Filipino couples who are childless by choice...

[Bubblin']

hello sisters.as I'm browsing by the web to look for organizations/groups for married couples who are childless by choice,I came across The Childless by Choice Project (http://www.childlessbychoiceproject.com/Home_Page.html).

I'm a member of a forum for women and men who choose to remain childless.I noticed,most of them are from the west.most are from the United States,some are from Europe,only a small number from Asian countries (feeling ko ako lang Pinay doon sa site na hehe)

Dito ba sa GT meron ding mga couples na walang balak mag-anak?paano ninyo sinabi sa partner ninyo na preferred ninyo ang childless na pagsasama?anong sinasabi ninyo sa mga nagsasabing,"bakit ayaw ninyo mag-anak?ang sarap kaya magka-anak!"?sa mga husbands,hindi ba kayo bothered sa mga sinasabi ng iba na nakakabawas ng pagkalalaki ang walang anak?

[empress]

my colleague is childless by choice. 4 years na silang married & i asked her why she doesnt want to have a child since 4 years na silang mag-asawa. ang sabi, ayaw nya lang & her husband understands it. kung mabuntis daw sya, eh di buntis pero she really prefers not to have one soon (or later). they are both pinoys.

[aquacharly]

For those of you who went through Ateneo undergrad... hindi ba we have ethat Sociology prof who shared with us his personal agreement with his wife not to have kids at all?  They decided to prioritize their self development and careers... so they are happy they can just go off and go wherever abroad any time of the year, together or individually for career or personal interest.   
      I know they are happy, and it appears  they have 100% commitment to each other. 

One of my couple-BFFs -- they are now based in HK, with individual careers in investment banking -- they are married, but they have agreed to not complicate their lives with children.   As far as I know, that is one good marriage.

[mooncake and leaves]

I don't think you are going to find a lot of couples who are like that, esp. in The Philippines where the predominant opinion is that children are essential to happiness and to family-life. Actually, even in the US, the norm might be to have fewer kids but not totally childless. You're also not going to find a lot of people who will understand your preference.

I'm not married and not about to get married anytime soon (mabuhay single life!) but I've thought about this a great deal and realized that being childless is the way to go if I want an uncomplicated, stress-free life. The idea is very seductive. No worries kasi. But then again, is that what I really want? I realized that no. And I'm not trying to say deciding to be childless is wrong. Kanya-kanya yan. You pursue the best life possible for yourself. I'm just saying that it's a big decision and you do have time to mull things over. And when you find someone to make this decision with, it is just as likely that you'll change your mind.

Personally, I can't think of a harder job than that of being a good parent.  It scares the hell out of me because I worry too much and baka maging stalker ako ng magiging anak ko kakaworry nyaha. So in that sense, it isn't selfish at all to decide NOT to have kids if you don't think you're up to the task. Marriage and kids aren't inevitable- they are decisions. It takes a great deal of desire/willpower and courage to raise kids and if you don't have it in you, it is much better talaga not to have kids. Kaya madaming baliw sa mundo dahil madaming anak nang anak without thinking much of it.

In short, don't let other people bully you into having the "right" kind of life but at the same time, figure out if that's the life you really want or if you're just being held back by fear.

[freeswan]

i think there was a thread before same as this. sa sobrang luma nalagay na sa archive. anyway, i know some couples that are childless by choice. d naman skyrocketing ang mga careers. ayaw lang nila to complicate their lives. at some point naisip ko rin maging childless by choice pero nakakasawa na rin kasi sa work, minsan walang challenge so i'm willing to take the parenting kind of challenge. although alam kong super hirap mabuntis, manganak, mag-alaga, magpaaral, i think it's gonna be worth it for doing something that I can finally call MINE.

[Bubblin']

sis, pano mo masasabi na may choice ka kung hindi mo pa alam kung capable ka ba or not to conceive kung wala ka pa prior experience magbuntis? unless pa-sterilize ka voluntarily?

if what you meant by married & childless by choice is that the wife's medically able to conceive but hindi lang gusto maging parent? qualifier yong miski kelan. much as i want to keep my opinion to myself as this is none of my business already. i find it rather selfish but that's just me. why? maybe because those i happened to know na married & childless until now (didn't dare ask why) most, if not all are childless not by choice.

what I meant are those couples that are VERY MUCH capable of having and raising children but decided not to.yung 100% agreed decision NOT to have children, excluding those who CANNOT have children since there are thousands of  reasons why they can't.

As for me.. yes I am very much,very much capable physically,BUT decided not to. heck, I am very much capable to even bear twins. my mom's an identical twin.I may not have a partner now,but this is one big decision in my life that I decided on my own.so if he doesn't agree, I would rather give him up and let him be with someone who choose to have his kids.

[runaway_bridesmaid]

^sis anong forum yan? Filipinos ba ang members nyan? I want to join, i'm a married childless woman but not by choice. If i can't have one, i'll accept it, and still i have the right to enjoy life. mahirap kasi we are surrounded by shallow minded people, but we will be happy without kids.

ayoko i stress ang sarili ko sa work-ups at kung ano ano pa. paano namin i eenjoy ang buhay at sex kung ang iniisip namin "kelangan namin mag anak because that's what everybody is doing" ?

[billy]

ask ko lang, how do you / they do it? through contraceptives, vasectomy/ligation?

like in the case of the friend of sis empress, parang kung mabuntis eh di mabuntis. so ibig sabihin, walang birth control program or intervention?

[Bubblin']

^sis anong forum yan? Filipinos ba ang members nyan? I want to join, i'm a married childless woman but not by choice. If i can't have one, i'll accept it, and still i have the right to enjoy life. mahirap kasi we are surrounded by shallow minded people, but we will be happy without kids.

ayoko i stress ang sarili ko sa work-ups at kung ano ano pa. paano namin i eenjoy ang buhay at sex kung ang iniisip namin "kelangan namin mag anak because that's what everybody is doing" ?

this site sis: http://forums.bellaonline.com/ubbthreads.php?ubb=postlist&Board=178

[pinkk]

my partner chose to have vasectomy while one of my male siblings whos also childless had a low sperm count.
We chose not to have kids to enjoy life better, some people might thought we are "selfish"by choice.

[sistah!]

^^kung childless by choice, malamang there's contraception.

im recently married and ive said this many times already in the past, that i am not keen to have kids. my husband accepts that. now down the road -- 5, 10 years from now -- if i decide na i want to be a mom, okay then i will buckle down and do it. but really i believe that marriage is not diminished by childlessness. i know plenty of couples who are happy, devoted and have that air of a "full family life" even if it's just the couple. i find nothing wrong with that. some people are built for marriage, some people are not. some people are meant to have kids, some people are not. ganun lang. to each his own.

in general though, i doubt if there are a lot of families here in this country who will be for the idea of being childless by choice. alam ko masarap mag-anak (masaya ang parents ko sa akin harhar) kaya a lot of people are so keen on married people to have children right away. aba, everyday i have to fend off questions like "kelan kayo magba-baby?". most days i dont mind, i just become offended when they say stuff like "sayang, bakit pa kayo nagpakasal?"

[honey_iya]

Ewan ko ba kasi dito sa atin big deal kapag walang anak ,although may anak ako pero naalala ko dati tinanong ko si bf (hubby now) kung what if di ako magkaanak,sagot niya ok lang daw kasi in the first place kaming dalawa lang naman daw sa umpisa,bonus nalang kung magkakaanak. SIL ko kasi wala pang anak pero not by choice,may problem sa kanilang mag asawa kaya di makabuo pero ayaw niya mag ampon,di din sila yung tipong nagpapagamot para magkaanak lang. katwiran nila baka yun daw ang gusto ng diyos kaya di sila magkaanak.

[Bubblin']

in general though, i doubt if there are a lot of families here in this country who will be for the idea of being childless by choice. alam ko masarap mag-anak (masaya ang parents ko sa akin harhar) kaya a lot of people are so keen on married people to have children right away. aba, everyday i have to fend off questions like "kelan kayo magba-baby?". most days i dont mind, i just become offended when they say stuff like "sayang, bakit pa kayo nagpakasal?"

I,too,will be offended and irritated by that comment.hindi naman rule na dapat magkaroon ng mga anak ang mga mag-asawa.

[freeswan]

^ sis, d kayo nag iisa. kami din, i get those questions everyday. i just tell them "naku, d pa namin afford magbaby". and i really hate their principle na "makakaya niyo rin yan pag andyan na ang baby". sus! yan ang mga taong d nagiisip and very insensitive. d porke't sa pinagdaanan nila yun eh pagdadaanan din namin. if i know, nakailang gabi silang d makatulog dahil iniisip nila ang panggatas, diaper, pangskwela, etc... kami naman, we want to live a comfortable life na before having a baby kasi it would not be fair for the kid na ang parents puro sacrifice lang just to have a comfortable life. kami kasi, as much as possible, we want to enjoy our family life na and kung may kelangan ang bata, andyan na at ready ng ibigay. sorry, OT na yata ako.

[Bubblin']

^ayoko rin ng mga sinasabi na,"bakit pa kayo nagpakasal kung hindi rin naman kayo mag-aanak?" puh-leeze! don't make marriage a legitimate reason for sex and child rearing. hate ko rin ang linyang,"kung hindi ka magkakaanak sinong mag-aalaga sayo pag tanda mo?" eh kung magkaanak ka man,are you 110% certain na aalagaan ka ng anak mo pagtanda mo? I would rather be with my husband for as long as we can.saka ko na poproblemahin yang issue na yan sa pagtanda

[runaway_bridesmaid]

^totoo yan sis. naiirita ako sa mga couple na nag aanak ng marami para gawing "investment" or yung tutulong at susuporta sa kanila pag tanda nila. sila ang selfish, yung mga taong ganun ang mentality.

[billy]

I am really fascinated with this thread, thank you for the info / inputs.

We have a corporate lawyer (lawyer din husband niya) who is rumored (kasi di ko naman tinatanong, ito lang ang sabi-sabi) to be childless by choice. Matalino silang mag-asawa.

I have a kumpare na sabi ng iba naming kabarkada, ayaw daw magkaanak ni mare. My kumpare is an artist, a genius. Galing.

Siyempre, makialam ba naman kami di ba. Choice nila yun. Napapagusapan lang kasi sayang ang genes, sayang ang lahi kumbaga. Pero to the point na tanungin sila, questionin kung bakit ganun ang choice nila, eh hindi na di ba.

[Bubblin']

^totoo yan sis. naiirita ako sa mga couple na nag aanak ng marami para gawing "investment" or yung tutulong at susuporta sa kanila pag tanda nila. sila ang selfish, yung mga taong ganun ang mentality.

ay isa pa yan sis sa kinakaayawan ko.anak ng anak para may tumulong sa kanila umahon sa hirap? ano feeling nila,magkakaroon sila ng next Manny Pacquiao na mag-aahon sa kanila sa hirap?kung sino pa yung hirap sa buhay siya pa ang maraming anak.kaya nga doon sa thread ng "Over Population" puro negative ang comments ko sa lumulubong population ng Pinas,pati sa mga magulang na ganyan ang mentality.

Siyempre, makialam ba naman kami di ba. Choice nila yun. Napapagusapan lang kasi sayang ang genes, sayang ang lahi kumbaga. Pero to the point na tanungin sila, questionin kung bakit ganun ang choice nila, eh hindi na di ba.

sinabi na rin yan sa akin sis.sayang naman daw ang talino at ganda (as if) kung hindi ako magkakaanak.sorry,but I don't and will never buy that idea.ang sagot ko lang,sayang naman ang buhay ng bata kung ako magpapalaki dyan.

[phurple0515]

^ sis, tama ka dyan.  ako nga naiinis sa mga anak ng anak na di naman nila mapalaki ng maayos, di nila masustentuhan, ginagawa nilang reason para kumita, etc.

hubby and I talked it over din na wag muna kami mag-baby.  madami pa kaming gustong gawin at gustong ayusin.  pero gusto rin naman namin, di rin naman kami nagmamadali.

[rara_avis]

I can somehow relate to this thread. We are already married for 3 years and childless by choice - FOR NOW, I think. You cannot believe how many times na kami natanong kung bakit di pa kami nag-aanak and we answer the same thing -- Di pa kami emotionally ready and madami pa kaming gustong gawin. Nakakatawa na nakakainis kasi most of the time, they don't believe it. One time natanong pa ko kung ayaw ko daw ba magka-anak o di magka-anak. Eh hello, we're not barren, we're just not trying to have one for now.

My Husband and I have a great marriage, far greater compared to everyone I know and we both feel na walang kulang sa marriage namin but still people just don't understand. Gusto talaga naming ayusin muna ang mga buhay namin and we both know that having a child now would make things complicated for us lalo na now that we are not sure where we would be settling down.

I once asked my Husband kung hindi na talaga kami magka-anak eh gusto nya ba mag-ampon and he said NO.  He jokingly said na pano na daw kung ang ma-ampon namin na kid eh has the face that only a biological mother could love, what would I do daw? But seriously, ayaw nya daw mag-ampon because unfair daw dun sa bata kasi he knows he can not love that kid like his own flesh and blood. Kawawa lang daw yung bata. We will travel the world na lang daw and grow old together. Ok lang na walang kids, happy naman kami just the two of us.