passive husband to be

[amethyst028]

need advice from our married sisters here.

actually this is for a dear friend. my friend is 33yrs old na (marrying age), bf is 40yrs old so they are on the same boat already both wants to settle down. both of them comes from a good and well off family, but girl is very aggressive in making money. pag may opportunity sunggab talaga siya palibhasa laki sa states so very independent. while guy on the other hand, your typical pinoy guy na may kaya. he works for his family business and kung ano lang utos sa kanya ng parents niya yun lang ang gagawin then relax na. hindi siya nag e-effort to make anything out of himself. pa easy easy lang. sunod lang siya kung asan si girl most of the time.

nag fall si girl kay guy dahil nga madaming oras si guy sa kanya. the guy will drive from alabang to fetch her to qc para mag date sila sa makati. mga ganung effect. and he'll do it almost everyday.

now girl is complaining na paano raw pag married na sila. may possibility na siya ang kakayod para sa kanila. my friend is trying to change the guy. she is trying to push him to be more agressive. will that work? what advice can you give to this kind of situation. my advice kasi is hanap na lang siya iba. hehe!

[j.adore]

That's the trap that most women build for themselves -- trying to change a man into someone else.
There is no perfect guy. We all just need to "find someone imperfect that we can love perfectly".

Share ko itong learnings I really like from sis Snowball

Ganyan naman talaga kapag bagong kasal. Masyadong idealistic, masyadong "by the book", yun bang feeling mo eh happy ever after na after the wedding day..na bed of roses.

Pero gaya ni Cinderella, im sure pagkatapos ng kasal nila ni Prince Charming eh nalaman din niya na walang happy ever after. Lol

Been there done that sis.

13 years na kaming kasal ng mister ko. And 1 beses pa lang niya ako binigyan ng bulaklak. Sa una nag hahanap ako, pero iniisip ko palagi eh hindi naman talaga ako mahilig sa bulaklak sayang pera lang lol.

Small things.. you need to learn how to let it go. Ikibit balikat mo lang.

Date? Hindi din siya nagkukusa na i date ako. Sa una masakit. Pero ang ginawa ko eh di ako ang date planner palagi. Eh ano naman kung ako ang planner palagi ng birthdays, outings, family bondings and iba pang celebrations, ganun eh. Ako ang mahilig sa date eh di ako ang planner. Ganun lang yun.

Magalit ka kung nag plano ka pero hindi sumama sayo. Ah iba na yun.

Pero as long as sumasama sayo eh di okay lang na ikaw ang pasimuno palagi.


Sweet things? Naku matagal ko ng kinalimutan yan. Wala talagang ka sweet sweet sa katawan ang mister ko. Ang importante talaga eh acceptance.

Babae talaga ang magpapa sensiya at magdadala ng relasyon.

Ang mister mo eh parang anak mo yan, anak mong bunso lol.

Natutunan ko sa marriage eh kung maliliit na bagay lang, we need to accept the things and matuto tayong tanggapin at i let go. Kibit balikat.

Ngayon kung big things na like pambababae, sugal etc. Eh iban usapan yan.

So far ang mister ko eh ganyan man siya eh mabuti siyang provider, mabuti siyang ama, and hindi siya babaero at walang bisyo.


Kasi alam mo sis, hiwalayan mo man ang mister mo.. gaano ka kasigurado na ang susunod na lalake sa buhay mo eh walang diperensiya? Lahat ng lalake eh meron.

Kaya kung small things lang naman diperensiya ng mister mo magpasalamat ka na. Kesa hanapin mo si prince charming na sa mga fairy tale books mo lang makikita.

^thanks sis hehe.

Noong few years pa lang kaming kasal ng mister ko sinabi ko sa kanya hinanakit ko na bakit hindi siya sweet, ang sinagot lang niya sa akin "ano gusto mo super sweet ako sayo pero super sweet din pala ako sa ibang babae o ganito lang ako pero ikaw lang ang babae sa buhay ko?".

Natauhan ako. Oo nga naman. Doon ko na realized na bakit ko hahanapin sa asawa ko ang mga katangian na "by the book", dapat tanggapin ko ang totoong siya at tiisin ang mga kahinaan niya dahil tinitiis din naman niya mga kahinaan ko.

Gusto mo ng happy long lasting marriage? Walang ganyan sis. Ang meron eh happy/sad/tiis/iyak/anger/forgiveness/happy/bwisit/tampo/happy/regrets/kibit balikat/ happy long lasting marriage. Hehe totoo yan.

Sabi ko nga sa isa pang thread, ang secret ng long lasting marriage?

PAHABAAN NG PASENSIYA AT PABABAAN NG PRIDE.


Yung pinsan ko hiniwalayan niya mister niya kasi wala daw pangarap sa buhay. Yung second husband naman niya eh hiniwalayan din niya kasi lasenggero at babaero. Ayun yung 3rd husband niya nambubugbog naman.

Kaya anong sabi ni pinsan nitong huling kita namin.. ang sabi niya sa akin "alam mo Ne, kung alam ko lang sana eh tiniis ko na lang si M (1st husband niya).. ang hirap pala. Wala namang perpektong lalaki. Mabuti pa si kuya M mo eh kahit ganun yun eh hindi babaero at walang bisyo at hindi nananakit".

Kadalasan kasi kakahangad natin ng "mas mabuti" ang natatagpuan natin eh mas masama.

Kaya sis, ilista mo ang mga good traits at bad traits ng husband mo at kung yung bad traits niya eh simple things, keep him and never let go.

Maybe your friend can find the list of questions to ask before getting married and discuss these openly with her fiance. Madami sa internet niyan and they can go as high as hundreds pero exhaustive yun para walang issues later on 
From there, they should both contemplate if, amidst the disagreements, they are still willing to choose each other.



OR.... Di kaya your friend is just settling (due to age) for this guy that's why she's trying to change him and finding faults?

[yannuh]

^ang ganda naman ng sinabi ni sis snowball, nakakatuwa:) at tama si sis j.adore, "find someone imperfect that we can love perfectly, ewan ko na lang kung di pa matauhan si kuya hehe:)

[victim]

Hi. For me, the most important thing is may trabaho si guy, may source of income. Walang malala na bisyo. At hindi womanizer.

If the girl is super aggressive to earn, then that's her. Do not expect the partner to be like that also. My mother is super aggressive, madiskarte. My father is super sipag type but not too madiskarte, medyo mahina loob but like I said, maispag. My mother is malakas ang loob type so my mother guides my father. Actually they had a good combination (both deceased).

I believe hindi din tama na both parties super aggressive when it comes to earning money. There has to be a balance. Could you imagine if the couple is always busy to earn money, who's gonna take care of the kids?

If the guy is madaming oras for the girl, very patient and masipag to fetch and bring her to her destination... well that's a major factor already. Not all guys are like that. Some, bf and gf pa lang, super tamad na.

If her plan to push him to become more aggressive then do it. If it doesn't work then it's ok. What's important, like I said is there is a consistent income.  There are people who are really born to lead and some are here to follow. Just encourage. Encourage. Encourage.

[glamorosa_09]

nag fall si girl kay guy dahil nga madaming oras si guy sa kanya. the guy will drive from alabang to fetch her to qc para mag date sila sa makati. mga ganung effect. and he'll do it almost everyday. 

Find me an aggressive and hard working man with a lot of time in his hands.

If the bf happened to be the aggressive type and very hardworking, to the point that he's busy with work, then she wouldn't fall in love with him in the first place. Because that man will have no time to fetch her from alabang to makati. That man will have no time to spend quality time with her almost everyday.

And if they have aggressive personalities and the same work ethics, and the girl's love language is quality time, then it will just be a source of fight. Most of the aggressive and hard working men I know have busy schedules.

She should maker up her mind. She can't have the best of both worlds. In reality though, most couples have opposite personalities. If they work as a team, they will help each other by making up for each other's weaknesses. I'm sure your friend is not all strengths. And I'm sure the man too has his strengths. It will also be helpful if your friend appreciate the man's strengths and not just magnify his weaknesses.

[Girltalker2]

now girl is complaining na paano raw pag married na sila. may possibility na siya ang kakayod para sa kanila. my friend is trying to change the guy. she is trying to push him to be more agressive. will that work? what advice can you give to this kind of situation. my advice kasi is hanap na lang siya iba. hehe!

Pareho naman silang may kaya, and the guy is patient enough to withstand her aggressiveness. So ok naman.

Mahirap ipilit ng Friend mo magbago bf nya. She needs to accept him. Baka ok mag business sila then the guy works on the backroom at your Friend ang bahala sa sales at diskarte.

But then again, depende din sa gusto ng Friend mo makasama, Baka Mas type nya aggressive din? I have friends who are very successful in business, magaling sila dumiskarte at matapang din. Ayun they're still single up to now kasi wala pang guy kaya tapatan ang pagiging aggressive nila.

[amethyst028]

Thanks sa mga replies. I'm glad tama pala yung mga binigay namin na advice. oo nga e sabi ko nga gusto mo madami siyang oras sayo tapos gusto mo busy rin sa work paano niya hahatiin yung katawan niya. medyo headstrong talaga itong si girl, may pagka matigas ang ulo. pag gusto niya gusto niya.

the guy gets allowance from parents at 40yrs. old and sells some stuff online. i don't know if kaya niya bumuhay ng pamilya sa ganon.

i guess may mga girls talaga who gets into a relationship thinking they can change their partner. we've all been guilty of that one time or another. i just hope things will work out for both of them.

[Hevn]

Another mistake we, women, make is expecting the guys na "bumuhay" ng pamilya. It's 2016. Women can work already on their own. Marriage is not one-sided anymore. Both of you kailangan mag effort. Kung ang strength ni girl is business, then she should work on that kasi merong strengths and weaknesses bawat tao, we just have to fill those sa isa't isa.

[loidyloids]

Another mistake we, women, make is expecting the guys na "bumuhay" ng pamilya. It's 2016. Women can work already on their own. Marriage is not one-sided anymore. Both of you kailangan mag effort. Kung ang strength ni girl is business, then she should work on that kasi merong strengths and weaknesses bawat tao, we just have to fill those sa isa't isa.

Agree ako sa'yo sis.

[moiselle.sarrate]

now girl is complaining na paano raw pag married na sila. may possibility na siya ang kakayod para sa kanila. my friend is trying to change the guy. she is trying to push him to be more agressive. will that work? what advice can you give to this kind of situation. my advice kasi is hanap na lang siya iba. hehe!

Thing is, your friend loves that happy-go-lucky person. The fact that she was trying to picture her life with him in the future. Yan sya eh.. Minsan we really fall for our opposites talaga. I have to admit that I was in the same situation with my fiance. "was", kasi he gradually changed to being more responsible now. But when I said yes to marrying him, hindi pa sya nagmamature. Madalas nakakafrustrate, pero mas pipiliin ko yun kaysa sa mga ibang nakilala ko noon, or mag risk sa mga makikilala kong tao na baka hindi ako pahalagahan ng katulad ng pano nya ako pinaprioritize.

Natuto sya nung nainspire sya looking forward to our future life together. I never asked him to change, ever. Sya ang nagkusa. I'm not saying na this will happen to your friend's partner, pero posible padin yun. Isa pa, nakilala naman nya yung partner nya ng ganun na.. Why not live a more happy and peaceful life complimenting each other? That's the whole point on partnership, diba?

And as for me, I always apply what my mother has always been telling me...
"Real love is unconditional." 

[lonely_dad]

13 years na kaming kasal ng mister ko. And 1 beses pa lang niya ako binigyan ng bulaklak. Sa una nag hahanap ako, pero iniisip ko palagi eh hindi naman talaga ako mahilig sa bulaklak sayang pera lang lol.

So far ang mister ko eh ganyan man siya eh mabuti siyang provider, mabuti siyang ama, and hindi siya babaero at walang bisyo.


Kasi alam mo sis, hiwalayan mo man ang mister mo.. gaano ka kasigurado na ang susunod na lalake sa buhay mo eh walang diperensiya? Lahat ng lalake eh meron.

Kaya kung small things lang naman diperensiya ng mister mo magpasalamat ka na. Kesa hanapin mo si prince charming na sa mga fairy tale books mo lang makikita.

agree with this 1000%
love a person for what she/he is, not for what you want him/her to be

[khriseeee]

And so what if your friend becomes the provider? If she is passionate about building her businesses and career and can provide for the family, then why not? Like previous posters, we're in a time where husbands don't have to be the "provider" for the family.

If the friend will become the provider, then is future hubby to be willing to take the backseat and spend more time with the kids (ie. fetching them to/from school, taking them to doctor appointments, extra-curricular, etc?). One of them will have to do it, otherwise poor kids, being shuttled around by drivers and yayas.

I have to admit, I have had the same feelings towards my husband. He works for his family and basically does what he's told to do. I work corporate and to be frank I earn a whole lot more than my husband. It doesn't bother me, it doesn't bother him. I knew this about him before we got married and I'm willing to work hard in my career to provide for my family. Is this something your friend can accept for the rest of her life? She will need to start asking herself some serious questions and open it up to her soon to be hubby.

[lonely_dad]

i dont mind if mas malaki kita ng wife ko kesa sakin (which is not the case)
i also dont mind kung maging house husband ako, you get to spend more time with the kids

[Girltalker2]

^ ok naman if hubby spends more time with kids. Eh papano if more time with the Yaya instead? 😜

[lonely_dad]

^ ok naman if hubby spends more time with kids. Eh papano if more time with the Yaya instead? 😜

ipagpapalit mo ba naman ang saglit na kaligayahan sa habang buhay na pagdurusa?