Would you settle for a guy who already has a kid?

[Eureka1088]

ideally no because its another concern you guys need to work on. but if you love the guy then why not. it will not be easy because there will be guys who doesnt want the gf intruding on his chidren's concerns so it can be a source of arguments especially when you are married.

[gwacie]

I don't think it's enough that I love him. I can understand if he needs to support the kid, but what I cannot take is if his ex insists on using the kid as a pawn to worm her way into his life or pocketbook, or treats me as an usurper. There is no getting rid of the ex since they're tied together through the child, and if she continues to be a bother, I don't think I could take it for a lifetime.

And actually, this is why I broke up with my ex. I couldn't deny his child a father, yet I couldn't also take the abuse and emotional blackmail of his ex.

Hypothetically, if ever I do decide to settle with a guy who has a kid, he has to be man enough to set boundaries, to be able to fulfill his responsibilities and not deny the child of support (financial, emotional or otherwise) AND balance that with treating me and our potential future family right. If he is in contact with the kid's mother, they should be civil with each other and with me. They should be on platonic terms and it must be understood that they meet for the kid alone.

[fall2pieces]

i haven't talked to the guy since then though he keeps contacting me. di ko na daw sya pinapansin. it's not that i'm judging him outright on his situation though, i just want to stay away from complications that might arise from me going out with him. besides, he has a gf so there is no reason for us to go out. we can be friends yes but i know it's not what he wants. he wants more than that, even if he says otherwise.

[mhae_0615]

I don't think it's enough that I love him. I can understand if he needs to support the kid, but what I cannot take is if his ex insists on using the kid as a pawn to worm her way into his life or pocketbook, or treats me as an usurper. There is no getting rid of the ex since they're tied together through the child, and if she continues to be a bother, I don't think I could take it for a lifetime.

And actually, this is why I broke up with my ex. I couldn't deny his child a father, yet I couldn't also take the abuse and emotional blackmail of his ex.

Hypothetically, if ever I do decide to settle with a guy who has a kid, he has to be man enough to set boundaries, to be able to fulfill his responsibilities and not deny the child of support (financial, emotional or otherwise) AND balance that with treating me and our potential future family right. If he is in contact with the kid's mother, they should be civil with each other and with me. They should be on platonic terms and it must be understood that they meet for the kid alone.

super agree ako dito sis! eto ngayon si bf may anak na, pero ayun tanggap ko naman yung bata.. pero yung nanay grabe sa kakulitan! minsan feeling ko ako yung mistress,  tatawag maya't maya kay bf tapos kung ano-ano yung sasabihin or tatanungin.. hay nako.. im trying to ignore her pero abuso na talaga.. 

kundi ko lang mahal na mahal tong bf ko eh, hmf! 

[gwacie]

^ sis, dapat mahal na mahal ka rin ni boyfie. 

[eeyan]

no.

[kachingkaching]

yes. been there, mejo complicated pero masaya.

[aix15]

 

[mantis]

i dated one once. we broke up for a totally different reason though.

[belgianwaffle]

why not ..

[loveavenue]

no.

ayoko ng may excess baggage. it would be unfair for me. why date someone with a child when i can find one who's totally free like me?

[hanabishi]

no, too complicated. kami pa nga lang kelangan magkasundo, magsasama ka pa ng bata sa kwento.

[aquacharly]

Can you consider using a word other than "settle"?
Perhaps, it will be more positive to use the word:  accept.

You love him, but can you accept him in totality -- his good points, warts, dreams and excess baggage?

If you love him, but your mindset is:  sige, I love you, sige I will settle with the fact that you have excess baggage/a kid ... sige, puede na. 
Perhaps you are settling for what you think is not good enough for you?

If the issue is:  will it be okay to love and commit to a guy with a kid?
Depende, ahhh -- the so common qualifier. 
Sure, IF  he is no longer emotionally involved with the mother of the kid
         AND IF  he can afford an orderly life for that kid, for you and your future family  (be practical, let's be realistic)
         AND IF he can put the kid, the mother of the kid, and you in proper perspective.. hindi iyong naghahatakan kayong lahat (and he lets you all)  for his time and love  (si mother of the kid dapat hindi na romantic love yan ha maliwanag...  respect and consideration na lang kasi mother of his kid)

[luisacart]

I'm currently dating someone who has 2 kids (both under 10 yrs old). I don't see anything wrong with it. As long as he is a responsible father. Kaya lang, you have to understand na his kids will always be a priority over you. Naiintindihan ko naman kasi if I'm in his position, ganun din ako. If I have kids, they would be my priority over someone I am dating, too.

[tinnnnn076]

no..

[stacies83221]

I met an amazing, amazing, charming and loving guy. 2 months after we met, he admitted to me that he is a father of a baby boy out of a one night stand, who is under his sole full custody because the girl doesn't want the baby and so, she is really out of his life.  He already let me see his baby and I found myself more attracted that he's doing a good job in raising and taking care of his baby alone... as in! Plus he's working and taking master's on the side! Talk about perseverance and responsibility!

When I was on my early 20's, I never entertained the thought of dating a single dad.. It's a big NO NO for me! So when I found out about it, at first, I was a bit shocked but I guess i really liked him a lot to give it a shot. My life totally turned around because as I had realized that this types of relationships revolves mostly around the child... you become more selfless, as compared to a typical boy-girl relationship when it's all about you two. I began reading parenting magazines, refreshing my Pediatrics (I am a nurse) and also started considering the child as our own.. I do understand what I am getting into but I like this change! It's a bit challenge... You have to extend your patience and understanding and respect the fact that he also needs time with his kid. No Baby Mama Drama for me as of this time so I guess I'm kinda lucky. No plans yet of starting a family with him yet... we're taking baby steps and enjoying the current sitch. I know I can always choose the easy way out and stop seeing him..but i didn't.  This is a new experience for me so if anyone out there who can share a couple of thoughts and experiences about dating a single dad, post away!

[miss_girl]

^ I definitely applaud you sis. This is about acceptance talaga, and for me, personally, a person who can accept things he cannot change is a person who is matured in almost any aspect in life. I like the way you expressed it, it's true.

Right now, i'm in a situation like this, only with a twist. he's married, but they have separated na, not annulled. mahirap talaga, but he loves me so much. he's willing to leave everything behind, (though mahirap tanggapin, including the child) if I say so. I think it's a bit irresponsible nga, na he's willing to do that, but the dilemma is he's doing that for ME. so I can't accept the fact as of now that he's married, and hindi ako ang una. though sinabi na nya buong storya on how they got married and so, it wasn't special for him. medyo may edad narin kasi sya that time, so he was a bit pressured to settle down narin. so aun, then he met me 4 years after they got married, may anak narin sila, and it was just like hell on earth sa kanya ngaun. he regrets settling down talaga. he wished and prayed nga nung kinasal sila, na sana, sana tama talaga yung ginawa nya.. na sana hindi sya makakahanap ng someone na talagang hinahanap nya. kung meron man daw out there ng taong hinahanap nya, sana daw hindi na ipakilala at ipa.meet sa kanya pa.. until he dies daw, sana wala syang makilalang tulad ko.. and yet, he did.. so aun. 

[cerulean]

For now, no. That's too much responsibility for me. As much as possible, gusto ko ng taong makakasabay ko sa pag-undertake ko ng challenges sa buhay, di yung magkaiba kami ng sitwasyon. I'd rather be his friend who will be there for him and be a tita to his child.

If I'm in my 30s, I'd probably reconsider. By that time, (I hope) I will have a stable job and be prepared to start a family.

[themissingx]

I'm dating a guy who already has a kid. I just got to know it the other day lang,. I wasn't very much surprised because the thought already came to my mind, na baka may kid na siya. It's complicated, I know.. pero I'm open-minded naman as long as it doesn't immensely affect our relationship.

[lovemeagain30]

the question of dating a single dad is just as the same with dating a single mother.

i am a single momma. so halos wala din pinagkaiba.

here's my take on this:

if the guy honestly told you about his kid and has been trying to be a good father to his child, OO i will accept him. kasi nakikita kong kaya niyang maging ama.

i would rather settle for a guy who is responsible than go for a single, happy go lucky, unstable single men. andiyan na yung past nya na di mo mabubura pero if you look on the other side of it, wala naman siyang tinago sayo.

as a human and being a woman, gusto natin tayo lang. hangga't maari tayo lang dapat ang priority. parang feeling natin gugulo lang kung may bata. being selfish is natural thing for us. pero sa totoo lang, hindi naman kumplikado ang mga anak eh. tayo ba kung hindi buo ang parents natin, gustuhin ba natin matawag tayo ng ibang tao pang-pagulo lang?

if someday you wish to have your own family, loving his child is one good preparation for a future with him. you have a taste on how it is to be a parent. unless balak nyo lang maging fubu lang ng bf mo?LOL.