Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional

[sonncza]

im glad tapos na kame sa stage ng bf ko na away ng away, nakakapagod talaga!!!! hehe, sana maget over nyo din tong stage na ganto,

[scrapbookjunkie]

pa join lang. i turned 30 this year and since then i've been feeling confused- sad and siguro minsan depressed. siguro it's the thought of being single,
 or baka naburn out na sa work (being working freelance since 2006), am thinking of going back to corporate ulit (inisip ko baka kelangan ko lang change of pace, in constant presence with other people-i work at home kasi). plus some not so good memories have started to crop up to the point na nagiging insomniac na ako. i used to be not this and i so badly want to get out of this funk.

[emsydemsy]

to our sisses--

my mom just came home from abroad, and told us that our sister there has been mentally, emotionally, and maybe physically abused by her husband.

when they were in another state living separately from our aunts, my mom would visit them to take care of her newborn daughter..they were okay then but i think the guy has another woman (hence the pleasing mentality of my sister?).

they had a nice opportunity to own a partnership in a company so they moved to another state and eventually moved back to their original state because the guy just don't want the job (now he's jobless with my sister being the breadwinner; she also got the highest paid ever since and was able to land a green card for them).


mom witnessed these scenarios:

1) whenever my sister would not give him the immediate attention, the guy would count 5.4.3...and she would be in panic mode to give him the attention he wants

again when she was bedridden with her 2ndth (slipped on her 7th month), the guy would call her to come and should be there at his side in 21...20...(counting)

2) one time, wee hours in the morning, the guy would grab a guitar, play it and sing

3) my mom finally asked the guy if he's really like that, and the guy answered back that what you see is what u get.

my sister then fought with my mom after that on not to meddle with their affairs, because she's happy.


anyways, my question po, hope its alright....na, how do you help someone who doesn't recognize there is a problem? 
she could be pleasing the guy because he is probably seeing another woman (and that he would not leave her); or staying because she doesn't want to break her family and have her 2 children grow up without a father?  tia.

mahirap kung ayaw nya i-face yung reality that what the husband is doing is hurting her mentally/physically. but time will change things...mahirap man sabihin pero one day gigising na lang sa katotohanan yung sis mo and sya na mismo aalis.

[kneekee]

I thought ending the relationship with my ex-bf/ father of my kids would stop all those physical, emotional and verbal abuse. But it was just what I thought. He still continued doing all those to me. What can I do with it?

[_katelicious_]

^ If you have evidence to that effect, why don't you file a case against him?  Acceptance fee is 40k to 80k, depending on the caliber of the lawyer that you will get.

[mooncake and leaves]

is it possible to contact a mental/psych facility and have them pick up someone? the person used to abuse drugs but now, he's an alcoholic who goes violent with or without alcohol. he has threatened to hurt his own mom, kill his siblings and his relatives and destroy property, set stuff on fire. this has been going on for years and the emotional/psychological damage is just getting worse.

tia.

[MyPolaris]

Hi mga sis,

I just dont know who to talk to.
My husband, (separated but not legally) verbally abused me. Can't go into details pero.. siya yung tipong.. do this and do that..
Kahit galing akong work paguwi ko, pag nagkwento siya I need to answer him lively. If magpapatawa siya I need to laugh as in tawa talga kundi magagalit siya. Tapos maliit lang kasi salary ko nun. Pero lahat ng grocery namin, pang alis, pang gift, etc half half kami. Kung wala ako pera ililista niya and ppirmahan ko everytime na mbayaran ko siya. Pag dating sa pera mejo madamot siya. So lumaki ng lumaki utang ko. Minsan ayaw ko ng gumastos pero hindi pede kasi dapat bilhan yung family niya ng ganito.. tapos pag christmas dapat lahat ng relatives na nasa province papadalhan niya ng gift pero sa family ko isang gift lang sa buong family. Sa family niya dapat isa isa talga. So lumaki utang ko sakanya. And marami pang weird na ugali. Love na love niya family niya.. tipong late nako nasa door nako, sasabihin sakin, "Nagkiss ka na ba saknilang lahat?" "Balik ka dun paalam ka sakanilang lahat.
So I decided to leave him after 1 and half year. I find him super weird na kasi and pag gising ko one day parang ayaw ko na. Para akong t a n g a kasi.
The problem is.. hinaharass niya and may grave threat pa. Sabi niya may nakaline up na siyang plan for me and my family. As in hirap na hirap ako.
Dahil sa mga threats niya and harassment nagfile ako ng annulment. Sobrang nagalit siya. Kaya pinapunta ako sa ibang bansa ng parents ko. Last week pinabarangay niya ako. SO today pinatatwag ako. Daddy ko pumunta. Meron siyang dalang abugado which parang akala niya stupid daddy ko. Sabi daw nung abugado kay daddy kahit magasawa pera ay pera kung may utang kailangan bayaran if hindi pedeng kasuhan. Sa mga ganun okay lang pero kasi lahat ng friends ko kinokontact niya tapos kinukwneto niya na super bait daw siyang asawa at hindi niya alam kung bakit ako nakipagseparate... tapos tatawag siya samga ka aquaintance ni daddy sa work. Tapos sinsabi na walang permit. Or manloloko daw tatay ko. And alam niyo its been 7 months na ganito. Gusto ko bumalik jan pero I can't kasi one time nakita niya ako ayun nakahwak sa braso ko ayaw bitawan tapos sabi niya kahit mag cr daw ako suunod siya. Buti nalang nakatakas ako i was with my friend kasi pinagisahan namin siya. Basta long story kung ikkwento ko pa.
 
Mga sis ano ba pede kong gawin I can't hide from him forever. Ayaw ko na kasi namin ng family ko ng gulo so hindi kami nagdedemnada. or ipabarangay siya kasi baka lalo magalit at kung anong gawin.

[evilwoman]

^ sis file a restraining order.. iba-ibang level yan e pero pwede ispecify na bawal ka lapitan/tawagan pati family mo. pwedeng umabot sa permanent status ang restraining order. once na di sya tumupad, yari sya.. tsaka mukhang pasok sa violence against women yang ginagawa nya.

[chengkii]

Tama si sis EVILWOMAN, file a Restraining Order. Harassment iyan. Diba you filed for Legal Separation na naman. So, pwede mo di i-establish doon na psychologically challenged siya.

Iyun ginagawa niya sa dad mo, pwede ng dad mo i file ng slander iyun...at the same time, hingi na din ang dad mo ng TRO para hindi na siya makalapit.

Good luck, sis.

[evilwoman]

tsaka based sa kwento mo sis MyPolaris, mukha namang mas malakas ang peso power nyo kesa sa lalaking yan. wag kayong papasindak. puro hangin lang yan. dala ka ng pepper spray paguwi mo dito sa pinas. 

[MyPolaris]

thank you sis EVILMAN and sis Chengkii.

Sana nga mga sis. I know hindi naman niya kami ipapatay or isasaktan. But I know gusto niya mag suffer kami.

Grabe alam niyo yun, I never thought na kaya niyang gawin sakin ito.

Update ko lang kayo: Nagbigay letter daddy ko written by our atty, na there's nothing true sa complain niya. Ayun, sabi ni ex, ipapakulong daw niya ako for sure. Dadalhin daw niya sa high court. Hindi ko lam kung matatawa ako or maiinis ako.
Kasi si ex he tried, suhulan yung barangay para maglabas daw ng order na pabalikin ako ng pinas.
Mi god.. as in mga sis?? Okay lang siya, sa barangay..?? sinuhulan pa niya?? may order na pabalikin ako..??

Nananahimik siya now, but i dont know kung ano pa gagawin niya. Inaayos na daw nila ng abugado nyia eh. Maghanda daw kami ng abugado na magaling. Kita nalang daw kami sa court.

[chengkii]

Kaya ba ninyo ipa-document iyun statement na naglagay sa barangay? Pati bgy captain sasabit doon. Kung ma prove naman na di totoo, sira na din angf credibility niya agad.
Sis, huwag ka paapekto as much as possible. Mas kailangan mo ipakita sa parents mo ngayon na malakas ka. They will draw strength from u din.

Good luck!

[oracLe]

I have an ex who physically hurts her sister. 18 na yong sister nya...meron ba ako yung magreklamo for his sister? Kasi helpless sakanila yong sister nya e. Btw, alien sila dito, my ex and her sister. What can I do for her?

[joyceinheels]

Hi, you may report all violence inflicted against women to Women and Child Protection Desks (Women's Desks) found in ALL police stations in the country.

Now, if you don't want to go through this, it will be best if you walk out of the relationship while you still can. Love yourself; be good to your self. A man who is abusive will NEVER change.

As for those who are still dating, my advice is for you to observe how he treats the women in his family -- including the maids. This will tell you how he's going to treat you as a partner.

[Angela_Gayle]

pwede ba magsumbong sa women's desk kapag nakakatanggap ako ng harassing texts and calls from my ex-husband? ano ang pwede isampang kaso dun?

[ladymarmalade]

My mom suffered under an abusive husband- unfortunately my father. Verbal, emotional, financial & physical. My siblings and I had our share of verbal abuse as well pero iba pa rin pag nakikita at naririnig mong ginagawang abuso ng tatay mo sa nanay mo. Sobrang dami ng emotions, puro negative it gets really overwhelming and most of the time hahanap ka talaga ng ibang channel para maka-escape, para lang hindi mo maisip yung abuse. I swear everytime it happens, my heart pounds, actually konting taas lang ng boses ng tatay ko kumakabog na dibdib ko kasi i dread yung mga susunod na mangyayari. Kahit asa 20's na ako kapag ayan na naman iyong abuse, it still scares me a lot so imagine what it's like to children. Aside sa fear, I felt anger, hatred, frustrations, outrage, bitterness.  Just recently, hinambalos balos nya yung nanay ko dahil pinagbintangan nyang nagnakaw kuno ng money sa kanya. The images, after it happened, just kept playing in my head. Kahit asa work ako in the middle of work bigla na lang syang magrreplay. Parang scene lang sa movie na pinapanuod ko. For 1 whole week ganun.

Yung commercial sa QTV 11 about violence and abuse sa women actually ang nagmulat sa mga mata ko. Iyong commercial na may 2 guy sa cr tpos yun isang guy sinisiraan yung wife niya, nagulat ako don kasi kun yun nga pwede ng matawag na abuse what more pa iyong ginagawa ng asawa ng nanay ko sa kanya. After that, nag research ako sa net about abuse, lo and behold my mother is a battered wife. And 95% of decription of traits/characteristics of an abusive husband makikita mo sa tatay ko. Why did it took us so long to admit it? Because deep inside we were wishing it wasn't what it really seems to be or maybe because it's an everyday thing for us, akala namin iyon ang normal.

Right now he left us for his kabit, i dont care. I prefer it that way cos he can never again hurt us.

[stunning_anne]

ask ko lang paano kapag yung ex mo he is verbally abusing and sinisiraan ang puri at dangal mo, ano ang pwedeng legal action dun mga sis? grabe kasi paninira ng ex ko.. pati sa facebook.. i have proofs and evidences para makadiin sa kanya.. please help..

[jeitee]

i'm emotionally abused by my EX-bf who kept seeing me  because we have a child... kesyo ang lakas ko daw manlalake! at kung anoano pa! i kept up with him for 13 yrs (mga 18yrs sana pero my feelings changed 5 yrs ago).. he's a drug user eversince i met him... i frequent rehab and prison... mahabang pagtitiis at katangahan unti i got pregnant 8yrs ago... hindi pa rin siya nag-mature.. until last night na meron siyang mga binitiwang salita na sumabog talaga dibdib ko... i hit him! yes, because i can't take all the emotional trauma na he's giving me all these years... hindi man nya ako sinasaktan physically pero grabe naman yong mga salita nya at mga binibintang sa akin na hindi ko alam kung san nanggagaling... namamaga ngayon ang kamay ko dahil sa pagkakasuntok ko sa kanya... and planning na ipa-blotter ko siya.. sa barangay ba o pulis? baka kasi gumanti siya sa akin sa ibang bagay, mabuti ng naipa-blotter ko na siya...

[klm_0217]

i am hoping na lahat tayo na nakakadanas ng ganitong klaseng abuse ay makawala na sa bangungot na eto...helpful na may ganitong klaseng forum kase in a way para tayong asa group therapy. I myself was a victim. I had a bf whom i was with for 7 yrs... at sa loob ng 7yrs na yun pakiramdam ko nakita ko na ang impyerno.... lahat ng sakit nagawa na nya.. lahat ng kwento niyo dito kwento ko din. verbal, physical, emotional, psychological, financial, infidelity.. ironically my ex bf is a nurse...providing tender loving care to patients..pati sa relative ng patients na ngiging gf nya eventually while kami minamahal nya din. nung dumating yung time na nagreklamo ako at pumunta sa women's desk, for some reasons hindi ko itinuloy ang kaso,u see never ako lumaban sa 7taon na nakakulong ako sa relasyong yun....probably because wala nalang akong maramdaman kundi takot..  hindi ko pinaalam sa magulang ko,kahit sa mga kaibigan ko... nakain na ang pagiisip ko sa paniniwalang lahat ng sinasabi nya tama. I was like a walking dead, he would f**ck my mind na pati ang pagtulog ng mahimbing hindi ko gnagawa, dahil natatakot ako na gigicing na wala na sa sarili... hindi nya ako gnagamitan ng kamay pag nananakit,puro paa...kinukulong nya ako sa bodega ng cr namin kapag nagagalit sya sa akin,dun ako hihiga kasama ang malalaking daga at gagamba, na walang ilaw..at lalabas lang kapag pinalabas na nya..sinusundot ang mata, pinapalo ng kung anu2x sa ulo,infact my head is not round,marami syang uka..anjang dinuduraan sa muka...it was traumatic...and disturbing... when i finally got the courage na lumabas para magreklamo, nag pa medico legal ako mismo sa hospital kung saan sya nagwo work, sa tindi ng galit ko gusto ko syang pahiyaan, sa ganun bagay man lang makaganti ako.. only to realize na mas pinanigan pa sya ng mga staffs doon. he's highly manipulative,very intelligent. hindi ko alam paano nya nakuhang papaniwalain pati staff ng hospital na sya ang biktima..kunsabagay magaling sya makisama at masipag kaya maganda ang feedback sa kanya ng coworkers nya. what they dont know is maraming pilantropong pumapatay. ng ma desperado na ako at pakiramdam ko nagkamali ako sa paglantad ng sarili, inisip ko na i record ko ang conversations namin each time.but then i was told na ako pa ang makakasuhan ng wire tapping.... nakakahiya man bangitin, i feel so hopeless at wala ako mahingan ng tulong noon, nagsubok ako magpakamatay,baka kako yun nlng ang tanging solusyon..no words can describe the pain that i went thru at that time, i have no support, he's the victim in the eyes of other people while continously banging my head in the wall...sabi ko gusto ko na matapos ang sakit, but here i am.. buhay na buhay. I guess God has a purpose why im still here... its been a year now... nakawala ako eventually.. napagod, natakot, minahal ko na nga siguro ang pangalawa kong buhay...pero i chose to remain silent nlang.hidi ko na nabigyan kahit konting dangal ang sarili ko.. until now im still having nightmares, still have those sleepless nights.. mag isa pa rin ako till now trying to pick up the pieces together...gayunpaman, hindi ako nawawalan ng pag asa na someday ang lahat ng eto papalitan ni GOD ng masasayang alaala...

[sweetsncakes]

These threads gave me courage with my present relationship, been in a relationship for 9 years with one baby , my partner did had a relationship with a girl and even caught them on act on our shop well , i did forgive him cause i think its for the baby not to end up separated and be a broken family but it did not end there, he lied and lied and even caught him again and again .. until i knew that they were having cruel fights with each other and they ended up splitting up with each other .. presently he comes home regurlarly compared before. but ganoon po ba talaga parang pagnakikita ko siya all the things and words that he says parang for me no time for me lto lend him an ear parang kasi lahat lies.. ?

but im now concentrating on my craft well and i just gave my self a time limit if hindi mawala yung doubt ill quit and start a new life even without him .