Moving In together

[ryan22]

@airish2, we're on the same boat. Only difference is 9 yrs pa lang kami ni bf. Haaaay, I strongly feel na dapat naman pakasalan tayo kung gusto tayong makasama sa iisang bubong kahit pa we get to sleep in each other's house na rin.

Ako sinubukan nyang yayain pero choice ko ang umayaw 10 years na kami (no on-off) mas comportable ako na sa kanya kanya kaming bahay umuuwi, kung di nya ako pakakasalan mas ok na ang set up na magkahiwalay na bahay kesa sa iisang bubong na hindi kasal, tutal minsan sa amin sya natutulog minsan ako naman sa kanila.

Tsaka i think i deserve na pakasalan sa tagal ba naman hehe.. pero kung hindi man dumating na yayain ako dito muna ako sa amin

had you ask your respective bfs kung may plano silang pakasalan kayo? or awkward naman kasi kung tatanongin nyo, may nababanggit ba sila na plano kayong pakasalan? worried ako for the two of you. sobrang tagal na ng relationship nyo. baka mamaya naghihintay kayo sa wala. advice lang.

[Yamski]

@ryan22, Yes, we talk about it once in a while. Magkaiba kasi kami ng gusto. Sya, civil lang. Yung tipong wala ng celebration. Sayang lang daw kasi ang oras at pera. As in, matali lang kami sa isa't isa. Ako naman kasi, kahit pa ano'ng sabihin niya, gusto ko  church wedding. Hindi kailangan magarbo basta nandun yung family and close friends namin. So, ang ending ng usapan: "sige, ipon muna tayo." Ganun lagi ang ending for the past 2 years. Pero to be honest, naiinip na 'ko. 25 pa lang naman kami pero pakiramdam ko nagaaksaya na lang ako ng panahon. Pero natatakot rin ako na baka wala ng dumating after him. Iniisip ko na lang baka hindi pa talaga sya ready. Pero kasi gusto nya ng magkababy! Tapos ayaw nya pang magpakasal? Baliw-baliwan lang ang peg?

[simang]

^yun naman pala eh, magipon muna, the question is nag-iipon ba kayo for the wedding specifically? You can only save for the wedding if you guys already know the details of the wedding you want to have. Pero kung sinabi ngang mag-iipon, sige may naiipon for the past 2 years, pero it's not specifically for the wedding, then im guessing wala syang plano.

To think that no one else will love you if you break up is pure bull s***. Seriously, you think you're that unworthy of any love without him?

Bata ka pa sis, i would suggest that if you really want the wedding to push through, you lay down the details to him. As in expenses details (suppliers, gowns, reception, venue, etc), and you guys have to agree on a date. Not a specific date but at least kung ilang years from now. That way may target yung pagiipunan nyo. Kase ang daling sabihin na ipon muna kayo pero paano kung wala naman target na pagkagastusan?

Madalas kase if ganyan na katagal ang relationship, the guy settles in being bf-gf. He gets what he wants without much responsibilities. But really, if a guy wants to spend the rest of his life with you, he'll marry you. If you're lucky, he'll marry you the way you want to get married.

[thirtylicious]

Set kayo ng budget nyo for the wedding para may target. Pero kung gusto na nya magkababy parang labo talaga ng wedding. Kakainis ha? Hehe magastos din magkababy ha? Nakakadrain ng powers. If u plan to get married after the baby naman kung ako lang sis ha? Hihintayin ko lumaki si baby para makalakad sya sa aisle. Hehe and to prepare for the wedding na may baby ka kukuha ka ng magaalaga o yaya(bawas sa ipon na naman). May postpartum depression din sis after manganak. What if ur partner cant take it. Baka iwan ka rin. Parang neverending bottleneck sis. Stress hehe. This is my pov lang if it happened to me. I really dont know what's on your partner's mind....

[thirtylicious]

Mas mabilis iprocess ang marriage chorva if 5yrs na kayong living in together. Sworn affidavit will suffice i think. Saw it on the news years ago. Hindi na kelangan ng marriage license to get married. Google family code about co-habitation common-law husband and wife. Read ka lang. Pero shempre we like na nakagown tayo hehe..

Live in kami ni bf ng 2yrs then got married at age 29. My times na i wish i could have waited pa til im 35. I miss being single/independent. Dati naisip ko rin baka wala ng dumating pero til now may nagpaparamdam pa rin naman. Hihi pero i love my hubby so much kaya loyal ako. Dedma na sila. Parang OT na.sowie

[Yamski]

Yun nga rin talaga ang pakiramdam ko. Kuntento na sya mag magbf-gf. Kung may baby, hindi nga naman sya ang kawawa sa pagaalaga sa huli. Ah basta, hindi ako makikipaglive-in sa kanya. Dahil pag live-in ang set-up sa'min dalawa, mas malaki ang chance na mauna talaga ang baby. At least, kung kanya kanyang uwi ng bahay, mas less yung probability na mapreggy. We don't have time rin naman to go out just to do "the deed." Hindi rin naman pwede sa mga bahay namin dahil laging may tao. Hahaha!

[fierceandfab]

Over one year na kaming magkasama sa isang apartment. So far, OK naman and I would recommend it kasi doon mo talaga malalaman kung compatible ba talaga kayo. Of course, best behavior pag nasa labas but inside your own house, lumalabas talaga ang true colors ng tao so for me, practical lang mag-live in before marriage. Swerte na lang rin siguro that we live abroad kaya people tend to be supportive or at least understanding. Siguro talaga pag sa Pinas namin ito ginawa, mayroong talagang magsasalita. 

[lovely_carrot]

In my situation 5 years ago, moving in seems to be the perfect solution for us. After separating with my 1st partner of 3 years, pahinga ng ilang buwan then enter my current BF. Since I was renting my own apartment and paying my own bills hindi naging issue sa akin yung magpaalam pa sa kahit kanino.

Yung una sleep over lang then later nagpaampon na talaga sya sa akin. 
He's the one who suggested na magsama na kami. Marami kami naging issues during the first 2-2.5 years syempre adjustment sa ugali ng bawat isa, ilang beses na din naghiwalay but after a while we both settled in a comfortable stage.. We're actually paying na for our own house sa Cavite.

Marriage is still an option, he wanted civil, I wanted a church wedding. No need for it to be grand, iba lang kasi pag sa simbahan. Kahit 70 pax or less lang ang attendees namin, I'd be fine with it.

I'm 32 now, gusto ko na din kasi magkababy kasi baka makunat na ko hahaha e ayoko naman magkababy ng hindi kasal, yung first daughter ko kasi out of wedlock din ayoko naman ulitin yung  past mistakes so we'll see when he comes home this year.

[simang]

Personally I wouldnt want to move in with my partner til we're married. I don't think it's necessary, plus I value my parents' opinions so much. I'm sure they're against it.

Pero may mga weekends na nagsleepover si partner sa apartment namin but since I live with my sisters sa sala sya natutulog. Hehe

I guess living together is fine, wala namang problem, pero personally i think not living together is one of the things that make the relationship exciting.

Surprisingly, my partner and I have been living together for a few months now. It basically came out naturally, in a way na the weekend sleepovers became an everyday thing until we finally decided that he move in na talaga, especially when his roommates decided to move to another place na medyo malayo sa place ko. So he decided to just move in with me, instead of move with his previous roommates.

Advantages: You get to really prepare for the married life, we do domestic chores together and I get to really see how he is in the house, and vice versa. Of course, I can kiss him anytime I like and he's the first thing I see in the morning, which is priceless. We get to cuddle and just have our own little space. And definitely, yung share sa gastos is more convenient.

Disadvantages: I can't think of anything major right now. Siguro one is bawas talaga ang time ko going out with friends (I go out more often than him) kasi for the most part, nasanay na ko na susunduin nya ko sa work and we'll go home together. Yun lang, but nothing really major. I am still excited to get our place after the wedding (which will be in 50+ days). Excited akong mag-ayos ng totoong bahay lol.

So far, so good. I'm really very happy with how things turned out for us, kasi everything seemed to just fall into place.

[lovemeagain30]

^ Congratulations Sis! at least on the road to forever na kayo. I don't know exactly what I advised the TS about her then situation (katamad ng mag back read!hehe). Living in set up is ideal for people who are in the process of getting married.. as in, in the process na ah! like in 3 months ikakasal na kayo.. pero kung testing the water lang kung ok ba siyang maging kapartner in life, Nope, i won't advise for it. Not at all.

One major Disadvantage is, when that person is NOT the ONe for you it's very difficult to get out of the relationship! The moving on process is "as equally" as painful for married couples who are getting divorced. Much more pa nga kasi you invested too much emotions plus time in a relationship that doesn't have that much commitment compared to marriage. If that person you're living in is the One for you then good! what if hindi? You will separate then find another partner and lives with that person again for testing compatibility?? Nah.    Usually for people who gets out of living in setup usually settles to marry the next person who comes to their lives. I still have to meet a woman na okay lang kung panay live in set up lang siya sa ibat ibang naging bf niya. Nakakapagod din yun  and most of the time you will tell yourself na 'sana hindi ko nalang ginawa'. That i should have lived independently while waiting for the right person.

 

[Girltalker2]

I still have to meet a woman na okay lang kung panay live in set up lang siya sa ibat ibang naging bf niya.

Mas common ito sa Europe, not so much in Asia.

For me, if first time getting together, is prefer getting married muna then stay together. I really see no point why not get married. Tsaka if the guy really loves the girl, naniniwala ako na he would marry her the way she wants to get married. And of course, halos 99% ng mga babae gusto makasal sa simbahan.

However, coming out from a separation/ divorce, mas open ako sa live in arrangement siguro. IDK, siguro naisip ko I've done it before, why ikasal pa sa church ulit (most likely di na naman puede)

[reighnyielle]

My ex bf for a year and a half asked me to move in with him on our first night together about 3 years ago. I was speechless back then because I have no idea how to respond. It kinda turned me off because parang he's coming across as desperate but before the night ended, I told him I can't because I barely know him at that time and he might think I just want the V that leads to the D lol

[lovemeagain30]

Ako naman I was a single mom before although hindi kami live in dun nuon father ng anak ko. Nun naging single nanay ako the more naging choosy pako when it comes to relationships kasi maliit pa anak ko nuon na gustong kong protektahan. lumevel up nga daw ako sabi ng kasama ko! I don't bring anyone in our home much more to live with someone else. I dated men outside but that's just it. Our house is my sanctuary. sabi ko nuon if my relationships goes wrong again, i have my place to call MY OWN. Starting over again will not be that much difficult. You can't do that if you're in a live in type of set up. If i have loyal loving friends that I managed to keep for years now without "living in" with them then maybe I could find that special someone as well. And I did. Someone was brave enough to take my hand for that leap of faith called Marriage. 

ako ayoko! single mom nako ngayon ah pero di ko parin gusto ang ganitong setup. .not because i already have a kid doesnt mean i have to lower down my standards.

most of my friends living together having a hard time get into the marriage. tumatagal na yung panahon ng pagsasama nila but still hindi parin sila kinakasal. live in parin sila. most of the time, ang babae ang humihingi na ng kasal. kasi siyempre lahat ginawa na nila, ultimo mamuhay bilang mag asawa but still hindi parin sila pinapakasalan ng lalake. ang sagot ng guy, nag iipon pa daw kasi.. pero sabi ng girl, matagal na ang pag iipon niyan!

ang advantage ng live in is .. free sex whenever you want it. aminin isa etong factor bakit you want to move in right away.

for live in couples, lets admit it marriage takes the backseat pag matagal na kayo nagsasama sa isang bubong. parang wala na something to look forward since magkasama na kayo everday.
true you can always get out of the situiation anytime but like married couples its not easy as it sounds.

i still believe marriage brings more solid commitment to a relationship.

**Finally sinipag hanapin ko ang sagot ko dito 5 years ago! Whew. Even before eto na pala talaga ang stand ko. Nakakatawa na nagtuma parin pala ang principles ko sa dati sa ngayon. I'm glad tama pala ang naging decision ko nuon.

[airish_2]

had you ask your respective bfs kung may plano silang pakasalan kayo? or awkward naman kasi kung tatanongin nyo, may nababanggit ba sila na plano kayong pakasalan? worried ako for the two of you. sobrang tagal na ng relationship nyo. baka mamaya naghihintay kayo sa wala. advice lang.

Ang kulit naman, eto finally after 12 years were getting married na hindi ko alam na may reply na ganito sa message ko hehe...

[plumpolka]

My bf asked me this din. Though we were dating for 2 years, 3 months palang kami together as a couple. I've always wanted this naman even before pa. Ang thinking ko kasi, it's better na alam mo na how your partner acts if you're living on the same roof lang. I'm thinking of moving out next year and ewan ko siguro I will try na din living with him. I have no plans on getting married kasi 25 palang naman ako and I also dont have plans on getting preggy kaya im also taking bcp. By january i'll be 26 and I want to try something different. This year I tried solo travel in hk, next year I want to try to be independent and at the same time i-level up nadin yung relationship namin ni bf. Iniisip ko kasi, nasa edad na din naman kami to think if we have a future together. He already had 1 kid (unplanned) from his ex and we're both not ready for a family kaya we take precautions. Pero reading from the comments above na magkakasawaan or parang may empty feeling pag wala yung isa, medyo nagisip ako. hahaha!

[cosmochick]

When I was younger, I'm not against this kind of set-up.  Pero ngayon that I am married na, and as a parent, my views changed. Ayokong mag live in ang anak kong lalake or babae. Wheteher we admit it or not, pag nalaman ng guy na you've been in this kind of set-up or you are in this kind of set-up, decrease ang market value mo sa kanila para kasing they're thinking, youre not even married yet pero 'laspag' ka na.. sorry for the term.

[spacemonkey]

When I was younger, I'm not against this kind of set-up.  Pero ngayon that I am married na, and as a parent, my views changed. Ayokong mag live in ang anak kong lalake or babae. Wheteher we admit it or not, pag nalaman ng guy na you've been in this kind of set-up or you are in this kind of set-up, decrease ang market value mo sa kanila para kasing they're thinking, youre not even married yet pero 'laspag' ka na.. sorry for the term.

whoever thinks this way is not even worth it. ano ka, karne? kelan ka nagkaron ng "market value"?

sorry for the term, but thats one of the most ignorant things i've read here in a while.

[cosmochick]

whoever thinks this way is not even worth it. ano ka, karne? kelan ka nagkaron ng "market value"?

sorry for the term, but thats one of the most ignorant things i've read here in a while.

Sorry if I offended anyone here.. That's what I've heard lang from guys, I forgot to say thats its not my own opinion, just wanna share what I've been hearing from them.... Guys think differently than women eh..Mga Pinoy lang naman.. not foreigners. Let's face it, medyo conservative pa society natin and judgmental as well.
Oh well, I have nothing against who are in this set-up naman. Your life. Your call.

[plumpolka]

^ depende parin naman siguro sa guy yun. and kung mahal ka naman ng guy talaga, hindi naman nya iisipin na "nilaspag" ka na ng ibang lalaki. guys who think that way are shallow.


usually ba gaano katagal before nagl-live in ang mga mag bf/gf?

[spacemonkey]

Sorry if I offended anyone here.. That's what I've heard lang from guys, I forgot to say thats its not my own opinion, just wanna share what I've been hearing from them.... Guys think differently than women eh..Mga Pinoy lang naman.. not foreigners. Let's face it, medyo conservative pa society natin and judgmental as well.
Oh well, I have nothing against who are in this set-up naman. Your life. Your call.

No, not offended and I get an opinion, but I really hope, as a woman, you don't think this way.

"Whether we admit it or not" or "Lets face it" is a passive way to look at things. You're right, there are other people who think this way, but the thing is, you shouldn't be influenced or dictated by how men think. Who are they to tell you or anyone else that they're laspag?

If I had a kid, I'd be glad if he/she gets to have this setup. Not only do I know he/she is in a deep and serious relationship, I'd know that somewhere out there, they'd have another home and another person taking care of them.