how do you discipline your kids?

[ichelie]

^^ DV, 2-year old are in the stage of exploration to learn about the world.  they try out things and see the effect.  that's why it becomes frustrating even though they understand that its not allowed, they still do it.  their self-control is not yet developed.  "Processing" can still be done for them in the aspect that you get their "YES" or "No" if they understand.  LIke ask, "Are you allowed?"  "Is that good or not?"  THen see how they react.  As much as you can, never use the word "BAD" among children.  You can also start telling them why things are not allowed.  They may not able to respond or follow but they are slowly conditioned to it.  Kids are smart, they understand.  Yet, toddlers really like to imitate and explore... that's their need!

^Jaia, you are doing right in warning your child.  You think being angry as a warning works, then its ok.  But are you really angry?  The child is following due to fear of youo, but not fully understanding why is it not proper to do something.  Yes, let your child cry and tell her to come to you when she's ready.

For children, POSITIVE and NEGATIVE attention is still ATTENTION.  Tantrums is their way of getting attention.  If they get what they like with having tantrum, then we are REINFORCING the unpleasant behavior.  But we allow the child when they have tantrum, and stick t our rules, they would cry but eventually learn they cannot get what they like.  Maybe you and husband needs to discuss your rules in raising your child.  If you dont resolve this now that the child is young, this would cause you more concerns later when the child is bigger.  Ive seen many cases of inconsistencies of parents in their rules!  Not too good, to say.

Be wary when you tell kids that youre angry.  Saying, "Im angry with WHAT you DID" is the proper way, than saying, "IM ANGRY AT YOU" / "Galit na ko sa yo/ Ayaw ko na sayo"  Hate the sin, not the sinner.

[jaiaquino]

Thanks sis! That's a nice tip. I'll do that next time. Although I always process naman after. As for the husband, sometimes I feel that it's harder to raise a husband than a child.

[PINKAHOLIC]

Pero sa Bible sinasabing paminsan minsan pagbuhatan din ng pamalo ang anak.. Forgot the exact word pero share ko sainyo ang verse later, hanapin ko ulit..
So di masamang paluin ang anak kapag may nagawang malaking kasalanan as long as kaya ng katawan nya ang palo, and explain mo kung ano ang nagawa nyang mali after ritual.

[showermist]

^that's when you can't differentiate punishment and discipline

i really am not into spanking.  lahat pwedeng madaan sa salita.

[ichelie]

there is indeed something in the Bible that mentioned about spanking, "spare the rod and spoil a child."  But the Bible can be interpreted differently.  The rod can be the physical rod - the pamalo, of the psychological rod, meaning the structure/ rules and guidelines we implement with the child so as to discipline them.  It depends on each ones value and what you think is most benefitial.  Yet, from the studies I read and the experiences of others Ive seen - spanking's effect is short-term, the lasting effect maybe trauma or fear. 

[PINKAHOLIC]

Yeah i know, pagkakaintindi ko nga di naman sa mga bata lang.. Depende siguro kc may mga pinsan ako pinapadapa pa sila nung araw ng ama nila, my cousin is mga 18 to 20 na ata nun..
Ganun parusa dati and effective.
Ganun din naman ako, ayoko rin paluin mga anak ko kc nga bata pa..
Diba may saying nga na kapag malikot / makulit '' e kasi bata ''!
Makikita mo naman kung ang ugali ng anak mo just a kakulitan lang as a kid or maybe nagiging matigas na ang ulo. Ang importante sa bawat punishment sakanila, make sure ramdam parin nila ang '' LOVE '' fr. us.

[kurengkeng]

my say, depende pa din sa bata at magulang.

sagana ako sa palo when i was a kid. as in palo na magkakapasa. once my mom rushed me to a clinic dahil violet na yung pasa ko. daddy ko will use his hands or walis. kahit malaki na ako pinapalo pa din nya ako e. ang huling palo nya sa kin was 9 yrs ago...i was 25-26yrs old. sinampal nya ako sa galit hehe. in front of my husband...

terrible right? but even while i was growing up, hindi ako nakaramdam ng galit e. he has his own ways na iparamdam sakin na he was sorry and that it was just a form of discipline and that he still loves me very much.

pag pinalo ako ng hapon, kinabukasan may doll ako from him ;-)...pag pinalo ako ng morning, gusto ng mommy ko to still kiss him goodnight during bedtime. hindi pwedeng tampo tampo. pinaliwanag nila sakin kung bakit ganun.

however this doesnt excuse the fact na sobra sobra ang pagpapalo nila sa akin. im not saying also na tama ang mamalo. but they have their ways to let me feel loved, despite their way of discipline.

[Pretty_ava]

almost 3 yrs old na si ava, alam nya when to say sorry, thank you,and she uses po and opo na din.

pero minsan nakakawala ng pasensya talaga sa sobrang kulit, halimbawa pag dinner, gusto nya kasama nya yung mga dolls nya sa dining table, sabi nya eat Doya and Baybie.  tapos pag ayaw na nya, di mo talaga mapipilit kumain, minsan papaluin nya pa yung spoon kasi sinusubuan pa din sya ni yaya minsan, so kakalat yung food, tapos sasabihin nya , ate kalat oh!

pag sasabihan mo naman sya minsan, she'll act like tampu tampuhan effect, yung mag tu turn back sa u then naka mukmuk lang dun.

minsan pa pag di mo agad nasunod yung gusto nya halimbawa, yung cd nya na barney di na gumagana kasi sobrang over played na yung CD na yun, paulit ulit nyang sasabihin na i want bayney I want!

pero all in all, i find her smart, ang lawak ng imagination ni ava, mag isa lang kasi sya, so ang ginagawa nyang patient nya is si patrick and papap(spongebob)kunwari may sakit sila so she'll asked them to drink na the loviscol, sasabihin nya sarap, ummh!  oyange to oh!

pati sila barbie, pag gabi na pag bed time na, tatabi nya sa kanya yun then she'll say, teys!(stay), sleep na, gabi na oh! sabay close ng window namin sa room.

sabi ni pedia, yung age daw ni ava ang NO STAGE!  yung ayaw ng ayaw, so sa food ang ginagawa namin pag ayaw nya ng ulam, sasabihin namin na wala ng ibang food yan lang, she'll ask for sabaw eh wala nga, so mapipilitan sya kumain ng ulam sa mesa, ganundaw dapat consistency lang for disipilina sa kids.  so far nagagawa o gumagana naman kay ava kaya lang minsan, makulit talaga, kaya may sigaw minsan na kasama.

[kaiz]

^i grew up din na kainin kung ano lang ang nasa table while sina hubby, lumaki na kapag ayaw sa food, kelangan ipagluto uli. Bakit daw magtitiis sa food na hindi nila like? Still, I don't think tama katwiran nila. Now pagdating sa son ko, gusto ko kung ano lang din sa table yun lang, eh si husband and mother in law ko, pag ayaw ng son namin sa food talagang papaluto agad kung anong gusto, kesa daw hindi kumain.. kaya daw ang payat ni baby. Haaaay..

[marose17]

@ pretty_ava:  Baka naman your daughter is full kaya ayaw na niya ubusin.  In the case of my sons, we give them small servings that they can finish.  Kasi kapag puno ang plate, nakaka-overwhelm yun for the kid.   If they want a second serving, we give din naman. We do not force them to finish the food on the plate.

@kaiz, sa house namin, the kids eat table food, same sa adults.  Walang special ulam for them at lunch or dinner.  Kapag breakfast lang iba sa kanila because they like cereals or bread with Nutella.  Kakasawa naman kung everyday ganoon din ang breakfast namin. 

By the way, my sons' developmental pedia has approved of the way we feed my kids.

[CitizenoftheWorld]

This is a very helpful thread.

My 1 year old daugther has started to hit people in the face. It started about a month ago. And now, nakakahiya na. Pati strangers pinapalo niya. What can I do to stop this behavior?

[ichelie]

though your child is only 1, when she hits people in the face.  gently hold her hand and tell her "NO", "its not good."  try to do it in a gentle yet firm voice.  sometimes, they squirm and would throw a fit, yet be consistent in doing it.  if she cries, deviate her attention, yet be firm.  if you give in, she would see that she can get away with it. 

usually, kids do that to get people's attention or see the cause and effect of things.  if we "fuss" or give a loud comment, laugh, or shout, the more toddlers try to repeat the action, cause they know they can elicit a response from us.  in children - "Negative" and "Positive" attention is still attention.  So be firm, gentle and consistent.  Its not an overnight thing, and you have to bring in all the people caring for baby to do the same.

[katkat]

Laking palo din kami ni hub pero magkaiba kami ng gusto. I let him spank for now basta hindi madalas at hindi sobra or else siya ang bubugbugin ko. LOL. Kaya minsan kami ang nag-aaway

Kasi I don't believe palo alone will make you a better person, or make you respect your parents. 

Para lumawak naman ang kaalaman ko, I've bought several books re discipline (those of Dr. James Dobson) pero di ko pa nabasa.  And Positive Discipline, The First Three Years by Jane Nelsen.  This one's nice. Di siya mahirap basahin and madami kang makuhang ideas.   

Your goal daw should be, discipline as means of teaching, not punishment.

[kaiz]

MAROSE -- yan din gusto ko mangyari sa son ko. hindi kelangan pagbigyan all the time, especially pagdating sa food. Kaya lang ang hirap magdiscipline na nandyan in laws. We live kasi sa bahay nila.

[princessmia08]

I believe in the concept of "palo".

My hubby doesn't do it too often and if he does it, sobrang hina and ihuhug niya after and feeling ko hindi consistent yung galit. Iyakan lang siya ng konti, ok na. So mas hindi siya sineseryoso ng anak ko pag nagbibigay siya ng warning.

Sadista kung sadista. Pero if ever may ginawa yung daughter ko na hindi ko talaga nagustuhan, I smack her THEN LET HER STAND IN THE CORNER to contemplate bakit siya napalo. The good thing about this is that kahit sabihin ng lola ko or ng daddy niya na, "enough na, come here na." Hindi siya umaalis sa corner hanggat hindi ako yung nagsabi. She tried that once and lalo ko siyang napalo kasi.

Then pag ako na yung tumawag sa kanya, she'll come running to me, crying while saying sorry. then we'll talk/

I won't smack her naman kasi just for the sake of smacking her. I make sure she learns something about it.

And hindi dahil mas less mamalo daddy niya ay daddy's girl siya. She's 100% mommy's girl. 

[PINKAHOLIC]

Share ko lang..
KAWIKAAN 29:15 -
'' ang pamalo at saway ay nagbibigay karunungan:
Ngunit ang batang binabayaan ay humihiya sa kaniyang ina''.
For me, di masamang mamalo kung KINAKAILANGAN talaga.
May mga bata kasing mahirap sawayin at di talaga nakikinig aminin man natin o hindi.
Oo nakakaawa pag pinalo pero mas nakakaawa kapag lumaki shang matigas ang ulo..
Alam naman natin kung gaano kalakas lang na palo ang NARARAPAT sakanila..
But n the other hand, may mga kids na tingin pa lang ng magulang nagbe-behave na at madaling pagsabihan na di na kailangang paluin pa..

But in the end, its our choice. Kanya kanyang pagdidisiplina yan depende sa ugali ng bata.
Ako aminado namamalo pero yung fair sa kids ko, yung kaya lang nila at yung sa area na di sila mashadong masasaktan like butt..
Di na kc makuha sa pakiusap.. Mahirap ng paliwanagan but then again, its my POV..

[Pretty_ava]

sis marose-  hindi din eh, minsan kasi 3 subo pa lang ayaw na, and talaga firm sya sasabihin nya ito:   ENOUGH!  ikaw ha!  isa!  gaganun pa sya, tipong pinapagalitan nya pa yung nagsusubo sa kanya.  pero now, kahit ganun, gumagana sya mag eat kasi parang every 2 hrs humihingi sya ng bread (biscuits)  dahil sa vitamins nya kaya okay na din.

basta kung anong food ang nasa table yun din lang yung kakainin nya.  so far okay kame sa ganun.

pag naman halimbawa sobra na sya sa sweets like naparami kain nya ng chocolates, sasabihin nya, enough, sakit na teeth oh!  tapos she'll say brush na ate.  kasi alam na nya talaga yung magiging result pag nag eat sya ng too much sweets, almost 3 yrs old na kasi so alam na nya talaga maka intindi.

and i'm so proud to say, na she knows how to use the CR na, dun na sya nag wiwi sa bowl, and ayaw nya pumayag na hindi dun sya iihi, then after nun, sasabihin nya, GAYENG oh!  (GALING oH).

[pinkpotato]

Thanks heavens I found this thread. Been contemplating on the best way to discipline my daughter din kasi.

samen naman ako ang disciplinarian. her daddy is her spoiler. whatever she asks from dad, she gets. i thought it was healthy kasi balance. pero eventually i saw na hindi sya effective. if the child is misbehaving and being unreasonable, dapat kami mag asawa on the same side. and so far for me, spanking is effective. twice or thrice ko lang naman nagawa yun, yung medyo may pain talaga. pag tapos na sya mag cry, then we relax and i ask her if she knows baket ko sya pinalo and she does. she would tell me why and tell me what she should do next time pra di sya mapalo. kasi during the pinapagalitan moment, may mega explain e so naririnig nya at naiintindihan.

most of the time naman nadadala din sa kausap. when she cries over something I tell her to tell me what she wants. pag ayaw ko ng gusto nya i let her explain why i should give in to what she suggests. pag hindi pumasa iyak sya. hahaha. tapos i tell her pag ikaw na mommy, ikaw masusunod but while i am your mom, you don't have a choice.

usually ang issue lang naman e ang too much sweets because pahirapan na naman mag toothbrush after. like last night a friend gave us a box of ferrero and as usual favorite nya na naman daw yun. she wants to open it immediately pero tapos na sya mag toothbrush, wash, matutulog na lang. pero iyak iyak so i told her okay i can let you eat 1 then we brush your teeth.  i know i am facing 2 things to resolve after that:

1) 1 choc is not enough
2) toothbrush again

tama, ayaw ng isa she suggests 2 daw pero 5 fingers nya nasa mukha ko (na lagi style nya tapos ibabalik nya syo pumayag ka sa 5 naman talaga di 2, uutakan pa ako),

sabi ko, "but you are showing me 5 fingers that means 5 chocolates. that's too many. eat 1, brush your teeth and let's sleep."

"okay mom, 2 chocolates, then we sleep."

"Oh nasan na ang plano mong magtoothbrush dun?"

"Later na mom after this... please?"

"Ay malabo yang gusto mo e. You keep the chocs. do not open that til tomorow, then you can eat 2. pero bukas pa."

*Cry* Cry*

"Sige you cry, i'm turning off the lights. pag tapos ka na mag emote, go to our room okay? Remember mommy loves you."

"Tapos takbo saken, "mom wait for me!"

Haaaaay....

[ichelie]

^sis, good thing you recognize that discipline needs consistency between the parents.  if the kids sense the difference, they have a way of getting things, maybe not when they are young, bu complications would set if they are older. 

in disciplining children, one important thing is that rules and expectations are set, so as children would know how they go about things.  for sure, they would not follow.  but it would be best to explain the rules and the corresponding consequence if they dont obey.
e.g.  playing with toys - fixing after - if they dont pack away, toys would be kepty for a few days.

[pinkpotato]

^ yes, i encourage my husband na pag sabihan na din daughter namin pag di na sumusunod pero usually si hubby loud voice. lalakas boses na ayoko sana kasi ang ingay! hahaha. sana mga tipong titigan pa lang nya sa mata or isang tawag lang ng name magstop na. may ganong daddies kasi di ba?

thanks for mentioning playing with toys. medyo i don't take this one pa seriously kasi ambilis ng katulong ko mag ayos. kung ako kasama nya mag play we sing "clean up, clean up" after playing pero most of the time mga pupulot ng 2 tapos lalabas na sa playroom at iba na naman.

try ko nga yan. i'll observe if effective.

dati din i give her anything she wants, play with my make up, my bags, etc etc. pero naiisip ko naguguluhan din pala ako ng ganun so i don't give in anymore but the problem is medyo nasanay na sya na pumapayag ako. so iyakan potion na naman until nalearn nya na din wag maging mapilit once i say, don't play with this, this is not a toy. ganun.