A Life To Live, A Life To Give (Book Two)

[jezamae]

i'll also be reposting book one ( heart to keep, a heart to give) for our sisseis who have not read how it all started

thank you for reading this real love story

[yndy]

I'm already looking forward to see the updates sis... good to know you're back at your feet.

[jezamae]

^ thanks sis
katatapos lang ng 40 days
i'll start posting the updates next week

[zianreh]

this is so sad..

condolences sis.. and i hope we all get to read the rest of the story if it's not too painful for you..in your own time sis..

[jezamae]

^ thanks sis
i promise that you will all read the rest of the story
i just need time to write them. medyo affected pa kasi ako sa loss of my brother
i hope to post the next chapter this weekend

[jezamae]

to everyone, sorry sa delay ng updates
but i promise na me update na this sunday
pomise po yan and thanks for reading kap and mikaela's story
and i hope to have the ending before one of major character's birthday

[yndy]

^^ sweet.... we all look forward to reading it sis...

[angel_in_disguise]

I read the book 1 and 2 and it is a good story. Will  be waiting for the updates in the future.

My condolences for what happened to your brother, sis.

[jezamae]

Twelve: Broken

I also felt the dampness, something wet, on my blouse, just a few inches below my shoulder. I mechanically whirled around and my gaze met an apologetic smile from a woman carrying a little boy in red shirt. My eyes shifted to the boy who giggled, stretching out his right hand to me, reaching out for the pearl buttons on my orange blouse. He was holding a brown box with a red straw on it. A head of a smiling cow was printed on the box.

Chuckie chocolate drink.

And this was what I felt inside my blouse, cool against my skin, as I glanced on my shoulder. Brown stains splattered on my orange blouse, from my shoulder to my chest, were visible. Somehow, the boy managed to spray his chocolate drink on my blouse. I grimaced, twisting my lips.

“Oh, I’m sorry. He didn’t mean to . . . I’m sorry,” the woman apologized as she held the boy closer. The boy who was still staring at me, wiggled, wanting to break free from his mother’s tight embrace

“It’s all right. It happens,” I said and smiled at the little boy.

The little boy stopped twisting and rewarded me with an angelic smile, revealing a few tiny teeth.

“I’m really sorry,” the mother repeated, glanced at the brown stains and smiled ruefully.

“Don’t worry maám, she can wash it off,” Kap said courteously over my shoulder, leaned forward and whispered to me, “you will survive.”

I turned to him and nodded in agreement.

Kap smiled to the mother, and then reminded me, “they are waiting.”

They are waiting. In two seconds, I nodded to the mother, prepared myself, turned around and smiled.

“Tres! Mikaela!” the voice hollered.

“Anne,” I uttered and waved at Kap’s only sister that I met, or I should say, the only one in the Torres family that I met, with the last meeting best forgotten. Because that’s when I broke Kap’s ex girlfriend’s heart. The painful memory made me falter.

Kap, who was a few inches behind me and who was always tuned to me, whispered, “I’m here for you. I will always be,” then gently pushed me forward.

“Mikaela!” Anne shrieked in her familiar cheery voice.

“Anne,” I said, hoping that I sounded and looked merrier than I felt. Anne’s smile widened but her eyes were on my blouse, staring on the brown stains.

“Greetings from Cebu,” Anne exclaimed, pertaining to the brown stains.

“Kids,” I replied warily and studied Anne. She seemed to welcome me. And she looked sincere. O . . . kay. This was good, wasn’t it?  But why? Why was Anne acting like this? Like everything’s fine? Or was it?

I glanced at Kap who stood quietly beside me, his eyes were scanning outside. Then he shifted his attention to Anne.

“Where’s the car?”

“Parked at the back,” Anne replied without glancing at her brother. Her full attention was on me, smiling and looking happy. That I was standing in front of her? This was supposed to make feel welcome but I felt uneasy.

“Lead the way, Anne,” Kap commanded.

“Welcome to Cebu. Welcome to the family. Everyone’s been waiting for you,” she announced in her cheerful voice before she started to walk forward.

Everyone’s been waiting for you. I wanted to go back to the airport, if only Kap was not blocking my way. I glanced up and met his intense reassuring eyes. Unspoken but I understood, I am here for you.

Anne was oblivious of Kap’s and my silent communication as she prattled.

“Rocky is driving. Everyone is in Saint Therese,” Anne seemed to explain to Kap.

Rocky? Saint Therese? I turned to Kap with raised brow for the unspoken questions.

“Rocky is our cousin. Saint Therese is a school,” he explained.

“Alfred’s eldest daughter is competing for Princess Angel of Saint Therese. The family, everyone’s there for moral support. Even Mom and Dad.”

I nodded in understanding before I saw Kap moved his head in disapproval.

“I’m going to Saint Therese after we take you home. Do you want to come with me Mikaela?” Anne asked, looking hopeful.

Before I could reply, Kap announced, “here we are,” with his gaze fixed on a parked ruby red Mitsubishi Strada.

A man leaned on the car, puffing a cigarette. He saw us and exclaimed, “Captain Torres!” laughing, and looking at me.

“That’s Rocky. Our fathers are brothers,” Anne explained as she introduced us while Kap brought our luggage at the back of Strada.

“Welcome to Cebu,” Rocky greeted me, smiling, and opened the passenger door.

“Thanks,” I said and slid farther as Anne sat beside me.

Kap stood beside Rocky, peered inside the car and asked, looking at me “Are you okay?”

“Yes.” I nodded and looked at both men. Their features had similarities and both of them were tall.  It seemed that the Torres family was blessed with height. At five feet, I felt like I was going to the land of the giants.

Kap circled the car, took the seat in front of me, turned around and asked while looking at me, “Do you want to change before we go to Saint Therese?”

And meet the Torres family while  watching little girls? No. “Uh. Sure,” I responded.

“All right,” he said and then turned to Anne. “Just drop us and we will just see you there.”

“We can wait if you want,” Anne suggested, looking at me.

“There’s no need Anne. I know where Saint Therese is. Just go ahead,” Kap stated in a firm voice.

“Yes, sir,” she conceded in a teasing voice before she dropped the bomb.

“I really have to say this. To warn you or something. You see, everyone was dying to meet you.  And I mean everyone. And who wouldn’t be? Tres left Aileen to be with you. And we all knew Aileen.”

Before I could process what to feel and what to think on what Anne was telling me, I heard Kap hissed.

“Anne!”

Anne looked embarrassed. “I’m sorry. I thought that I should warn you both.”

I nodded and whispered, “thanks.”

Kap reacted differently. “Right. By telling her that.”

 Anne ignored his brother. “I’m sorry Mikaela.”

“It’s all right,” I whispered again.

Anne reached for my hand. “Our family is nice, Mikaela. Don’t worry. And they . . .”

“Jesus Christ, Anne. Will you stop blabbering?” Kap commanded.

Anne turned to Kap, looking surprised. I glanced at Kap too, wanting him to rescue me from . . . what?

“Just stop talking Anne. Please. You are making Mikaela nervous.” Kap was now pleading in a soft but firm voice.

“O . . . kay,” Anne acquiesced, and opened her mouth again. “How’s the flight?”

“What? Flight? Fine, just fine” I replied. Everyone was dying to meet me.

“Have you been here? Or is this your first visit?”

“No. Second time. The first one was more than ten years ago.” Kap left Aileen to be with me.

“A lot of things have changed here in Cebu for the past ten years.”

“Yes.” Everyone knew Aileen.

“I’ll tour you around.”

“Thanks.” And nobody knew me.

“Here we are,” an unfamiliar voice declared.

Who was it? I turned to the voice and met the gaze of Rocky. The driver. The cousin. I have totally forgotten about him. He didn’t say a word until now. He’s a member of the Torres family and one of everyone. Everyone wanted to see me. I sighed.

Anne and Rocky left immediately after Kap insisted that he would take care of everything. And taking care of everything meant taking care of me.

Looking from the outside, the house where Kap grew up was fairly large. And I have seen only the living room and the bedroom given to me.

“It’s the guest room, and rarely used,” Anne explained earlier.

The room given to me was Kap’s, and his bother Alfred’s, childhood room. With it’s own bathroom, it’s now a guest room. A guest room where everything is green. Pale green curtain, sea green bed covers and light green stripes pillows.

Kap emerged from the bathroom, insisting to check before my use.

“Things seem ready,” he announced.

“Can I take a quick shower before I change?” I inquired staring on the chocolate brown stains on my orange blouse.

“No problem, Do you need anything?”

“No.” I replied.

“Would you mind if I leave you here? I’ll just check something outside.”

“I’ll be fine.” I replied, knowing that he was worried leaving me alone while everyone was in the school of his niece. “Do I lock the door?” I asked.

He grinned. “No.”

I took a quick shower after he left the room. The bathroom was plain and simple. Green tiles, a mirror and some toiletries. A man’s bathroom.

What was supposed to be a quick shower turned to be a long one. The water in Cebu was fairly hot, offering a relaxing effect.  I soap twice, wanting the hot water to run over my body, washing away the tension I felt earlier. And I would have stayed longer but I knew Kap was waiting in some part of the house.

I was right. And was also mistaken. Kap was waiting. But not in some part of the house. He was in the room, sprawled on his childhood bed. Asleep.

And I just stepped out of the bathroom, wrapped in a pink towel. And my clothes were on the bed, next to him. I hesitated before I started to step forward, taking care not to make a sound. I held my breath when I reached out for my clothes, and grabbed them, careful not to touch him.

My gaze fell into Kap and I bravely took a peek; saw how peaceful and boyish he looked when he was asleep. And I just stood beside the bed, staring at him. And I felt it again.

I love him. I love him as much as any woman could love a man. Or this I knew, I love him much, much more than anyone could ever love someone.

Suddenly, he stirred and opened his eyes. He stared at me and he abruptly shot up in a sitting position, still staring at me, before his gaze traveled from my face, to my shoulder, and the damp hair on my shoulder, to the pink towel wrapped around me, to my exposed bare legs below the pink towel, before he glanced up again, and met my gaze.

I heard him release a soft and low hissing sound before he rose swiftly, stood in front of me and whispered, “I’m going to kiss you Mikaela. Just a kiss.”

He gently cupped my face before he bent forward.

I closed my eyes before I felt it.

Soft and feather-like. His lips over mine. Sweet and tender.

I kissed back automatically, pressing my lips to his. It was a gentle kiss but I felt like I was floating.

Then I felt one of his hands on my back. Somehow, in between the gentle kiss and my floating, he had managed to slide his hand on my back. He pulled me closer and I went willingly, wrapping my arms around his neck, hugging myself closer to him, overlooking where we are and what’s in between us.

In his childhood room, standing beside his childhood bed, just me and him, and no one else. At the back of my mind a fleeting thought came into my mind, that at this very moment, it’s just me and Kap. And the damp towel that covered me, and nothing else. The clothes that I grabbed earlier fell into the floor, but I was beyond caring.

[Msfi]

I hope you're doing ok now. Thanks for the update.

[yndy]

thanks for the update sis..

[chimei_17]

thanks for the update sis.

[daye_hines1019]

hi sis jezamae, how have you been? hope everything is okay...

can't wait for the updates ... 

God Bless!

[tipay]

Thanks for the update sis.

My sincerest condolence to you & your family. I know the pain will be there forever but the pain decreases a bit each day if you let it. I hope your writing eases the pain somehow. It sure entertains us. God bless!

[ayee1927]

i hope you and your family are doing okay now..

i know it's hard to accept losing someone which is very close you. but maybe God has reasons...just think that while your brother was alive you have many beautiful memories with him. He passed away but you have him in your heart!

[jezamae]

Twelve: Broken

He suddenly stopped, gently released me and stepped back.

My eyes flashed open.

Kap was looking at me, his eyes searching mine.

What? Did I do something wrong? I wanted to ask, confused, but no words came out.

I look at him with eyes full of quiet questions, waiting for him to speak. But he didn’t.

He continued to stare at me with his intense brown eyes. I could feel his cool breath against my cheeks. His silence was making me uncomfortable so I looked down.  I could see how the muscles of his chest and shoulders, underneath his short sleeved white shirt that perfectly hugged his body, moved with every breath he took. I felt something was pulling me to lean against his beautiful chest and be wrapped in his muscular arms. We stood so close to each other but not touching. I was sure that if I swayed with just a centimeter, I would feel his warmth. I sighed. If it’s dream, please don’t end it. Not yet. Please.

“I should stop. But Jesus Christ, I can’t. I don’t want to,” he rasped, barely audible. “Mikaela, look at me.” His voice was slow, deep and quiet.

I had to strain my ears to hear what he was saying. I slowly obeyed his command and looked up.

His brown eyes were looking at me intently, threatening to look deep into my soul. He seemed to hesitate then asked, “Do you love me?”

His question surprised me. Why would he ask me this now when we both know what my reply would be? “Yes,” I replied softly.

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” I whispered.

“I will take care of you. I promise.”

“I know.”  I believed him.

He became quiet again and stared at me like a motionless statue.

I didn’t breathe as I waited, wondering if he heard me and if I should repeat what I just said. It was quiet for a long moment, just the thud of my heart hammering.

Kap moved and I had a glimpse of the muscles of his arms flexed at he slid them behind me. His hands were warm on my back and on the back of my knees before he lifted me off the floor. Although surprised, I instinctively wrapped my arms around his neck as we gazed at each other. I could hear his heart beats and felt his chest rise with each breath. I seemed to float for a second before I felt the soft bed behind me as he gently put me down.

He slowly pulled my hand and I watched him, wondering.  Very tenderly, he kissed my hand. He faced me and leaned down again. This time, he kissed the ring that he gave me when he asked me to marry him.

“Thank you,” he whispered with a strange little catch in his voice. It was impossible not to see the the gleam in his eyes. But more than that. In his eyes, there was adoration. And  devotion.

My eyes moistened as tears threatened to form in my eyes.“I trust you. I’ll always will,” I murmured, pulled his face to mine and closed my eyes.

Apprehension. Fear. Trust. Submission. Acceptance. Pain. Wonder. Joy.

[jezamae]

Twelve: Broken

“Are . . . you all right?” he asked reluctantly.

I opened my eyes, feeling self-conscious. Something was on his eyes. He seemed unsure, and he appeared to be holding his breath. So unlike Kap.

I looked down and my gaze caught the green clock on the night stand. Thirty minutes after . . . I blushed in embarrassment.

He sat up, pulled up the green blanket until it reached my chin, covering me effectively.

“Are you . . .ummm, hurt?” Again, he asked. Concern was evident on his voice, his eyes travelling swiftly from my chin to the tip of my toes, underneath the green blanket.

Am I? I should be, shouldn’t I.? But I feel fine. “No. I don’t think so,” I managed to respond, feeling awkward, not moving, as I clutched the blanket tighter.

“We will talk about this. Later. Right now, we have to move. They will be here arrive any moment now. And . . .” he paused.

I nodded in understanding. Okay. Move. I dragged myself off the pillow, sitting down on the bed.

“Do you want to use the bathroom first?” he asked although the tone of his voice suggested that that he was telling me to go first.

“Bathroom?” I repeated. I just used the bathroom and he was telling me to use the bathroom again. Why?

A tiny smile started to form on his lips but it disappeared quickly. A look of understanding replaced it. “You may want to, ummm, wash,” he explained slowly.

Wash? Of course. This was embarrassing. And my expression told him so.

He leaned down, whispered “It’s all right,” and kissed me. The kiss was quick.  Before I could react to his kiss, he reached out for the pink towel on the floor.

“Move now, otherwise . . .” he warned in a soft and gentle but threatening voice, looking at me with excessively interested pair of eyes.

I smiled shyly, carefully clutching the green blanket, and grabbed the towel. I wrapped the towel around me underneath the blanket.

A soft chuckle came from him. He looked amused. And I was the source of his quiet amusement.

“What . . .” I began, pulled the blanket aside as I have securely fastened the towel around me, when I saw my side of the bed. “Oh, my!” I groaned.

Kap raised his brow and followed my gaze.

I was looking at the green stripes of the bed sheets. In between the green stripes were red stains. Tiny dots and splatters. Blood. Mine.

“It’s okay. It happens,” he explained gently, wanting to reassure me.
 
“I know. I mean, the blanket . . . your family . . .,” I stammered and didn’t try to hide how distressed I felt. I looked up and met his gaze.

My expression seemed to affect him because he pulled me to him, and I went to him limply.

“It’s all right,” and he held me tight.

His tight embrace was all I need to feel safe, and calm. I sucked in a deep breath and closed my eyes.

He responded by holding me tighter, kissing my forehead and stroking my hair. I watched the hand of the clock moved for every second that has passed as we just held each other, without moving, without talking; the red stains forgotten.

“Mikaela?” It was so soft.

“Tres?”

“We really have to get ready. They will be here.”

They will be here. I flinched and started to move away from him but he didn’t release me.

“Are you sure that you don’t feel anything? No pain?” he asked, looking down and scrutinizing my face.

“I don’t think so.” My voice came out in a whisper, as I stared back, feeling dazed with the intensity of his gaze.

He clutched me closer for a second and then released me.

I slid from the bed to rise. Kap, who was holding the green blanket to cover himself, supported me, holding me very gently, like someone so delicate.

“Thanks,” I murmured, quietly wondering what he was doing.

He seemed to read my mind because he released his hold and grinned before he shrugged his shoulders.

My bewilderment increased a notch and I looked at him with inquiring eyes.

His grin grew wider. “I’m trying to help although you said you are fine.”

Before I could reply, he commanded, “Go. Now,” looking at the bathroom.

I followed his instruction unthinkingly. I was in a trance, as I stepped in the bathroom, took the shower and walked in to the room.

“Mikaela!”

I glanced up, surprised, and saw Anne. The spell was broken.

“Anne,” I whispered softly and noticed a young smiling girl beside her.

“Hi,” the girl said, staring at me curiously.

“Hi.” I stared back.

“The door was open,” Anne explained, looking as cheerful as ever.

I felt uncomfortable, as I remember my state of undress. Fresh from the shower, with damp, uncombed hair, and wrapped in the pink towel, I was sure that I looked like a wet cat. I took a deep breath, willing myself into composure and glanced at the bed. I froze. 

Kap. The bed. The stains. The red stains on the bed. My blood on the bed. Kap and me.

“Tres?” I fretted, quietly searching for him. Again, I glanced at the bed. The bed was bare. The sheets were gone.

“I’m here,” Kap announced as he walked in the door. I looked up. Kap closed the distance without pause and stood facing Anne.

He appeared to have changed his clothes. His hair was damp. Has he showered already? And the sheets? Where are they?

Anne noticed where my attention was. “What happened to the bed sheets?” she inquired.

“It’s in the laundry room,” Kap responded dryly. He sounded so calm.

“Why? We just changed them,” Anne’s tone sounded puzzled.

“I had to. Our cat soiled the sheets,” Kap lied smoothly, his eyes flickered to mine.

A cat soiled the sheets? I thought as I listened to the two of them.

“We don’t have a cat. We never did,” his sister commented.

“If it’s not our’s, a neighbor’s cat then,” Kap said nonchalantly and sat down on the bed.

Anne frowned but didn't speak.

“I have to ask you to leave, Anne. You too, Abby. Mikaela has to change in decent clothes.”

“You are also leaving, aren’t you? While she changes?” Anne eyed Kap suspiciously before she chuckled.

Abby giggled.

I turned to the young girl and wondered what her young mind was thinking.

“Yes. But you go ahead. Now,” Kap commanded.

“We will wait for you outside.”Anne grinned, hurried out the door, with her niece in tow.

A second after Anne closed the door, I asked Kap. “What did you do with the sheets?”

“In the laundry room.”

“But the stains,” I pointed out.

“I took care of them. So stop worrying,” he repeated firmly and his tone changed, gentler now.  “I know that I already asked, but I want the truth. Are you all right?”

I paused for a second, tried to feel something, anything,  but there was nothing.I still feel the same before . . .  “Yes. I am fine.”

“If there is something that I should know, you will tell me.” His statement was clear. I am not asking you. I am telling you.

I nodded in agreement.

He rose and reached for me, holding my gaze. “I don’t know how to say this but thank you. You made me very happy.”  He paused and waited. A hopeful smile started to spread across his face.

I wondered what I should say. Welcome? Thank you too? What does he want to hear from me? I wasn’t sure so I just stared at him.

His brow creased slightly before he smiled and released me. “I will be on the other side of the door,” then he left.

I was still thinking of an appropriate reply when I watched his retreating form. Then it hit me.

I seemed to find breathing difficult as I realized. Kap and me on the bed.On what happened between us. I might not feel anything. I might not look different. But something wonderful and significant just happened. Something that changed me. Something that would never be recovered. Like a broken glass, I would never the same. But I have no regrets. Because it’s something I gave to Kap, willingly and wholeheartedly.

[jezamae]

I read the book 1 and 2 and it is a good story. Will  be waiting for the updates in the future.

My condolences for what happened to your brother, sis.

thank you sis

[jezamae]

I hope you're doing ok now. Thanks for the update.

i am doing ok, although slowly, very slowly actually.  time really heals. thank you sis

[jezamae]

^^ sweet.... we all look forward to reading it sis...

hope you like the new installment