thinks this way..

and what's wrong with kids bumping into someone. elderly people bump into other people too. adults bump into others all the time. lahat ng bata gusto sumama sa parents nila, so as long as welcome ang mga bata, i dont see anything wrong with that.. we just need to practice tolerance. no one is asking for you to love our kids too, pero sana naman dont be so negative..

[mooncake and leaves]

^ agree. kids will always be kids. and yes, it can be disruptive when they're loud but really...eh ano ngayon? ano naman ba talaga big deal dun? parents do their best and it really isn't easy to take care of kids, especially when they're throwing tantrums so konting pasensya.

[tabbru]

^^ Hmmm. Siguro sis, hindi ko sinasabi na ikaw ha, most people who become parents forget that the world does not revolve around their children. Lahat ng kilala kong naging nanay (specifically mothers talaga ha) became children-centered to the point na nakakalimutan na nila na kung minsan ay nakaka-infringe na rin sila ng rights ng ibang tao.

Halimbawa sa Church. People go there to pray, to reflect. So kahit papano gusto nila ng peace. But how can you pray properly kung may nagsisisigaw, nag-iiiyak, at nagtatakbuhang bata sa paligid. Sure, parents can bring their children to churches pero dapat iensure nila na disiplinado ang mga anak nila. Just in case mag-tantrums, pwede naman nilang ilabas yung mga bata. That's the least that they could do. Hindi naman siguro magagalit ang Diyos kung hindi na nila tatapusin ang misa para ma-pacify ang anak nila.

Also, there are places na hindi pambata. Like Starbucks. Ako I go there to read. Talagang I stay there for hours para magbasa. Pero minsan me mga batang takbuhan ng takbuhan sa loob. Naiirita talaga ako kasi nai-invade ang space ko. Tapos meron pa na nagdadala ng Jollibee foods inside. Pag nakita ng starbucks crew, sinasaway sila. Bawal kasi yun dahil naiiba ang amoy ng place. Pero may mga parents na sila pa ang galit kasi iyon daw ay pagkain ng anak nila. 

So the bottomline, SENSITIVITY to others. Hindi naman palaging yung mga walang anak ang dapat mag-adjust, hindi ba?

[ads83]

for parents, the world revolves around our children. lahat ng ginagawa namin is for our kids. yun ang buhay namin. dont get me wrong, but children are not fully aware of rights and especially rights of others. you have no idea how hard we try that our children are safe and that they don't disturb other people. pinagsabihan namin when they do something wrong. im sure, nahihiya din ang mga parents if na inconvenience yung iba.

sa R.C. church, our kids stay with us during mass. ang alam ko sa ibang religion, iba ang pinupuntahan ng mga bata at dun naglalaro sila. how i wish merong ganito sa religion ko. kaya we stay away from airconditioned churches, kase alam namin na may magagalit. lalo na yung mga hindi nakakaintindi. hindi pwede sis na hindi namin dalhin ang kid sa church.. im really sorry for those who get disturbed..

alam ko that may places na hindi pambata, that's why i've always stressed that there's nothing wrong with bringing your kids along so as long as welcome sila dun. obvious naman na hindi pambata ang starbuck, coffee and cigarettes?

alam ko that it might be too much to ask from those who are childless to make adjustments, pero sis who's the adult? yung bata ba or ikaw..

[izabelle]

let's stick sana sa topic ng thread

remember, title ng thread ay Filipino couples who are childless by choice... 

[runaway_bridesmaid]

yes lets just stick to the topic please, this thread is about couple who decided not to have kids and children's behavior and parenting has a separate thread...

[nadialicious16]

oo sis kakairita! sarap isilid sa sako tas itapon sa bundok. doon sila magngangangawa.mas lalo akong naiinis kapag nasa church. hinahayaan lang magsitakbuhan mga anak nila or mag-iiyak dun habang nagmi-misa.sa mall irita din ako sa mga parents na dinadala yung babies nila na naka-stroller, yung mga 6 months below. parang, hanubayan???

sobra naman sis.. ganoon talaga ang mga bata natural sa kanila ang mag ngangangawa.

[tabbru]

@ ads83: Hindi po naman yung behavior ng bata ang concern namin kundi yung behavior ng ADULT na mga parents nila. Inevitable na magngangangawa ang bata, we know dahil naging bata rin kami once, pero pwede namang piliin ang mga lugar kung saan sila ngangawa. Sa case mo, sure siguro mas sensitive ka, which is really good. You don't bring your kids to airconditioned churches, to starbucks. But there are other parents who do, di ba? Siguro kung minsan nasasabi namin na "nakakairita yung bata" pero ang totoo, sa magulang kami naiirita.

We childless people know that childrearing is hard. VERY hard, in fact. That's why some of the girls here in the forum chose/choose not to have children.

In GENERAL, kids are likeable. They are cute, bubbly, and of course, the hope of our generation. So kaya siguro in shock yung maraming magulang na napadpad sa forum na ito nang mabasa that there are some women out there who do not like them and who chose not to undergo the "hardship" of raising kids.

[ads83]

ive noticed too that it's kinda getting off topic, but this concerns childless people and their attitude towards family, towards me as the mother who primarily takes care of our child.

i was just too naive into thinking that adults like you are forgiving towards mothers like me even though you chose to be childless. its so difficult to bear that parents have to watch out for people like you. i wasn't really aware that some people ensure to preserve their personal space to an extent that our children have to be on their toes while in public kase baka ma apakan nila ang mga paa nyo. so harsh talaga. buti na padpad ako sa thread na ito. i have nothing against people who choose to be childless bcoz it takes a lot of courage. pero ang hirap talaga piliin ang mga places where there are no childless people becoz we cannot predict our child's behavior for the day lalo na pagmaliit pa.

maybe din you might have us misconstrued. we ask for patience not for us but for our children. when you become a mother, nothing is ever for yourself parang kase its being depicted that we are selfish becoz we ask you to be sensitive towards our children at all times. maybe the attitude of mothers have to change becoz the world today is gearing towards not having children. thanks you ive learned a lot from you..

btw. if you are happy and at peace, what others have to say about the choices you make shouldn't really matter. ive realized that it's not about the child that makes you choose to be childless.

[xthine]

.

Also, there are places na hindi pambata. Like Starbucks. Ako I go there to read. Talagang I stay there for hours para magbasa. Pero minsan me mga batang takbuhan ng takbuhan sa loob. Naiirita talaga ako kasi nai-invade ang space ko. .. 

So the bottomline, SENSITIVITY to others. Hindi naman palaging yung mga walang anak ang dapat mag-adjust, hindi ba?

Starbucks has a KIDS menu, so one would assume that children are also welcomed customers. I used to take my nephews and my daughter there to get donuts and hot chocolate.  FYI it is not *your* space, it's everyone's space..it's a *public* place (it's not a library the last time I checked).   

I used to go to Starbucks all the time to study for the boards, I don't expect not to be 'disturbed', I see kids running around..so what, they're kids, that's what they do.

Yes, you could take home some points from your own last sentence about SENSITIVITY.

*Sorry for being OT.

[artegirl]

he he, kakatawa na yung thread =D.  it's the childless vs the moms na!