So tired of the pain...

[fab_pink]

I posted this sa We've Got Male section but I thought id post this here too. Since this is the break up section.

My bf and i broke up a little over a month ago. It was a 2 year relationship. Everything started nung nagselos ako. Sabi niya sakin na she doesnt matter and nagandahan lang siya sa girl. Since insecure and paranoid ako, everyday I asked him about the girl and i didnt knw that by doing dat, it was pushing him away. The next few weeks, we fought a lot about different things. I didnt directly ask him to delete the girl off his facebook but i guess i implied? He did it. But a few weeks later, the topic came up again. The friend who introduced my bf and the girl asked my bf and said "so i heard from **** that you deleted her off ur facebook?" my bf told him that when he sees the girl to tell her that my bf doesnt hate her and that it was something personal. I got mad coz obviously she'll know that it probably has something to do with me getting jealous. A few weeks later, he said a part of him wants to add the girl again and apologize to her.  We fought over it and i told him fine add her but u cant talk to her. He did it. A few days later, we fought again and i apologized to him for asking him not to talk to the girl. He said he wants to be able to show me that i can trust him but he wants to do it on his own but it feels like to me, i will only trust him if he follows me. So again, i let him do it and told him fine im giving you the freedom to talk to her wenever you want. I trust you and its all up to you now. But if you can just tell me wenever you guys are talking so i wouldnt go crazy wondering then i would appreciate that. He said okay. This girl has a crush on him and he knws that. I knw that shes not gonna stop talking to him so i felt the need to control the situation and tell my bf what to do. Looking back, i shouldve let him do it by himself.

Everything just went downhill from there. I know i made a lot of mistakes. I tried to fix them in the end by giving him what he wanted. Around the end of february, things were so different. Our relationship felt different. One day he was crying and told me that he was torn between me because he loves me and the single life. A part of him misses the single life. He said the feeling of wanting to be with me is going away. The feeling of being in love with me is going away. The excitement and the romantic love is going away. When he said he wanted to break it off, i knew i had to let him go but we decided to be friends. I know he still loves me and cares about me. The feelings are not completely gone but i guess it wasnt enough for him to stay in the relationship?

Im having a hard time moving on. Nothing makes sense. My biggest fear is him getting with that girl. I want to believe him and trust him when  asked him if he broke up with me also because of her and he said no and explained the situation. But i cant help but be scared. I know i cant control whats gonna happen if one day he does develop feelings for her.

We became bestfriends being in a relationship and we couldnt take each other out of each others lives. Everyday he'll text me and ask me how i am. He'll still ask me to eat lunch with him. I know he really cares. Since i am the dumpee, i am more hurt. When we see each other, he seems like hes moved on. It seems that its easy for him to not hold me anymore or hold my hand and i always wonder "is it really that easy for him to stop doing those things?"

Help me guys. I dont know what to do. Should i stop talking to him and seeing him? Should i make him feel that he lost something too and i should stay away from his life for now? I know hes hung out with the girl a few times a little bit before and after the break up. I know theres a chance for feelings to develop. Has he moved on or is it just a cover up? I feel so lost. I know hes messaged her maybe twice after we broke up. But does that mean he's making a move on her or hes doing that as friends?" I know only he can answer these questions. But as guys, what do u guys think?

I don't know what to do. Hirap na hirap na ko. Pagod na ko masaktan at umiyak.

[mimiku]

Sweetheart... I don't mean to add insult to your injury but it is likely that he had already fallen in love with that girl. He just used your jealousy as an excuse to dump you. Take note, if he really loved you he should have deleted her from his list of friends since it was making the situation more complicated for both of you... well, which he did, but then, added her back again. Who the hell is she to merit 'such' attention from your bf if she's really nothing to him? Trust me if a guy is interested with a girl, he'll do ANYTHING to get in touch with her... and that's exactly what your bf is doing right now.

It's just a classic scenario sweetie. If a guy really loves you, he'll do anything to keep your relationship intact.

My ex told me the same thing. That he wants to be single and he's tired of me controlling him only to find out the day after we broke up, he's been hooking up with his officemate (which we fought over because I caught him cheating on me the second time around with her. I told him to stay away from her all the time but since they worked together, it can't be helped that they grew closer and closer. I grew so paranoid and consequently we bickered about it a couple of times. Sabi nga nila masarap nga bawal di ba? At talagang malandi lang din yung older officemate niya.) He fell in love with her but couldn't be with her because I was still in the picture (well among other things since the officemate is likewise committed as well). He wanted to get rid of me but he couldn't tell the real reason behind the break-up so what he did is to put the blame on me. He told me that I was so clingy and needy and that all of those years that he's been with me I was controlling him. /DUH.

I suggest you stay away from him for the meantime.

Trust your instinct!


Don't be just an option for him.


Have some pride  for yourself.

Goodluck.

[petlovah]

i super agree with mimiku. move on sis. you cannot just pull him towards u if he already had fallen for the girl. as long as he loves u, he will do all the things that would keep your relationship longer. a lot of excuses maybe said but i guess you have to move on. he's happy with the other girl, let's try to accept it. it's hard but soon you'll be okay. dont be so hard on yourself, a part of the fault maybe attributed to you pero dont despair. God has other plans for you. Everything happens for a reason

[fab_pink]

So what should I do? Should I stop seeing him and talking to him? Never naman ako yung nauuna mag ask lumabas or magcommunicate eh. Sabi naman kasi niya eh, na kung [textspeak!] maging decision ko in the end, he'll respect that. He still wants to talk to me and see me but he wants me to move on, kaya sabi niya, i should do what is best for me. Kahapon hindi ko natiis, i went on his email again and saw the girl mesage him and she went "this fb message thing is inconvenient you can text me. here's my #" asar na asar ako. He didnt even ask her. She gave it on her own. So now I feel the need to keep saying yes every time he asks me to hang out para he doesnt get the chance to hang out with her. Everyday kasi he still asks me to eat lunch with him. Sobrang gulo ng utak ko. Hindi ko na alam gagawin ko.

[mimiku]

Make him feel that it's not your lost. Make him believe that he's nothing to you. Men have an IQ of a seven-year old boy, they usually want the chase. Refrain from making him feel that you're at his beck and call. Make him feel na hindi mo siya kawalan. Don't go out with him. And he ask you too, advise him that you have some important matters to do.

Sooner or later he'll realize what he have lost.

It's true what they say "you'll never know what you have until you lose it."

By that time, I hope you'll be able to muster the strength to stay away from that guy permanently. 

[lesters_gal]

^i agree with you sis.pano nya marerealize yung lost mo kung everytime na yayain ka nya,eh your always available.chaka it doesn't mean naman na kapag lumabas kayo wala na silang chance nung other girl na lumabas.pinahihirapan mo lang ang sarili mo sis.let him go and move on. Sa una lang mahirap yan pero in time you'll get thru this.ika nga ng mga sis natin dito "save some pride for yourself"...

[precious_girl]

sis i suggest that you go out and have fun go and date date date! dating is fun kashit na di masyado interesting kadate mo carry na din. moving on and letting go is a process hindi siya overnight thing na pagkagising mo fine ka na moved on ka na. show him that you are not sad and lonely, instead show him that you are enjoying being single, trust me guys wont pity you when they see that you are sad and lonely, you have better chances of getting back his attention when he see's that you are happy, living an exciting life and make take photos with guy friends show him that you are the winner and not the loser. siya ang loser sis

[lesters_gal]

^ilove what you said sis.you are so right.lastnite my ex bf text me.he was asking how am I.and he said he don't feel good.my reply was plain and simple.I said I'm ok.and then sabi nya yung response ko daw obvious daw na hindi ko daw nagustuhan yung pagtext nya.ang sagot ko naman hindi ko lang ineexpect na magtetext sha.tapos sabi nya if I need anything daw call him daw.my response was "ok thank you.u take care"...hindi na sha nagreply.

What is he expecting from me?mushy words.LOL

[precious_girl]

^ilove what you said sis.you are so right.lastnite my ex bf text me.he was asking how am I.and he said he don't feel good.my reply was plain and simple.I said I'm ok.and then sabi nya yung response ko daw obvious daw na hindi ko daw nagustuhan yung pagtext nya.ang sagot ko naman hindi ko lang ineexpect na magtetext sha.tapos sabi nya if I need anything daw call him daw.my response was "ok thank you.u take care"...hindi na sha nagreply.

What is he expecting from me?mushy words.LOL

maybe he was testing you, trying to see how you would react to his message. we should not give them a reason to celebrate by knowing that they still have a strong effect on us, this will only show that you are weak, if you give in. Its hard i know very tempting to be all nice sweet and caring towards our ex's however we need to show them that we are strong individuals as well, and will survive and can get on with our lives after a break up

[lesters_gal]

^correct sis.I admit I still want him so bad.pero ayoko maramdaman nya yun.kaya yun lang ang response ko sa kanya.mahirap ng masaktan uli.buti ba sana kung sabihin nya "I want you back.let's start all over again"...LOL.

Bakit kaya ang mga guys they don't feel sorry to what they did with their gf's...

[crazee_crazee]

I'm going through a similar situation so I feel your pain. My "strategy" is to show him and everyone else na happy ako. That happened kasi with a guy I broke up with before. Naging insecure ako and broke up with him badly, complete with insults (I admit, I was younger, immature and bitter then) and all that. Yung reaction niya?

He took it graciously, didn't retaliate or cause a scene, basically he accepted it. Next time I saw him and naging medyo OK na kami ulit (as friends), he looked better (workout? haha) and was "glowing" and happy-looking. Eh di sino ang naging regretful? Ako.

So yun yung gagawin ko, is to somehow find happiness within myself, magpaganda (haha), and try to enjoy lang. Tas if ever makita ni ex yun, he just might regret it. Mahirap naman kasing di ma-notice at ma-attract to someone who is "glowing!"

[mimiku]

I'm going through a similar situation so I feel your pain. My "strategy" is to show him and everyone else na happy ako. That happened kasi with a guy I broke up with before. Naging insecure ako and broke up with him badly, complete with insults (I admit, I was younger, immature and bitter then) and all that. Yung reaction niya?

He took it graciously, didn't retaliate or cause a scene, basically he accepted it. Next time I saw him and naging medyo OK na kami ulit (as friends), he looked better (workout? haha) and was "glowing" and happy-looking. Eh di sino ang naging regretful? Ako.

So yun yung gagawin ko, is to somehow find happiness within myself, magpaganda (haha), and try to enjoy lang. Tas if ever makita ni ex yun, he just might regret it. Mahirap naman kasing di ma-notice at ma-attract to someone who is "glowing!"

I agree.

Dapat you should continue making the best of what you have. A broken relationship shoudn't be a reason for you to waste life's opportunities. It should be a start - a beginning of a new life. Do everything to make youurself happy. Magpaganda ka. Go out with your firends. Every moment will pass and you won't be able to retrieve them back anymore so you might as well create beautiful memories.. In the end when you look back, you will be glad to yourself that you lived a good life not end up regretting the past. 

[lesters_gal]

^very well said sis.love it.

[_AiaH_]

the very first thing i did when my ex and i broke up was to delete and remove EVERYTHING that reminds me of him. True sis, the more you communicate with him, the more you would try to hold on to what's already gone. sabi nga ng current bf ko ngayon, let bygones be bygones.

instead of focusing your thoughts, efforts and energy on that guy, focus it on yourself who needs it most. at this point in your life, the only person that can help you, is you. Have some courage to move on, the pain is temporary, it will surely pass if you just let yourself take the time it needs to. wala naman madali sa pagmmove on, it's one of the most painful emotion i could say i have experienced eh. but hey, in the end i'm just glad it all happened. why? because i met my man. the one i have right now. the man i never knew existed. basta, sabi nila God will never give you a problem you don't have a solution to.

Good luck sis. remember, maraming dumaan sa ganito, marami pang mas masakit ang naranasan, pero they emerged a much stronger person, so for sure, ikaw din.

[Chinito]

there are things to consider or need pagdaanan to overcome the pain.
5 things to finally say that" you're  done with it"

1. hatred
2. denial
3. acceptance
4. forgiveness
5. moving on

this is in order and cannot be skipped. i'm not sure. but i guess you're at the 1st stage. the bitterness level or should i say pwede din nasa 2nd stage. correct me na lang kung mali ako.
so, if that so. you still need to overcome 3or4 more levels.
to finally end up the agony. there were lot of things to do. but before doing the things you need to do.( i'll skip the 1st and 2nd stage) you must do the 3rd one..
ACCEPTANCE- this is the most difficult one...make sure you had all your tears gone; dry up to the last drop. iiyak mo na lahat. basagin mo na lahat ng kaya mong basagin.. sumigaw ka ng malakas at murahin mo siya. accept the fact that there's no reason on earth na magkabalikan pa kayo. always push it in your heart that there are somethings that you can't have no matter what you do or how hard you try. wag nang ipilit. or else babalik ka lang sa stage 1 or 2.
FORGIVENESS- This stage will lead you to calmness. you're just 1 stage away from happiness. this will come along with ACCEPTANCE eventually. minsan napapag kamalan na this comes first before the 3rd one.. but come to think of it on a deeper sense.you'll get what i mean. when you come to this. you will feel a little bit teary. but a tear of joy and  contentment towards him. one these you'll realize things that you've done. you might include yourself on this. i  mean forgive yourself too. reminiscing will be okay. as long that you'll reminisce the happy and funny mem'ries together.. wag mo nang pasukan ng sama ng loob. or else you'll go back to level 2 and you'll be having hard time to overcome it. relax and pray for him and you'll find peace of mind..
MOVING ON- Finally! congratulations. you've come this far. this is an achievement for lovers that did,nt made to the finish line.
but this is the token to the road of happiness and new start for you.
on this stage you will feel a little bit happy and ready to do task for you. you will feel that you are enjoying quality times with your friends, colleagues or family. it's natural naman na naiisip mo pa rin occasionally but you'll get through that eventually. on this stage time will be meaningless again. hindi mo na namamalayan na abala ka na pala sa mga bagay bagay. and thats a good signal for you to go love yourself more. go shopping, focus on your career, get prettier, gain more friends and be happy that you can be. sooner or later you'll never notice that someone caught you by chance and brings up a good fortune sa lovelife mo. always open heart to anyone attempting to capture your attention. this time you better know what to do.
always remember that "everything happens for a reason to serve its purpose". isipin mo it's a stroke of luck na nangyari yon sayo. dahil meron mas deserving of your love and affection. wag kang matakot mag mahal ulit. break ups is not the end. it is just a start of a better new and meaningful relationships.  sometimes its better na magkamali to makes us strong and smarter. after all it makes us human and we're bound to make mistakes.. give a lot! expect a little and love more.

good luck!

[carmilina]

DABDA!!!!

denial
anger
bargaining
depression
acceptance...

sis, accept mo na, at the first place na na miss nya single life..Meaning,
ayaw n nya ng relasyon sa yo..

he wants to break free...
you know why??/bkt ka pa nya tinetxt.for the sake na may pinagsamahan kyo at talagang MINAHAL ka rin...nya.past tense sis...masakit man, accept it...

concern sya dahil malaki din ininvest nya..guys are like that, they get you..afterwards they will dump you...

get used to it...malay mo, you'll find better...okay??

[Chinito]

DABDA!!!!

denial
anger
bargaining
depression
acceptance...

sis, accept mo na, at the first place na na miss nya single life..Meaning,
ayaw n nya ng relasyon sa yo..

he wants to break free...
you know why??/bkt ka pa nya tinetxt.for the sake na may pinagsamahan kyo at talagang MINAHAL ka rin...nya.past tense sis...masakit man, accept it...

concern sya dahil malaki din ininvest nya..guys are like that, they get you..afterwards they will dump you...

get used to it...malay mo, you'll find better...okay??

"guys are like that, they get you..afterwards they will dump you..."

wow ha.. sexist na yan. not all men are created equal.

[chengkii]

Sis - you need to vent it wout with your friends din. Kasi it helps when you have an outlet for your anger, angst, bitterness, sadness, etc. Your friends and family are there to support you naman. Usually, kakampihan ka pa kahit mali hehe.

But you need to take care of yourself first. That's the first step.

[carmilina]

"guys are like that, they get you..afterwards they will dump you..."

wow ha.. sexist na yan. not all men are created equal.

--apektado ba

[Chinito]

hahah. oo apektado ako..di naman gaano.
pano naman ako...di naman ako ganon e..