How you discipline your child?

[Shadow Angel]

I know magkakaiba ang kids kaya magkakaiba rin ang approach sa pagdidisiplina. Still gusto ko makakuha ng inputs.

Sinisigawan nyo ba anak nyo?
Pinapalo nyo ba?

Ako kasi naguguilty ako na minsan nasisigawan ko si LO sa sobrang inis ko. Minsan natatakot din ako na baka sa sobrang pagpipigil ko wag magalit sumabog na lang ako at masaktan ko si LO. Maiksi lang talaga ang pasensya ko. Ayoko sanang lumaki anak ko na may matakot sa akin. Gusto ko sana na nadidisplina na sya na may respect sa akin. Actually na iinggit ako sa asawa ko na ang haba ng pasensya na kahit kita ko pagod na sya soft spoken pa rin.
 

[mysterioza_me]

Once ko lang napalo son ko and pinagsisihan ko talaga.. I talked to him nung kalmado na kami pareho and explained bakit ganun naging reaction ko. Parang nanunubok kasi kung hanggang saan pasensya ko, spoiled kasi sa grandparents kaya feeling niya ata untouchable siya. So nung napatid ang pasensya ko napalo ko talaga. After nun nadala naman, hindi na umulit.

Ang napansin ko sa anak ko hindi siya nadidisiplina sa palo or sigaw. Mas ok na kinakausap siya ng may diplomasya. Natututo siyang sumunod kasi naiintindihan niya na yun ang tama, nakakapagtanong siya kapag may di maintindihan. Mas nai-instill sa kanila kapag naiintindihan nila ang isang bagay instead na susunod lang dahil lang sa takot.

[kaythrielle]

You?re right TS, different kids, different style of disciplining.

Pero i believe that sometimes you really need to spank the child - up to a certain age.
I have 2.  My eldest, nung maliit pa would really test the boundaries eh kung makakalusot kahit ilang beses sinabihan na. Natural kailangan paluin. Nung nagmature na konte, nadadaan na sa timeout. My youngest, nadadaan sa explanation. Mas mature or ayaw siguro mapalo hehe.
Now they?re older, explanation, warning, rewards and removing of privileges nalang.


Ikaw mas nakakakilala sa anak mo kung kailangan ba ng palo o hindi.
Kung pwede madaan sa usap.

But i know someone never talaga pinalo anak. Nananakit na yung bata, naninira na ng gamit o laruan (ng iba), hindi nakikinig sa magulang kahit paulit ulit na. Yung bata ang lagi pinagbibigyan ng magulang (?kasi bata eh? lagi rason). OMG.
Ngayon lumalaki na yung bata, hindi na makontrol ng magulang anak nila. Pano na lang kaya pag teenager na yun. Oh well.


Again, different child, different disciplining style. So know your child well.

And if you have a good relationship with your child growing up, if disciplined well, pinalo mo man sya or hindi, it will not be an issue because your child will still have respect for you.


Cheers!



 

[mysterioza_me]

Ikaw mas nakakakilala sa anak mo kung kailangan ba ng palo o hindi.
Kung pwede madaan sa usap.

, different child, different disciplining style. So know your child well.

I agree.

 I-observe ang behavior ng bata after mapalo/masigawan/mapagsabihan. Mapapansin mo naman kung alin ang effective na paraan ng pagdisiplina.

Kwento ko lang medyo mahaba. Nung bata pa kaming magkakapatid sumusunod kaming magkakapatid sa mom namin dahil sa takot. Malayo loob namin sa kanya. Di ako komportable kapag siya lang ang nasa bahay, buti nalang maaga umuuwi ang daddy ko nun galing sa work. Agad kasi nakasigaw ang mommy ko and namamalo. Pero ang daddy ko nagagalit kapag pinapalo kami, ayaw ng ganun kasi di niya nakalakihan yung ganun. Mahinahon niya kaming kinakausap, nageexplain bakit mali or tama kami. Pagpinapipili kaming magkakapatid dati mas gusto namin dad ko, i think until now ganun kami. Nung nabuntis nga ako kay daddy ako unang nagsabi, nung malaman ng mommy ko siya pa ang nanakit sa akin at si daddy ang referee. Napakabait ng daddy ko. Ikaw na ang pinakamasamang tao sa mundo kapag nagalit siya sayo kaya masunurin kami sa kanya.

[Shadow Angel]

Thanks sa pagshare.

^ganyan bagay ang gusto ko iwasan un sumusunod lang sa akin takot. Minsan talaga hindi ko napipigilan sarili ko sigawan sya lalo na pag malapit na period ko. Hanga/inggit ako sa mga mother na mahaba pasensya sa anak. After ko masigawan anak ko. Kapag kalmado na at titigan ko anak ko umiiyak ako. Minsan naiinis din ako sa sarili ko kasi ang  iksi ng pasensya ko.

[mysterioza_me]

^True sis iwasan mo na susunod lang dahil sa takot. Saka yung palaging nasisigawan. Ako personally nagkanerbyos ako saka bumaba self-esteem ko. Madalas akong may minor accident dati kapag narinig ko boses ng mom ko. Kunwari nagsasara ako ng door tapos marinig ko boses niya natataranta ako, so naiipit ko daliri ko sa pagsara. May one instance pa na sa sobrang taranta ko naipasok ko yung daliri ko sa loob ng umaandar na electric fan, tumama sa elisi daliri ko. Nalaglag na din ako sa hagdan dahil sa taranta.

Nagwowork ka ba sis or may iba ka bang ginagawa na pwedeng nagttrigger bakit maiksi pasensya mo? Normally maski gaano kaiksi pasensya natin basta anak natin napagttyagaan natin. Mas mahaba ng konti pasensya natin. Baka kasi stressed ka kaya ganyan. Baka need mo lang magchill somewhere or me time para makapagrelax. Hindi naman kasi talaga madali mag-alaga ng bata araw-araw, nakakaubos din talaga ng pasensya lalo na kung maghapon kayong magkasama.

[Shadow Angel]

Nagpapart ako minsan isa sa "me time ko" actually mahaba pa pasensya ko nito sa anak ko. Hindi naman everyday or madalas may mga moments lang na sumisigaw or nawawala pasensya ko. Un lang those times na nasisigawan ko sya na guiguilty ako after.

[khaleesiCersei]

May napanood ako dati sa bbc, yung a child of our time. Isa siyang docu na sinundan ang paglaki ng mga bata from the womb hanggang school years. Madaming insights dun about nurture vs nature and child development. Isa daw sa reason bat nagmimisbehave ang mga bata eh it starts from toddler years daw kasi yun, its a power struggle daw. But if from the start daw eh they never win, may effect sa kanila hanggang paglaki. Parang sa confidence/self esteem ata. Mali din naman daw pag you let them getaway with a lot of things kaya dapat balance talaga.

Tapos isang way daw para pasunurin mo ang anak mo is pag nagta tanrums do not give in daw, let them cry and use eye contact. Kumbaga daanin sa tingin hehe and let them know who?s boss. Maganda yung series na yun sayang at hindi nila natapos.

[quencher]

Mahirap sa parenting is to find yung perfect balance. Pero one thing siguro, the child needs to be taught to listen to authority - the parents. Agree ako sa "don't give in", as parents we need to hold our ground. Hindi ko pa napalo ang daughter ko, but if the situation will require me to do so, I won't think twice. I really try to balance yung pagiging strict and a "friend" to them by constant talking and
explaining. I also let my child express herself lalo na kapag may "nagawa" siyang hindi maganda, tinitingnan ko yung perspective niya why she did the things that she shouldn't have done in the first place, then i-eexplain ko bakit hindi maganda yung ginawa niya.. etc..

[keejac21]

I have an 8-yr old boy naman. Nung 4-5 yrs old siya, napalo ko siya siguro twice then hindi na naulit. Hindi naman lumayo loob niya sa akin dahil siguro more on usap na ang ginagawa namin after.

Guilty din ako sa mga pasigaw pag nagagalit, or tumataas ang boses. Pero ngayon mas madalas na yung malakas na pag-TSK ko instead of sumigaw. Siempre may kasamang facial expression.

Ang isa ko pang technique is "reversal". Kunwari ayaw niya mag-review, I tell him "Sige, wag ka na lang magreview. Mas masaya naman talaga maglaro. Ako mas gusto ko maglaro.". And after a moment or two, sasabihin niya sa akin na magrereview na daw siya. Pipigilan ko pa kunwari. Then siya mag-iinsist na magrereview na nga siya sabay kuha ng mga books.

I don't know if tama to pero gets the job done most of the time.

[Shadow Angel]

^minsan nga naiisip ko bakit ko ba kailangan taasan boses ko pero minsan talaga sa sobrang pagod na rin or kulang sa tulog. Literally talaga walang pahinga mga mommy no.

[simang]

Same experience sis, but then I realized ano bang magagawa ng pagsigaw ko, eh hindi pa naman nya ko naiintindihan. Especially pag non-verbal pa ang baby, pati sila hirap iexpress ang sarili nila, all they can do is cry, yun lang ang form of communication nila.

Anyway, sa experience ko, tingin ko pag below 1 year old pa, I don't think "disciplining" is necessary. Tingin ko sa phase na yun, attachment parenting ang mas magwowork. If toddler na, then dun na ang tamang time sa pag teach ng values and sa pagdisiplina kasi mas nakakaintindi na sila. My daughter is almost 22 months and madali na syang ihandle kasi nakikinig na pag pinagsasabihan. Although I'm not sure about terrible twos -- sabi nila this is the worst phase. Pero sa point na to, wala pa kami dun sa sobra sya mag tantrums. Minsan impatient din sya if may gusto sya at hindi agad binigay, she would whine and cry, pero less than 1 minute distracted na sya sa ibang bagay so makakalimutan na nya. Madalas din, nagwowork sa amin ang 'exchange'. If hindi pwede yun gusto nya, I give her something else and she's as happy. If hindi umubra, I tell her to be patient and wait until we can get what she wants. If ayaw pa rin, I let her cry. Again, saglit lang sya umiiyak, 1-2 minutes maybe.

Ako personally never akong napalo while growing up, as in never. My parents were both very diplomatic especially tatay ko, very patient sya sa pag explain sa amin pag may nagawa kaming hindi maganda.

Add ko na lang rin, don't get too frustrated if mahirap ihandle ang baby mo. I think constant na getting to know each other rin kasi ang parenting, everyday our babies are discovering things and tayo ring parents we discover new things about them... Tingin ko kasi yan ang isa mga major reasons why I had postpartum depression. May time kasi na I would get frustrated everytime di ko mahandle ng mabuti ang anak ko, then I would question why I can't, di ba ako equipped for parenting? Or bakit yung iba parang ang graceful nila kahit first time parent din? Dami kong questions just because I felt like I didn't know how to take care of my child.

[twelvth_goddess]

Shouting has been an ongoing opportunity for me. Maiksi talaga kase temper ko and when my husband and I are tired from work, mas lalo umiiksi.

Our 7 year old daughter is pretty disciplined and to be honest, is a very good kid. The book 'Discipline without Shouting and Spanking' really helped a lot. Yun lang, minsan, sumisigaw pa din ako. I don't think walang parent na hinde sumisigaw from time to time.

I had to spank my daughter once and my hubby once din (on different occasions) and I felt so guilty. Nag apologize and explain naman kame after. Sometimes we become too hard on her   From time to time naman, my husband and I assess our mistakes and we really try our best to be better. There was a time when we read a letter that she wrote on her notebook. She was asked to write something about her parents and she mentioned how hard she prays na wag na kame sisigaw sa kanya and she even said that 2017 was 'challenging and quite difficult for her' Durog na durog heart ko

At the end of the day, parents have to do what they have to do. I think that as long as may respect between us and our kids and there's open communication, our relationships with them will be a work in progress

[hushush]

^relate. Ang masasabi ko lang. Kung sino mang parent dyan na di sumisigaw, luluhuran ko talaga.. we're not worthy hehe!! 🙌Lalo na kung ang anak mo eh screenager.. Unless lumaki sa probinsya na walang maski tv at spent his childhood socializing e siguro may chance na di mo masisigawan o makukurot.. E kami nga nuong araw maghapon na nga sa labas at nakikipaglaro, pag uwi napapagalitan pa din at nakukurot kasi kung ano-anong injury ang uwi. Like may bakukang-malaking sugat* sa tuhod..may patak ng tinunaw na plastic na straw sa paa (happened to me when i was 5yo), may butas ang noo kasi napukpok ng kalaro (kuya ko), may bukol sa ulo kasi nasagasaan ng aso (ate ko) haha! 😁

Share ko lang. I had a funny and emotional moment with my son last night. Ang center ng moment kasi ay nawalan ako ng boses since paggising kahapon dahil sa sore throat or dahil na din siguro sa kasisigaw hehe.. Then dahil routine na namin magbasa ng novel pag gabi ay nagbasa pa rin kami while i was doing the R-P-R method (read-predict-react) so kahit na wala ako boses pinipilit ko pa rin magtanong at magturo sa kanya.. May moment na di nya ako pinapansin siguro nga dahil halos pabulong na lang ang boses ko.may piyok pa kasama hehe. Then nakurot ko sya kasi nga hirap na hirap na nga ako magsalita e lalo pa nya pinapahirapan.
Then after magbasa nahiga na kami.nauna na nakatulog si bulilit kaya solo nya ako kayakap hehe. Then nagsorry ako sa kanya na nakurot ko sya. Umiyak sya nang malakas at sabi nya sakin dont do it again.. Then we both cried.😭 But im not sure if he knew that i cried too kasi madilim.
Then an idea came into my mind. I wanted to know na kung mamatay ako kinabukasan ano kayang reaction nya.
So i asked him na halos pabulong na kasi talagang paubos na boses ko, "what will you do if tomorrow im going to die?"
Umiyak na naman sya nang malakas na para nga akong mamamatay.. sabi nya "i will be lost.. I dont want you to die"
Then sabi ko, "my voice was gone, it's a sign that im going to die soon" 😀
Habang umiiyak sabi nya "im going to massage your throat so that your voice will come back" minassage nga nya while ako nakikipagchat sa daddy hehe..👍
Then sabi ko sa kanya, "all we need is to pray that my voice will come back tomorrow so that i will not die. And also you have to be always obedient and avoid fighting with your sister and other kids..my voice was gone because you always disobeyed me and you always fight with your sister"
Then bigla sya nagpray na sana daw bumalik voice ko so that i will not die daw.then he will obey na daw lagi at magiging mabait.. 😊
Kinulit ko na naman sya, i wanted him to realize how important a mom is..sabi ko "diba even my voice is gone, im still teaching you.. because that's what a mom will do for her child to show her love and care.. " (iyak na naman sya then ako naman teary eyes din..)
"when i died too soon, my body will be buried under the soil, nobody will cook your food anymore, nobody will prepare you bfast, lunch and snacks, nobody will laundry your dirty clothes.. But wait your tita pala will be your new mom" he cried hard again.. Sabi nya "if you die, i want you to live again" i asked him why then he said "i dont want other mommy, i want you" while crying.
So the drama ended when i told him that my voice will surely come back tomorrow lalo nat nagpromise na sya na mag-obey at di na mang-away kaya nakatulog na sya..😊
I just hope that he will keep his promises. Ganun kasi talaga sya mahilig magdisobey at lagi inaaway ang kapatid. Ayoko makalakihan nya ang ganung ugali kasi sayang ang talino nya kung pangit ang ugali nya. 🙂
Then kanina umaga ang aga nya nagising (3am) nagtataka ako bakit aga nya. Yun pala inoobserve nya kung bumalik na ang voice ko. Then nagsalita ako then sabi nya "mommy, your voice is back!" Tuwang-tuwa sya. Then sabi ko matulog na ulit sya kasi super aga pa. Then nakatulog na ulit sya mahimbing. cute kid. 😊
Minsan pala need ko idaan sa drama ang pagdidisiplina hehe.

[Shadow Angel]

@sis simang mismo ganyan ang feeling ko na parang hindi ako mabuting nanay sa anak ko. Kahit tinutulungan naman ako ng asawa ko struggling pa rin ang pag aalaga ng bata 24/7. Although hindi naman everyday na frustrated ako.

@sis goddess ayako rin kalakihan ng anak ko na sumisigaw sigaw ako. Nakakadurog nga ng puso un nabasa mo about your child.

Share ko lang may family friend kami dito once a month nag geget together kami. One time un isang friend ko dahil makulit ang anak puro sigaw sa anak. Until nag comment un kalaro tinatanong un sumisigaw na nanay na "bakit lagi ka galit? Lagi ka nakasigaw?" Un nanay tuloy natahimik. Ayaw ko talaga dumating sa point na maging habit ko pagsigaw sigaw kasi di naman ako ganito dati.

[glamorosa_09]

Naging issue ko rin ito nung 1-3 y/o pa yung daughter ko. May pagka-impatient din ako, at hindi rin ako palasigaw na tao. At that time, limited yung personal freedom ko, add to that is the stress of being a mom. Parental distress is what others call it. And then, challenging din ang behavior ng daughter ko, pinagsamang cause ng developmental stage nya at ng temperament nya. All these factors influenced my behavior toward my daughter.

Fastforward, 7 na sya, hindi ko na issue ito. Parang hindi na yata ako sumisigaw, pero yung mukha ko pati tono ng boses ko galit na pigil, pero yung mata ko lumalaki. Pero paaakyatin ko na sya ng kwarto nya dahil pag nakipagmatigasan pa sya, sisigaw na ako. Natatakot na sya at umaakyat na sya. Tapos minsan, magsosorry sya, pag inis pa rin ako. Madalang lang ito, not enough to concern me.

Anyway, ito yung nakakatulong saken when I'm faced with her challenging behaviors:

1. I made my angry outbursts predictable to her. Pag medyo calm pa ko but getting angry na, I tell her, "I'm getting irritated na, later I might get angry." And she knows what angry me looks like. The reason I'm doing this is because I don't want to be emotionally unpredictable to my child, and emotionally unpredictable means emotionally unsafe. Pag sinabi ko na yan, nagkokontrol na sya ng sarili nya.

Minsan kasi, mahaba-haba pasensya ko. Minsan naman, very low lang ang resources ko, like stressed ako, so mas madali akong magalit. Malilito daughter ko, bakit minsan mahaba patience ko, bakit minsan ang dali ko magalit. It helps to tell her na I'm not feeling well (stressed), kaya mabilis lang ako magagalit. At kung magagalit na ako, at least warned sya, hindi sya mabubulaga.

2. Pag alam kong pagod ako, stressed, at maikli ang pasensya I do the Count 1-3 technique. Dahil nga minsan strong willed sya at tinetest siguro yung limit ko, sige I give her 2 chances. But when I reached three, I will remove her privileges (e.g., walang watch ng videos). Effective to sa kanya. Pero ginagamit ko lang to pag alam kong konti lang pasensya ko at the time. Ayoko ring i-abuse ito. When you decide to do this, introduce this first with him/her, and why you are to do this.

Napalo ko na rin sya before, both while I was angry and calm. Calm kasi we agreed na ganun yung mangyayari. I read somewhere na pagpinapalo mo yung anak mo habang galit ka, parang physical abuse na rin. I didn't examine it na, tinanggap ko na lang based on my experience. Tanda ko yung mga time na pinalo ako ng father ko, at galit sya nung time na yun. He was trying to teach me a lesson. Di naman effective, at least for me, LOL. Kasi malikot at lakwatsera pa rin ako nung bata.

Ngayon, natutunan kong humaba ang pasensya, sya naman medyo nagmature na, so hindi ko na naging problem sa sarili ko ito. Ibang set of problem na naman, hehe.

What I shared are for challenging behaviors. Yung iba kasi normal Iang given their developmental stage and personality. Iba rin naman kapag shaping of character na. Kasi it's about establishing habits and routines.

[glamorosa_09]

Bigla ko naalala, aside from the challenging behaviors caused by dev stage and personality, it could also be coming from the parents. Pwedeng one is modeling negative behaviors in question or kulang sa pagmeet ng emotional needs na bata. Nag kukulang ka ba dito, are you giving him/her the attention, affirmation, appreciatiin, approval, and acceptance that the child needs?

Sometimes pag kulang ang quality attention ng magulang, nag-aact out ang bata. To them, negative attention is still attention. To add to what I've mentioned above, it helps to analyze the source of your child's behavior.

1. Developmental stage ba?
Toddler Tantrum? Find a safe place kung san sya magthrow ng tanthrum. Tell him that when he's calm down, you can hug him. Help him identify his emotions. Kasi cognitively and verball magexpress, hirap pa sila.
Teenage attachment sa kaibigan? Give a limit and/or give a curfew. Kasi di naman safe kung gabi na at nasa syudad. But this is normal.

2. Personality ba?
He likes doing things/chores the fun way, and therefore tumatagal, give him
enough time.
Unsafe ba ginagawa nya (also applicable sa dev stage?) explain why unsafe. Pag strong willed, my suggestions above could work).

3. Ikaw ba nagkukulang?
Then give him what he emotionally needs.

In short, it helps a lot to be a student of your child also.

[bratty]

Thank you, dami ko natututunan dito. Struggle talaga maging good parent. ☹️

[twelvth_goddess]

If there's one thing that I have learned from being a parent, it's really to respect my child. I grew up in an environment na parents palage ang tama. When I became a mom, I learned to respect her feelings, her thoughts, and her opinions. I learned how to compromise and be more open in communication. These are things na hinde ko nagawa as a child out of fear and deference to my parents.

For example, at age 2, I started teaching my daughter about timelines. When she plays or watches TV, I would tell her '10/5/2 minutes more' even if she couldn't understand the concept of time yet. We never just turned the TV off on her or took anything that she's playing with just because she's a kid. I also taught her consequences such as during the first and last time she wrote on the wall when she was 3 years old. I told her that she can only write on paper and never on the walls. I made her clean it up using a rag too. Never na sya umulit.

Sobrang challenging maging parent. Kaya bilib ako sa mga single parents or those na madameng kids

[Shadow Angel]

Thanks sa pag sharing dami ko natutunan @glamorosa medyo hindi pa ako aware sa mga binanggit mo like emotional needs ng bata. Sa ngayon kasi na fefeel ko lang stress or struggling mom ako. Hindi ko rin ma imagine madaming anak at mga single parent ang hirap for sure.