Off-topic, but related na kwento: this happened many years ago. I have a female friend (let?s call her Ana). Ana met a Filipino guy (Bryan) who was introduced to her at a Filipino mass after-party in Southern California. Bryan pursued her relentlessly immediately after that and Bryan was so so sweet, caring and the perfect bf ever. At 6mos of dating, Bryan was talking about a future with Ana -- marriage, kids, family, etc. and how he wants to take care of Ana, their future family, and of Bryan?s mom who is aging na. We all loved him and were impressed this is a guy who knew what he wanted and was not bullshitting around, he was hardworking and generous to Ana even if he did not have a fully-stable job yet, he had a job naman so money was not tight on his end, he just did not have better job I guess. So naturally, they made plans together for a future. Because Bryan just moved to the US, he was not as financially secure as Ana nga and we was still struggling to find a more stable job nga. So he asked her to get married and wanted to marry as soon as possible, but asked Ana to understand that he is not able to financially help because of his situation. So there you go they started wedding planning.. ok lang sana ang sitwasyon, but then Bryan had certain demands that irritated all of us, but we just let it go because we thought it was all normal as part of wedding prep stress. Bryan insisted that his mom and siblings must attend the wedding, but because walang pera si Bryan, he insisted Ana please buy their airfare from the Philippines to California. He also insisted Ana to pay for the entire wedding. So yes, they got married, Ana paid everything including the travel of Bryan's family.
Soon after their wedding, Bryan said yung visa sponsorhip nya sa US from the company that he was waiting on is taking too long. He even showed us the sponsorship letters and documents from the employer. He said he was getting frustrated and prefer to get a different job na lang, so he insisted Ana to sponsor him na as her husband, para mapabilis. Naturally, Ana did just that, husband nya yun so of course. He got his green card and started looking for a job agad. Next, he insisted to Ana to petition his mom, kailangan daw kasama nya ang mom nya sa America. No big deal naman so they did it. Dumating si mom and dun pala rin sa kanila titira! Ana just had a 1 br condo at that time. So maliit diba? May sister si Bryan sa next city -- insist ni Ana dun na lang kasi may house naman yung sister. And even nag-away na sila ni Ana, nag-insist pa rin si Bryan na ang mom nya, dapat with them magstay. Sabi ni Bryan, magmove na lang sila to a bigger place. Ana initially wanted to rent a bigger place, 2-3br but Bryan insisted sayang naman at bumili na lang sila. At this time, si Ana pa rin ang may stable income si Bryan job-hunting pa rin, and odd jobs here and there. So sabi ni Ana, antay na lang sila bumili pag may stable job na si Bryan because she was afraid of the monthly mortgage on her single income. Insist si Bryan and he said he will contribute even sa odd jobs nya na income, yun nga lang he could not co-sign the housing loan yet kasi wala syang credit profile pa. Away nanaman yun but convincing si Bryan and it made financial sense naman since married sila and wanting to save financially in the long run. So sige, Ana sold her 1-br condo, and asked her parents for help to make a deposit on a proper house. Ana's parents were more than happy to help as a gift to the married couple. Anyway so ayun na may bahay na si Ana and Bryan, with Bryan's mom also living with them.
One year passed and nag-iba ang ihip ng hangin.. si Ana gumagastos lahat sa bahay even the full mortgage payment. Hindi na maganda ang mga kutob namin. Bryan's excuse is he needed to help his family sa Pilipinas dahil may problema daw doon so he has to support them. Increasingly, may kausap lagi sa phone at katext lagi si Bryan na pinsan nya na si Cathy na palagi daw nahingi ng tulong at laging may problema at kailangan madalas kausap si Bryan. Pa-secreto pa usually si Bryan pag kausap si Cathy pero when asked by Ana, he always says wala yun may problem lang ang pinsan nya at family nila sa Pilipinas.
Dahil sa financial burdens nila, Bryan said delay na muna nila ang pag-baby. So lahat ng magandang plano ni Ana and Bryan before the wedding, halos hindi nag-materialize. But life throws curveballs at you so sige lang, push pa rin si Ana and hoping after maka better income si Bryan and mag-iba ang sitwasyon ng relatives nya sa Pilipinas, that they can move-on and finally achieve their goal of having kids, and gumaan ang financial burden ni Ana.
Fast forward three years later, no kids yet.. time has passed and Bryan had every seemingly valid reason to delay having children still. He also had every valid reason to be financially on the lower hand, so Ana was paying the house and sometimes even providing for Bryan's own needs, and even Bryan's mom's needs because Bryan was providing for his relatives sa Pilipinas. Bryan also had friends visit them sa US and nag-stay pa sa house nila for a month, wala namang problema.
Then, shortly after their third wedding anniversary, Bryan filed for divorce. Ana was broken-hearted and shocked... she felt like it came from nowhere after all the years they were working together as a couple and making sacrifices.
Anyway fast forward today, ayun divorced na sila. Bryan got his green card, is now an American citizen actually. And has petitioned his "cousin" Cathy to come to the US. Bryan and Cathy are now married with 2 kids. Ginamit lang ni Bryan si Ana. He just wanted her to get a green card, become a citizen, and live his life. Worst part of this is, feeling namin may alam din yung mother ni Bryan pero nagbulagan sa kasamaan ng anak nya kasi anak nya yun, and syempre nakinabang din sya. Does Cathy know about Ana? We don't know but we suspected hindi.. kasi Ana said, in hindsight, that Bryan would always be talking to Cathy in private, sneakily.. she didn't make a big deal out of it at the time kasi she trusted bryan, he had a lot of reasons and appeared real. But she said she should have thought more carefully at the time, the signs were there but she did not think any of them, trusted their love.
We asked Ana if they were sexually active.. oh hell yes they were! Ginamit sya in so many ways, at dahil married sila, ang divorce nila favorable pa kay Bryan because naghati sila ng assets even if the truth is, si Ana ang nagbayad lahat!!!
Bryan was the ultimate con-man.. he planned everything so well. For those that don't know, by law sa US dapat three years kayong kasal to get a permanent green card. If a couple divorces before hand, the green card through marriage will be revoked. Bryan planned ALL OF IT. And he made Ana, and all of us believe, he was legit. May iba pala syang plano.
Haba nito mga sis, pero the truth is, people with ulterior motives are always there around us. Sometimes they are not very obvious like in my friend?s case, kasal na sila we never ever doubted Bryan. Grande pa ang kasal nila! Anyway na-share ko lang? kung kabit ka at ikaw pa gumagastos, at maraming dahilan, mas lalo ka na magtaka sa ulterior motive ng lalaking ganun. Ingat mga sis ang gamitin ang utak WITH our hearts.
