FIRST LOVE

[pumpkin13]

It was year 2000, I was a college sophomore. We met through a common friend in an odd way in a boutique. He then asked my friend for my phone number but I refused to give it. My friend gave my email address instead. The next day, I got an email from him with his phone number. And I thought, okay wala naman mawawala. I sent him a text message saying "Thanks for your email." Then we started texting each other everyday. He would call me almost everyday, too and I realized I was beginning to like him. After a few weeks, he began visiting me at school. That was when I realized I was kinda out of his league. I was an ordinary student who went to school in shirt and shorts and slippers (the UP way), no make up or any hairstyle. Just some baby powder and lipgloss. He, on the other hand, was always in his corporate attire with his handsome looks, riding his sports car. A Prince Charming. That's what he was.

So it was a fairytale. We were perfect together, emotionally at least. I tried to dismiss the idea or rather the fact that we were from two different worlds. We were happy and had so much love, that was the most important thing. The perfect relationship lasted for less than a year. The relationship was hidden from my dad since "kamay na bakal" sya, but my mom and siblings knew about it. When prince charming proposed to me, we decided to bring the relationship out in the open. He talked to my dad and to cut the story short, it didn't work. My dad hated the fact that he was half korean, half filipino and lived all his life in korea (he had only been living in Pinas for nearly 2 years during that time). For my dad, prince charming had a different culture and him being in the corporate world while I was in school was too good to be true. My mom and dad would fight almost everyday because of us so we decided to ended things.

My first love was the most devastating of all the relationships I had gotten myself into. For 9 years, I wasn't able to move on. I could cry whenever I think of him or the what ifs and might-have-been's. I was a living dead. I would always search but couldn't find him anymore. In 2009, I decided to finally move on and leave it all behind. Unknown to the succeeding boyfriends, I had always carried this pain inside me and the longing and the hope that someday he would come back. If he did, I knew I would be leaving whoever the boyfriend was at that time. I just wanted him, him alone.

Then one night in June last year, after 12 long years, our paths crossed again. He was driving along edsa and saw me standing at the bus stop. He stopped for a little while and I froze, I wasn't able to say anything. He offered a ride, I refused. Then he had to go as the buses were honking him off. He began searching for our common friend, who searched me, and tried to pave his way back to me. I was surprised with myself when I refused again. Because I was scared. The pain he caused me became a trauma and I don't want to go back there. Another reason is, I'm not sure I still have feelings for him. If I do, then maybe it's been buried to the deepest part of me. I don't want to jump in no matter how exciting the idea may be, because I think I loved him too much then, I can never love him again the same way. Besides, I'm committed to someone now and I'm not about to break it.

Haba ng post ko, sorry nag memory lane ako! 

[aquacharly]

Sa observations ko (o sige na nga, cheezmwaz) sa mga relatives and friends -- mga First Love  na no closure, as in basta "nag ka labuan" or basta "naglaho" na  lang-  it haunts them.  . Until in old age -- mga 50s, naku!  Naghahanapan sila for " Closure" kuno.  But actually, hindi closure hanap nila... They pander to their curiosities & what-ifs... And at parang mga high school na kinikilig!  Susko.   

[budzwhiz]

^^ Haha! Natawa ako. E kasi naman... 

^ Kinilig naman ako sa kwento mo ate. heeheee

Pero yes, it's true nga. Until you get that closure, it kinda haunts you.

Ang story ko naman ng first love, nung 1st year HS. He was grade 6 then. Bago ako sa school, maliit lang ang population, so everyone gets to know everyone. Nagkaron ako ng barkada, and isa sa kanila pinsan si guy. Sobrang bata ko pa nun eh, and mej dugyutin. haha.

One day, inaasar nalang ako ng classmates nya sa kanya. And saka ko lang sya napansin non. Magkatabi classroom namin. Wala kaming physical contact talaga. Nadadaan sa tinginan, tuksuhan. hehe. One day yung barkada nya and barkada ko nagmeet sa may amphitheater at don na ginawa. Ang pagaaminan. Sinabi nya, na mahal nya daw ako ganon ganon. And ako, sa sobrang hiya at pakipot ang nasabi lang eh "wabu" (I love you). Pero walang nakagets, so hinayaan ko na lang. Mejo nabully pa nga ako nun dahil may gusto yung classmate nya sa kanya. Ayun, pinagtutulungan ako.

Nung Valentines din na yon, first time ko maka-receive ng chocolates from a guy, from him. And a bouquet and chocolates from another guy. Then after non, puro send na sya ng graphic (as in cartoons ha!) comments sa friendster. hehe. Nung grumaduate sya, lumipat na sya ng school.

2nd year ako, nagka-phone ako. Nakuha nya yung number ko and nagkakatextan kami. 3rd year ako, lumipat ulit sya ng school. Then nagka girlfriend sya. Tinetext nya pa rin ako na mahal nya pa din daw ako etc. Nung 4th year ako bumalik sya sa school namin. Para daw sakin, ewan? Mejo inaasar asar pa rin kami ng mga tao nun. Hanggang sa magka-girlfriend sya, kaklase ko. May mga times na magkakatextan pa rin kami. 2nd year college ako, December 2011, tinext ko sya. Gusto ko sana ng closure. So sinabi ko lahat lahat. And sinabi rin naman nya. Tapos nun nagtetextan nanaman kami, and sinasabi nyang mahal nya daw ako blah blah blah, pero di nya daw maiwan si girlfriend.  Pag pumupunta ko sa kanila for his couz, and when we talk, parang I feel so light and there's something different na nakikita ko rin sa kanya. Feb 2012, nagkita kami sa party ni pinsan nya, and we were so damn close na nakakatunaw talaga. Hindi pa ko over sa kanya non. After ilang days, hindi sya nagparamdam. That's when I decided to move on.. Funny thing is, saka ko nakilala si boyfie ko. And it's not a rebound. 

Up until now sila pa rin ni gf nya. But ever since nung naging sila, I've heard news of him playing around din. Last last month, bigla nalang nagpm sakin ng smiley? Kasi hindi talaga kami close. It's just the feelings that binded us together. It's like if we're not special friends, we're strangers. Hay ewan! Kung bakit ganon sya. Ever since pa. Kapag kasama nya si gf, he never talks to me. Pero pag wala, saka lang nya ko kinakausap. I don't think his gf knows that much about our past naman. Any ideas mga sis? hahaha

Well anyway. Past is past. They were good memories. There were lessons. And kung ako papapiliin, I plan to keep it that way. Masaya na ko ngayon. And yung samin, sana maging precious, locked away memories for the both us, that will make us smile nalang and our hearts flutter a little whenever we remember it. (:

[gracita13]

i am just so happy na ang first love ko is husband ko na ngaun 17years old pa lang ako at sya 19 nun at super duper crush ko na sya as iiin! nalalaglag ng kusa panty ko pag nakikita ko sya eh! LOL!!!! nag meet kame kasi kambal nya boyfriend ng bestfriend ko at kapit bahay lang din namen sila.sya ang first ko sa lahat  nagtagal din kame ng 1year na on&off eh kasi naman napakababaero ihhhh! naghiwalay.tas nagkita ulit kame after 7years! aba papakipot pa ba ako eh sya ang first ko so sumuko na naman ang perlas ng sinilangan ko sakto wala naman akong bf nun.after nun hindi na ko umaasa na magiging kame ulit kasi nga napakababaero pero anlaki ng pinagbago nya as in! so eto na & were married! nakakatuwa ang first love, ngaun pag kinikwento ni hubby kung panu daw ako kiligin pag nakikita ko sya nahihiya ako pag naiiisip ko hahaha! namumula daw ako pag kinakausap nya ko.ma-feeling din masyado tong asawa ko eh noh 

[budzwhiz]

^ Wow! Ang cute naman! Kaka-bilib yung mga ganyan.. Parang pang-teleserye lang ah? Yung kambal then yung mag best friend. hehe. Natawa ako sa perlas ng silangan. Well, you're so lucky. Lalo't crush na crush mo pa and naging kayo din in the end. kainis! hehe

[gracita13]

^ lucky lang siguro ako sis at si first love ko eh last ko na din aba andami kong nakaaway dyan bago naging kame ulit ah! eh nung nagkabalikan kame dala-dalawa pala ang gf ang pooooogi talaga sarap sapakin! pero 4years na akong walang inaaway so sana tuloy-tuloy na ang pagbabago hehe

[seven82]

my first love, i was 13 he was 15.

we attended the same church. he was tall, guapo, maputi and mestizo. commentator ako and siya naman sacristan. kapag kulang sa commentator for the next mass schedules ako usually nag fill in pero every Saturday lang ako. then napansin ko halos every week nagkakasabay na kami. lagi kaming tinutukso ng mga kasama niyang sacristan. then one day after ng service nag offer siya na ihahatid niya ako pauwi. hindi pa uso ang cp noon so he asked for our home phone number. we would talk and i would always look forward na mag Saturday na. he courted me and it was not easy kasi bawal ako mag bf that time. then nung sinagot ko na siya, after 2 weeks he told me na magpapari siya!  hindi naman ako engot para hindi maintindihan yun. hindi niya sinabi na he's breaking up with me pero naman malinaw na malinaw naman yung message niya. iniwasan ko na siya and lagi pa din kami nagkakasabay sa mass. tinutukso pa din kami lagi and sobrang sakit dati (natatawa na ako ngayon  ) feeling ko niloko ako kasi for me alam niya na magpapari siya tapos niligawan pa niya ako. hindi naman siguro overnight decision yun and nahiya din ako kasi i'm sure napaguusapan nila yun ng mga friends niya sa church. may mga friends siya na nagtangka na kausapin ako pero tinatarayan ko lagi kaya hindi ko alam kung ano yung gusto nilang sabihin sa akin. then naglaho na siya. after 4 years bigla siyang bumalik. lalo siyang tumangkad and medyo nagkaron ng pimples. nagdalaga na din ako hehe and when he saw me parang nanigas siya sa kinatatayuan niya. i felt the same thing pa din, butterflies, sweaty palms but i managed to smile at him siguro parang sign na i don't hate him na. nagkakasama na kami ulit every Saturday and nafifeel ko na he was trying to make an effort na magkausap kami pero nagpaka hard to reach ako. pilit niyang sumasali sa conversation kapag may pinaguusapan kami ng ibang members doon and minsan may isang friend siya na kinorner ako and told me na he was miserable for what he did and nagsisisi siya and sincere naman daw si X sa feelings niya for me. ang naisagot ko lang was "ganoon ba" and lagi pa din siya nandoon every Saturday pero hindi naman siya gumawa ng way para magkausap kami. maybe he was hoping na ako ang lalapit sa kanya. i would catch him staring at me tapos yuyuko kapag nakita ko. then naging busy na ako sa school kaya hindi na masyado nakakapag service na hanggang sa hindi na kami nagkita.

walang closure hehe and hindi ko din nalaman what really happened back then.

[capuccino0328]

I'll post here our tragic love story ng first ko pag nag online ako. 6 years passed but i can still feel pain and regret

[jenger109]

kaya ako ang all time fave song ko is: first love never dies by eugene wilde and joanna gardner.. 

[simang]

First love -- he wasn't my first boyfriend, I was 11, he was 12.

I remember him borrowing my cellphone to call his dad tapos nung binalik nya saken I was rubbing it all over my face, sinisimot ang lahat ng amoy at finger print nya sa phone ko. Hahaha. It was super fun and i think the kilig that I felt then is the same kilig i feel now (i'm 25) whenever i have a crush or something

[glyzza026]

my first love, my first boyfriend and now my loving husband and the father of my son.

[superjuzh]

mix of good and bad memories. good kasi naramdaman ko na minahal niya ako non at kahit naging ldr kami pinilit pa rin namin magwork. bad kasi ang laki ng pagbabago sa buhay ko ng dahil sakanya. napakaimmature namin pareho pero ako lang ang naapektuhan.

[pan.ian4ever]

FIRST LOVE
Well yung first love ko naman, kagagraduate ko pa lang kasi ng high school noon. I stopped for a year because of some problems. During those times, nakilala ko siya. Hindi ko naman inaasahan na maiinlove ako sa kanya kasi nga bihira naman ako mainlove, tapos medyo aloof and loner pa ako noon. Ayun, naging kami. Love naman namin ang isa't-isa. So happy talaga, yung tipong kahit dadaan kayo ng sementeryo sa gabi, hindi kayo natatakot at wala kayong pakialam...mas nangingibabaw ang kilig at saya
Then, I have to be away to continue my studies (scholar po kasi ako sa isang university in our province). Desidido kasi ako makatapos sa pag-aaral. Marami kasi akong pangarap para sa sarili ko, sa family ko, at sa aming dalawa. Then our relationship became LDR. Okay naman, we continued our communication. Sinabihan niya pa ako na sana daw wag ko wawalain yung sim ko kasi through that number pa nga lang kami nagkakausap. Dun niya lang ako narereach. One time tinopak ako, nagsabi kasi siya sa akin na sumali siya ng fraternity for some reasons. Eh yun, hindi ko natanggap that time, nauna yung inis. Nadagdagan pa ng masira keypad ng phone ko, na PUK yung sim, ang ginawa ko sinunog ko yung sim. Nawalan kami ng communication and I think it is my fault.Loka-loka kasi, padalos-dalos...
I missed him terribly, pinaghahanap ko siya. Ang hirap eh kasi malayo pa naman siya, for almost 3 years I kept praying na magkita kami or makausap ko siya. I wanted to say sorry. Ayun, gumawa pa ako ng facebook account, bakasakaling mahanap ko siya thru it. Yun nga, I found him. After 3 years, nagkausap kami. Bonggang bongga pa na mga I LOVE YOU and I MISS YOU and ipinost ko sa wall niya. Hindi na talaga nahiya Ano magagawa ko eh mahal ko talaga eh. Sobrang sisi nga ako.
Nung nagkausap kami, super tuwa talaga kasi naaalala niya pa talaga lahat about us. As in lahat lahat. Touched nga ako, siya pa nagpaalala sakin ultimo yung small details ng relationship namin. Siya pa nagmention na hindi naman daw kami nagbreak Maghapon magdamag ang tawagan at pagtetext namin...
Until after a month of conversation, malapit na sana ulit kami magkita (sa wakas)...
the conversation went this way:
FIRST LOVE: oi, may sasabihin ako sa'yo. But kailangan ipromise mo muna sa'kin na no matter what, hindi ka mawawala. Na hindi ka na naman mawawala sa akin.
AKO: Ganon? Sige, ano ba yun?
FIRST LOVE: May girlfriend ako ngayon, actually nagkalive in na kami for a year now. Nasa Iloilo siya ngayon pero babalik din. Nagkakausap naman kami. Okay naman siya. Mahal ko din naman siya. Magkakababy na nga sana kami kaso nakunan siya.
AKO: :'(huh? (nanlamig ako noon. parang may sumabog na bomba sa harap ko)
FIRST LOVE: Huwag ka naman mawawala ha? Ano gusto mo gawin ko?
...hindi na ako nagreply...
FIRST LOVE: gusto mo hiwalayan ko siya para sa'yo. sabihin mo lang. hindi din madali para sa'kin to. mahal na mahal kita.
(he kept calling, hindi ko sinagot)
FIRST LOVE: sabi mo hindi ka mawawala
AKO: Huwag mo siya iwan. Mahal mo naman siya di ba. Mahal ka din naman niya. Thank you na lang. I wish you the best. I love you talaga.
FIRST LOVE: Bakit ang hirap? Bakit parang ang daming humahadlang na maging tayo?
AKO: Ganun talaga Bye

(hindi na ako nakipag-usap pa sa kanya. i even deactivated the FB account that I made)
Sobrang sakit talaga, yung tipo ba'ng siya lang kasi minahal mo. Hindi ka nagmahal ng iba kasi nga umasa ka dahil hindi nga naman kayo nagbreak. Mahal ko talaga kasi yun, siya pa pinangarap ko na mapangasawa at makasama habang buhay. Pero somehow, I know kasalanan ko din. But hindi ko pinagsisisihan yung desisyon na ipaubaya siya noong pinapili niya ako. I know I made the right decision (kahit masakit )

hanggang ngayon, he still owns a part of me. i guess he always will...we're close friends din kasi noong naging kami. yung tipong he shares his problems with me and i do the same. we exchange advices...haaayyy reminiscing still gives me chills and may effect pa rin talaga...

i hope he's happy...kahit hindi ako ang kasama niya
ako naman, move on move on din pag may time

[ForeverDreamer]

^nakarelate naman ako sa 1st love mo sis.
kasi ganun din ako sya kanya,pero di live-in married talaga,sana nga live-in nalang madali lang e.
sya hinawalay na sila ng wife nya ngayon.alam ng wife nya love story namin kahit MU lang kasi classmate nya yung wife nya.kaya nung nagsasama pa sila,napapag usapan daw nila ako.

hindi naging kami kasi 12y/o lang ako nun,ganun din sya,
pero alam ko sobrang crush nya talaga ako,ako naman mejo crush ko lang sya!nang dahil sa tukso nadedevelop yung love ko sa kanya,yung 1st time ko kinakabahan pagnakikita sya,taz di alam gagawin,kung magtatago kaba o ano himatayin kanalang sana,kysa makaramdam ng kung ano-ano di mo maintindihan.pag di makita hahanapin,pag anjan naman para ka nalang statue.pero ang saya buo na agad araw ko.
lumipat sila bahay,lumipat din skul ,ako din ibang skul na kaya mula nun di na kami nagkita.FB na naman dahilan nagkita kami,ayun dami nyang kwento na yung iba nakalimutan ko,maalala ko nalang..pinaalala nya sakin,basta yung last day namin magkasama,sinabi nya... antayin moko ha,kasi hahanapin kita.gusto ko ikaw magiging asawa ko. pareho kami bumalik balik paminsan minsan sa dating skul namin baka sakali magkita kami pero wala talaga di na kami nagkita in person.lalo na nung sa manila na ako nakatira,pero bumabalik pa din ako samin,sa skul pero wala talaga!hanggang ngayon diko talaga makalimutan sya. at kung may time machine talaga. yung panahon na yun gusto ko balikan.kasi hanggang ngayon naramdaman ko pa din yung feeling na yun,pagkakita ko palang sa FB nya.kahit magka usap kami sa FB ganun pa din naramdaman ko,di parin nagbago,kinakabahan parin ako,masaya at sad pagdi sya online.kaso yun nga magkaiba na buhay namin,mahal ko din naman pamilya ko lalo na anak ko,kahit dami pagkukulang si hubby siguro pipilitin ko nalang wag isipin kasi hanggat maari ayoko lumaki anak ko walang dadie,alam ko yung hirap,kasi lumaki ako di nakilala tatay ko!!!kaya kanta nya nalang nya sakin ngayon Pangarap Nalang Kita saka Kahit Maputi na ang buhok ko.ako naman walang kamatayang 1st love never die pa din.hehe.

haiissttt...ok na nga sana ako eh!bat ba kasi nauso pa ang FB.

[Yamski]

Natutuwa ako sa mga kwento ng mga sis, natin.

Yung sa'kin sobrang habang kwento. Sorry.

Super crush ko na si first love since 2000-2001 (grade 7 kami). Super suplado pero 'di niya kayang tapatan ang kakulitan ko. Para hindi obvious, lumalandi ako sa iba. Yes, maaga 'kong lumandi.
Dahil sa sobrang suplado nya, hindi nya 'ko kinakausap. 'Yung mga guy friends lang nya kinakausap nya. Hanggang sa natapos yung graduation namin ayaw nya pa rin makipagfriends sa'kin. Asar na asar talaga 'ko! Sabi ko talaga sa susunod na makita ko siya kailangan mahingi ko na yung number niya.

Nung kinagabihan ng graduation, maghahapunan kami sa isang restaurant, nawindang ako na nanduon siya at ang buong family nya. Including tito, tita, and mga pinsan. Deadma 'ko kunwari nung una. Hanggang sa kalagitnaan ng dinner nila, lumapit talaga 'ko sa table nila para mapilitan syang pansinin ako at ipakilala sa family niya. Ayun, sinabayan ko na rin ng, "kunin ko yung cel number mo." Nakatingin sa'min mga kapamilya niya. Siguro, nahiyang ipahiya ako, ibinigay na lang niya. (Kinikilig pa rin ako pag naaalala ko pa. Sorry. hehe). Tapos kinuha ko yung phone niya para i-save yung number ko. Sabi ko, "o, hindi mo pwedeng hindi sagutin yung text ko ha! Friends na tayo. Naka-save yung number ko dyan." Hahahah!

After dinner, uwian na syempre. Aba, siya ang unang nagtext! Ang sabi niya, "sabi nga pala ni Mommy, ang ganda daw ng mga mata mo." Ay, talagang tumili ako sa sasakyan eh. Hahahah! Ayun, from then naging constant textmates na kami for a year.

Minsan pag wala 'kong load, papasahan niya 'ko para wala daw akong dahilan na hindi sya replyan. Ang ganda ganda ko talaga that time.

Tapos 'di ba nuon uso mga quotes quotes? After a year of friendship, nagstart na syang magsend ng quotes na sweet. Sabi ko nun, hala, "wrong sent" lang yata kasi nga first time eh. Ayun, sabi niya, "Para sa'yo talaga 'yan. Di ba tinatanong mo dati kung sino yung bagong crush ko? Ikaw." Eh di lalong gumanda 'ko nun.

After months of landian, sinabi niya sa wakas na gusto niya sanang manligaw pero magkaiba kami ng religion. Eh sa'kin naman, ayokong maging dahilan para mabagabag siya sa ganung issue kaya naging sapat na sa'min yung MU lang kami.

Until umabot sa point na hindi ko alam ano'ng nangyari. Bigla na lang may hindi sya nagustuhan sa isa sa mga naging usapan namin and biglang ayaw na nya sa'kin. I think he fell in love again with his first love. Yes, hindi ako yung first love niya. Pero siya talaga ang first love ko.

After 3 or 4 yrs of not talking to each other, nag ym sya saying na lilipat na sya sa up diliman at he feels na in one way or another, magkikita kami sa campus. And he doesn't want to have any awkwardness pag nagkita kami. So, he asked for forgiveness if he caused me pain in the past and as a respect of what we had, I would be the first person to know pag nagkaron na sya ng first gf nya. Syempre, dahil love ko sya, I forgave him and then I told him na okay na 'ko and may bf na rin naman ako (which is true).

So, the following sem yata lumipat na sya ng Diliman and sa hindi namin inaasahang pagkakataon, classmates kami sa isang class. Ayun, tumibok nanaman ng bongga ang puso ko. He sat by my side nung first day pa lang. And he's really sweet and nice to me everyday.

One time nagkukulitan sila ng friend ko and I was in between them cramming a homework due for my next class, bigla niya kong hinila towards his side and inakbayan ng mahigpit saying to my friend, "ah basta kakampi ko 'to."

Nagulat ako sa gesture at lalo 'kong nagulat na nasa pinto ng classroom si bf doing a surprise visit. Ayun, sya ang nasurprise. Nag walk out si bf, sabay takbo ko palabas ng pinto para habulin si bf to explain. My bf said, "kung hindi mo 'ko hinabol, hindi na ko magpapakita syo." He knows kasi the story of my first love.

Ayun, from that day on, nagiwasan na kami ni first love. One day nagyM na lang sya sa'kin just to say na may gf na sya and he wants to keep his promise of letting me know first before i hear it from anyone else.

Haay.. my heart is still aching.. feeling ko, kaya kong iwan ang bf ko of 9 years for this first love.

[hawhaw]

un first bf ba un din un first love?

[pan.ian4ever]

hmmm..hindi naman necessary na first boyfriend mo yung first love mo..and mga sis..di ba, yung first love, gumuguhit talaga?i mean, tagos talaga sa puso di ba?may effect talaga sa pagkatao natin...

[ForeverDreamer]

^^sis yung first love ko diko naging bf


^korek sis!tagos tagosan pa pati sa buto

hmmm....curious lang ako,sa mga lalaki ba,ganun din kaya?

[alice_alice]

Yung first love ko ayun 1LT na siya, may gf na siya at mukhang ikakasal na haaaaaay... Haha

[lovely_carrot]

I wish yung first love ko sya din yung first bf, baka mas meaningful pa lahat ng experience ko.. Papunta na sana sa BF/GF kaso pride got in the way..

But yep, first love's cut is the deepest.

I've been looking for him sa FB pero dyahe ako makipagfriends kahit na classmates naman kami nung college, besides he's married na.

One good thing though is nasa memory bank ko pa yung good times namin and well when I think about it, about him may kilig pa din, its nice