Author Topic: When the problem are your Parents  (Read 5685 times)

Girltalker2

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Re: When the problem are your Parents
« Reply #40 on: April 02, 2018, 09:00:23 am »
^ nasabi mo na ba direcho sa kanya kung gaano ka immature ang ugali nya? And good riddance to him dahil alam mong you and your son will just have a miserable life with him.

And hahanap sya ng iba to mend h? Oh well, he may be able to, but he fails to see that happiness should start from within, not from others. Sabihin mo sabihan ka nya if makahanap sya at mag last sa kanya babae nya. Siguro mga walang quality yun if ever pumayag to be with him, na walang ka-quality- quality.

fifi_girl

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Re: When the problem are your Parents
« Reply #41 on: April 02, 2018, 10:06:52 am »
Kung ganyan siya sa anak nyo, then hindi niya mahal yan. Meron palang  ganong magulang? Yung he would rather not have a relationship with his son dahil lang hindi nasunod ang gusto niya.

That man is not worth of your time and energy. Porket di nasunod ang gusto eh aabandunahin na ang anak. Block mo yan sa email mo para di ka na nasostorbo niyan. Que may kasalanan ka or siya or kayong dalawa or yung parents mo kung bakit nasira ang relationship nyong 2, hindi niya dapat dinadamay ang bata. He is a selfish brat. Hindi din siya worth maging tatay ng anak mo. Ganyang attitude lang matututunan niya dyan.

Tama ang desisyon mong iwan yan sis sis at putulin ang communication. Daig pa ang babae sa pag iinarte, daming satsat na kesyo hahanap ng kapalit mo, kung ako sayo sis rereplayan ko isang beses lang tapos bloblock ko na yan. Sasabihin ko sa kanya eh di goo! humanap ka na ngayon na, tulungan pa kita kung gusto mo,tingnan natin kung may makakatiis sa ugali mo lol!
I think hindi niya kaya maging civil sa akin kaya i-sa-sacrifice na lang niya yung relationship niya sa anak namin. My point is, hindi lang ako ang may kasalanan dito, and he refuses to acknowledge that. Parang he keeps on digging up on the problems rather than thinking of how we can move forward and fix things. In the end, ako pa daw ang hindi willing ayusin yung problema. Hindi ko na siya sinagot after that.

My last email to him was that i decided to let him go and move on with my life. I told him na matatanggap ko even if magkaroon siya ng iba, kase wala ng makakatalo pa sa sakit at hirap na pinagdaanan ko nun maghiwalay kami, up until now. Ang sagot lang niya sakin is puro paninisi pa din.

^ nasabi mo na ba direcho sa kanya kung gaano ka immature ang ugali nya? And good riddance to him dahil alam mong you and your son will just have a miserable life with him.

And hahanap sya ng iba to mend h? Oh well, he may be able to, but he fails to see that happiness should start from within, not from others. Sabihin mo sabihan ka nya if makahanap sya at mag last sa kanya babae nya. Siguro mga walang quality yun if ever pumayag to be with him, na walang ka-quality- quality.
This is what i have been telling him all this time. That he needs to let go of all the hurt and anger so we can move forward. Mawawala lang daw lahat yun kung pipiliin kong sumama sa kanya at hayaan siyang mag-desisyon sa buhay namin.

Tell me sis, mali ba ako na hindi ko siya pinagbigyan? As a father, tama ba na sila lang ang masusunod? Diba hindi naman. For the longest time, yun pa din ang pinaglalaban niya, yung pumayag ako na umuwi sa province nila. Diba nga, we even planned to commute back and forth para lang sa work. And then i realized, para sa kanya, yun  lang ang solusyon  sa problema. Na wala ng ibang solusyon para maayos ito kundi iyon lang.

mysterioza_me

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Re: When the problem are your Parents
« Reply #42 on: April 02, 2018, 11:30:58 am »
Mawawala lang daw lahat yun kung pipiliin kong sumama sa kanya at hayaan siyang mag-desisyon sa buhay namin.
Yan ang greatest mistake na gagawin mo, ang hayaan na siya ang magmaniobra ng buhay ninyo. Lahat ng desisyon gagawin niya kapag nagfail ikaw ang may kasalanan. LOL. Kaya tama lang na wag mo pagbigyan yan. Ang desisyon niya lagi e kung ano ang convenient lang sa kanya e paano ka lalo na ang anak ninyo? Napaka-impulsive ng mga desisyon niya di bale sana if walang losses. Hayaan mo siya if hahanap siya ng iba. Sana magtagal sila. Wag kang papadala sa paninisi niya, nangongonsensya lang yan.

Naalala ko ex ko sa katauhan ng bf mo sis. Pagnaalala ko katangahan ko gusto ko iuntog sarili ko sa pader. Pero mas t**** pa din ex ko, nakahanap na nga ng magpapakatanga sa kanya di pa inalagaan.
If a girl understands your b******t, stick through your mistakes, smiles even when you've done nothing for her , it's obvious she's a keeper. But it's also obVious that you don't deserve her...

fifi_girl

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Re: When the problem are your Parents
« Reply #43 on: April 02, 2018, 01:03:45 pm »
^korek sis, i was looking for an appropriate word for what he's doing. Yun nga, nangongonsensya sa pamamagitan ng paninisi. Di ko na sinagot yung last email niya, para matapos nalang yung usapan. Kahit naman sumagot ako, hindi naman magbabago yung reasoning niya. Ako pa din ang may kasalanan ng lahat.

Girltalker2

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Re: When the problem are your Parents
« Reply #44 on: April 02, 2018, 02:18:54 pm »
My point is, hindi lang ako ang may kasalanan dito, and he refuses to acknowledge that. Parang he keeps on digging up on the problems rather than thinking of how we can move forward and fix things.

 In the end, ako pa daw ang hindi willing ayusin yung problema. Hindi ko na siya sinagot after that.


Ma accept ko pa sana if aminado syang nagkamali sya. But between the 2 of you, mas malaki kaya kasalanan nya para talikuran nya kayo when you gave birth, just because di masunod gusto nya.

Sis, curious lang ako, San mo iyan na meet. Feeling ko sa tabi tabi lang (sorry). I really cannot find any use talking to such kind of people.
Parang May kulang na tornillo ang utak eh.


Tell me sis, mali ba ako na hindi ko siya pinagbigyan? As a father, tama ba na sila lang ang masusunod? Diba hindi naman. For the longest time, yun pa din ang pinaglalaban niya, yung pumayag ako na umuwi sa province nila. Diba nga, we even planned to commute back and forth para lang sa work. And then i realized, para sa kanya, yun  lang ang solusyon  sa problema. Na wala ng ibang solusyon para maayos ito kundi iyon lang.

Sis, based on your story, Ang pagkakamali mo ay patulan iyang kumag na iyan. Secondly, you didn?t learn your lesson and tried reconciling with him, after all the things he has done. Buti sana kung nagkamali lang sya, puede itama. Pero hindi eh, yung flaw nya is CHARACTER flaw, which can never be rectified or perhaps .01% chance. And it?s a major one pa. Wala din syang baSic reasoning skills so mahirap makipag usap. Parang Mas madali pa kausap ang bata kesa sa kanya.

Sa lahat ng successful relationship and happy marriages, reasonable dapat ang partner mo at dalawa kayo nagkakaintindihan. If he can?t understand you, at sarili lang nya iniisip, you are definitely very right in leaving him.
Hope this time, you?ve learned your lesson.

fifi_girl

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Re: When the problem are your Parents
« Reply #45 on: April 02, 2018, 02:47:39 pm »
^We lived for 3 years++ before we separated. That is before he resigned to start a bakery business. Then things went downhill after that. I met him at my previous work, actually managerial position na yung level niya. For me kase, kahit pa sumama ako sa kanya, kung hindi pa din niya i-l-let go yung anger at bitterness niya sa mga nangyari, it will somehow haunt us in the future. Na parang kahit ilang taon na ang lumipas, lilitaw pa din yun sa mga arguments namin. He's claiming na kinokontra yung mga desisyon nya, lalo na yun pag-uwi sa province. When in fact, im just thinking of our child's welfare. Sobrang mawawalan kami ng time sa anak namin kung uwian kami everyday.

He wanted us to start on our own. Pero ang hindi ko maintindihan eh, bakit wala kaming ibang option kundi umuwi dun. arrgggghhhhhhhhhhhh

simang

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Re: When the problem are your Parents
« Reply #46 on: April 02, 2018, 05:27:39 pm »
^Yung place ba sa Batangas, is that his or sa parents nya?
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plumpolka

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Re: When the problem are your Parents
« Reply #47 on: April 02, 2018, 06:04:50 pm »
hayaan mo na sis, wag mo na isipin. kasi kahit ano pang isip mo dyan, kahit anong intindi gawin mo, you wont, we wont. talagang iba talaga sya mag isip at sarili lang nya iniisip nya. tignan mo nga, pati ikaw, imbis na kayo ng anak mo iniisip mo, sya na din iniintindi mo. at sya, imbis na intindihin nya anak nya, sarili nya iniisip nya na hindi mo sya sinusunod. he's manipulating you. wag ka na bumigay. you should be busy thinking of your child's welfare to have time thinking of how to please his selfish ways. and ano naman kung walang relationship anak mo sa tatay nya? isipin mo, would he rather have a relationship with his father na andyan lang pag convenient ang situation or no relationship at all but emotionally stable kasi walang lulubog lilitaw na tatay sa buhay nya. at least alam ng bata may tatay sya and when he grows up, kilala naman nya. kesa may relationship sya ngayon sa tatay nya, di naman din nya maintindihan bakit bigla syang hindi papansinin or kakausapin (yun pala hindi lang nasunod kasi ang gusto so magt-tantrums)


instead of thinking about his reasoning na kahit kelan di mo maiintindihan, think about what is more emotionally healthy para sayo at sa anak mo. more than having a "complete" family, dapat emotionally stable ang parents nya. maski isa lang. so kung ikaw, you're unstable dahil dyan sa tatay nya, maaadapt nya yan. di ba nga kids are sponges, they can absorb easily lahat ng isaksak mo sa kanila. ang importante ngayon, malaman ng bata na kahit anong mangyari, strong ang mama nya. kung magulo ang buhay ng papa nya, magiging proud sya paglaki nya na hindi sila na-drag ng papa nya sa miserable life kasi kaya ng mama nya na maging strong para sa kanya.
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Shadow Angel

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Re: When the problem are your Parents
« Reply #48 on: April 02, 2018, 09:33:24 pm »
May pagka narcissists ang partner mo. 2 thumbs up sis isa ka sa few TS na may problema nagshashare na nakikita ang POV ng iba I mean open minded ka kahit na for sure you have your own decision kahit ano pa ipost namin. Open talaga ang eyes mo sa kung ano mali kay partner di mo binibigyan ang justifications kung anong mali nya. Sayang naman ang good character mo kung mapupunta ka lang sa taong di worth it.

fifi_girl

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Re: When the problem are your Parents
« Reply #49 on: April 03, 2018, 08:49:11 am »
^Yung place ba sa Batangas, is that his or sa parents nya?
Technically sa mom niya, pero sinasabi mismo ng mom niya is bahay na ni ex yun. Kase sa kanya din naman mapupunta yung bahay eventually.

2 thumbs up sis isa ka sa few TS na may problema nagshashare na nakikita ang POV ng iba I mean open minded ka kahit na for sure you have your own decision kahit ano pa ipost namin. Open talaga ang eyes mo sa kung ano mali kay partner di mo binibigyan ang justifications kung anong mali nya. Sayang naman ang good character mo kung mapupunta ka lang sa taong di worth it.
TBH, wala na din talaga ko nasasabihan na ibang tao about my problem with my ex. Some of my closest friends knew, pero feeling ko nagsawa na din sila na makinig sa mga hanash ko. Napagod na din siguro kase paulit ulit na. Before pinagtatanggol ko pa siya sa mga ginagawa niya, but then na-realize ko na siya nga walang ibang nakikita kundi puro yun shortcomings ko. Sa lahat ng arguments namin, puro shortcomings ko ang nilalabas niya.

Share ko dito sample message niya (actual words yan, i copy-paste from my email). Those in asterisk is my child's name.

"I stood for autonomy. I stood for a home where we can raise *****. I stood for a home where we can make decisions. I stood for a chance that we may live our life as a family. While all you got are apprehension about your comfort and security. All that I needed was a nod from you that I am taking the lead. But all you can do is say your opposition. You made sure that I don?t get what I need. If you can?t read correctly, I made sure that I say NEED, not want. You can go back to every message I sent to you and check whether I?m lying. All that I want, I have foregone. But I can?t compromise on what I need.

Who gave you the idea that I think the world is about me? That is a very dull argument. If life has been all about me, I would have not decided to agree to live in your house. I would have made a stand to get it my way each and every time. It?s you who have always tried to make it all about yourself. It?s about your comfort all that time. And all about how you failed to commit. It?s all about how you failed to be sensitive to what I feel. I never started this mess. You did. You were unmovable you have your options. That?s what pulled us apart. You still think it?s still the better option even if it will mean separation for me and  *****. You never did see anything outside your comfort zone. You are a coward for not making a stand. Don?t ever tell yourself that you have done everything for  *****. You did it for yourself. Because you can never live your life dealing with what you need to deal with. In time, my hatred for you will ever grow deeper because you took the one thing that made me happy. But you will be able to see that because you think that what you feel is more important than anything else. More important than  *****s well being. Let?s see what happens. If you can?t care about him, why would I? You think it?s all about the things you can provide him? Let?s find out."

Yun nga sabi ko, at the end of the day, mas importante pa din yung gusto niya ang masusunod. Sinasabi niya na he's fighting for his right to have his own family. Pero bakit parang walang ibang solusyon sa problema namin kundi umuwi dun. We can easily rent a place here in Manila, rather than commuting everyday. So dun din pumapasok sakin yung idea na eventually eh mag-re-resign siya sa work to start a business again. And when that happens, wala akong magagawa kase nga, dun na kami nakatira.

« Last Edit: April 03, 2018, 09:06:10 am by fifi_girl »

mysterioza_me

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Re: When the problem are your Parents
« Reply #50 on: April 03, 2018, 09:20:47 am »
^Oo nga sis bakit di niya makita na mas practical kung magrerent kayo sa Manila kesa magcommute. Baka kapag kinwenta ang pamasahe ninyo sa everyday na commute vs renta sa maliit na unit e di magkakalayo ang presyo. Plus pa yung pagod ng katawan ninyo sa byahe. Mahirap kausap yan, napaka-illogical. Mainam pang makipag-usap ka sa 2yrs old.
If a girl understands your b******t, stick through your mistakes, smiles even when you've done nothing for her , it's obvious she's a keeper. But it's also obVious that you don't deserve her...

khaleesiCersei

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Re: When the problem are your Parents
« Reply #51 on: April 03, 2018, 10:00:25 am »
Sorry sis but for a guy parang ang haba ng hanash niya hehe..parang babae. Parang may something sa kanya hehe

Naloka ako sa why should i care dun sa part ng anak nyo. Sis..for me wala siyang kwentang tao para ganon ganon na lang niya masabi yun sa anak nyo. Hindi siya deserve maging part ng buhay nyo mag ina. Gusto lang pabor lagi sa kanya tapos pag hindi pabor sa kanya puro panunumbat ang lumalabas sa bibig. Putulin mo na lahat ng ties meron kayo. Pati sa anak nyo wag mo na ipakita or ipakausap sa kanya. Tama ang isang sis natin, he will just mess up your child sa ugali niyang yan. Mas kawawa anak nyo kung makakalakihan niya ang ganyang klaseng ama. Baka mamana pa niya ganyan ugali.

fifi_girl

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Re: When the problem are your Parents
« Reply #52 on: April 03, 2018, 10:13:12 am »
^Oo nga sis bakit di niya makita na mas practical kung magrerent kayo sa Manila kesa magcommute
Kase daw mahirap iwanan yung bata sa Yaya buong araw. Eh nag-aaral na yung anak namin, so hirap siya na magtiwala sa Yaya lalo na pag lalabas ng bahay.

^Naku sis Khaleesi, ongoing for 2 years yang argument na yan. Na kesyo wala daw nakakaintindi sa nararamdaman niya. I did try to understand what he is feeling. Kaya lang sabi ko nga, kelangan niya tulungan yung sarili niya na alisin yun feeling na yun. Why should he care daw, eh ako nga daw mismo ang naglalayo sa anak namin from him. So i have to live with my decisions. I already changed my number para sure na wala na siya contact sa akin.

mysterioza_me

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Re: When the problem are your Parents
« Reply #53 on: April 03, 2018, 10:20:20 am »
^Ah may point siya dun. Kung sa Batangas sis kanino iiwan ang bata? Sa mom niya? Or baka pagdating sa Batangas ipush ka niya na magresign para mag-alaga ng bata? Kahit alin dun mahirap, lalo na nagaaral na pala ang bata. Paano mabantayan ang schooling nun kung parehas kayong magwowork so most likely ikaw na naman ang magsasacrifice.

Agree ako sa sinabi ng mga sis to cut ties with that guy sayo and sa anak mo. Kawawa ang bata sis kung pasulpot-sulpot lang ang tatay. Na-experience namin yan sis, ako di bale na pero yung bata kawawa. Yung anak ko lagi sumisilip sa gate namin, pag may narinig na ugong ng makina sumisilip sa bintana akala niya papa niya na dumating. Tapos matatapos ang araw na di dumating ang tatay niya. Magtatanong sa akin kung nagtext daw ba, bakit di nagpunta? Hay sakit sa dibdib yan sis.
If a girl understands your b******t, stick through your mistakes, smiles even when you've done nothing for her , it's obvious she's a keeper. But it's also obVious that you don't deserve her...

fifi_girl

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Re: When the problem are your Parents
« Reply #54 on: April 03, 2018, 11:09:41 am »
^Dun maiiwan yung anak namin sa Mom nya and kukuha kami ng Yaya if ever. Isang compound kase sila dun, so andun din sister niya to help look after our kid. He was actually pushing me to resign, i asked him if afford ba namin na isa lang ang may work? Medyo nag-isip siya dun, so he asked me kung kaya ko mag-business. I said no. Eh ramdam ko naman na gusto niya, siya yung mag reresign at mag business.

How did you handle your situation? Ang sakit sa dibdib nung sinabi sakin ng anak ko na "Mommy, bati na natin si Daddy"

mysterioza_me

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Re: When the problem are your Parents
« Reply #55 on: April 03, 2018, 01:17:48 pm »
^At first pinagtatakpan ko pa ayaw ko naman na masira tingin ng anak ko tatay niya. Pero deep inside minumura ko siya sa isip ko. Naawa ako sa bata. Then one time nangako na naman na susunduin ang bata pero as usual 2hrs na nagaantay wala pa siya. Ang ginawa ko hinatid ko ang bata sa kanila. Nandun lang pala siya sa bahay nila nanonood ng tv. Nagtalo kami. Umuwi kami ng bata na magkagalit kami ng ex ko. After nun lumala pa away namin. Sari-saring reason, sumabay pa yung nabuko ko na may 3rd party pero todo deny pati nanay niya nakiki-deny. Confused ako ng mga time na yan, di ko alam if paniniwalaan ko ba sila, isi-save ko pa ba relasyon namin at magtitiis or aayawan ko na, tapos nahuli ako na anak ko na umiiyak. Pinayuhan ako ng anak ko, sabi niya tama na. Hanap nalang daw kami ng iba na magmamahal sa amin. ?Kung hindi niya tayo love, hindi din natin siya dapat love kaya hindi ko na din siya love.? Yan mismo sinabi niya. Ganyan kasimple ang solusyon niya. 6-7yrs old anak ko ng time na yan pero naintindihan niya sitwasyon namin. Naniniwala talaga ako na matatalino na talaga mga bata ngayon, marunong na sila makaintindi ng sitwasyon.
If a girl understands your b******t, stick through your mistakes, smiles even when you've done nothing for her , it's obvious she's a keeper. But it's also obVious that you don't deserve her...

Girltalker2

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Re: When the problem are your Parents
« Reply #56 on: April 03, 2018, 09:02:42 pm »

How did you handle your situation? Ang sakit sa dibdib nung sinabi sakin ng anak ko na "Mommy, bati na natin si Daddy"

Iyan nanga, kaya talaga minsan better for the child not to see the sperm donor. Once she/he is 18, tsaka nalang sila magdecide if they Want to see the Father.


mysterioza_me

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Re: When the problem are your Parents
« Reply #57 on: April 03, 2018, 09:00:24 pm »
^True sis. Pero sa akin ok na din naman na nakilala at nakasama siya ng son ko, atleast walang maraming tanong sino tatay niya, anong itsura etc. Ngayon pa lang tanggap na ng anak ko bakit di kami nagworkout ni ex at di ko na need gumawa ng kwento sa bata siya na mismo sumira sa sarili niya. Di ko na din pinagtatakpan pag may tanong anak ko. Kung mabuti or masama ang maging sagot basta sa totoo na ako. Hindi siya deserving pagtakpan ang pagkukulang.
If a girl understands your b******t, stick through your mistakes, smiles even when you've done nothing for her , it's obvious she's a keeper. But it's also obVious that you don't deserve her...

Girltalker2

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Re: When the problem are your Parents
« Reply #58 on: April 03, 2018, 10:57:09 pm »
Sis fifi, for a while I thought ikaw ang nagsend ng message kasi yung mga sinabi nya ay para sa kanya actually.


"I stood for autonomy. I stood for a home where we can raise *****. I stood for a home where we can make decisions.


Tingnan mo ilan ang ?I? nya dyan pero ?we? can make decisions? Eh sya nanga gumawa lahat ng decision.

I stood for a chance that we may live our life as a family.

Talaga lang ha? Asan ang wedding?
Bakit kelangan nya kayo ilayo sa parents mo. Sa lagay na iyan, he sounded as if ikaw pa kelangan magpasalamat sa kanya?

All that I want, I have foregone. But I can?t compromise on what I need.

Since when is staying in Batangas a need? ano meron sa batangas na ikamamatay nya?
Omg, he really reminds me of my ex. Gusto mag business, lagi naman palpak.

It?s about your comfort all that time. And all about how you failed to commit. It?s all about how you failed to be sensitive to what I feel.


Di ba dapat sya ang sabihan nito?
Una una, Hindi ka nga nya pinakasalan before dragging you into this mess. Tapos mawala nalang nung nanganak ka kasi convenient for him.
Nag decision sya without asking you.


I never started this mess. You did. You were unmovable you have your options. That?s what pulled us apart. You still think it?s still the better option even if it will mean separation for me and  *****. You never did see anything outside your comfort zone. You are a coward for not making a stand. Don?t ever tell yourself that you have done everything for  *****. You did it for yourself. Because you can never live your life dealing with what you need to deal with.


Sis this message is actually for him! He is a coward. No balls! If he wants his family, he will do whatever it takes to protect you and your Son, and look after your well being.

Let?s see what happens. If you can?t care about him, why would I? You think it?s all about the things you can provide him? Let?s find out."


Omg! Hope this is not the same person as my ex. May nabanggit din to that effect ex ko before na parang - you think you can raise 2 kids on your own? Tingnan lang natin. Something like that.

TysLolakins

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Re: When the problem are your Parents
« Reply #59 on: April 03, 2018, 11:48:58 pm »
the guy is a sociopath,   get away from him as far as you and your son can. 


i thought you already made the decision to cut him off from your lives,  so is there a change in your plans now?    it seems you're wavering again.  most kids only know how they feel and what they want at the moment,  him uttering those words to you maybe bec at that moment he thought about his father, nothing else.   you have to show him that you are strong for him and you two will be ok.  i know we should not be burdening our kids with adult issues and concerns but they need to be told the truth too.   


you have to make your decision and stick to it.  flip flopping only shows this sociopath that you are still weak and vulnerable.  don't let him get to you.




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