when a guy feels empty/broken

[drinveilside]

it hurts knowing that your efforts to make it work isnt enough to correct the mistake that i made 8 years ago i was so selfish and cheated on my wife ..

since then everytime we argue she would always slap me with what i did in the past. and it led to her as what she claimed to be her me time " her friends" - online friends in an online game and that resulted to their bond that most of the time she talks to them even if she is with me.


I dont know if its right or wrong, every time we pay a visit to my parents she would always focus on her phone whenever we arent eating or about to leave.

right now i cant talk to any of my relatives because i dont want to be selfish ,, i guess that is the hardest part because i cant talk to my friends about it as well, i guess this is the advantage for girls because guys often keep it inside, we either get drunk or do whatever as for me i dont even smoke or drink.

now back to the situation my wife has been online most of the time talking to her friends until the wee hours of the day.

she doesnt cook
doesnt do the entire laundry only her zumba clothes.

sorry if i have to create this thread but i am on the brink of complete breaking down and i dont know what to do at this point i am starting to think that all my effort in trying to fix what i broke, her trust its also draining me because no matter what i do it always comes back to the cheating part and what ever

i am sorry for wasting your time...

but any suggestions to would be greatly appreciated.

[kvandenhaak]

^Marami ng nag-suggest sa yo kung ano pwede mong gawin. It's just now up to you.

[mysterioza_me]

^^Nagrepent ka na para sa kasalanan na ginawa mo a long time ago pero di pa din siya makalimot at makapagpatawad. Di mo ba naisip na your wife is just using the past as an excuse for her misconduct?! Base sa kwento mo, worth it pa bang isalba ang marriage ninyo kung ikaw lang naman ang willing na i-work out ang relationship ninyo?

[Girltalker2]

Kahit pa anong gawin mo, it takes BOTH hubby and Wife yo fix the marriage. Based on experience, if isa lang ang nag t try, it will NEVER work. Kahit pa anong gawin mo,

[mysterioza_me]

^I agree. Lahat man ng adjustments gawin mo may makikita pa ding mali yan. Or kung wala man siyang makitang mali sa present, ibabalik niya ang past majustify lang behavior niya. Toxic kasama ang ganyang tao. 2 lang naman pagpipilian mo e pakisamahan mo yan pero magtiis ka ng tahimik (walang reklamo-reklamo). Or bigyan mo ng ultimatum at iwan mo kung di magbabago.

Pinanggalingan ko na yang sitwasyon na yan bro. Nagsisi ako pinatagal ko pa pagtitiis ko at binigyan ko pa talaga ng 2nd chance sa pagaakalang nagbago na. Na-realized ko na pinakikisamahan lang ako because its convenient for him saka ako lagi naga-adjust even sa gastos ako pa din. Sobrang gumaan ang pasan ko nung nag-let go ako.

[Girltalker2]

^ you said it right. They will claim that they still want the marriage kasi convenient. At napaka hassle kaya mag alsa balutan at i-explain sa kamag anak Isa Isa na Hiwalay na kayo.

[drinveilside]

i think vocally she said she is willing but its possible she thinks that would suffice/

she hasnt take an action aside from the fact that she helps out our kids on their school projects. other than that unless the house stinks that the only time she would clean it ...

i do the laundry and she only folds her clothes. I go to work and just relying what ever is not crease.

she doesnt press any of my clothes unless both of us would leave

thats how pathetic i am for realizing i married a girl that depends a lot on me i guess thats what you call love..

[ms.holly]

Here's what you need to do.

First ask yourself how long you can still take this emotional cheating that she is doing try to be the best husband during that time give yourself a timeline 1 month, 3 months, 1 year its up to you kung ano ang kaya mo. Do your best as a husband.

Second, if after that period of time ganon pa din siya you can do either ask her set a date for both of you to really talk make it clear to her that this is a formal conversation an ultimatum for the both of you to give it a try and that you feel she is not investing in the relationship anymore dont ask her yet if she is cheating

Third, regardless whether she says she still wants to stay or not snoop or hack her email or facebook or check her messages or chats online (a friend who is a guy even had her cheating wife followed by a private investigator). Why? For closure mo to to get rid of the what ifs if she is cheating or not ba talaga para when you leave you know you did the right thing and wala ng doubt sa infidelity nia.  Try to get a screenshot if you can if you see anything that proves may 3rd party sexual conduct na. This can be to your advantage in the long run.

You are in transition OP and it is usually painful we hold on to what ifs and blame ourselves when cheaters cheat on us mainly also because they blame us for their cheating but in reality that is their way to get rid of their guilt. everybody makes mistakes but in a marriage you fix and accept the problems not make it worse. The sooner you accept your possible situation the better it will be for everyone specially you. dont wait na magimplode ka na lang baka kung ano pa magawa mo. Maybe something better is waiting for you after this marriage. I know my friend is happier now instead of staying with a miserable cheating wife     

[otra_vez]

it's cliche but life is too short to spend even another hour being so miserable in a dead-end relationship. i think both of you want out but neither one of you wants to own that burden of saying it out loud and confronting it. yes, you cheated 8 years ago and she can be very mad about it, if she never wants to forgive you, that's her problem. but she has no right to take it out on your children and your home. it's incredibly manipulative of her to use your indiscretion as some sort of excuse to live life as if she's still single.

do what's best for all of you and remove yourself and especially your children from a toxic environment. it's also never too early for them to learn that there are things they should never put up with, even if it means completely overhauling their lives.

best of luck to you.

[oshiawase]

^ agree. So, file for annulment maybe? Or at least give yourself and her a chance to a new shot at life/love/marriage.

[moonandstars]

Kausapin mo siya, tell her everything that is bothering you. Ask her if she still loves you. Kung oo, then she should let you feel that. Dapat kayong dalawa yung nagwowork towards your relationship to make it work.

[RoadrunnerXCX]

splitting up is a lot complicated when you have kids...easier said than done nga eh. here in canada my sister decided to talk to their parish priest for advice kesa sa mga friends and relatives  na may possibility na ichismis ka lang sa ibang tao. if that is possible i try mo yon..  go to your parish priest for advice or pastor nyo kung hindi ka catholic.

[drinveilside]

Here i am again and i thought it was almost better.

yesterday i found out that she purposely let me discover her shenangans but then admitted that it was just flings online flings again.

but she said she wants to be free and that she longer loves me but she said she doesnt to lose me.

weve been in this marriage for 16 years almost half of our lives.


she has been a housewife and i guess she is fed up.. add to the fact that she feels she is the only one that can help her mom.. her mom and dad never worked so thats why she is telling me i deserve better... she said that all her life she has seen me and she is suggesting that i work abroad and i told her why would i go abroad if i am here you purposely cheat on me just to feel good about your self.


she doesnt want to leave because none of the guys would step up for her thats her story.

she even admitted that she just wants out of my life because the problem is her already she was so broken because i cheated on her and thus it resulted to this.

I am really sorry if this is going into circles.. but right now i am eyeing a promotion at work but how can i concentrate if all of a sudden she goes back to her stupid ways again?

this is tiring and it burns be me out and i havent had anything good to eat for almost 2 days now..

I just dont understand her reason if its true that she has forgiven me but stated she wants to be free and leave our kids behind me. did i really sucked out all her life.

when just a week ago she spent over night with her friends that i even had to color her hair and make sure she looks pretty.

and just yesterday she uploaded a picture in fb and i got blocked on it.

[plumpolka]

mahirap makalimot sa infidelity. sobra. maybe need niyo muna ng time apart para marealize nya worth mo. na ginawa mo na lahat ng effort to make up for that mistake. she needs to be happy with herself muna. if she comes back at gusto mo pa sya tanggapin, bigyan mo sya ng kundisyon na hindi na nya pwede banggitin pa yung mga nangyari sa past. it's all in the past, and consider it as a NEW beginning. leave everything that happened in the past and start a new. baka it would help. ako kasi galing ako sa ganyan, although di married. 3 yrs dala dala ko parin yung panloloko sakin, hindi kami maka move forward kasi living in the past parin ako. siguro time na lang ang makakapagsabi kung magkabalikan man kami at talagang wala na sa akin yung mga past issues namin. but it's better than staying in a toxic relationship. in the end pareho lang kayo magsu-suffer, pareho lang kayong unhappy.


may issue lang sya sa sarili nya. baka naiisip nya, ang daming reason bakit mo nagawa sa kanya yun. dahil ba housewife lang sya? feel nya losyang sya or baka wala sya na-achieve sa buhay nya. di ko sure pero sigurado may personal issues sya, insecurities kung bakit ganyan ginagawa nya. i did some of what she did. just to make mysef feel good. na kahit pa lokohin ako, madami naman dyang iba. at ipapamukha ko pa sayo na madami pang iba dyan. but it's not for you to fix her. she needs to fix herself. baka bumaba self-esteem nya when you cheated on her. not maybe, it's for sure! hay, bakit kasi kayo nagccheat tapos pag di namin makalimutan, kami may mali. CHAR! #hugot


pero ayun nga, based on my experience lang naman, baka she needs time. time for herself to reflect kung ano ba gusto nya. kung kaya ba nya kalimutan lahat ng nasa past and move forward as a family or mag separate na lang for good.

[drinveilside]

it has gotten uglier she is suddenly head over heals to this guy but has decided to give me another run.

i just realized  its all on me.. i wasnt a very good husband she told me nasasakal sya ang that she sees my father in me.. a dictator... but somehow i still ask my self why only now she gets to this..

she is telling me how she misses the guy because she is doing what is right but then hides and deletes all their conversation.

i feel so fcking lost excuse me for the word... i feel dead inside

[airish_2]

I agree na mag heart to heart talk kayo, ask mo siya if she really want to move forward, how she see herself 5 to 10 years from now?

How about a couple retreat? Yung kayo lang dalawa. Parang ito na yung ultimatum kung ano ba talaga? Mahirap din kasi na lagi pinapaalala yung past mistake mo kahit willing ka naman to work it out.

[drinveilside]

This is getting clearer to me . I searched online about cyber infidelity and the words she said to me led to her fantasy of the so called love she feels for this guy

We had an argument last night it was pretty she slapped
Me infront of our kids because i threatened to leave them so she can be happy it is really f***ed up she still tells to the guy about our relationship and the guy suddenly sounds as if he is going to be the better father for my kids

My wife stessed that she loves this guy like how started telling me she has moved on from me and she was okay when she met this guy

Sorry if i am not making sense right now because i told her yesterday i will never talk to her about it ever again because she said she will weigh things first if its really worth the while she also told me even if she leaves him i may never get her back

At this point i have managed to keep my sanity

My wife is 37 But she got the looks like nikki the ex of billy crawford

The guy is in his mid 20?s she has openly  told me that they are just starting thats why it hurts so bad but she also told me the guy wasnt willing to marry her or had a what if

Its been a week since my wife told me she is letting go if this guy but alao admitted that its hard for her to let go because of the what if

I already told her even though i had sexual relationships none of it mattered now because i know it was wrong and what matters is us now

She also said she may not end it because she said i will never change and that one day immay just leave her again which i havent done for almost a 5-7 years now

She even warned me that if i talk to the guy or even message him she will never let go even if she is staying with me

My wife never worked its not a knack on her this maybe the reason why she has a lot of online infidelity

We have 3 kids 14.12 and 6

I am eyeing a promption within the next 12 months but this happened i havent eaten anything substantial for 6 days now i look like s*** to be honest

[Girltalker2]

^ bro, ang tagal na nyan.
Man up! Do the right thing.
Di ko alam what you see in your wife, eh she seems trashy to me. She will get wrinkly eventually din. If she doesn?t have the brains, Tapos di pa mabait or maasikaso, what will she have when she is older? Nothing!
Sorry for the words.

And iyan ba ang gusto mo kalakihan ng mga anak mo? Your focus should be your work and your kids. Your wife is just a distraction to your life that you should be avoiding.

Move on! Kung ako ikaw, I will leave her, with my kids in tow. Iyon lang. isama mo helper nyo, if you have one para may assistant ka to look after the kids. Tsaka ikaw nanga May work, ikaw pa takot iwanan?

Tsaka walang work Wife mo, how come she has money to flirt around? Ikaw din siguro nag pro provide ng means for her to have money para she can maintain her single lifestyle.

And lastly, sa tagal ng issue mo, you?re still stuck in the same sh*tty situation as where you were when you posted this months. If wala ka naman balak gawin, then just stop complaining and whining like a damsel in distress. Suck up the consequences since ginusto mo to stay in a marriage made from hell.

Ikaw lang ang puede magchange ng situation mo. And lahat ng payo nasabi narin sayo.

[mysterioza_me]

My wife never worked its not a knack on her this maybe the reason why she has a lot of online infidelity

Please do not justify her actions. Ang daming trabahong bahay plus anak na aasikasuhin, ibang nanay nga kulang pa maghapon para sa gawaing bahay. Kung gusto niyang maging busy maraming pwedeng gawin na hindi kailangan ng paglalandi.

Sa sitwasyon ninyo wife mo pa nananakot at nagbabanta talaga. Leave with your kids. Or yaan mo siya sumama sa guy. Yan ang tamang gawin to keep your sanity. Mas mainam na alam mong tapos na kayo at wala kang inaasahan kesa pinipilit mong ayusin ang ayaw naman ayusin at pinatatagal ang paghihirap mo. Hindi kasi pwede na ikaw lang ang may gusto maayos kayo. Magmove on ka nalang. Masu-surprise ka isang araw ok ka na pala.

Tip pa pala. Mag-ipon ka ng ebidensya ng infidelity ng wife mo. Kasi hindi malayo na kapag naghihirap na yan sa feeling ni guy or pagnakita niyan na naka-move on ka na with another girl, masaya kayo and maayos buhay ninyo paparamdam yan misis mo. Atleast may maipanlalaban ka sa kanya kaya para di ka mabaligtad. Mabuti na ang advance mag-isip.

[drinveilside]

I cheated on her peerps more than twice in the past in our early part of our marriage . Half of it maybe on and off .

I am not trying to defend her i am just citing the situation

I think i will wait until christmas as long as i can endure i will give her my best version we had a great time today but often times she would use her phone away from us away from and my kids

When i asked how does she plan to end the relationship with the guy she said slowly because thet still love each other

I asked her to give me a time line she cant

So i watched her online game

Apparently its the guy that teaches her to be better on this game she even turned her back on her other ?real? online friends to join this guys guild she hasnt said i love you for now maybe because i was watching

I learned that sometimes when your spouse feels as if your relationship is domesticated you tend to really hope that the situation elsewhere is better but its not specially online romance

Anyway I actually want to know if the guy would really step up i will leave them here with enough money and give her an ultimatum that if she doesnt leave the guy asap i will not return home i have alll the evidence on my phone  so today i almost did everything and i still get cold treatment i know she was telling me when i was the one who made a mistake she didnt tell anyone about and just prayed to god that if its us i will come back

Now she is asking if i really love her she wants to fix her shenanigans first she is more concerned of the guy than fixing our family i am giving it until end of this month if she doesnt leave him permantly i will show her no remorse and will make sure she would regret it

I will do all things she doesnt like even my mother in law pins this on me just because i am earning just about enough for us


Her brother in law arent better providers at all and my mother in law said that i shouldnt be jealous

Going back today i treared my kids went to the mall eat and play and spend quality time

When we got home i urge her to do something that she loves she attended the zumba afternoon session while me on the hand spent time with my kids and we did the laundry when she was about to go home she asked if i can cook so i did she has an allergy on her skin right now so i gave her steamed veggies for dinner when she got home she kissed me but then. She said she needed to play the online game

As hard as it sounds yes i am in pain because before we slept she asked if ee can watch a movie we were watching it together but when she reached for her phone i asked her waht she was doing she said chatting ang texting i didnt asked to who she probably said goodnight to her friends and to the guy

I gave her a massage while watching then but since she was sleepy she drcifed to call it goodnight

So i sighed and ask her if she loves me she said you already lnow the answer yesterday dont ask something that will hurt you

She just stabeed me again my self esteem is rock bottom nut am sucking it all up for my kids unfortunately i cant take my kids with me and leave the house we live in is my fathers house

Please tell
Me if i should demand an ultimatum to her or else the moment she steps out it would mean legal proceedings because when we argued yesterday she really wanted to be with the guy mr superhero

Oh well pardon my ignorance i am not making any sense at all ending my being a loser hell i am the one who works and literally puts food on the table everyday. I can do it all at home why should i worry ? This will be the last day that she would treat me as s***

Someday....