Would you settle for a guy who already has a kid?

[kahoy07]

Hi!

The story of my life. My boyfriend for three years have a 4 yr old kid. Naghiwalay sila nung ex nya because she got pregnant and the ex's parents dont like him plus the girl is just 16 (bf was 21).
He's been honest naman about this kahit nung courtship period pa lang. At first, I thought ok lang. Kasi he never gets to see the child. In bad terms kasi sila nung parent's nung ex nya. We got along easily. Ako pa nga ang nagsasabi sa kanya na later on, you'll be able to see the child. I've advised him to get an educational plan for the child para kahit papano may maitutulong sya at hindi sya mapeperahan nung ex nya. Ex and my bf hardly talk.

It is only now that he was able to see the kid. I thought I'll be okay pero nung nagtext sya saken na he won't report for work today because he'll go see his son, napaiyak na lang ako. Parang ang sakit na hindi ko maintindihan. Siguro add na yung factor na he's never the perfect boyfriend and most of the fight that we had e yung kakulangan nya ng oras saken. I know I'm being selfish kaya lang diba, wala na nga syang time para saken tas may kahati pa ako. Ang worst pa e mas sabik talaga sya dun sa kid nya kasi 4 years nya din hindi nakita yung bata. The last time na nakita nya yung kid was when he was still two months old.

I told him that I was hurt. He said dapat hindi daw kasi kame daw dalawa ang buhay nya. I asked him for giving me time to think kasi baka hindi ko talaga kaya.

Sis, please help. I really don't know what to do. We are planning to get married next year and my parents doesn't have any idea that he has a son. He's my first boyfriend and hoping to be my last as well.

 

[aspau]

Hi!

The story of my life. My boyfriend for three years have a 4 yr old kid. Naghiwalay sila nung ex nya because she got pregnant and the ex's parents dont like him plus the girl is just 16 (bf was 21).
He's been honest naman about this kahit nung courtship period pa lang. At first, I thought ok lang. Kasi he never gets to see the child. In bad terms kasi sila nung parent's nung ex nya. We got along easily. Ako pa nga ang nagsasabi sa kanya na later on, you'll be able to see the child. I've advised him to get an educational plan for the child para kahit papano may maitutulong sya at hindi sya mapeperahan nung ex nya. Ex and my bf hardly talk.

It is only now that he was able to see the kid. I thought I'll be okay pero nung nagtext sya saken na he won't report for work today because he'll go see his son, napaiyak na lang ako. Parang ang sakit na hindi ko maintindihan. Siguro add na yung factor na he's never the perfect boyfriend and most of the fight that we had e yung kakulangan nya ng oras saken. I know I'm being selfish kaya lang diba, wala na nga syang time para saken tas may kahati pa ako. Ang worst pa e mas sabik talaga sya dun sa kid nya kasi 4 years nya din hindi nakita yung bata. The last time na nakita nya yung kid was when he was still two months old.

I told him that I was hurt. He said dapat hindi daw kasi kame daw dalawa ang buhay nya. I asked him for giving me time to think kasi baka hindi ko talaga kaya.

Sis, please help. I really don't know what to do. We are planning to get married next year and my parents doesn't have any idea that he has a son. He's my first boyfriend and hoping to be my last as well.

 

almost same tyo ng situation sis kaya ngayon nagdadalawang isip na ko baka kasi we'll just end up to a divorce. Ayoko pa naman hanggat maari ng failed marriage. Mahirap kasi complicated pala kapag my kid na si boyfie marami ng lumalabas na issues na pagaawayan that would start to ruin the relationship.  Like yun nga wala na syang oras sa kin kasi busy lagi sa work at sa anak nya so i felt i was taken for granted na and unloved at the same time

[rainebowbrite]

^ same boat ako mga sis. Ang hirap ng situation nating lahat. I have the same fears.

I wouldn't use the word settle. It's such an ugly word when connected with a relationship. I'm with my BF not because I settled but because of all the guys I've met so far, siya yung natatawa sa mga bagay na natatawa din ako at ayaw yung mga bagay na ayaw ko din. We laugh at the same things and enjoy the same things. We're also a good match in bed. I don't think that's settling.

I've been dating my bf for three years now and his son is turning 4 this year. We are living together. His kid is with his ex and I haven't met him yet.

He is very involved with his kid and he sees him every other day tapos every other weekend, yung kid AND the ex umuuwi sa bahay ng lola ni BF at dun natutulog. Dun din natutulog si BF pag nandun anak nya. Sabi nya sa 'kin wala daw siya magawa kasi hindi nya bahay yun at gusto ng lola nya na dun sila matulog. Also, I know na hindi nya lang sinasabi na siyempre gusto rin naman nya makasama anak nya overnight.

Ayaw naman iwan ng ex nya yung anak dun. Ilang beses na naming pinawayan to pero wala pa din resolution. Nun kasing tinry ni bf kausapin si EX na kung pwede wag matulog dun, tinatakot siya na ilalayo yung bata. So si BF naman takot na baka gawin nga yon kaya hindi na muna nila pinaguusapan.

Ngayon, hindi ko na lang iniisip kasi pag iniisip ko sobrang nalulungkot ako talaga. I trust my BF pero I don't like na ganito ang nangyayari. Tapos, I'm not welcome at his home kasi ayaw ng lola nya sa akin. His mom is okay naman with me.

Otherwise, ok naman relationship namin. Alam ko naman na love nya ko and he won't cheat on me.

I always wonder though, how long ako willing mag put up sa ganitong situation.

[melinda88]

The Question is why to look for such guys who has a kid.. there are so many singles around..

[kahoy07]

Thanks sis rainbowbrite and aspau. We share the same sympathy.

Sis melinda88, its not looking for a guy with a kid... it just so happen that we fall in love with them. 

Just an update:
We talked earlier. He wants me to meet his son. Maybe this weekend daw. Sabe nya, part siguro kung baket ako nasaktan is because hindi nya daw ako nasabihan before hand. He asked me if I will be ok. I told him, let's see. At least with this set-up daw, we will both get to know the child. Will let you know what will happened. Hopefully, it will turn out fine. Keeping my fingers crossed!

[rainebowbrite]

^Good luck, sis! Sana it goes well for you both

Buti your BF felt the reason kaagad kung bakit ka nasakatn sis. Bigyan mo lang muna siya ng leeway and understanding. I'm sure, excited and kinakabahan yun, especially since ngayon lang siya pwede magkaron ng relationship with his kid.

[kahoy07]

update:

Hindi kame natuloy last weekend. Feeling ko lang na hindi pinayagan nung parents ng EX na ilabas yung son ni BF. Medyo nalungkot nga si BF. I just told him maybe now is not the right time. I know he'll get his chance someday. And maybe when that "someday" comes around, I'll be ready too!

[rainebowbrite]

^Oo sis. Hindi pa siguro time. Pero if gusto naman ng NF mo makita, pwede naman nya siguro kausapin maayos yung parents pati yung ex nya. Baka gusto nila mag set ng rules para kampante sila.

[dej]

i've dated a single dad before.. ok lang naman kase mabait naman c single dad.. pero have'nt got the chance to meet the kid kase nawalan na kame ng communication... nawalan kase ako ng gana hindi ko alam kung bakit.

[pinkk]

if wayback younger ako, i would not like someone with a kid, if pareho kaming working,that would add alot of stress.

[sweet_cherry]

yes lalo na pag nakita kong good father siya sa anak niya,

[wanderlust2011]

no. no. no. life is complicated enough, it gets worse pag ganyan sitwasyon.

[showermist]

Okay lang.  As long as he's not involve with the mother of his kid anymore.

[Periwinkle25]

i fell for a guy with a kid during college days..he lied to me at first but after 2months of being together, he and his friends told me about his daughter..i was filled with mixed emotions..anger kc he didn't disclose it to me earlier..fear na baka mahal pa niya si ex..dismay kasi [textspeak!] tutol parents ko..anyways, i loved him then and i just thought about the present..i didnt get to meet the child yet he was always telling me about her..natanggap ko naman kaso kaming dlawa nagkaproblema so we parted ways.. am so happy now with hubby to be..at least he's all mine at walang complications sa family if ever kc certified single without kid..

[Serena.]

NO.

[summerchic]

Why not? as long as he's a responsible and good father, i can't see why he wont be a good bf or husband.

[snowhite_12]

dati meron din ako ganyan na relationship. i dated 3 guys before na may anak.ayoko na...
Right now,Gusto ko both of us our first time parents.para exciting...

[mbeeyap]

if alam ko na beforehand na may anak na sya tapos nagkagusto ako sa kanya, syempre tanggap ko na yung fact na may anak sya. pero if nagkagusto muna ako sa kanya tapos nalaman ko na may anak na pala sya, eh baka magdalawang-isip ako. mejo childish kasi ako tsaka ayoko ng kompetensya sa atensyon. baka pagselosan ko lang ang time na iSpend nya sa anak nya when the time comes na magkaroon na rin kami ng sariling baby.

[pinkk]

Never had this situation before, but for me, Ok lang if  malaki na ang bata or if may pang-sweldo sa yaya.(haha!)

[Girltalker2]

If the guy is responsible enough and a good catch, why not? Tapos mahal na mahal ka nya. I would rather pursue a relationship with a guy na may anak na super mahal ka kesa sa single guy na babaero.

The thing is, there is also this thread on single moms - kung makakahanap pa ba sya ng single guy na magmamahal sa kanya ng totoo.  I guess it is similar in this case, for dads na single, makakahanap pa kaya sya ng single girl na magmamahal sa kanya ng totoo.

I guess yung answer dito is depende kung single yung girl. Kung single yung girl, bakit naman sya maghahanap ng may sabit?  Pero kung na-inlove ka siguro sa isang guy na may anak, wala ka naman siguro magagawa na, especially if the guy is very loving at maasikaso.