Moving In together

[spacemonkey]

Haha! I just read my 2 year old reply on this thread.

We were living together last month til he went to Korea (going back Feb.) and I moved back to Manila. We have been living together for about 2 and a half years already.

My parents know. Or at least, that one time they visited me, we had a three bedroom apartment, and they knew we had separate rooms. (yeah, right.)

We've moved 5 times already, and the last one was a studio apartment, where we experienced what my friends called "cabin fever".

-- We just fought a lot, and my friends we're urging us to go out because there's too much of just us just being with each other that it's tearing us apart... and they we're really bad, intense fights.

We'd take breaks and times apart, until we decided to leave the place for a while to cool our heads off. He goes to Korea, I go to Manila and HK. We're still together, though. LDR. Just having the needed vacation.

When I went back to our place to gather my stuff, and I stayed there for a week, It was so f*****g depressing. It's like I couldn't function in that apartment without him. It was so hard to sleep, and I had to sleep with all the lights on and I had to have a movie playing while I slept., and music playing all day, just for noise.

I think that's the time when I remember thinking to myself -- I really can't live without this guy.

Actually, no. it was the time when I got there -- after he left, and I found all my laundry cleaned and folded nicely, and that he left his favorite (MY favorite) shirt tucked in between my clothes on purpose.


Wala lang. This thread just reminded me of things I took for granted while I was living with him. I'm not saying everyone should do it, but having to experience something like that was a great thing for us.

[zelnluv]

well.. this is a dilemma with me ngaun.

Hindi ko masabeng live in eh (cringe).. Di ko talaga type ang tawag dun.. hehe..

Plan kasi namen, mag rent ng place with my younger bro.
For the reasons na mas matipid, secure at kilala mo ang kasama mo. Dun sa mga points na yun.. Ayos naman. Pero basta. natatakot pa ko..

5 years na kami ni BF, and planning magpakasal hopefully in 3 years.. kaso bata pa kasi ako kaya kinikilabutan ako sa live in. Hayst

[ryan22]

well.. this is a dilemma with me ngaun.

Hindi ko masabeng live in eh (cringe).. Di ko talaga type ang tawag dun.. hehe..

Plan kasi namen, mag rent ng place with my younger bro.
For the reasons na mas matipid, secure at kilala mo ang kasama mo. Dun sa mga points na yun.. Ayos naman. Pero basta. natatakot pa ko..

5 years na kami ni BF, and planning magpakasal hopefully in 3 years.. kaso bata pa kasi ako kaya kinikilabutan ako sa live in. Hayst

better not pursue it. sabi nga kapag may alinlangan wag na ituloy.

[simang]

Personally I wouldnt want to move in with my partner til we're married. I don't think it's necessary, plus I value my parents' opinions so much. I'm sure they're against it.

Pero may mga weekends na nagsleepover si partner sa apartment namin but since I live with my sisters sa sala sya natutulog. Hehe

I guess living together is fine, wala namang problem, pero personally i think not living together is one of the things that make the relationship exciting.

[ryan22]

agree. dagdag excitement yun kapag di kayo magkasama sa iisang bubong. mukha lang exciting yung magkasama kayo pero habang tumatagal baka mabawasan din yun

[alexii]

Ako naman lagi ako nasa apartment ng bf ko every weekend. I can say na mas nakakatulong sa relationship namin pag magkasama kami sa iisang roof. Mas nakikikilala ko siya talaga lalo na yung ugali niya, mood niya, topak niya at kung ano-ano pa. Mag 2 years na ganito set-up namin and so far super okay siya para sakin.

[raketerangpinay]

Living in together gives you the benefit of:
1. Knowing each other even the smaller things (like how he sleeps, kung humihilik ba, does he help you with household chores, finances, ano sya pag malungkot, etc)
2. Having more time spent together
3. Bonding

But consider the following:
1. Finances - who to spend for grocery, utilities, rent, etc
2. Time - spent for family and friends.
3. Priority - especially on your goals for the future (this includes marriage and having a baby).

[Girltalker2]

feel ko lang ha.. mas scary un if u live-in together kasi mas may malaking chance na he won't get married to you. lol. it happened na kasi to my friend na girl. live in sila for how many years tapos na uli din naman sa wala. benefit kasi free access lahat. they do all things na talaga like a married couple.. formalities nalang ang kulang. ayoko ng ganon kasi wala ng suspense or excitement pagkayo na. boring kaya un.. u don't have a lot of things to look forward to when u get married.

actually on the contrary, pag live in kayo, hindi ba kahit papano, each will 'still' treat the other one with more importance? napansin ko kasi kung married na, wala kang choice, ganito ako eh, wala nang effort to please the other party.  pero kung live in, alam mong puede akong lumayas anytime at puede din syang lumayas anytime if one party is not happy. so both should exert some effort din to nurture the relationship and take care of each other.

Personally I wouldnt want to move in with my partner til we're married. I don't think it's necessary, plus I value my parents' opinions so much. I'm sure they're against it.

Pero may mga weekends na nagsleepover si partner sa apartment namin but since I live with my sisters sa sala sya natutulog. Hehe

I guess living together is fine, wala namang problem, pero personally i think not living together is one of the things that make the relationship exciting.

When I was young, I had the same views.  Alam kong hindi matatanggap ng parents ko at ayaw ko rin ang term na live in. I also havent slept with my bf that time kaya living in was not an option.

Pero naman, matanda nako ngayon. Kaya living in could be an option. Siguro pag bata pako, I may not consider this.  But not sure though, siguro kasi during my time, hindi pa uso ito.  Ngayon kung uso na, baka mas accepted narin ng society.

Di ko lang sya maconsider pag bata pako kasi nakakatakot nga naman.  what if it does not work out?  Then mapapabalita na kung sino sino na naka live in ko?  Not so sure though... Pero kung matanda nako like now, and I trust my judgement na it is not a spontaneous thing but rather pinag isipan ko din ang impact to my kids and all.  Being responsible, alam ko na ginagawa ko at pinapasok ko, why not?

But consider the following:
1. Finances - who to spend for grocery, utilities, rent, etc
2. Time - spent for family and friends.
3. Priority - especially on your goals for the future (this includes marriage and having a baby).

I think importante din ang maturity ng guy.  Pareho ba kayo ng goals to begin with?  Baka naman si guy eh happy happy na sa set up at walang balak na pakasalan ka, ok lang kung ikaw din. Kaso what if the girl's goal is marriage at yung guy hindi?  You might just find yourself in a rut later.

[Yamski]

Nung una, 'eto talaga ang gusto ko para ma-test ang water. Pero now that he has asked me several times, ayaw ko na. What he wants kasi is for me to move to his parents' house para daw pag uuwi siya, makakatulog rin siya sa kanila. Every time kasi na may chance syang umuwi, sa'min sya pag gabi. Ay, wait, parang naglilive in na rin pala kami noh? Kahit na three consecutive days in a month lang? Anyway, ang lagi kong sagot sa kanya, "eh 'di hindi mo na 'ko pinakasalan? Baby na lang agad." Mas gusto niya kasing magka-baby muna. In fact, "gastos" lang ang tingin niya sa kasal.  Ako naman, kasal muna. Ayun, he just wants a formal wedding kasi gusto ko. Kung siya lang ang masusunod ang gusto niya civil wedding lang, no more celebration. As in, pirma lang tapos uwi na para lang makuha ko ang surname niya. With his way of thinking, I think he's not the right guy for me. His love for me is unquestionable, hindi lang talaga kami swak sa ilang bagay. Oops, OT na pala. Sorry, 'can't help it.

[alice_alice]

My family is very conservative so hinde ito pwede sa amin.  Kailangan talaga ng kasal kailangan talaga ipapaalam sa mga magulang. I value what my Lola at parents say so kahit naman pwede na at my age eh kailangan muna magpaalam. 

[airish_2]

Ako sinubukan nyang yayain pero choice ko ang umayaw 10 years na kami (no on-off) mas comportable ako na sa kanya kanya kaming bahay umuuwi, kung di nya ako pakakasalan mas ok na ang set up na magkahiwalay na bahay kesa sa iisang bubong na hindi kasal, tutal minsan sa amin sya natutulog minsan ako naman sa kanila.

Tsaka i think i deserve na pakasalan sa tagal ba naman hehe.. pero kung hindi man dumating na yayain ako dito muna ako sa amin

[Yamski]

@airish2, we're on the same boat. Only difference is 9 yrs pa lang kami ni bf. Haaaay, I strongly feel na dapat naman pakasalan tayo kung gusto tayong makasama sa iisang bubong kahit pa we get to sleep in each other's house na rin.

[det060403]

Ako sinubukan nyang yayain pero choice ko ang umayaw 10 years na kami (no on-off) mas comportable ako na sa kanya kanya kaming bahay umuuwi, kung di nya ako pakakasalan mas ok na ang set up na magkahiwalay na bahay kesa sa iisang bubong na hindi kasal, tutal minsan sa amin sya natutulog minsan ako naman sa kanila.

Tsaka i think i deserve na pakasalan sa tagal ba naman hehe.. pero kung hindi man dumating na yayain ako dito muna ako sa amin

---   

[iamyourangel08]

pajoin mga sis!.

Ako din living in na with my bf, totoo na sabi nga nila madaming pro's and cons..pero para sken masaya na mahirap..masaya kasi everyday magkasama na kami ni bf, mas nakilala namen ang isat isa at dahil dito nabalik ko yung trust ko sa kanya kasi since magkasama na kami sa iisang bahay alam ko na palagi kung ano ginagawa nya..hehe..

Mahirap lang kasi for me hindi mo alam kung may balak pa ba siyang pakasalan ka or what which is in my case, hindi pa namen napaguusapan..May nabasa din kasi akong article na usually men who prefer living in with thier gf's sila daw yung minsang hindi pa or wala ng balak magpakasal..(im not sure about his one thought) let me check first yung nabasa kong article..hehe..

and also gaya nga ng sinabi ng mga ibang sis naten dito you cannot prevent the society from judging you, based na din sa naexperience ko..

[Girltalker2]

Kung okay lang sa girl mag live in at nagyaya si guy, ok lang itong setup siguro.

Pero kasi kung ang hangad talaga ng babae ay magpakasal, pero hindi pa ready ang guy, at feeling ng guy he can get away with something in between, mahirap na. There are a lot of guys out there kasi na di pa mature, pero gusto lagi may available na kasiping. It's not fair to the girl especially if the girl's goal in life eh magpakasal.

[iamyourangel08]

@airish2, we're on the same boat. Only difference is 9 yrs pa lang kami ni bf. Haaaay, I strongly feel na dapat naman pakasalan tayo kung gusto tayong makasama sa iisang bubong kahit pa we get to sleep in each other's house na rin.

I strongly agree with you sis!!..

[abby1511]

Me and my ex lived together for 5 years. Yep. 5 years. Di kami nagkasawaan. We miss each other every single day. We were so young. 20 lang ako noon and he's 18. Last year nag away kami at nauwi sa sakitan. We broke up sandali pero we forgave each other. Nagiba lahat when I became a christian. When I realized how wrong it is because He did not designed that kind of relationship. We were supposed to get married next year (dahil sa kakulitan ko) but yun nga, we broke up two weeks ago. During our marriage seminar, sabi ng facilitator namin wag daw i-test drive ang marriage.

Read this:
Many people imagine that living together before marriage resembles taking a car for a test drive. The "trial period" gives people a chance to discover whether they are compatible. This analogy seems so compelling that people are unable to interpret the mountains of data to the contrary.
Here's the problem with the car analogy: the car doesn't have hurt feelings if the driver dumps it back at the used car lot and decides not to buy it. The analogy works great if you picture yourself as the driver. It stinks if you picture yourself as the car.

Pansin ko dito sa thread, yung mga nakapag live in na, puro hiwalay na sila ngayon. Read every single page and yun ang napansin ko. This is the worst relationship decision I have made.

I moved last July. It was so hard for the both us talaga. Practically kalokohan ginawa ko dahil masarap na buhay ko dun. Pero inisip ko future ng marriage
Namin kaya I moved out. Gusto ko lang magobey. Pero di niya naiintindihan and things between us got bad after noon.

My bf is a good man. Not perfect pero sabi nila lagi swerte ako sakanya. Pero hindi nagwork eh siguro dahil rin sa mga
Maling desisyon namin.  In faith I know, the Lord will sendthe right man for me.

[airish_2]

^very well said sis, pero sana magkaayos kayo

[mooncake and leaves]

not really comparable but my bf and i lived together for 2 weeks hehe. we fought a bit during that brief period but we realized that we really want to  move in together, eventually. for us it's not a matter of testing the waters. it's just that where we live, living under someone else's roof past your 20s is not very adult. one time, we were at a friend's new apartment and we felt very immature. all of our friends are either getting married or living on their own/ with someone while we're still stuck with our folks. even my bf's best friend said to him, dude, you're getting left behind.

realistically speaking, i think we'll only live together either once we get married or months to a year prior. tipong we need to be forced into that setup because at the moment, the only motivation we have is that yun nga, we're kind of old. it's not pretty anymore. we've reached that point where we need to be the rulers of our own castle. mas matipid nga lang talaga to live with our parents so we're choosing to be practical. not sure for how long, though.

[det060403]

Read this:
Many people imagine that living together before marriage resembles taking a car for a test drive. The "trial period" gives people a chance to discover whether they are compatible. This analogy seems so compelling that people are unable to interpret the mountains of data to the contrary.
Here's the problem with the car analogy: the car doesn't have hurt feelings if the driver dumps it back at the used car lot and decides not to buy it. The analogy works great if you picture yourself as the driver. It stinks if you picture yourself as the car.

Pansin ko dito sa thread, yung mga nakapag live in na, puro hiwalay na sila ngayon. Read every single page and yun ang napansin ko. This is the worst relationship decision I have made.

That I noticed too. A friend and his gf moved in together almost a year ago. And we noticed how inconvenient it has become for both of them. Tapos hindi pa alam ng parents niya na binabahay na niya yung girl when in the first place, ayaw ng parents nung lalaki sa gf niya.  Hindi na nirespeto ang magulang.
Iba pa rin talaga kapag blessed.