Having a Single Child

[twelvth_goddess]

My daughter just turned 7 and she has been asking for a sibling. Napapagod na din kame kakasagot sa family and friends kung bakit ayaw pa sundan yung daughter namin. Hinde naman kase sa ayaw but there are factors that we consider:

1. Yaya -- The last time we had a helper was 4 years ago. Ang hirap but buhay pa naman kaming mag asawa despite having full time jobs that sometimes require us to travel. Matinding time management and help from my mom. Kaso lang she has been getting sickly lately and ayoko to give the burden of taking care of a baby to her.

2. Expenses - We live a very comfortable life and we are able to indulge in luxury from time to time but that's because we follow a strict budget and financial planning. Syempre when we have another kid, gusto din namin mabigay sa kanya lahat ng nabigay sa daughter ko now.
School expenses are VERY expensive especially if you choose good schools. Yan ang hinde namin pwede i-compromise.

[izabelle]

^ Ganon naman talaga mga tao, hindi natatapos sa pagtatanong.  Minsan nga kahit dalawa na anak kapag both girls or boys, sasabihin pa din ng iba, sundan pa para opposite gender naman daw. Haha! As if mapredict natin ano magiging gender.

Isa palang din anak namin, she's turning 6 yrs old sa January. We just enrolled her sa St Paul last Friday for Grade 1. Sa totoo lang, (alam ko naman na maraming mas mamahalin na schools kesa sa St Paul) pero yung nga, St Paul palang yon, namamahalan na kami sa Tuition fee, parang hindi namin keri magpa  aral ng dalawang anak sa same school considering hindi lang naman yun ang need ng bata.

Plus kailangan din paghandaan ang retirement. Hindi habang buhay kaya magwork at mahirap (at hindi dapat) umasa sa anak para sa retirement.

Sa amin expenses ang number 1 reason bakit kami nagdadalawang isip na sundan.

[Rory_Lorelie_Gilmore]

^Hear here.

[krispygreen]

I'm an only child too. Late na nagpakasal yung parents ko and nahirapan din mag conceive parents ko after me. I grew up with my cousins and we're very  close dahil isang compund lang din kami. Close din ako sa mother side cousins ko so masaya naman ang childhood ko. Lumaki din ako na hindi spoiled kasi my mom was very wise sa money and hindi maluho pero malaki yung naging effect sakin na mag isa lang akong anak. I feel like hindi ako msyado responsible in general kasi sanay ako na sarili ko lang iniisip ko and my parents never set an expectation sakin. I'm an intovert and not so good with arguments and I always have a hard time opening up to people kasi hindi din ako lumaki na meron ako nakaka away. Nahihirapan din ako sa pag treat sa parents ko pag may outing and vacation kasi shoulder ko sila, gusto ko din naman na ako yung mag treat sakanila as a way of saying Thankyou and para yung money nila is pang everyday gastos nalang nila and sa medicine if needed. Mahirap din like ngayon married nako and hindi nako lagi nakakauwi sa parents ko naisip ko if may kapatid ako sana may kasama sila sa house or atleast alternate manlang kami makadalaw. Kaya lagi ko pinag ppray na bigyan pa sila ng long and healthy life pa kasi one of my greatest fears talaga aside for growing up alone is mawala parents ko and I would have to deal with it alone. So sa mga sis if kaya nyo naman physically, emotionally and financially, sana ateast 2 manlang para may makadamay sila sa lungkot and saya.

[patchi2012]

Hubby and i decided na i just quit working muna to tend our child since super expensive ang daycare dito. Halos andun lang mapupunta ang salary. It?s just like you?re working for daycare. A lot of friends suggested na since SAHM nako why not na sundan nalang daw, para isang hirap nalang. Our baby is 21mos. na and sabi nila this is a good age gap. But for us as a couple e, tama na muna ang isa. Hubby said he?s happy with one kid kung sakaling di na masundan pa. I guess mag isa lang sya since the cost of living dito is too high. And we wanted the best for him (i guess any parents ) so unfair sa bata na pinanganak and di namin ma provide ang needs nya.

[Rory_Lorelie_Gilmore]

Saan kayo based Sis if I may ask, abroad din kasi kami and we're here in Qatar. Ganyan din ang issue namin if ever magbaby na kami, ang taas ng cost of living dito, though kakayanin naman, pero yung quality of life baka magsuffer and yung savings/investments mabawasan. Pero yung schooling dito
ka-presyo na ng Ateneo and La Salle Elementary and HS sa atin sa Pinas halos.

[patchi2012]

^hi sis, we?re based in canada. And vancouver is an expensive city, imagine sa daycare is $800-1000 monthly. Almost half of your salary na din. So parang nag work ka nalang for daycare fees. Plus i have fear then sa mga daycares although licensed and strict but still may nakakalusot pa din na accidents.  Makaka hinga lang siguro if mag school na sya for prep since free na ang education.

[Rory_Lorelie_Gilmore]

^oh my grabe ang mahal, halos doble sa cost ng daycare dito, how about Nannies na stay in or live out baka mas mura?

[kvandenhaak]

^^May subsidies na available pero syempre depende sa income. Pag out school care mas mura.

[patchi2012]

^yes, merong subsidy, if low income ang family. But still not full, there?s still parents portion. Like if $800 ang cost ng daycare $300 or $400 from the government the rest you have to pay. Depends upon the daycare din.

^^pwede mag hire ng live in nanny sis, if you?re qualified. Based din sa income not sure if 60k up or 90k up annually na at this time. That?s why mostly e kinukuha ang parents from pinas to help. In our case kase not applicable since my parents are nearly retiring na from work. Kaya sayang naman kung bigla nalang mag quit. I understand naman that they work hard para sa retirement nila for pension. Kaya tiis tiis nalang muna for two years. Well na enjoy ko naman lalo pa ngayon kasama ko 24/7 anak ko and we?re building memories. Eto kase yung stage na dapat hands on ako sa kanya.

[Rory_Lorelie_Gilmore]

^I agree Sis, kung ako may choice lang din to stay at home and stop working muna maski 1-2 yrs, I will.  Iba pa din pag natutukan ang bata, lalo na if Mom ang magaalaga.

[rics]

We have an only child and we're also based abroad. I didn't work for 3.5 years so I can take care of our kid while my husband goes to work. Gusto ko din isa pang anak, pero si hubby decided that it might be best to only have 1. Kasi, just like the other posts here, mahirap na walang mag-aalaga. Granting that I didn't work for a number of years and could have just gotten pregnant during that period, mas matatagalan ako to go back to the workforce.

Husband also jokes na kapag naging babae susunod na anak eh baka daw sumakit ang ulo nya

There was a time our kid said he doesnt want a sibling, but later on asked if he could have one.  He's ok naman generally since he's got lots of friends and we make it a point that he spends time with his cousins.

Looking back, I still would have wanted another child, pero baka hindi ganito ang financial condition namin should it had happened.

[mysterioza_me]

Gusto ko din mag-add ng anak pa. Gusto ko ng 3 kids para kapag magkagalit yung 2 meron 1 na referee. Iniisip ko kasi paano na son ko kapag wala na ako. Mauulila siya. Pero ang hirap na kasi manganak bukod pa dun ang taas na ng cost ng pagkakaroon ng baby at gastusin pa hanggang paglaki. Dito pa naman sa Pinas kung sino taxpayer sila pa walang nakukuha na subsidy lalo na pagdating sa children?s education. Ituturo ka sa public school or TESDA. Maski nga yung voucher na binibigay para sa Senior Highschool ang pwede lang makatanggap yung mga bata na galing sa public schools na karamihan di naman taxpayers ang mga magulang. Pero kami na nasa middle and above average ang income na iniraraos lang ang pagpapaaral sa private schools ng anak hindi qualified to think na taxpayers kami. Napaka-unfair lang. Lahat ng tulong nasa ?mahihirap?.

[rics]

^parang ganoon din ditto.

[J.warner]

Hi sizzes, up ko lang thread na to. Ito din dilemma ko now. Although may anak ako sa pagka dalaga, legally adopted na sya ng sis ko.  And child doesnt know im his mom. Anyways..

Right now im preggy with my hubbys 1st baby so iniisip namin if susundan agad.. hes 39 na kasi and im 31. SAHM pa ako so if ever mahirapan din ako being a full time mom eh di sulitin na lang 😝 gusto sana 1 or 2 yrs lang pagitan nila but of course it depends if cs or normal itong pinagbubuntis ko ngayon. Parang gusto ko isa lang pero gusto ko naman lumaki syang may kapatid. So im really torn.

[simang]

Initial plan namin, minimum of 3 kids. We both grew up in big, tight-knit families kaya gusto rin naman sana maraming kapatid. Masaya ang maraming kapatid, may automatic bestfriends ka.

Pero after our first born, ayaw ko na sundan! Lol. Ang hirap. Pero now that our daughter is 3.5 years old, we're planning on having another. Max na ang 2. Sobrang hirap magpalaki ng anak. Although it's true na the happiness outweighs the suffering naman. It's just that, for us, having 2 kids is enough. We're not TTC for baby #2 yet, pero soon.

[twelvth_goddess]

Anjan pa sa taas yung reply ko years ago na ayoko na sana mag anak pa ng isa. But here I am, just had given birth to my son.

Madame talaga factors na dapat consider ngayon. Apart from the obvious finances, childcare is such a big deal. Dito sa son ko, wala na kame balak kumuha ng helper. Maground the clock lang kame ng husband and sister ko so matinding sched management talaga kelangan but at least may peace of mind. Sa daughter ko kase, buhay pa mama ko non, she was never left with just the yaya alone.

[glamorosa_09]

Undecided kami before kung mag-second child, lalo na't nakita na namin ng husband ko mga hobbies/passion namen. Kaya lang nangulit si ate. Sabi nya bakit daw mga friends nya at classmates sa gym class may brother/sister, sya daw wala. Pano daw ba gumawa ng baby. There was one time during her event, kasama daw ng classmate nya brother nya, yung iba sisters. Naawa naman ako, kung pwede sya mag-order ng kapatid, baka nag-order na sya. Baka lumaki pang may yearning sa kapatid tulad ng ibang mga nababasa ko dito.

So sya na ang nagdecide, we're now expecting our second child. At least nawala samen ang decision making, LOL! We're happy and excited kahit hirap ng second pregnancy ko. Sobrang excited nya rin at binabasahan ng stories baby brother nya while nasa tummy. Gumagawa na rin ng flash cards of animals for him.

[mysterioza_me]

^Congrats sis!!! Ilang taon na si ate bago nasundan?

[glamorosa_09]

^Thanks sis!! 7 years old sya nagsimula mangulit, then one year syang nagfafollow up dahil tinatapos ko lang masters ko. And then this year, 8 years old sya, saka ako nag nagconceive.