how do you discipline your kids?

[PINKAHOLIC]

Same dillemma mga sisses,
my 3 years old boy is so hard-headed..
Minsan di ko na alam ang gagawin ko kc parang may violent tendency sha.
Madrama rin sha sa buhay like kapag papaluin he says '' Di pwedeng paluin c Miro (his name) kawawa ako,
masakit feet ko saka hands / or tiyan and head.
O kaya nilalagnat ako / masakit eyes ko nabulag na c miro,
hay naku basta ang daming kadramahan..

Eto pa, kapag manonood ng tv sasabihin nya,
'' Lulay (lola), open ko na yung tv, nilalagnat ako kaya dapat manood na ko ng Spiderman/ scoobydoo'', maluha luha pa talaga sha saka sumisibi.

May pagkamayabang din ,
lagi nalang, '' gwapo c miro,
mabait c miro, hindi ako bad'',
tapos kapag may nakita sha na di nagustuhan sabihin nya, ''mommy ang bad nya no'' or ''ang pangit'', ''kadiri'', ''yucky'', ''eeeiw'' super maselan talaga..
Minsan nahihiya na talaga ako kapag sinabihan nya ng pangit mga mare ko, huhu ='c,
and guess what? Lately nagmumura na sha dahil naririnig sa father ko, dun kc sha nakatira sa parent ko kaya di ko ma disiplina, he says P.I mo/ bastos ka, naiiyak na talaga ako,
sana malimutan na nya yung words na un..

Takot sha sa daddy nya kc kapag nagta tantrums sha pinamimili sha ni hub sa dalawang pamalo,
isang malaki at isang maliit, ayun stop na sha pero sakin deadma lang kaya minsan napapalo ko talaga ng sobra but after nun magsosory ako and i explain 2 him na mali ang ginawa nya, magagalit c papa Jesus kc God loves behave children,
haaays ang hirap maging mom.

[marose17]

^ You have to talk to your father about saying curse words in front of the child.  I'm afraid na kapag nakasanayan na ng anak mo ang ganoong ugali, mahihirapan siyang tanggalin ang habit na yun.  That part about your post really disturbed me, sis.

You have to be more pro-active in disciplining your child.  Huwag mo siyang hayaan masunod ang gusto.  You are the mother. You should be the one to set the rules.

[babymom20]

how old po dapat ang baby before we impose rules? yung age na makakaintindi na sya?

15months old po si baby..

2 weeks ago nasa shoe section, fit ko shoes kung ok sa paa nya, lahat ng isuot sa paa nya ayaw na nyang ipatanggal.. nag-iiyak at nagsisigaw sa mall!! pinalabas ko na lang muna sa yaya.

nakikitaan ko rin sya ng behavior nang "nagwawala".. like yung mga toys nya, may time sya na parang gusto nyang basagin lahat ng toy na mahawakan nya.. itatapon nya sa sahig then pupulutin ulit sabay ihahampas na naman ulit.. dko malaman kung nanggigil o kung ano. kasi after that, titingin lang sya sakin sabay ngingiti o tatawa.. minsan sinusubukan ko eplain sa kanya padahan-dahan like mali ang ganung gawa nya, minsan sinasampal ako o minsan naman para syang sumasagot na hindi naman maintindihan.. 

[showermist]

i work with kids and attended lots of seminar/workshops with regards to this.

if you think naiintindihan na nya na may consequences ang maling ginawa nya,then it's time to impose. or if you really want to discipline her early--introduced to her what's right and wrong.

from there you can follow it with a time out. one minute if she's 1yr old. 2mins when she's 2 yrs. and so on.

established that kind of routine.


and mean 'business' everytime.  that doesn't mean naman na you love her less so don't feel guilty.  kids are smarter than what we think.  they know when you mean it or not. 

common sense. eto ang nakakaligtaan ng parents minsan.  they are thinking na they ought to give the kids 'all' and the biggest consideration which is so not right.  you don't want your kids to have that power over you, right?!  you are the parent, make that clear.

kids that age are into 'power' trip, and revenge thing.  siguro parang magugulat ka, sa 'power' and 'revenge' word i used. pero try to observe.

what your kids doing na magtatapon ng things, and then look at you at ngingiti--she wants reaction from you. if you react, gagawin nya ulet. until it becomes a cycle.  yung stress mo magbibuild up.


now yung ginawa nya sa mall:  if she do that again, lumabas na lang kayo. or if you want to dig deeper, there could be a possible reason for her acting that way. is it the wrong time of day?  she's 15mos old. that means you schedule activities like shopping, activites according to her 'daily routine' not according sa time na availale ka. or she'll get crancky.or expect a 'revenge' thing

[babymom20]

^ thanks sis! i understand..

yung pagtatapon nya ng thing, calm voice lang ako pag lapitan ko sya habang sinasabihan na wag gagawin yun.. or pag ayaw nya magpahawak talaga habang naghahampas ng toys, upo na lang ako sa sofa, pag tapos na sya, ngingitian na nga ako nyan, minsan tinatanong ko kung tapos na ba sya, aalis lang sya then maglalaro na naman ulit..makikipagharutan na.. parang wala lang naman sa kanya yung ginawa.. fear ko lang po kasi baka symptoms yun ng kung anong behavioral problem..like yung mga autistic daw etc.. rule din po pala sa bahay na bawal syang sigawan o pagtaasan ng boses at lalong bawal saktan..

sa mall, maybe wrong timing lang nga po talaga.. kasi last weekend naman nagpunta kami ulit ng shoe section kasi i want to buy her nga a new pair of shoes, ok naman na sya.. nakikipagbiruan at tawanan sya sa mga SA.. when i told it to her lola, unang tanong e kung nagwala daw ulit kagaya nung una kasi kasama namin sya noon, kako hindi.. mukhang good mood sya that day.

[showermist]

^ halata naman kasi pag autistic o talagang may problema sa bata.

that's just normal sis.  kids today are smarter than 30 yrs ago.  maybe because they are born in information age hehe

anyways, liek us grown ups, kids too have their moods at naistress din sila.  may mga emtions din sila na hindi nila kayang i-express. may gusto nila na hindi nila kayang i-express. or needs. kaya nga big deal ang 'common sense' at maging attuned sa needs ng anak. the latter is hard for a working parents nga lang.

[twelvth_goddess]

As early as now I'm reading up on effective ways of discipline among kids. Being our first born, I want to give Zoe a really good life and provide things that she needs and wants but at the same time, I want her to grow up appreciative of what she has and to be a loving and polite girl. My husband is very set on not spanking Zoe cus he believes in the power of effective communication.

I just wanna share my co-worker's dilemma right now. She has 3 kids and her eldest is a 7 year olf who goes to Assumption Antipolo. her daughter cant appreciate that she goes to a nice school, parang for her, it's just her parents forcing her to go to school. True enough, her grades are really bad, may mga 73-74. There was also a phase din daw wherein she was taking money from my co-worker's wallet and take note, 1 thousand bills ang kinukuha. When she investigated if this also happened in school, yun nga, nawalan din ng money yung isang classmate after her daughter 'borrowed her wallet to look at it.'

I think kids are really very smart nowadays, iba talaga sila compared to us during our time. I think all parents hope to be able to discipline their kids well and raise them to have proper manners. That's why I feel sad for my 2 nephews cus my brother and his wife dont know how to discipline properly, puro palo and sigaw kaya the kids are also hard headed and somewhat violent. I hope and pray that Zoe doesnt take from their example.

[showermist]

^not all books will work out but doing it with common sense will do it   now, before you go ballistic on myterm 'common sense' --let me just explain a little.  parents nowadays tend to be lax with their children without them knowing it.  so even if they have 'common sense,' with their child/ren, they are losing that important factor.

anyways with regards to your coworker:  does she expect the kid to appreciate na nagaaral sya sa private school?  because that's a big expectation and a very wrong one.  what does a seven year old know about private school? what if parent lang nya ang may gusto nun?  kids will never appreciate that yet.  maybe when they're 13. sure. enk. maybe. 
about your coworkers' kid behavior, they have to pay attention. harsh as it sound but the girl is stealing!  they need to talk to the kid on the W's and H of that certain behavior.  because if they just let it be--baka mas grumabe na yan paglaki nya. mas masama lalo if the kid finds pleasure in doing that   this is sad.

[kurengkeng]

i'm guilty of spanking my 8year old son....not because he's bastos or anything, pero suuuuper kulit lang talaga. however i make it a point to have a heart to heart talk with him after every palo session. we both cry everytime. i let him know how it hurts me everytime i spank him...and he cries naman to let me know how sorry he is pero siempre bata yan, maya maya lang kulit na ulit hehe.

my son is a disciplined boy. he knows his manners. as early as 2 or 3yrs old yata, i taught him na to say sorry, and dapat immediate. he knows he cannot sleep without apologizing for his mistakes.  i make it a point that he knows kung bakit ko sya pinalo para di nya isipin na palo lang ng palo ang mga parents. he also knows na i still and will always love him kahit makulit sya at napapalo ko sya.

im a working mom, a sungit and impatient one ;-) pagod ka sa work and byahe pero you still need to tutor your son pag uwi mo... he tells me everytime, na he wonders why his classmates have tutor. proud sya na first honor sya lagi kahit wala syang tutor.... i am blessed to have an intelligent son. pag uwi ko, nagawa na nya ang homework nya...i just browse through it....pero lagi syang perfect..lagi sya first honor kahit strict ako sa pagtuturo pag exams....

pero still i am happy that he loves me very much kahit minsan masungit daw ako. when i ask him how much he loves me, his only one reply is: INFINITY. o diba, may ganun pa syang nalalaman..i-google ko nga ang meaning ng infinity. hehe joke.

i try as much as i can na di sya paluin...kaya talagang effort to the max ito.

[showermist]

^sis, i would suggest na pag may ginagawa na syang na sa tingin mo eh 'hindi na tama' ( iknow this is broad), try to go down on his/her level and tell him immediately that what he's doing upsets you everytime.  and ask him how are you both going to deal with it. so both of you will not be upset.

it's acknowleding the behavior. and acting on it both ways.

i know it's hard. but if you make it a habit, you'll going to make life easier for you and your child.

[kurengkeng]

^ naku sis, i do. i tell him many many times. i explain to him and even demonstrate the consequences pag hindi nya tinigilan...however, there are days na talagang kahit anong sabihin mo e hindi pakikinggan...good thing that he's turning 8 now, far from the terrorist and terrible stages.. a lot wiser, a lot tamer ;-).....he's learning his lessons very well, and as ive said earlier, getting more intelligent each day. i believe i have done a great job, despite my strictness and the spanking for the past years, as i see him grow up well behaved, and intelligent. consistent syang first honor from kinder up to now he's in grade 2. we have a great bond that im sure most parents will envy.

[showermist]

^you are both amazing   that only means na yung kakulitin nya e dala lang ng pagiging bata

[kurengkeng]

^thanks sis. and yeah, dala lang ng pagkabata.

at sa sobrang kulit nya, he made me pilit to read with him Diaries of a Wimpy Kid. hay nako, sige na nga kako...now im hooked! hehe

have a nice weekedn All!

[DV]

What do you do if your child picks up an unpleasant behavior from another child?

[ichelie]

Children are a wonder at this age!  I am in the profession of helping children and parents for the past 10 years... and now, I am a mommy myself. 

As a parent and in my work with children, the often question I have when chiildren have problems are: "How is the child at home?"  "How is the child being raised by the parents?"  Im really sad to say, that most of my students problems stem from the family - how they were raised!  Some parents acknowledge their limitation, some dont, some would acknowledge but refuse to do something about it.  The poor child grows still with the same issue... and the issue continues!

In disciplining, "palo" is not encourged.  It degrades the child.  It hurts the child.  No matter what explanation parents give, what the child remembers is "napalo ako!"  At their tender age, they cannot connect - the "palo" as a "sign of love,"   that's a dysfunctional thought.

Never also give the child put down remarks, and never "label" them!  The more the action is reinforced if children are called names: makulit," "pasaway," "magulo," "astig," 'arte" etc...

Another approach to time outs that we encourage parents to do is the LOGICAL AND NATURAL CONSEQUENCES:
This means for every misbehavior - there's a corresponding consequence to things.  To implement this, HOUSE RULES must be set.  Communication between the child and parents is the key. Consistency is a must!  And the impact is on the MISBEHAVIOR and not the CHILD. The CONSEQUENCE should be directly connected to the misbehavior.  Its should not be 'Threat!"  Consequence is something that parents would seriously do!

say that the child did not fix the toys at home.  what are the rules about fixing the toys?  the child cannot just be told to fix if wala siyang lalagyan ng toys and does not know how to fix it well.  if the rules are set, and the child still does not fix the toys, then the consequence is that the toys would be kept for a time or would be thrown to the trash.  No one should fix the toys for the child or else, he would not believe the parents anymore.

This post might help you: http://handymommy.wordpress.com/2010/12/08/making-kids-stay-still/

In case youre interested, Love Institute headed by Maribel Dionisio, a parengting and relationship expert would offer parenting curriculums on a monthly basis. Topics are disciplining, developing self-worth, bully-proofing your child, etc.  PM me for more details!

[kurengkeng]

What do you do if your child picks up an unpleasant behavior from another child?

Naku sis, may ganyan kaming moment ng son and daughter ko. pero one good thing about us, e napag usapan na namin yan way before he went to nursery...i always tell him that if he hears bad words, or sees bad things, wag na nyang gagayahin or wag na nyang sasabihin. i told him to brush it off immediately from his memory. kaya hanggang ngayon dala dala nila yan.

funny moment with my son...mga a few months back lang. may kinekwento sya sakin. may nakita daw syang mommy na inaaway yung classmate nung son nya (in prep pareho). the mommy was shouting daw...so i asked him, anong sinisigaw nung mommy...ganito sabi nya ng son ko with matching demonstration: " Stay away from my son, you tutut!"... so sabi ko,...Ha?  what do you mean by tutut...he said: "Mommy i cant say, bad words e.." 

hehe,. yun lang. i, thank you ;-) 

[kaiz]

Napapaisip ako sa palo palo na yan.. Para kasing sinasabi lagi na wrong yung way ng sinauna pero kung tutuusin, mas magagalang yung mga kids dati. mas behave.

[ichelie]

^^ sis thats a funny story!  really.  as of the mommy who did that to the other child, its uncalled for.  one - the teacher should be the authority figure over the other child.  another, traumatic yun sa isang bata.

as for getting the behavior from other children, here's my stance: we parents have the responsibility to process it with our kids.  they will remember it but we are responsible in explaining to them why these are not good, base on our Family VALUES. Processing means asking the child WHAT HAPPENED, how do you feel about what happened, and WHY do you think it is not good?  if child has good insight already, you can ask, Why do you think it should not be done.  That way, GALING SA BATA ang reasoning.  Not just mere TELLING them not to do it.  If di pa nila kaya sagutin, then we can help them to assess the value of matters.

As for

Napapaisip ako sa palo palo na yan.. Para kasing sinasabi lagi na wrong yung way ng sinauna pero kung tutuusin, mas magagalang yung mga kids dati. mas behave.

Yes, magalang at behave ang bata dati - mostly higher generations satin and some of us.  Why?  Autocratic style ng mga lolo at lola.  Children are not heard.  Pag may ginawang mali, palo at parusa.  They are just told to do so, without understanding and taking full responsibility for that.  In effect, they have issues as adults that can be traced to it.

[DV]

^Thanks for the reply.  I'm wondering how I will engage my 2-yo in "processing." I think she's at the stage where she imitates practically everything she hears and sees.  I would tell her that what she did/said was inappropriate and she would listen naman pero maya-maya pag nakita na naman that other kids are doing it, gagaya na naman sya.

[jaiaquino]

Ako din guilty of palo noon. Pero nowadays, I just have to tell my 2-yr old that mommy will get angry in 5 seconds if she does not listen to me, then start counting - that seems enough na. She stops, says sorry n listens to me explaining why. But coz she is a 2-yr old, she has her good days n bad days - like us adults. When she's having a bad day n she really challenges me, I turn my back na Lang n leave the room. Sometimes she'd follow me n say sorry Pero my times pa rin na walang effect. Pag walang effect, I let myself cool down first then I go back to her n try to talk to her to explain. I hope Yama what i'm doing.

My problem now is when she throws a tantrum, I don't make her pansin which was working as she'd stop coz nobody's paying her attention. But if her dad is around, hay naku! He'd go to her, and give in to whatever the kid was asking for like candies or chocolates when it's almost dinner time or popcorn for breakfast. Sakit sa ulo! Nakakainis.