how do you discipline your kids?

[pinkpotato]

meron akong ginagawa lately, when my 3 y.o does something she is not suppose to do, if tolerable naman i let her and tell her that is the last time she can do it.

example is drawing/writing/paiting on a paper pero on the floor. our house is not ours kasi so iniingatan namin to. 1 time i saw her doing that and medyo lumalampas sa paper so nasusulatan ang floor. it's fine kung natatanggal naman pero sometimes we don't know baka forever na maging stain sa floor so i tell her that its the last time she do it there, no more next time na.

besides, she has her own tables intended for her activities so she should use it. it is even more comfortable there.

another is standing on the chair to reach some of her toys. i actually introduce this idea to her but missed to explain that she can only do this when we are around so we dont need to carry her.

one time she called me to help her because she wants to get some toys on top of the chest drawers but busy yata ako kaka FB so she tried to did it herself. when i remembered, i run sa other room and saw her placing the small chair near the drawer na. i let her do it and let her feel how difficult and dangerous if she does that alone. she was able to stand on the chair pero mahirap pa din i-open ang drawers so while doing it for her nag explain ako.

she didn't do any of those na going forward. i believe it was effective.

[jiabanana]

^yep that's how they learn... They want to experience muna before they believe mama and papa haha.

Ganyan din yung panganay ko when he wanted to drink from a cup. Hala sige sa baso. Ayun nabasa. The next time he did it more careful na...

[chasiderwin]

^As for palo, have you tried talking muna before making palo? Did you try to set consequences?

yes sis, hanggat  maaari ayoko siyang paluin, sinasabi ko na "no baby bad ang mamalo, bawal yung ganoon anak ko hindi magandang gawain yun". from time to time laging ganoon ang ginagawa ko, then may times na kahit paulit-ulit ko na sinasabi ganoon parin at kapag nasasaktan na kami sa palo niya (ang bigat kasi ng kamay), napapalo ko na pero sa kamay lang talaga, at di ganoon kasakit maramdaman lang niya yung ginagawa niya. Dati palagi niya sinasabunutan yung pamangkin ko sa inis ng pamangkin ko sinabunutan din niya (turning 3 this august girl naman), mula noon di na umulit anak ko.

[jiabanana]

Although he is learning sana in a more ehr... Tender way. Haha.  Have you tried bargaining? Like no jollibee or. O dessert or he wont get to play with is fave toy for a period of time?

I would say though, if I was in your place. I would say, Baby diba you love mama? Pag pinapalo mo ako masakit. Nakakasakit yung palo mo.. That's why hindi magandang gawin yun.

If it gets to a point na napalo mo na. Give it time before you console him muna. Pag umiyak, hayaan mo muna. Kaya I don't advise the "tough love" approach to people kasi if you console and cuddle him right after you palo he would think na ikaw yung nagkamali and what he did was okay. Haha.

[babymom20]

normal stage siguro yan sis chasidarwin. i remember dumaan rin sa ganyang phase si baby. to the point na nasasaktan na rin ako. pero no palo nor shout. kinukuha ko lang kamay, light tapik, then told her its not good. what if kako gawin ko rin sayo yan, masasaktan ka rin. nakatingin lang sya nyan. then dun ko rin itinuro yung sorry gesture nya. since hindi pa sya makapagsalita, i let her caress my cheeks as sorry. after ko pagsabihan, i ask her to say sorry to mommy.after a while, natutuhan nya na yun. kahit hindi pa sya nakakapagsalita nun pag may nagawa sya at nakita nya nagbago face ko, punta sya nyan agad sakin, at aabutin talaga ang pisngi ko para haplusin nya. then ngingiti na ako. saka ko na sya kakausapin. minsan nakikinig pa, pero minsan nagsasalita pa ako, naglalaro na ulit. nasawa yata sa sinasabi ko   this time 22 months old na sya, ginagawa nya pa rin haplos sa cheeks pag nagsosorry kahit nakakapagsalita na rin sya ng sorry kahit medyo bulol pa. downside ngayon kahit ki yaya pag magsorry sya, haplos rin sya. hay.

[chasiderwin]

sis jiabanana ^Have you tried bargaining? Like no jollibee or. O dessert or he wont get to play with is fave toy for a period of time?

Di pa niya kasi masyado na iintindihan sis tinatawanan lang ako, 17mos old pa lang kasi, pero nauutusan ko ko naman siya na ibalik mga toys niya sa karton, itapon ang basura niya sa basurahan, wag umakyat, etc

^I would say though, if I was in your place. I would say, Baby diba you love mama? Pag pinapalo mo ako masakit. Nakakasakit yung palo mo.. That's why hindi magandang gawin yun.
 
Pinapakinggan niya ako, then hug pa, sa tingin ko naiintindihan naman niya sinasabi ko pero still ginagawa parin 

^If it gets to a point na napalo mo na. Give it time before you console him muna. Pag umiyak, hayaan mo muna. Kaya I don't advise the "tough love" approach to people kasi if you console and cuddle him right after you palo he would think na ikaw yung nagkamali and what he did was okay. Haha.

Yes sis hinahayaan ko minsan, pero kapag di kasi tumigil sumusuka na, may times na kapag umiiyak siya dahil napapalo ko  , di ko pinapansin or may times sinasabi namin, na "ayun na ang lizard ang laki" ayun na ang "favorite patalastas niya sa tv", para lang tumigil at ma distract siya, then tumitigil na din, saka ko kinakausap kung bakit ko siya pinalo, sa tingin ko naiintindihan naman niya sinasabi ko, pero di parin maiwasan na ganoon na naman.

sis babymom20 ang pinaka sorry ng baby ko is hug, di pa kasi niya masabi ang sorry kahit tinuturo na namin, di ko lang din kasi alam kung paano si yaya & cousin cum yaya sa pag-aalaga at pagdisiplina kapag nasa office ako, lalo pa na ootc si hubby. Lagi ko sinasabi na wag na wag sisigawan at mumustrahan o aambahan ng palo dahil doon siya natuto sa dating yaya na mamalo. Yung dating yaya kasi as in sinasabi sa baby ko na "pak mo siya baby" then kapag ginawa ng baby ko sasabihin pa very good  , kaya kabababa pa lang sa barko ng asawa ko na windang na, pagdating ko kinausap agad ako na palitan si ex-yaya dahil di maganda ang turo sa anak namin. Kaya until now dala-dala ng baby ko yung ugali ng mamalo dahil na din doon. Pero make sure naman ako na kapag may nagawa siyang maganda sasabihan ng very good kasi lagi na niya ginagawa, like hindi na niya tinatapon ang dedehan niya after dumede at marunong na magbalik ng mga toys niya na kinalat niya sa karton at magtapon ng basura

[babymom20]

^ hahaha. natawa naman ako sa ex yaya mo. kung sakin yun, baka sya ang nahataw ko sabay very good hehe. ngayon nagttantrums na rin sya, iiyak pag di nakuha ang gusto. pero hinahayaan ko lang umiyak. hehe..hindi ka naman kako nasaktan kaya stand ka na. kusa nalang syang tatayo at maglalambing sakin. hahaha. natatawa na lang ako minsan.

[glamorosa_09]

I found nice ebooks regarding child discipline from the net. They have high ratings sa amazon, you can check it yourself.  Although my baby girl is only 3 months old, I want to arm myself na by reading books and learning from your experiences.

Here are the links:

1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children , 3rd Edition
http://ifile.it/qr75lf/ebooksclub.org__1_2_3_Magic__Effective_Discipline_for_Children___3rd_Edition.l_70x2j1564xo9xz4.pdf

Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles: Winning for a Lifetime
http://ifile.it/d29joi/ebooksclub.org__Kids__Parents__and_Power_Struggles__Winning_for_a_Lifetime.l_70x2j1564xo9xz4.pdf

enjoy!

[simplykristine08]

Hello mommies..

15months ang son ko pero ma-tantrums sya napansin ko to few weeks back, na kapag nakita nya yung food or gamit nya na hawak ng pamangkin ko, aagawin nya at hindi sya titigil sa kakaiyak hanggat hindi nya makuha yung gusto nya. So ang ending, pinagsasabihan ko sya. Malikot, hyper at makulit si baby. Madalas din syang manghampas at mambato ng gamit pero I talk to him kapag ginagawa nya to. Pero minsan, walang effect. Guilty ako sa palo at sigaw, pero eto ang tinatry kong iwasan at baguhin. Hindi ako ganon kapatient with him. I talked to pedia and sabi nya ang tendency daw pag pinalo si baby eh gagayahin nya yun, which is tama, sa case namin. Dati, kung anong gusto nya at kung ano ang reason ng pagiyak nya, binibigay ko. Lately ko lang natutunan na kapag umiiyak sya, I just let him. Iiyak yan for a few minutes, magwawala, pero pag sawa na sya at pagod na sya, lalapit sakin at kakausapin or ihhug ko sya.

Ngayon, medyo natatakot lang ako sa head banging na ginagawa nya. Napansin ko to last month lang. Kinausap ko si pedia and nawitness nya firsthand to. Tama sya na ginagawa to ni baby to attract my attention, kapag may gusto sya na hindi ko binibigay, etc. Naguuntog sya ng ulo sa bed, floor, crib (minsan) kapag naiinis sya, hindi nya makuha ang gusto nya, hindi sya pinapansin, etc.

Ang payo sakin, dapat consistent ang pagdidisiplina. Wag kong hayaan na si baby ang magmanipulate sakin (na ginagawa ko na). Hay. Hirap magdisiplina ng anak..

[joyce09]

ang ayaw na ayaw ko sa son ko yung pagsinasaway ko siya lalo pa niya ginagawa parang nang iinis tinitingnan pa niya reaction ko hanggang ngayon na 2yrs old na siya. kaya minsan pagtolerable hinahyaan ko nalang pero pag need to stop him from what he is doing sinasaway ko siya yon na nga the more pa niya na gagawin kaya i ended up na napapalo ko siya pag umiyak deadma ko. kaso ganun parin hays hirap maging nanay....

[babymom20]

my 23 months old baby masyado ng ma"ayaw" ngayon. pag may sinabi kami, lagi nyang isasagot "ayaw". how should we react po kaya? thanks

[marose17]

^ Give options.  Toddlers like to assert their independence by saying No or Ayaw.  So let's give them the freedom to choose.

Disciplining four year-old twin boys is very challenging, especially because my little boys are very vocal and opinionated.  They often reason out and kadalasan, may logic talaga behind their reasoning ha.  I have to choose my words carefully because ibabalik nila sa akin ang mga sinabi ko.  They have very good memories pa naman.  Any tips?

[hunny_ally]

i had a heated discussion with my husband the other day. he got really mad with my daughter over something very petty (she was shouting at the top of her lungs at 7 am cause her baby brother was playing with her toy). i told my husband that they rarely see each other tapos papagalitan niya pa ng "bonggang bongga!" see, my daughter wakes up at around 6-7am then my husband leaves round 7-8am. in the evening, he comes homes around 8-9pm then my daughter sleeps at around 9pm. so in a day they're lucky if they get to have 3-4hours time together. so i told him for small things like that let me be the "bad cop" (im a sahm). they only get to see each other on weekends, tapos papagalitan niya pa. his point naman is the two of us should be consistent, kung anong bawal sa akin, bawal din sa kanya. which is very true. bu t still i dont like the idea na pinapagalitan niya yung bata. what do you think mommies? 

[grumpybear]

marose17, my son is also the same way. Very logical. So I approach discipline the same way. With logic. Natural consequences mostly. There is a lot of explaining, a lot of questioning. I never make bola to my child or lie to him or even exaggerate. Consequences are matter-of-fact and I very rarely get upset kasi nga the consequence should be the lesson. I'm also consistent with him and when I say one thing, gagawin ko talaga. An example would be (although babaw ito) is teeth brushing. He's 5 and he goofs around a lot and sometimes, we're in a rush and wala akong time to goof around with him. He knows that I will only say it once and if I have to say it again, his teeth won't get brushed (I brush his teeth as per dentist recommendation) and if his teeth won't get brushed, he knows the consequence of that- rotten teeth eventually. It took maybe 2 times that I did not brush his teeth on account of him monkeying around/dilly dallying and now, I only say it once, nasa banyo na sya. I did not even have to get upset. Sure, sya upset sya when there are consequences, but ako, rarely.

[grumpybear]

hunny_ally, scolding is different from disciplining/setting boundaries. A lot of people though think that those are interchangeable. Mostly because wala silang ibang tools to discipline other than to get upset, scold or punish. Maybe if you and your husband talked about tools on how to discipline, he'll interact better with your daughter?
Playful Parenting is a really nice book that I'd recommend to anyone.

[marose17]

@grumpybear, thanks.  I usually explain and discuss nga with them.  Kaso lang minsan kakainis when they talk back like "Never never never!" or "I am not talking to you ever again" or something like that na feeling ko nakuha sa tv or sa classmate.   I try to be calm and patient about it most of the time.

[DV]

^marose17, what works (most of the time) with my daughter is when I relate those stories in her books to our daily activities. For example, when she jumps on the bed and I tell her to stop because she might hurt herself, hindi lang sya basta titigil. Then I would tell her, remember the monkeys that jumped on the bed? She knows each of those monkeys fell and bumped their heads, then she would stop jumping. Minsan kasi even if you use logic and tell them the consequence, hindi nila pa ma-imagine, pero pag galing sa book na nabasa na, alam na nila, may picture na sila what could possibly happen. When brushing teeth naman and she doesn't want to do it, I would talk about Billy Billings who had fifty fillings (from the Tooth Book). Hindi pa nya kasi alam what it's like to have rotten teeth or how painful it can be. I think kids really learn from experience and there are things/consequences that we want them to avoid before they learn their lesson. By the way, I also find Karen Katz's No Biting very helpful, parang setting examples sya.


^^^hunny_ally, I can so relate. Sumasama rin ang loob ko pag pinapagalitan ni hubby ang anak namin. Dati sinabi ko rin sa kanya ako lang ang pwedeng magalit. Hehe. He's the fun time Daddy. Pero ngayon, I let him discipline our daughter. Pag ganoon, tahimik lang ako. Pag ako ang nagdidisiplina, tahimik rin lang sya. It's his right and responsibility too. Pati para ma-realize rin ng bata na she can't just have her way and should behave properly, whether she's with Daddy or Mommy.

[marose17]

DV, yes, I also try to explain by citing stories to them.

Generally, mas pasensiyosa ako sa husband ko.  May pagka-old school ang husband ko.  Madaling magalit or mag-raise ng voice sa mga bata.  I called na nga his attention several times and medyo ina-avoid naman niya kasi nga ayoko rin lumayo ang loob ng mga kids sa kanya.  Sobrang maka-mommy ang kids ko eh.

[grumpybear]

Naku, ganyan din ang son ko minsan. LOL
I don't take it personally. I mean siguro sa iba that would qualify as being belligerent pero para sa akin kasi, when they do that it shows that they are trying to deal with their feelings. And feeling nila yon eh. My job siguro is to facilitate how to appropriately channel those feelings kasi kakaunti ang resources nila.

Tayo nga as adults, may times that we react inappropriately to stress.
When my son tells me he does not want to talk to me, I try to respect that kasi minsan may time that I need space from him pag medyo uminit na ulo ko and since admittedly, I have anger issues, I choose to take a timeout from him kesa naman masigawan ko sya. So in order for him to know what it's like to respect space, he needs to know what that looks like. Kung ayaw nya ako kausapin, ok lang. Also, at least with my 5 yr old, he tries to manipulate na. So yung mga dialogue na 'never, ever', 'i don't want to talk to you', minsan may halong pagmamanipulate na. I just am firm and don't let him manipulate me. I tell him it's a choice he chooses to make. Not in a pikon, "bahala ka!" way but I try to maintain neutrality kasi if they see you jarred, lalo silang na-e-encourage.

Kanina lang in the throes of a meltdown (kasi I took something away that caused him to push his sister), sabi nya, "I hate your decisions" (kasi kinukulit kulit nya ako to give him his toy back and I said "I've already made a decision"). That tells me the boy is thinking. He could've easily said I hate you or I don't like you but he was able to differentiate my action from me. Kaya my approach sa kanya is very logical and pragmatic. Kasi with kids like yours and mine, maski nadadala sila ng emotions nila minsan, babagsak pa din sila sa logic and reason kaya I feel if we handle them with the same objectivity, they have more resources to ground themselves and get a hold of themselves better.

Sorry if medyo magulo, I'll try to be more cohesive when my daughter is asleep. Right now we're NAK-ing. LOL

[grumpybear]

I think medyo common naman sa husbands yata na mas maiksi pasensya nila. First and foremost kasi, mas kilala natin kids natin. Our kids are more predictable to us just because we spend more time with them (or at least in the case of SAHM's like me). Whereas sa kanila, mas limited ang interaction. Second, in general, tayong mga nanay ang mas pursigido with this whole parenting deal. Tayong mga nagbabasa ng mga libro, mga articles about parenting. So we really have more resources and tools to draw on.
I always make it a point to talk to my husband about our vision for the family, our family values. See where he's at. See if we're on the same page. And then we brainstorm on how we can forward our philosophies pagdating sa kids.