February 5, 2019
Dear 81,
Ngayon ang unang araw ng Chinese New year. Ngayon ko din narealize na tama na. Tama na ang kahibangan ko sayo. Alam ko na taong 2013 ay nasaktan kita at kahit sabihin ko na hindi ko yun sinasadya it won't matter because you were hurt. I loved 86 back then and I really did not know na merong kayo. Sobrang fascinated and super crush ko si 86, I can say na super inspired ako sa kanya and I was a fan. And to cut it short, I fell for 86.
By 2013 - Yes, 86 chose me over you. I am grateful. I am loved.
It has been 6yrs since it happened. And I still feel guilty that I keep on stalking you and finding out kung kamusta ka na. Are you doing ok? Are you happy? Have you moved on? Do you still love 86? Do you hate me? Do you wish me ill? Do you even care? We never talked, we never had the chance to see and meet each other. You blocked me on facebook.
For the past 6yrs, I never stopped na makibalita sayo on my own. U have many friends and u are a nice person. For the past 6yrs, hindi nawala yung insecurities ko sayo. For the past 6yrs, hindi rin nawala yung guilt ko sa nangyari. At every now and then naiisip ko kung mahal ba talaga ako ni 86 or dahil may mga ilang pagkakaparehas tayo kaya madaling na fall sakin si 86?
Oo masaya ako, oo mahal ko si 86 at mahal ako ni 86. Pero dahil sa iniisip ko na malaki ang kasalanan ko sayo kaya sa loob ng anim na taon nakulong ako sa pag iisip ng mga bagay bagay about you. Mga what ifs.
For once, gusto kong magsorry sayo dahil nasaktan kita. I am sorry kung sa tingin mo inagaw ko si 86. Mahal ko si 86. Sa loob ng anim na taon mahal ko pa rin si 86 like the way I first fell in love with 86. Hindi nabago and every day, I still fall in love with 86 all over again. Hindi perfect ang relationship ko kay 86 pero I am not giving up. Alam mo ba na mas marami pa kayong similarities ni 86 compare samin? North and south pole ang peg namin ni 86. Soooobrang opposite kami so ikaw na nakakaalam at may idea kung gaano kachallenging yun for both of us. Despite all that, we both want to be together. We want to live and grow old together. Alam ko at sigurado ako na ikaw at si 86 ay pareho ng nakamove on and it is so st*p!d na ako pa sa ating tatlo ang guilty pa din at huling nakamove on. 6 years. 6years. Ini stalk kita, napapanaginipan kita, iniisip kita, kinakatakutan kita na u will get revenge and take 86 back. 6yrs. Yes 6yrs yun.
But today, I finally decided na tama na. I feel sorry for 86 kasi kahit pa sobrang mahal ko siya and may mga sacrifices kami kulang pa din dahil deep inside I still think about u and yun yung naghohold back para 101% at peace na ako. I need to forgive myself and let u go. I love 86. I love 86 so much and I know di kita kailan man maaalis na parte ng past niya. At hindi tamang hilingin ko yun.
I am sorry for the pain and the hurt u felt.
I am sorry. U deserve this apology from me. And up until now, I hope I have or will have your forgiveness.
But today, I am letting go of all the guilt and negative feelings I have for u. Today, I will stop thinking of the what ifs and nonsense na bagay that involves u and my insecurities sayo. Today, I will always and everyday focus sa love ko kay 86. I will help 86 to be healthier, wealthier and happier
Thank u for coming into 86's life. Thank u for being a part of 86's life. U arrived in 86's life exactly when u are supposed to and u left exactly when u must. Thank u for stopping by.
I hope our lives will always be blessed and all our loved ones will always be happy and healthy.
Sincerely,
91
