For those on a live-in set up. Do you still have any plans of getting married?

[plumpolka]

ahh, hayaan mo na lang nga muna sya. give him a second chance pero bigyan mo din siguro ng deadline yung sarili mo kung hanggang kelan kayo ganyan. and masakit man isipin pero baka mamaya nagsstay lang din sya para sa bata. but let's think of the positive thing na lang for now and pray na someday papanindigan nya kayo and be his one and only family by heart and by law.

[Girltalker2]

@naizlabonita, nambabae na pala partner mo! eto yung fear ko sa live-in kahit pa may anak na kayo. kasi kahit asawa ka, may chance parin naman na lokohin ka ng asawa mo. but then, wala syang choice kundi ayusin ang marriage niyo dahil mag asawa na kayo.

Sis, sa panahon ngayon, kahit mag asawa na kayo, makakapal na mukha ng mga lalaki these days. They can do anything, mag asawa man o hindi.

mahirap din naman pilitin ang lalaki na pakasalan ka kung talagang wala pa sa isip nya. hay, super complicated lalo na if may anak na din na involved. unlike kung pareho kayong single and pwede pa kayo magback out sa setup nyo. pag may anak na kasi, hindi lang future ng relationship nyo ang iniisip nyo, pati future setup sa mga anak niyo if worst comes to worst...

Ako naman, imho, being pregnant or having a kid is not a good reason marriage, lalo pa mag live in.

Magpapakasal kayo kasi mahal nyo ang isa't Isa at higit sa lahat, HANDA kayo. Ready na kayo maging independent at magtulungan para maabot mga pangarap nyo.

TS, sorry ha, pero sa asta ng partner mo, di pa sya ready mag asawa. San ka nakakita ng nagtatanong ka lang at magagalit na. Parang bata na di marunong mag express ng thoughts nya. What more if Ibang Mas serious na away, paano kayo nag uusap nyan.

Kung ako ikaw, matagal ko nang iniwan iyan. Una una nambabae agad, di pa nga kayo matagal nagsasama. Tsaka nung nag live in kayo, nag promise ba sya ng kasal? If yes, bakit sya nagagalit ngayon? If no naman, bakit ka nag e-expect ngayon?

Second, he can't even afford to Raise a family, bakit mo gusto makasal dyan? Mukhang sakit lang sa ulo ang magagawa nyan Sayo.

Kung makikipag-live in, dapat kasama ang marriage sa future plans. At sana walang mga anak na involved.

Agree ako dito. Tsaka once pumayag ka to live in, alam mo there's a possibility na di kayo makasal. The best you can do TS is huwag ka na muna magpa buntis, at least, if di mo iyan mahiwalayan for now.

Sometimes kasi I've seen women always saying they want a complete family. Or the stupid guy is a good Father kaya di mahiwalayan. Pero in reality, all we wanted is a happy family na  picture sa mind natin. Ang kaibahan nga lang, puede tayo magkunwari maging happy. But in reality you're miserable, and if communication doesn't improve between the two of you, unless gusto mo mag tiis habang buhay, hiwalayan din ending nito. Sorry for being harsh. Kasi it is obvious you're bothered na walang plans of getting married.

Why do you want to get married?
1. Mahal mo sya? If mahal mo sya, being married or not doesn't matter.
2. Mas magiging close sila ng anak mo? Eh they're staying in 1 roof nanga so being married doesn't change that.
3. Para wala na sya pakawala kahit mambabae? You want a marriage with a babaero Husband? You don't know what you're getting into. It's a life of hell. Better stay away and find your Mr Right habang Bata ka pa. once you're old na, tsaka mag sink in ang pagsisisi.
4. To show the world that you are married para di nakakahiya sa Ibang tao na nag live in kayo nang di kasal?
For me it doesn't matter naman ano sasabihin ng Ibang tao eh. Bottom line dapat masaya ka. But you really have to figure out ano Ang ikasisiya mo if you get married to a partner like yours.
Sis, ang daming lalaki na Mas ok sa bf mo. And don't give us that crap you love him. In marriage, dapat lahat maayos - pag uusap, financial, tirahan, compatibility/interests ninyong dalawa. Coz eventually love fades (eventually ha, not within first year of living in). So para masabi mo masaya ka, dapat tama Yung tao na pakakasalan mo.

[simang]

TS, the idea of marriage is nice pero think twice kung gusto mo ba talagang sa current partner mo makasal. Ako kasi personally, I see a relationship as it is, and not for its potential. Kung paano ka tratuhin ng partner mo ngayon, yan na yun. Yan na ang buhay mo with him. Kun magbago sya, eh di good. Kung hindi, sorry ka. Madalas kasi people look at marriage as if it will change everything for the better. Na pag nag asawa, titigil sa pambababae, magiging sweet, matututong makipag usap, etc. Kadalasan opposite ang nangyayari.

Love isn't supposed to be difficult. You wouldn't have to second guess kung gusto ka ba nyang pakasalan or hindi. When you're with the right person, you will know. The fact na ang damin hesitations, means marriage is not the answer.

[Girltalker2]

Ako kasi personally, I see a relationship as it is, and not for its potential. Kung paano ka tratuhin ng partner mo ngayon, yan na yun. Yan na ang buhay mo with him.

Super agree ako dito. Actually ako nga iniisip ko dapat tingnan mo 50% of how he treats you now.  If ok pa sayo, kaya mo for the next 50 years of your life, eh di sige.
Kaya obviously, if nambabae, di talaga uubra. Gf palang, and you're even living in less than a year, may babae na agad?

[khaleesiCersei]

Agree with sis girltalk and sis simang..

[amethyst028]

^maybe he feels both of you are not going anywhere so what?s the rush. Guys are very efficient creatures, unless they feel compelled to do something they won?t do it. If he says ?kapag may pera na? then take his word for it. He didn?t say he does not want to marry you.

Think on the bright side, your relationship has outlasted other married couples who had grand weddings and even simple ones. Sa dami ng naghihiwalay nowadays.

As long as you?re happy as a family who cares. At the end of the day it?s just a piece of paper or a relationship status. What?s important is the quality of your relationship behind closed doors on a daily basis.

There are so many people who wanted to file for annulment but does not have the money. Who are wishing they just had a kid/kids and never actually got married.

[marcee7]

Thank's sa reply sis! Ganun talaga siguro ang tao, kung ano ang wala yun ang hinahanap. Yung married gusto ng annulment at yung single gusto maging married.

I'm happy that we made this far and I'm even happier kasi okay ang relationship namin. Pero alam mo yung feeling na parang may kulang pa din?  Dati okay lang sakin na ganito ang set up namin. Iniisip ko na lang na makuntento sa kung anong meron ako, kame. But then, why should I settle for less? I think I deserve the best din naman.  And I think it's not too much for me to ask for marriage. Respeto ko na lang sa magulang at mga anak ko yun at syempre sa sarili ko. I believe din kasi na mas ibebless ang family namin kung kasal kame.

[kvandenhaak]

^It just means he is not ready to get married yet. Kasi kung pera din lang, pwede naman kahit civil marriage lang. Unless, you want a church wedding.

[amethyst028]

^^what kind of wedding do you want ba? Church? If money is the issue tell him na you?ll start saving up, kahit kamo ikaw na magbayad matuloy lang yung gusto mo.

I have a friend, she didn?t get any proposal, she paid for almost 80% of the wedding, she bought a condo before she even met the guy so yun ang tirahan nila ngayon, her salary is more than the guy?s when they first got married. And they?ve been married for 8yrs. So does it really matter kung sino nagbayad?

Less than a year pa lang sila magka kilala pero gusto niya ikasal before she turns 30, the guy she is at the time is jobless baon pa sa utang but she made it happen. So siguro kung may gusto ka work at it, go and make it happen. The problem with us sometimes is meron tayong entitlement mentality na para bang the people we are with owes us something.

Yung best friend ko she wanted a church wedding very badly kasi civil lang sila. The guys said pag nagka pera na lang. 15yrs. And counting wala pa din. Hindi din naman sila nag iipon kasi magastos sila pareho bili dito bili don so hanggang pangarap na lang ang church wedding for her.  Which i think she has already accepted. 

[Rory_Lorelie_Gilmore]

^Sis based on your story (timeline) you seem to be comfortable with each other na. tagal nyo na din ha, with a kid, house and business, hinde na siguro awkward pa na sayo manggaling ang question? Tutal naudlot lang naman plano nyo, but how are you both? Kamusta relationship nyo? Are you happy and still in love? Kasi para sakin hinde din naman porke may anak kayo and nagsasama na nang matagal enough na rason para magpakasal, pwedeng andyan kayo sa sitwasyon na yan kasi wala nalang choice.

To add anong klaseng relasyon yung kasal lang di pa mapagusapan ng diretso at maayos may anak na nga kayo and nagsasama na, paano pa ang far more serious talks tungkol sa bata, future plans and so on.

[amethyst028]

@Maldita_Princess kanino nakapangalan yung house and yung business? Co-ownership ba siya?
Why didn?t you open the topic of marriage kung gustong gusto mo na?

Sorry ha pero i don?t understand some girls na matagal na sila magka live in, may mga anak na, madami na pinag daanan, malalim na ang pinagsamahan, halos alam na nila ang lahat lahat sa bawat isa pero simpleng discussion about getting married nahihiya or hindi magawa. I just really can?t.

Kung gustong gusto niyo pala bakit di niyo sabihin sa partner niyo? Paulit ulit ko kasi nababasa and parang ganun ba kahirap pag usapan yun kung isang family na kayo?

I really don?t get it. If you don?t ask the answer is always no. So just ask and be ready for the answer. It might not be the answer you want but at least you know the reason right?

[khaleesiCersei]

I have to agree. If you really want it then demand it hehe..i would. And if he refuses then ask him ano ba pumipigil sa kanya? Kung pera, pede naman simple wedding or civil at pwede din ikaw na mismo gumastos para wala na siyang masabi hehe. Kung madaming dahilan eh baka ayaw lang talaga. Siguro just be prepared din sa mga sasagot niya and have a plan for yourself din. Like kung ayaw niya talaga anong gagawin mo? Papayag ka ba? Are you willing to hold on knowing he will never marry you or are you prepared to leave and find someone who is willing to give you what you want.

This is just me thinking out loud.. sakin naman marriage is not something na panghahawakan ko in case hed cheat on me. I mean bakit ko siya kelangan ipaglaban sa ibang babae? Dapat siya itong lumaban sa tukso hehe. I believe kasi na I don?t have to protect or fight for our love laban sa ibang babae. Jusme dun na siya. He is not worth fighting for kung madali din lang madala sa tukso. At kung may aaligid aligid na girls eh bahala na partner ko dyan. For me kasi yung partner ko na dapat ang mag handle sa kanila, hindi ako. As i said, siya dapat ang lumaban sa tukso kung talagang mahal niya ko.

What im trying to say siguro is as partners dapat you make each other feel secured and confident na walang makakatibag ng relationship nyo. Team effort. Hindi lang isa ang dapat lumaban or magbigay or gumawa to make it work.

[Rory_Lorelie_Gilmore]

I see, well to each his own, I just have one thing to share sa ex bf ko lahat na ata ng excuses ata naibigay ko na, di pa ko ready, I wann finish College muna, madami pa ko dreams, ipon muna, saka na pag stable na tayo, saka na pag nakapagabroad na, pag ok na kami ng family ko, sa huli't huli I realized gumagawa lang ako delaying tactics, I loved him but I don't want to marry him YET noon, or I don't want to marry HIM at all, since bata pa kami and hinde pa talaga ako prepared, and we were together for almost 10 yrs, while sa Husband ko now, I just felt ready, happy, content, we got married last April 2017, (Church wedding) after being together for almost 4 years (LDR pa kami sa 4 years). Dito naman halos para kami sinisiliban magpakasal, and boy oh boy our wedding day was the happiest day of our lives. Kumbaga maski butas ng karayom, pinasok namin makapagipon lang at mairrange lang dream wedding namin. Yun na. 

[Maldita_Princess_Bebe]

He?s very much contented and secured daw naman kase with me ok na sya sa ganung set up.

[simang]

hindi pa ba commitment para sayo yung magka partner kayo sa buhay all these years? At sabi mo nga, priority nya to be financially stable and to provide for you and your kid, hindi pa ba sya commited non?

Anong panghahawakan ko? anong laban ko kung makahanap na sya? sasabihin ko ba na dahil may anak kami? hindi e. iba pa rin kung sasabihin mo na asawa ako!

Isa pa, tingin ko, mas substantial na laban sa pambabae ang pagmamahal at respeto kesa sa pagiging asawa. Kung ang iaargue mo sa ibang babae eh ikaw ang asawa, hindi ba mas masakit pag ikaw yung sinabihan na "ikaw ang asawa, pero hindi ka naman mahal"?

I've met so many men na hindi naniniwala sa kasal. Kasi sabi nila, hindi naman yan ang ultimate sign of love and commitment. Kung mahal daw ng lalaki, he will stay, may papel or wala. So anong guarantee na pag nagpakasal kayo eh may advantage ka?

[amethyst028]

@Maldita_Princess you have your answer already, he is content with where you both are. Pero kung may gusto ka you have the right to have it and as a partner he should give it to you kasi part naman talaga yan ng pagsasama.

I read somewhere that guys wants to please and give to the girl they love. So if you want something ask for it. Tumatak talaga sa akin yang phrase na ?if you don?t ask the answer is always no? so i always ask. Kahit kanino basta may kailangan ako o gusto ako i just simply ask or tell them what i want. If they obliged then thank you pag hindi then ok lang no hurt feelings. As simple as that.

I tell my bf what i want all the time. I don?t ask him to do it, i just let him know that it is what i want and i will get it even if it?s not from him, or i will get there even without him. We only have one life better make the most out of it each day.

[khaleesiCersei]

Gusto ko pa rin naman ng kasal hehe. Gusto ko yung wedding at gusto ko din yung legal side ng marriage contract. Like sa benefits siyempre, sa rights. Mas mapapadali ang proseso ng mga bagay bagay pag isang apelyido lang kayo. Downside lang is walang divorce dito satin at mahal magpa annull if ever the marriage didn?t work out.

Pero yun nga for me hindi ito pang laban sa mga kabit or gustong kumabit para itaboy sila. Gawin ko mang panlaban ito eh damay ang partner ko hehe. Idedemanda ko sila pareho. Magsama sila sa impyerno lol!

[plumpolka]

masarap naman kasi talaga maging legal wife. yes di sya panlaban sa mga kabit but you have all the advantages legally. you can be his beneficiary and legitimate ang mga anak niyo. kung magpakasal pa yan sa iba, kalahati lang ang makukuha ng anak mo sa magiging anak nila na legitimate. and why would anyone think din naman na marriage wont last di ba? aside from being his MRS. legally, you know you own him and he owns you by giving you his last name.


some people dont believe in marriage kasi tingin ko bitter sila. they dont think na magl-last ang marriage nila at wala naman yun sa "papel" kung magtatagal sila. but for me its a sign of commitment na no matter what happens, you vowed to stay with each other in front of god and by law. whatever happens to your marriage will depend on the couple.


also, rejection is part of life. you'll never know the anser if you dont ask. so mas pipiliin mo na lang to be in limbo kesa magtanong. i also dont understand guys na ayaw magpatali sa kasal pero buhay may asawa naman. libre lang magpa-civil. kahit kayo lang andun. hirap kasi sa iba inuuna yabang at mema lang. memapost sa fb. pero kung di pa sya ready emotionally, then its a different story...

[Rory_Lorelie_Gilmore]

Minsan no, yun na nga eh papel lang yan, kasal lang yan, ang mahalaga nagmamahalan, faithfulness and devotion yada yada yada eh yun naman pala, papel lang di mo pa maibigay? One quick visit sa city hall tapos na, ke kumain lang kayo sa labas after, kung TALAGANG gusto magpakasal, no ifs, not buts.

[kvandenhaak]

^Tama, papel lang pala eh. So should be no big deal, right?

So ang tanong ko sa mga nasa common law union, especially sa girls? Was it really also your decision to not get married because you  believe that your relationship should not be defined by a piece of paper or did you just settle?