Thirteen: Let It Be Me
His hand froze mid-air. “Jesus. I’m not going to hurt you,” he hissed, instantly dropping his hand on the side.
“I will ride with you,” Auntie Adel suddenly spoke. She was now standing behind Kap, leaving Aileen behind.
Kap didn’t look back, his gaze never leaving me.
His aunt, unaware of what was happening, added, “And also Aileen.”
His eyes flickered but it was gone in an instant.
“Tres?” Auntie Adel pressed.
“What did you say, Mikaela?” Kap asked in a dangerous low voice, completely ignoring his aunt.
I stood silently, half afraid to speak a word.
Aunt Adel’s gaze flitted from me and to Kap. “Ummm . . . Do you want me to leave?”
“No,” I replied.
“Yes,” Kap ordered.
Auntie Adel looked at Kap oddly. “Tres?”
His gaze faltered. Then he turned around and spoke with his back on me. “I’ll arrange for your transportation.” He stepped around and ordered, addressing me, “Let’s go,”, and left.
Without a word, Auntie Adel trailed behind Kap.
I walk behind them. Confused. And dazed. And numb.
It took him ten minutes to arrange everything.
Auntie Adel and Aileen were seated in the backseat, with Anne in between of them, in the red Mitsubishi Strada. Amelie was at the front seat next to Rocky, the cousin I met at the airport, who was clearly the designated driver.
As Kap closed the door of the Mitsubishi Strada, Anne teased him on how good he looked in his soft blue polo. Kap answered in a very low voice that I could barely hear them. The two sisters exchanged meaningful looks.
I caught Amelie’s few glances directed at me and I tried to ignore them. I just stood there, waiting. I was grateful that both Auntie Adel and Aileen maintained their silence.
Kap pointed a black Toyota to me. He wordlessly motioned for me to climb in before he took the driver seat. I wanted to ask if I should exchange seats with Aileen but his silence implored me to obey.
The black Toyota purred smoothly as he began to drive.
I peeked at him at the corner of my eye.
He drove quietly with eyes fixed on the road ahead. He sat rigidly and his shoulder was stiff. It made him look like what he really was, a military officer. An unsmiling military officer.
He seemed to sense that I was looking at him because he turned to me. He stared at me briefly and returned his gaze on the road.
On the short drive to the party, he didn’t speak to me.
His indifference intensified what I was feeling inside. I turned away from him, looked outside the window, seething with anger.
He left me for Aileen. So why was he acting like I was the offending party?
“We are here,” he announced, breaking the silence, as the car stopped.
I looked outside the window of the car and a large white structure came into view. The hotel for his parents’ anniversary party.
I was unfastening my seatbelt when he got out of the car. With a few strides, he circled the car and pulled the door open before my hand touched the handle.
I climbed out as he waited, offering his hand for assistance. I ignored his hand, refusing to look at him and began to walk ahead of him but he was beside me in an instant, effectively blocking my path.
He looked around and made a hand signal.
A man in a red valet uniform appeared in front of us.
“Thanks.” Kap dropped his car keys on the uniformed man’s open palm, waited for him to leave then turned to me.
“Mikaela, I’m sorry,” he began but a familiar voice cut him off.
“Tres!”
Kao looked up, searching for the voice. His gaze stopped as he found it. Or her.
Auntie Adel was rushing to us, with a wide grin on her face. “You’re giving a speech.”
“A what?” Kap looked as incredulous as he sounded.
“Alfred and your sisters voted. And they chose you.”
“What are you talking about?” He asked carefully.
“Well, one of you has to give a speech about your parents and they all picked you,” his aunt explained. Excitement was clearly written all over her face.
“You can’t make me . . .” he stated flatly, not finishing what he was about to say and clearly demonstrating his lack of interest.
But Auntie Adel wouldn’t give up. “But they wanted you to.”
“No,” he retorted with finality
Her enthusiasm was now fading, Auntie Adel turned to me. “Will you give a speech if it’s your parents’ anniversary?”
Surprised by the question, I blurted out, “Yes,” and was a little self-conscious when I noticed that Kap was looking at me earnestly.
His lips seemed to twitch like it was about to form a smile but it was so subtle that I could have imagined it. His eyes gleamed and I wondered why. “All right, I’ll do it,” he declared.
The wide grin on the face of Auntie Adel reappeared. “That’s settled then.”
Seeing what appeared to be a smile on his face and his aunt’s wide grin, the somber air around me seemed to perk up.
It’s a wedding anniversary. A happy occasion, I told myself, allowing the cheerful mood to prevail over what I was feeling inside. I’ll enjoy this one. My last happy occasion with Kap which I will treasure for the rest of my life.
With a firm resolve, I took a deep breath and smiled. At Aunt Adel. And Kap.
He looked surprised and relieved, his face brightening up.
The expression on his face made my heart ache. The urge to stretch out and wrap my arms around him was so strong, and I instinctively reached out for him.
Realizing what I was doing, I dropped my hands at once but he grabbed them and held them very tenderly.
He gazed at me, searching for my eyes.
I looked away, confused on his reaction, but more of mine, afraid that he might see the truth in my eyes.
I love him. Whatever happened last night, whatever happens today, tomorrow and the next day, and the day after that, I will never stop loving him.
“Impress them,” Auntie Adel prodded.
Kap nodded, and without releasing my hand, he started for the lobby of the hotel leaving his aunt behind us.
I tried to tug my hand free from his hold but he wouldn’t release it. He held my hand more firmly until he reached a huge red oak door. He pushed the door open, pulling me with him.
The huge door made a loud scraping sound as it opened.
Various hues of green and bright silver greeted my eyes, disorienting me.
I blinked and pulled my hand free from his hold intending to cover my eyes. Surprisingly, he released my hand. Then, his hand found its way on my back, urging me to step forward.
I complied, adjusting my eyes so I could see past the glaring brightness.
Various shades of green and silver adorned the four corners of the room. Round tables were arranged in a U-shape. A small elevated stage, decked with orchids and green ribbons, was located in the middle of the round tables. There was a single round table at the corner of the elevated stage. On top of it, small boxes with green and silver ribbons just like the ones in the house of the parents of Kap. In between the round tables, were long poles adorned with green and silver ribbons.
Men, women and children, who were all dressed up, were seated around the tables. I could hear their laughter from where I stood.
Clearly, whoever was in charge of the decorations did not scrimp. The decorations were overwhelming but they also added excitement to the festive mood that floated around the room.
“Tres!” someone cried.
Kap searched for the voice. I did the same.
Anne, seated at a bigger round table at the corner of the elevated stage, was waving her right hand as she called out again. “Tres! Here.”
“Mikaela,” Kap’s hand left my back and found its way on my elbow, motioning for me to move forward.
I stepped in and I found myself facing a dozen of pairs of eyes, all looking at me. Anne and the entire family. And Auntie Adel. And a pair of older man and older woman I didn’t know. And Anne.
I froze, feeling uneasy.
Kap also stopped. “Mikaela?” he inquired.
“I’m not sitting with her,” I blurted out, realized what I have said and was mortified.
“I understand,” he simply said, “but will it be all right with you if we see them before we choose another table?”
I nodded and murmured, “I’m sorry.”
“It’s all right,” he stated, and with his firm hand holding my elbow, we crossed the space between the door and the large round table.
He released my elbow when we reached the round table.
“What took you so long?” his mother asked standing up, to embrace me.
I embraced her back and watched how her olive green floor length gown glided smoothly at the floor.
“Traffic,” Kap replied to her mother, swiftly surveying the people around the large table. His gaze paused when he saw Aileen and he smiled. I saw Aileen smiled back. I lowered my eyes pretending to examine something on the floor. What am I doing here?
“Sir, Ma’am.” I heard Kap spoke in a voice that showed respect.
Curious on his tone, I looked up.
Kap was addressing the pair of older man and woman who sat in between Aileen and Amelie.
“You don’t know them of course,” his mother spoke beside me.
I shook my head to confirm her statement.
“Aileen’s parents,” she whispered and then turned to the pair of the older man and woman. “Leonor, Henry, I want you to meet Mikaela.”
Aileen’s parents? “Hello,” I said, forcing a smile.
The pair gave me tiny nod, smiling, but they didn’t say a word.
Kap leaned closer to me but was careful not to touch me and I wondered why.
Something changed from the moment his aunt told him about the speech. He acted differently now. Gentle, caring, tuned to what I feel. Like before.
“Mikaela, you can sit beside me,” Anne offered the vacant chair next to her.
No. Anywhere but here. Unsure on my response, I turned to Kap for help.
“It’s a little crowded in here. We’ll take that table,” Kap replied gesturing his hand to the next table.
“We have reserved seats for you,” Amelie pointed out.
Wondering if Amelie was referring only to Kap, I suggested, “You can stay here with your family.” And with Aileen.
“We’ll take that table,” he repeated firmly.
His mother stepped forward close to Kap, tapping his shoulder lightly. "Of course, you can seat wherever you please.”
“Thanks,” he murmured and kissed his mother on the cheek. “Excuse us but I think that the party is starting.” Without waiting for a reply, he turned around, held my hand and gently pulled me with him going to the next table.
Kap didn’t take the table next to his family. Instead, he chose the table occupied by two women and two tables away from his family.
Did he want to put as much distance between me and his family? The idea hurt.
I have barely taken my seat, ignoring Kap’s assistance, when I heard Anne’s voice.
“Before we begin, we would like thank everyone for coming here today as we celebrate a very important occasion . . . .”
“Hi.”
The voice belonged to the young woman who occupied the chair next to me.
"Hi." I smiled, guessing her age. Seventeen? Sixteen?
“Are you family? Or a guest?” she asked innocently.
“Guest,” I responded.
“Family,” Kap replied.
“Guest and family.”The younger woman looked at me and at Kap, and giggled.
“I’m their son,” Kap explained.
Looking pleased with Kap’s reply, the woman turned to me. “And you are what?”
I stared at the young woman processing her question. Girlfriend? Soon to be ex-girlfriend?
Kap was watching me with excessively interested pair of eyes.
Was he also waiting for my reply?
“Eliza,” the older woman sitting beside the young woman interfered. “Where are your manners?”
The young woman pouted her lips but the silent glare from the older woman silenced her.
“I’m sorry. I apologize for her behavior,” she apologized but her expression did not express regret. “You must be the military man.”
Kap nodded in affirmation.
“I’m Elsa. I’m a friend of your mother.”
“I’m Tres.” Kap leaned forward, extending his hand and he turned to me. “She’s Mikaela.”
Elsa smiled at me. “You are not from here.”
“No. I’m from Manila,” I said.
“You travelled far to attend this,” she stated, her eyes gleaming in curiosity.
Kap straightened up, looking guarded.
I glanced at Eliza, her daughter,who was evidently listening to our conversation. Like mother, like daughter.
“It’s you, isn’t it?” Elisa suddenly spoke looking at where the elevated stage was mounted.
“May we call on our brother to say a few words?” Anne was speaking on the microphone.
Kap looked up.
I followed his gaze.
Anne and Amelie were looking at him. I looked around and realized that everyone in the room was looking at him. The same everyone who were also looking at me with curious eyes.
I felt my cheeks turning red in embarrassment.
“Tres? Please?” Anne called.
Kap leaned closer to me and whispered, “We will talk after this,” and then reluctantly stood up.
I heard a soft clapping of hands as Kap walked up to the stage.
I bravely looked around and was grateful that everyone’s gaze followed Kap on the stage.
“Ladies and gentlemen, we are proud to introduce our brother, Captain Alfonso Torres III of the Philippine Army,” Anne announced proudly.
“So, Tres, before we begin, and before anything else, can you share something to our guests? A short speech about our parents?” Amelie was both persuading and teasing.
“Why me?” Kap muttered softly, evidently unaware that the microphone that Anne was holding captured his voice.
Soft laughter erupted from the table occupied by his family.
Kap turned around to face everyone, quietly surveying the room and the guests inside it.
“You can begin by congratulating our parents?” Anne suggested.
He gave his sister a silencing look but he took the microphone from her. He tapped it three times and faced everyone.
Anne and Amelie took a few steps backward, leaving Kap in the middle of the elevated stage.
“Congratulations, Dad, Mom,” he paused and made a thumbs up sign. “Thirty years and still together.”
Loud clapping of hands filled the room. Kap waited for them to settle down.
“Years ago, my brother Alfred and I asked Dad how he knew that Mom was the one. And I want to share his answer with you. He simply said, you will know. Your heart will tell you that she’s the one. We believed you Dad. But I forgot to ask you this so I will ask you now. How will you know that she’s the one?” he paused and focused his attention to the table of his parents. “Is she the ideal woman? Beautiful, tall and caring?”
Was she referring to Aileen? The pain was unbearable.
“Like Mom?” he continued. “But Mom, you’re one in a million. You’re God’s gift to Dad. To us. You’ve given Dad so much happiness, right Dad?”
His father stood up, replying in a loud voice, “right!”
His mom and all the guests laughed.
Kap waited for his father to return to his seat and for the guests to settle down.
“She makes you happy. Just seeing her smile, touching her hair, holding her hand. You wonder why is it that just thinking about her makes you happy.”
Everyone was now paying attention to Kap. I felt for him. Being a man of few words I knew how difficult it was to him, speaking in front of everyone, talking about this. But like everyone in the room, I waited for him to continue. I was listening to his every word, wondering where it was leading.
Was he still referring to his mom?
“You don’t understand, but you embrace it. You begin to dream. Of being with her. Of having her in your life. Of making her happy the way she makes you happy. Of keeping that happiness,” he paused, now looking somewhat embarrassed, and his gazed focused on the table where his parents were.
The last sentence was spoken in a whisper like he was thinking about it.
Was he looking at Aileen? My chest hurt. An internal battle began inside me.
Leave now Mikaela. Don’t be a masochist. Do you want to see him declaring that he loves somebody else?
Stay, and listen. He chose to share the table with you, and not with her. Surely that meant something.
“Until she became a part of you. She becomes the source of your existence, the very air that you breathe. You’ll do anything for her. You’ll give up everything to be with her. Nothing else mattered. Just her and no one else.” His gaze travelled from his parents to the guests around the room until he saw me.
Let it be me. Please let it be me. I felt the tears on my eyes and I blinked to stop them from falling.
When he spoke again, his gaze was fixed on me. “You don’t care if you’ve known her for five months, or for five days. You don’t care if she can’t bake the best cake that her mother does,” he paused as his voice seemed to break.
The tears on my eyes started to fall.
He flinched when he saw the tears on my face.
He took a deep breath and continued, “Because you knew if you die and will be born again, you will not only look for her but you promise that you will find her. Because a thousand lifetimes is not enough to tell her how much you love her. And you want to tell her, in each day of your life, that you love her. And it scares you because you realize that it’s possible to love someone beyond forever, because you knew that’s how much you love her.”
I heard soft muted sobs.
Eliza was wiping her cheeks with her hands. Tears were on her face, ruining her makeup.
For a brief moment, I wondered if I looked the same. I was crying. And I was beyond caring.
I looked up to the elevated stage, wanting to see Kap. Instead my attention went to his sisters.
Anne was crying unabashedly.
Amelie was holding something white on her hand and wiping the tears on her eyes.
Kap stopped and everyone waited. Suddenly he left the stage and in a few powerful strides, he closed the distance and stopped in front of me.
But I can’t see him clearly. The tears flowing on my cheeks turned my vision blurry.
In one swift move, he was facing me, on bended knees, holding my hand into his.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for hurting you. For not being the man that I should be. For making you think that I care for somebody else. Because it will never happen. I will never ever love someone else. I will only love one woman. And you are that one,” his voice croaked as he spoke.
I opened my mouth to reply, but I found speaking difficult. I blinked my eyes to clear them up, but more tears came out.
Kap closed his eyes like he was in pain, and opened them again. “I hated myself for hurting you like this.”
The pain I saw on his eyes was unbearable, and I blinked my eyes. Once, twice, thrice, willing the tears to stop.
“I wanted it to be me,” I finally managed to whisper.
He leaned closer and asked, “What did you say?”
“I wanted it to be me,” I repeated, grateful that the tears seemed to slow down.
He frowned, looking confused, waiting for an explanation.
“I wanted to be that one for you,” I explained.
He smiled, comprehension written all over his face, and his Josh Hartnett eyes crinkled. “It will always be you. And no one else,” he whispered, brushing his chin on my hair. He pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me..
He did it. Declaring it. Kap just told eveyone he loves me.
I went to him willingly, and closed my eyes.
I will love you as much as you love me. Forever. Beyond forever. No one and nothing will come between us. I promise you that
