When the problem are your Parents

[iluvescadasport]

kaya pala. now masna-gets ko yun comments ng iba. all of them have a point, but at the end of the day, decision mo parin yan. I believe you love your parents, so show them respect na lang by informing them of your decision, which your ex should be a part of. If he really loves you, he would do his best to make amends with your parents since he knows that your parents play a big role in your life

[khaleesiCersei]

For me hindi na yung utang na loob sa parents eh.. parang try to put yourself in your parents shoes for once. Kunwari yung anak mo nagka asawa ng sakit sa ulo or did something na katulad ng ginawa ng boyfriend mo na naging cause ng gulo. Matutuwa ka ba? Hehe syempre hindi. Siyempre ang sakit non bilang magulang di ba?

And If i were you sis hindi ako aalis sa bahay namin para tumira  sa batangas, jusme. Napaka trapik don. Slex pa lang isang oras na depende pa sa trapik yun. Makakain lang ng travel time mo ang dapat sana eh time mo sa anak mo.

Siya dapat ang gumawa ng paraan para sa inyo mag ina hindi yung ikaw na naman ang kelangan mag adjust para sa kanya. Bakit hindi mag compromise na pabor sa inyo pareho? Kung hindi pa kayang mag live in dahil walang maiiwan para sa anak eh di wag munang mag live in. Yun eh kung yung anak nyo talaga ang priority nyong 2. Magkaron naman sana siya ng balls to man up sa parents mo at bisitahin kayo don. Magtiis siya sa ganong set up kung kinakailangan para naman makabawi siya sa magulang mo. Tandaan ang asawa/boyfriend napapalitan pero ang magulang hindi.

Konting pakipot muna sis, yaan mo siya mag effort para mabawi kayo mag ina. Goodluck! Kaya mo yan hehe

[iluvescadasport]

just want to add also, if sincere talaga ex mo na get back together kayo, you both should seek continuous counsel from others din. sa mga church, meron yun mga cell group or yun Couples for Christ diba? or have sessions with a therapist specializing in couples problem. Whatever it is, kailangan may tulong from iba (not your parents or his) na neutral ang perspective.

[Girltalker2]

For me hindi na yung utang na loob sa parents eh.. parang try to put yourself in your parents shoes for once.

in life, feeling ko we should always try to do what?s right for us and for our kids.  With this, parang Maling mali talaga to be with the sperm donor... Tsk tsk tsk

I don't know the whole story (and you don't have to share kasi private naman) but this is just my blunt opinion based on your post.

Background nitong story ... 

https://www.femalenetwork.com/girltalk/index.php?topic=293256.0

Lastly, I'm begging you, DO NOT COMMUTE FROM BATANGAS TO MANILA EVERYDAY. Traffic! Ubos time mo sa byahe. Kung yan gagawin mo, parang yun yaya na ang naging nanay ng anak mo. Either choose a different job or rent a place near Manila.

Good point sis. Mukhang set na naman ata mind ni TS. Imagine she is going to stay in Batangas to be with the BF pero malalayo anak nya sa kanya kasi limited talaga time nya with the distance and travel to/fr work.

[mysterioza_me]

in life, feeling ko we should always try to do what?s right for us and for our kids.  With this, parang Maling mali talaga to be with the sperm donor... Tsk tsk tsk

Good point sis. Mukhang set na naman ata mind ni TS. Imagine she is going to stay in Batangas to be with the BF pero malalayo anak nya sa kanya kasi limited talaga time nya with the distance and travel to/fr work.

Ako din sis. I cant feel the sincerity of the guy to fix his family. Puro hiya nalang and si TS naman sobrang willing magaadjust. Tama yung isang nagsabi na magpakipot muna at pahirapan konti. Isa pa yang travel na yan from Manila-Batangas, susme goodluck.

[iluvescadasport]

More notes:
1. If your ex is sincere and willing to change talaga, he shouldn't even agree to the idea of you commuting from Batangas to Manila and vice versa, unless kung may helipcoter kayo.

2. Lately ko lang narealize that there's a problem with the topic. "When the problem are your parents" shows that given na na meron problem with your parents and yun ang focus ng problem Pero based sa background ng situation mo, mukhang they don't have a problem. Kaya ka din nahihirapan kasi ayun nga, you assumed already na meron problem sa parents mo and there is nothing wrong with you and your ex being together again. Try to change the wording (I'm currently reading a book, and scientifically proven that words can be a big help in dealing with our problems), baka you'll have a better perspective of the situation. Example, pwede "What can I do to have a better relationship with my ex and at the same time assure my parents that this time around, it is for real." Parang ganoon.

[fifi_girl]

UPDATE:

I did not push thru in moving to Batangas.

Because i had this feeling na pag umuwi kami dun, eh mag-i-insist na naman si partner na mag-resign at magsimula ng panibagong negosyo. While i will the one to travel back and forth to Manila for work. Obviously, he still has issues with himself. Hindi niya kase matanggap na kelangan niya mag-work to earn a living. He sees his work as a way to earn money so he can put up another business. Para bang wala na sa loob nya un pag tr trabaho. Paulit ulit niya sinasabi na hindi na daw trabaho ang gusto niya gawin sa buhay niya. That he really wants to have his own business.

Of course i am willing to support him again, pangarap niya yun. But ang point ko kase is wag magmadali. That he can take his time and just enjoy working for the meantime. Well, we ended up fighting again. That prompted me to put an end to everything. Again.

For me kase, maybe he needs to deal with his issues on his own. Kase paano ko nga naman siya matutulungan kung siya mismo yung may problema? Kahit anong sabihin ko sa kanya, kung hindi niya tutulungan yung sarili niya, wala din mangyayari.

Im thinking of cutting all my communication lines with him. I think kelangan ko gawin yun. Yun tipong hindi talaga niya ako makakausap totally. Kase for the past 2 years, we never lost communication. Kesehodang puro away lang, in the end eh nakakausap pa din niya ako. Inisip ko nalang na kung kami talaga, eh di kami. If not, then God has better plans for us. So sa ngayon, ipagdadasal ko nalang muna.

[mysterioza_me]

^Good for you sis. Naliwanagan ka na hindi parents mo ang may problema.

[Girltalker2]

Sis fifi_girl, it must also be a relief for you that you don?t have to go through the ordeal of facing your parents and talking about your potential move to batangas, moving your son there and commuting back and forth Manila.

Ang masasabi ko naman all the above issues are just what you?re faced a few weeks back. But you?re right in your decision that something is really very wrong with your ex bf.

Siguro mahal mo pa sya pero you have to admit that he is not capable to raise a family. he just doesn?t have the qualities that you need to raise a happy family. He doesn?t have it in him. Puede naman magbago siguro later but only time can tell. For the meantime, just move on with your life.
Cutting communications is good, imo. Maybe it can teach him a lesson and if he is really up to the role of a family man, let him fight for you and your son. Hayaan mo sya dumiskarte. And don?t close your doors din, if you meet someone better then move on. If not, and nagbago na sya in the future, then perhaps can reconsider.

Regarding business and working naman, for me it doesn?t matter so Long as he knows what he is getting into and both you and your kids will be guaranteed well taken cared of.
Kaso mukhang Mas inuuna nya dreams nya before family which is wrong.

Secondly, yung weight ng opinion mo sa kanya. Sabi mo kahit anong Sabi mo, di sya nakikinig. This is another serious issue in his character. Sa mag asawa or in any relationship, each partner should somehow recognise the opinion and feeling of his/her partner. And communicate his understanding and arguments effectively. Ito wala din sa kanya, so Hirap ayusin issues nyo. Di panga nakaka Pag umpisa pamilya nyo, ang gulo gulo na, what more if magsama pa kayo sa poder nya?

Lastly, I just cant believe as of this point, OKAY LANG sa kanya at sayo yung mga nangyari 1-2 years ago? I mean forgive and forget nalang ba, ganun ganun nalang ba iyon?

Para sakin, unforgivable yung ginawa nya mang iwan sa ere and let you take all the burden just because di nasunod yung gusto nya. And to think lahat ng gusto naman nya ginawa na naman nya (like resigning without letting you know) without regard to your feelings. Ok nga to cut communication with him, malay mo matuto how to be a good family man.

Stay strong for your son, and andyan naman parents mo for you. So kakayanin mo iyan. Since Bata ka pa, im sure you will still meet other better men than your ex.

[iluvescadasport]

UPDATE:

I did not push thru in moving to Batangas.

Because i had this feeling na pag umuwi kami dun, eh mag-i-insist na naman si partner na mag-resign at magsimula ng panibagong negosyo. While i will the one to travel back and forth to Manila for work. Obviously, he still has issues with himself. Hindi niya kase matanggap na kelangan niya mag-work to earn a living. He sees his work as a way to earn money so he can put up another business. Para bang wala na sa loob nya un pag tr trabaho. Paulit ulit niya sinasabi na hindi na daw trabaho ang gusto niya gawin sa buhay niya. That he really wants to have his own business.

Of course i am willing to support him again, pangarap niya yun. But ang point ko kase is wag magmadali. That he can take his time and just enjoy working for the meantime. Well, we ended up fighting again. That prompted me to put an end to everything. Again.

For me kase, maybe he needs to deal with his issues on his own. Kase paano ko nga naman siya matutulungan kung siya mismo yung may problema? Kahit anong sabihin ko sa kanya, kung hindi niya tutulungan yung sarili niya, wala din mangyayari.

Im thinking of cutting all my communication lines with him. I think kelangan ko gawin yun. Yun tipong hindi talaga niya ako makakausap totally. Kase for the past 2 years, we never lost communication. Kesehodang puro away lang, in the end eh nakakausap pa din niya ako. Inisip ko nalang na kung kami talaga, eh di kami. If not, then God has better plans for us. So sa ngayon, ipagdadasal ko nalang muna.

So happy to hear that! Yes, tama talaga na he needs to change muna. Mahirap i-change ang tao kapag sila mismo ayaw. You are doing your part by supporting him naman, pero at the end of the day, kung ayaw niya talaga magbago, mahirap na talaga and it will definitely have a bad effect on your relationship and future. Good idea din na cut all communication muna (unless it's about asking for help like a counselor referral or something). Let him have his alone time and think about things. Baka mas malinawagan siya kung walang outside influences. As human beings naman, we are all capable of changes. It's not wrong to believe na baka magbago pa siya. Miracles do happen. But syempre kailangan may evidence talaga ng pagbabago.

[fifi_girl]

Wala naman akong issue if he wants to put up a business. My point is, pag isipan mabuti and paghandaan. Hindi yun agad agad eh mag j jump in ulit sya. I know he can very well raise a family, i don't have any doubts with that.

One more thing i realized is that, para sa kanya, the only way we can fix this is by going home to Batangas. Later on ko lang na-realize na baka kaya gusto niya dun kami is because anytime na maisip niya mag resign, wala na siyang problema kase andun na kami. Another thing is that, pag andun kami, he doesn't need to deal with my family.

Good idea din na cut all communication muna (unless it's about asking for help like a counselor referral or something). Let him have his alone time and think about things. Baka mas malinawagan siya kung walang outside influences. As human beings naman, we are all capable of changes. It's not wrong to believe na baka magbago pa siya. Miracles do happen. But syempre kailangan may evidence talaga ng pagbabago.

I went thru the hassle of applying for a new postpaid line. Kase for the past 2 years, hiwalay nga kami, pero from time to time, eh nag te text pa din siya sakin at non stop yung pagtatalo namin. So i think it would be better if i cut all his communication lines with me. Tama ka nga sis, maybe an "alone time" would do us good.

[glamorosa_09]

Sa tingin ko, you and your partner need improvement to make a marital and familial commitment work.

Your partner seems impulsive, pero may mga personalities naman talagang ganon.  I think the problem isn't his impulsiveness but his inability to listen to you, to take your counsel. Pupwedeng masyado syang nagmamarunong. Sa pagsasama, maraming mga bagay na kailangang nag-uusap kayo, nakikinig. Kailangan ng humility. Sabi mo nga, palagi kayo nagtatalo.

From what I remember sa previoud thread mo, his issue with you is you're still psychologically dependent on your family-of-origin. In this thread, you said:

  i feel like i always need their approval for everything that i do. Na pag hindi sila pabor sa decision ko, i would rather sacrifice my own feelings rather than disobeying them.

May hugot yan most likely, hindi lang siguro tungkol sa partner mo. You have quantifiers of always and everything. I think it's okay to LIKE or WANT your parents' approval, but to NEED is a different case.

So I suggest, learn to individuate too. Kahit may makita kang matinong husband, you will sometimes make family decisions that are against the beliefs and values of your parents. And sa Filipino culture, eh ipaparamdam o ipapaalam nila ang disapproval nila. So kung malakas ang hatak ng opinion ng magulang mo sayo, more than you standing beside your husband, magkakaproblem talaga kayo, kahit sino pa asawa mo.

[Girltalker2]

Wala naman akong issue if he wants to put up a business. My point is, pag isipan mabuti and paghandaan. Hindi yun agad agad eh mag j jump in ulit sya.

Agree with you 100% here.

I know he can very well raise a family, i don't have any doubts with that.

Ito sobrang hindi ako convinced. He cannot even prioritise you and your Son over his ego and convenience. How can he raise a happy family? Ni hindi nga nya Kaya makinig sayo, na kayang magsalita, sa mga bata pa Kaya?

Isa pa, he also cannot be man enough to know what is the right thing to do. Nanganak ka na and all, how often does he visit his son? Aah kasi andyan parents mo. Pero para sakin, Mas importante dapat sa kanya to see his son grow up, kesa mabulyawan ng parents mo. Things like that.

One more thing i realized is that, para sa kanya, the only way we can fix this is by going home to Batangas. Later on ko lang na-realize na baka kaya gusto niya dun kami is because anytime na maisip niya mag resign, wala na siyang problema kase andun na kami. Another thing is that, pag andun kami, he doesn't need to deal with my family.

Sis, you?re smart to be able to think things through like this. Don?t let your feeling over rule what?s right for yourself and your son. Do what?s best para sa inyong mag-ina.

May hugot yan most likely, hindi lang siguro tungkol sa partner mo. You have quantifiers of always and everything. I think it's okay to LIKE or WANT your parents' approval, but to NEED is a different case.

So I suggest, learn to individuate too. Kahit may makita kang matinong husband, you will sometimes make family decisions that are against the beliefs and values of your parents. And sa Filipino culture, eh ipaparamdam o ipapaalam nila ang disapproval nila. So kung malakas ang hatak ng opinion ng magulang mo sayo, more than you standing beside your husband, magkakaproblem talaga kayo, kahit sino pa asawa mo.

Iniisip ko naman na mabuti narin yung need ni fifi na iyan, for now. Otherwise, napariwara na buhay nya if she went with him before giving birth. San na Kaya sya pupulutin.

But yes good to be able to make decisions on your own na tama for yourself. Eh mukhang ito rin naman hangad ng parents nya.

[plumpolka]

goodluck sis! i think hindi mag mamature yung bf mo if he is faced with the same situation everyday. na may communication parin kayo. for him it's his comfort zone e. so hindi sya mag effort to be a changed man kung hindi mag iiba ang situation drastically. then you'll know his true intentions and kung ano na bang gusto nya gawin sa buhay nya. for now, kayo na lang muna ng anak mo ang isipin mo. and kung okay na sya, he fixed himself on his own, then mayb things can work out for you both na. GOODLUCK! ♥

[fifi_girl]

Ito sobrang hindi ako convinced. He cannot even prioritise you and your Son over his ego and convenience. How can he raise a happy family? Ni hindi nga nya Kaya makinig sayo, na kayang magsalita, sa mga bata pa Kaya?

Lagi niya sinasabi na kaya niya gusto gawin yun is para sa amin daw. At some point, nakikinig naman siya sakin. Though talagang ipu-push talaga niya kung ano yung gusto niyang gawin.

Sis, you?re smart to be able to think things through like this. Don?t let your feeling over rule what?s right for yourself and your son. Do what?s best para sa inyong mag-ina.

Yun nga, at first i was excited moving to Batangas kase iniisip ko na, finally, magkaka ayos na din kami. But then, unti unti kong na-realize na parang may mali. Its like we are moving there for his convenience.

goodluck sis! i think hindi mag mamature yung bf mo if he is faced with the same situation everyday. na may communication parin kayo. for him it's his comfort zone e. so hindi sya mag effort to be a changed man kung hindi mag iiba ang situation drastically. then you'll know his true intentions and kung ano na bang gusto nya gawin sa buhay nya. for now, kayo na lang muna ng anak mo ang isipin mo. and kung okay na sya, he fixed himself on his own, then mayb things can work out for you both na. GOODLUCK! ♥

thanks Sis! Yun nga ang naisip ko talaga. After everything, parang ako pa din yung comfort zone niya, na sa akin pa din niya nasasabi lahat lahat ng nararamdaman niya. At the end of the day, eh naiisip niya na nandyan lang ako to patiently deal with all his dramas. Sabi nga nung isang sis natin dito, maybe he needs "alone time" to realize things on his own.

At first natakot ako na what if makahanap siya ng iba. Later on, na-realize ko na kung makahanap siya ng iba, then it means hindi talaga meant to be.

[Girltalker2]

^ sis, between the 2 of you, dapat sya na Takot at baka makahanap ka ng iba.
And if ever makahanap sya ng iba, sa immaturity nya, I really doubt na he can find someone like you or someone better than you.
You?re out of his league, no wonder galit parents mo sa kanya.

[fifi_girl]

^my parents are not really mad naman. More of inis dahil sa mga nangyari.
Well, he has been trying to call me these past few days, though blocked yun number niya sakin, nakikita ko pa din na nag-a-attempt siya tumawag. eto kaseng si Globe, may system issues daw kaya hindi pa ma-activate yung new line ko

[Girltalker2]

^ hayaan mo na sya.

In the last few months that you were seeing him, how was he with your son?

[fifi_girl]

^ hayaan mo na sya.

In the last few months that you were seeing him, how was he with your son?

We saw each other for a few weeks lang. He is okay with my son, and alam ko naman na mahal na mahal niya anak namin. But then, nitong nag-away na kami ulit, ayun, balik sa dati. Parang ang thinking niya kase is kung hindi ako sasama sa kanya, then he'd rather not have a relationship with our son.

He was sending me emails again. Parang lahat na lang kasalanan ko. He even said that he will let someone else mend what i broke in him. Its been emotionally exhausting to deal with him.

[khaleesiCersei]

Kung ganyan siya sa anak nyo, then hindi niya mahal yan. Meron palang  ganong magulang? Yung he would rather not have a relationship with his son dahil lang hindi nasunod ang gusto niya.

That man is not worth of your time and energy. Porket di nasunod ang gusto eh aabandunahin na ang anak. Block mo yan sa email mo para di ka na nasostorbo niyan. Que may kasalanan ka or siya or kayong dalawa or yung parents mo kung bakit nasira ang relationship nyong 2, hindi niya dapat dinadamay ang bata. He is a selfish brat. Hindi din siya worth maging tatay ng anak mo. Ganyang attitude lang matututunan niya dyan.

Tama ang desisyon mong iwan yan sis sis at putulin ang communication. Daig pa ang babae sa pag iinarte, daming satsat na kesyo hahanap ng kapalit mo, kung ako sayo sis rereplayan ko isang beses lang tapos bloblock ko na yan. Sasabihin ko sa kanya eh di goo! humanap ka na ngayon na, tulungan pa kita kung gusto mo,tingnan natin kung may makakatiis sa ugali mo lol!