Confused! i think i'm falling for my husband's brother

[Coldsoul]

I seriously need help I think i'm starting to fall for his brother. I can't recall how it started, basta bigla i had this attraction for him. it never really crossed my mind before and i would have never really thought this will ever happen. He's older than me but he's single. Lately, i started noticing how attractive he is and want to slap myself to wake up to reality. I feel so guilty! We don't have a marriage problem until now that I started to have feelings for his brother. Doesn't help that we're closer to each other lately compared before since I also started to open up to him more.

 I know the answer to this problem, but i just need to let my feelings out, not to him, but to anyone who won't judge me.

Every night, i would always think about him and dream what ifs. When i start feeling guilty, i'd show more love to my husband to stop the doubts and convince myself my life is way better with him. They're really close and i'm pretty sure no good will come out of this. But somehow i wish he'll like me too. Lately i've noticed more stares from his brother, and like every touch mattered. Should i go see counselling? Or stop going to get togethers so i'd forget about him?  Doesn't help that I see him more often lately and he gets hotter everytime i see him 😖

How do I forget about him? We've known each other for 10years already and I don't know what triggered this after a decade!😫

[khaleesiCersei]

To me sis your post is more like a crush or infatuation sa brother in law mo, parang it's more of a physical attraction kasi wala ka naman ibang nabanggit na mas malalim na dahilan aside from you find the brother hot and attractive and parang you're just fantasizing eh. And sis pano mo nasabi na you're falling in love?  You said you're close but how close? What do you talk about? Are you bored with your husband na ba? Sabi mo kasi a decade na so matagal na kayong kasal. Is the marriage and sex getting stale? Or do you feel you are somehow a neglected wife? Syempre sis may mga underlying reasons yan hindi ka naman basta mafa-fall sa iba ng dahil lang sa physical attraction. Normal naman kasi magka crush or ma attract ka sa ibang tao kahit pa may asawa ka na pero para masabi mong you're falling in love eh mas may malalim na dahilan siguro

[glamorosa_09]

That`s a tough situation to be in sis: Wanting what you can never have. What makes it more difficult for you to dismiss the feeling is that you`re also receiving stares from him. How many times do you see each other? You mentioned you`ve been opening up to him -- about what? The time you spend together, the emotional bond that`s beginning to form, and the sexual attraction, I can imagine how this must be torturing you.

So you`re starting to daydrem about him and on what if`s. I guess that`s inevitable for women who are having feelings for someone, or simply put, infatuated. Because that`s what you`re feeling. It`s not yet love of course, you`ve never been through ups and downs of life and survived, to say that that`s love. I believe you already know that.

I Would like to echo what sis Khalesei posted: How is the marriage and the sex? Are you still sexually attracted to your spouse? I would assume for now that you`re in a good marriage and your husband is a good man.

I would like to commend you for having self-awareness and for summoning self-control. It`s no easy situation.

[kvandenhaak]

Sorry for being blunt pero, libog lang yan! I assume merong mga short comings siguro si hubby na sa kanya mo nakikita? It's not worth it. Try to avoid seeing him.

[TysLolakins]

it only seems confusing to you because you're entertaining the thought that's becoming an obsession.  it ain't gonna happen sister, you and his brother, so just drop it, nothing good will come out of it.
if you still get attracted to other men, then your relationship with your husband has a problem.  why not look into that and work on the solution to that problem instead.
hate to ruin your fantasy, but the 'stares' you said he's giving you,  you're just imagining them because you want him to reciprocate your silly obsession of him right now.  to start, don't encourage those flirty glances by not staring at him.  it's all up to you.

[super bratinella]

Sis, when you think about your brother in law, just also think if you can still have the normal life you have right now, assuming you brother in law have the same attraction same as you have would you think both of you can join family reunion and how would you tell your love story to others how you met. it is really awkward but do not think is falling in love it is just a crush or the adventurous side of you attacks, gusto mo lang siya ma try and dapat maintindihan mo na hindi tama para magising ka sa katotohanan, 

Brother in law is a real brother na rin...

[Mr.Jazcy]

you better stop now. anuman nararamdaman mo para sa brother ng husband mo, better keep it for yourself. palagi mo iisipin na walang sikretong hindi nabubunyag. bawat galaw natin may naka-antabay na karma. Huwag na natin paabutin na magsisi tayo sa bandang huli.
Kinasal ka at sumumpa na magsasama pang-habangbuhay. lumayo ka sa tukso hanggat maaga.
marami ng broken family, huwag na natin dagdagan.

[shinies]

Mukhang perpekto ang buhay kaya naghahanap ng batong ipupukpok sa sariling ulo

Pasensya na pero kailangan mo ng judgement. Alam mo naman sagot sa problema mo. Bakit kailangan magopen up sa ibang tao kung nandiyan naman asawa mo? Ang daming misis na nangangarap maayos marriage nila tapos eto ka gagawa ng kaguluhan sa marriage mo.

Yes, slap yourself and wake up!

[callmemissj]

Go back to the day you agreed to marry your husband. Balikan mo vows mo sa kanya at maaalala mo na sya ang mahal mo at wala nang iba. If you are facing temptations, labanan mo. You are married and commit to it. Wag tayo malandi bes! Haha. Kidding aside, be true to your husband in all ways, always!

[swtgrl_bee]

Sorry TS, pero medyo off ah? Or sa Filipino "kadiri"  I consider my brother-in-law na kapatid as in brother ko na din sa dugo at laman. So yan nalang ang isipin mo. Nagkakagusto ka sa sarili mong kapatid. Reality check.

[Rory_Lorelie_Gilmore]

Avoid him at all costs. Until your "crush" or attraction die down. Find a new hobby, travel with your husband, WORK FOR IT. Kaya mo pa yan iwasan. May I ask how long have you been married?

[kaythrielle]

I am guessing TS has a lot of time in her hands and getting kinda bored kaya kung ano anong naiisip. It's normal naman kaya don't take it too seriously.  It happens to me sometimes. Pero mga kdrama actors naman na napapanood ang napagbabalingan ko. (wait, is it the same? )

Channel your excess energy and thoughts to more important and productive stuff sis.
Exercise, learn a new sport or hubby, date your hobby, etc ...

[hisana]

Avoid him at all costs. Until your "crush" or attraction die down. Find a new hobby, travel with your husband, WORK FOR IT. Kaya mo pa yan iwasan. May I ask how long have you been married?

I agree. You have to take action talaga to avoid or get rid of this attraction. Kaya yan if you give it enough time and effort. Yes, pwedeng sabihin natin sa sarili natin na tao lang naman at nagkakagusto sa iba, but we're talking about your husband's brother here. Ewan ko lang kung gaano ka-open-minded si husband pagdating sa ganito, but I personally would find it disrespectful or offensive kung ako si hubby. Meron ako dating nakaka-date na guy, aba yung brother nya nagpaparamdam din sa akin. It felt so off! Naisip ko dun sa brother na yun eh where's your loyalty naman. It only takes one slip na makahalata yung husband mo or brother-in-law...baka lumaki pa yung problema mo.

[fashtag]

Hubby is probably too nice for his own good and you are getting bored. 

[lovemeagain30]

ang solusyon ---> sabihin mo sa asawa mo.. tapos agad ang problemang puso mo! 

sarcastic man ang advice pero eto yun eh, the more you hide that feeling, the more you nurture it. let it come out in an open with your husband.. it will surely kill that infatuation immediately.

takot kang malaman ni hubby? Huwag kang matakot. maano naman sabihin mo sakanya, he is your better half. masaktan man yan sa sasabihin mo pero sia lang din ang gagabay sayo at tutulong sayo lampasan ang ganyang trials "niyo".. take note, 'niyo' ah kasi sa marriage hindi mo lang problem yan, problema din niyo pareho.

side note:

whenever i feel something towards an opposite sex or for an 'ex' , sinasabi ko agad kay hubby. yung sa ex na bumabalik sakin kahit kasal nako at feeling ko meron pakong churva sakanya, sinabi ko agad kay hubby with matching luha. i told him i think  i'm confused! hahaha. totoo nagulat sia. pero mabait si hubby ko. napag usapan namin pareho. he gave 'clarity'  without judgement. then he helped me with the process of letting old memories go.

i think magagawa din yan ng mister mo, maging open ka lang.

[hushush]

Anggagaling ng mga advice ng mga sis natin dito..thumbs up..siguro naman nakapag-isip-isip na si TS..

matanong ko nga si TS..may anak ba kayo?kung wala , malamang yun ang kulang.kaya nakakapag-isip ka ng kung ano-anong kabalbalan..

[luntian.hijau]

As someone who is happily married but undergoing the same situation right now for the past six months na siguro, let me share some thoughts.

Meron akong crush. Katulad ni TS, it never occurred to my mind na magkakagusto ako sa taong ito. It's like, parang nagising na lang ako bigla na may gusto na pala ako sa kanya. Pwede pala yun noh? Basta biglang gumaan loob ko sa kanya. Kinikilig na ko pag andyan siya, at lalo na pag kasama ko siya.

Fast forward, mas naging close kami dahil magkasabay kami madalas kumakain ng lunch dahil magkalapit kami ng opisina. Dun kami mas lalong nagkakilala. Pero ang talagang nag-"aggravate" ng lahat ng ito was because nagkaroon ng problem sa work ang asawa ko, and talagang naghahanap ako ng kaibigan na pwede kong labasan ng sama ng loob. And kay crush ko ito nahanap.

Fast forward ulit, ang status namin ni crush ngayon, close friends. Nothing more (baka meron? pero ayoko nalang isipin), nothing less, and I'm more than happy with that. Itong si crush ay nasa iisang circle of friends namin ni hubby and magkaibigan din sila.

TS, hindi masama magkaroon ng attraction sa opposite sex. Tao tayo, normal yan. Pero ang maipapayo ko lang ay ito:

1) Limit your communication - kami ni crush, bihira kami mag-usap outside lunch time. may pa konti-konting text, konting tampuhan, konting kulitan, konting harutan, pero hindi yung tipong maya't-maya na parang usapan ng mag-jowa. Although meron kaming funny nicknames ni crush for each other, and may konting tanungan ng "namiss mo ba ako?", which is nothing new to me kasi meron akong guy best friend for more than 10 years na rin and we are also used to saying i love you and i miss you.
2) Filter your conversation topics - pwedeng mag-usap about anything under the sun, current events, interests ninyo, pero syempre, wag paabutin sa mga usapang dapat pang-mag-asawa lang (like bedroom topics. you know what i mean). And make sure your conversations are something that you do not need to hide from your husband.
3.) Assure your husband he's still the one - Eto yung medyo mahirap na part, especially if he knows na may gusto ka sa iba (like for my case). Dapat, si hubby pa rin ang priority mo. Sa kanya ang karamihan ng oras, atensyon, at lalong-lalo na ang sexual attraction mo. Mahirap, pero eto talaga ang need ng more effort.
4.) Itatak sa kukote na may asawa ka na - Masarap magkaroon ng imahinasyon na magkagustuhan kayo ng crush mo, pero block it off by also picturing yourself that you're happy with what you have and you can no longer get what you want right now and you have to be contented with the person you already married. Mahirap ulit, pero kelangan e.

So, if the crush makes you happy and kilig, just enjoy the moment, enjoy the happiness that it gives you, pero remember na lang rin na hanggang dun lang yun kasi may moral and legal obligations ka na due to you already being married, and at the end of the day, ang dapat na nagpapasaya pa rin sayo ay ang asawa mo. Good luck.

[Ireneeeeee]

para sa akin naman point of view ko is mas ok umiwas nalang kasi parang nakikipaglaro ka sa temptation..which may lead to uncontrollable situations.. better run away from it nalang huwag na ienjoy lalo na if the attraction is strong kasi kapag lalo mo sya madalas makausap at makaencounter, lalo lang lalakas yun attraction. Pero syempre depende naman sa iyo yun and sa situation. Know your limits na lang and work from there.. FOCUS on your hubby and as much as possible iwasan si object of affection.. or iwasan mafeed ang attraction.

Si hubby naman, kahit may bestfriend na girls ayoko ng nag iilove you sila and mga i miss you hehe. possessive lang lol. para sakin lang yun. mahirap kasi baka mamisinterpret ni girl lalo na friends can be lovers and baka magkaroon ng emotional cheating when the going gets tough sa marriage.

so there, just my two cents on the situation.

[amethyst028]

@Coldsoul sis whatever happens brush it off,  ignore your feelings don't encourage it. you said lately you get more stares from the brother? baka since you have feelings for him yung mga small things binibigyan mo ng meaning kahit wala naman.

good job for posting here kasi at least you are letting it out. once you are married you get comfortable with each other na. you lose the mystery and maybe you are just looking for some excitement. maybe it's not the brother you want baka may something inside of you that feels you are not content kaya naging outlet mo si kuya. 

ikaw na nagsabi nothing good can come out of it so snap out of it. and don't ever hope for your feelings to be reciprocated kasi gulo yan. dig deeper baka may hinahanap ka lang or may gusto ka mangyari sa current marriage mo that is frustrating you and you are trying to escape from reality by fantasizing on someone else.

[Aftergl0w]

Sis, isipin mo nalang.. what if you have a hot, younger, sexier, and more attractive sister? And your husband has naughty thoughts about her? Or is falling for her? How would you feel? Betrayed? Masakit diba? So stop it. Hindi lang ikaw ang natutukso. Labanan mo.