Is there any justifiable reason for a man to strike a woman?
2 out of my 3 relationships, may involvement of physical abuse. The first one, it lasted for more than a year. College days. I got used to being pushed, shoved, or hatak-hatakin ako, him pinning me down, or pulling my hair. Normal na yun. What ended that relationship was when at one time, minura niya ko sa harap ng friends niya. Hindi ako sanay dahil walang nagmumura sa family ko. Out of fury, I slapped him. My fault, nabigla ako. Alam ko napahiya ko siya. Galit na galit siya. He slapped me back. Sobrang lakas. Sobrang lakas na may nagpanting sa tenga ko. I knew something was wrong kasi I saw him muttering something, his friends stopping him and saying things, pero wala akong naririnig. I focused my attention to that unexplainable ringing in my ear, while I was pressed down, and him continuously kicking me sa tagiliran ko. He stopped, left, then quickly returned with a bottle of water in his hand. Binuhos niya saken, he spat on me, grabbed my hair, at pinaalis ako. I can still recall how apologetic I was to the cab driver na pinara ko dahil basang basa ako.
With my mom, I went to an ENT the day after, due to hearing loss. There, gulat na gulat ang doctor sa nakita niya. Sabi niya sa mother ko, “Misis, hindi simpleng kaso ‘to. Silipin niyo po para makita niyo gano kalala ang damaged sa tenga ng anak niyo.” Yung right eardrum ko totally damaged. As in wala na, fresh blood na lang ang nakita. Sa sobrang lakas ng pagkakasampal saken (he’s 5’10”, I’m 5’0” and petite), nadamay pati yung kabila (left). It was ruptured naman, may hole/tear sa eardrum. It was the doctor who recommended to file a case against my then-bf. Sa totoo lang hindi ko naisip yun. Pero it was the doctor who insisted to pursue it. Susuportahan niya daw ang testimonies ko. So sa medicolegal, they discovered the bruises sa tagiliran ko. Unfortunately, na-dismiss din ang case after some time dahil ako na ang hindi umaattend ng court hearings because of trauma and depression.
6 years later, and with my most recent relationship, the abuse lasted for more than 4 years naman. This time, the violence doubled or maybe tripled pa. He’s 5’10” din. Normal nang hatak-hatakin niya ko, and everytime I would complain, sasabihin niya ang OA ko. Hindi naman daw masakit yun.
He would pin me down or press me against the wall. Kapag alam kong galit na galit na siya, I’d run fast to my room. Magtatago ako. Pero ang lakas niya, ilang beses niya nang nasira ang doorknob sa kwarto ko. One time nasugatan ako sa sobrang pilit niyang mabuksan yun. I cried seeing the blood ooze out of my wound, ang laki ng sugat, tapos he blamed me for it dahil nagtago ako sa likod ng pinto.
I’ve lost count of the number of times na sinakal niya ko. Nasanay na ko. Kayang-kaya niya kong iangat nang sakal-sakal ako. The harder part is yung days after nun. Napakahirap kumain so more on liquids lang or oatmeal, lugaw. Ang sakit lumunok o kahit magsalita. It’s especially challenging sa work kasi parang may lump, neck pain, and stiff neck. Sinasampal niya rin ako, inuuntog so nagkakabukol ako, dinuraan niya na rin ako sa mukha (nakakababa ng dignidad talaga), sinisipa nang sobrang lakas, sinusuntok sa braso, tinutulak.
I don’t wear makeup sa office dahil it's not my thing at hindi ako marunong. Pero I learned to use concealer para takpan ang mga pasa ko sa mukha at braso. May times na ang dami talaga sa face, minsan naaalangan akong pumasok, especially kung malaki or masyadong dark yung pasa. Halata na kasi kapag ang kapal ng concealer. Plus, I would always have to go to the washroom para mag-reapply ng concealer. Grabe hassle, not to mention na syempre masakit yun. Masakit talaga sa katawan, sa ulo pagkatapos kang mabugbog. Tapos hindi rin naman ako makapag-disclose sa officemates ko dahil nakakahiya, so aakto akong normal at okay lang. Pero sa totoo lang kumikirot ang halos buong katawan ko. (Naiiyak akong balikan lahat ‘to) Sa bahay naman, I would hide the bruises from my parents by wearing pajamas, or pwedeng concealer din kung konti lang naman ang lalagyan, or iiwas na lang ako sa kanila. Mag-stay ako sa room ko most of the time. May time kasi na parang dalmatian na yung legs ko. If I could only attach photos here
Thankfully, nawawala din naman after a few weeks.
Worst case that happened yung sinampal niya ko nang UBOD ng lakas. Eto naman, yung left eardrum ko ang napuruhan niya. So therefore, both of my eardrums are totally damaged na. Bingi na ko. I had to undergo an operation para maayos and it was done on my birthday pa.
I’d blame myself at times dahil dapat kapag galit siya/sila, ako ang nagtitimpi. I would always want to defend myself kasi agad, to reason out and air my side. Napo-provoke ko sila. Siguro dapat hindi ako sumasabay sa galit nila. Sa lahat ng na-experience ko, pakiramdam ko tumaas ang tolerance ko sa pain. Sinanay nila ko sa physical pain. Wala pa dito yung emotional & psychological pain lalo kapag minumura-mura ako. Sa TV, news about battered wives do not affect me anymore. Hindi na ko naaawa. Kasi in my mind, “ako nga kinaya ko eh”. Sa office, kapag yung mga lalaki samen would complain about their sprain or injuries from playing basketball, sa loob-loob ko, “ang bading naman ng mga ‘to. Para yan lang”. Kasi I know I’ve been through worse.
Sorry ang haba. So back to my question to the good men out there… Is it ever acceptable for a man to hit a woman? In which situations? What are your justifiable reasons?
