Third Party Issue

[triciaaamaldita]

I just want to share a family problem and ask for advices as well...

Just a brief bg:
- Mom and dad are married for 33 yrs
- 5 kaming magkakapatid. Yung isa (33y/o) may asawa na hiwalay na ng bahay saamin. Yung 2 naman (31 y/o and 24 y/o) nasa ibang bansa na for work. Naiwan dito sa house kami ng kapatid kong bunso. Im 20 and she's 10.

So here it goes...

Yung bunso namin came to my room 3 nights ago. Umiiyak siya. Sabi nya may nalaman sya. Nakita nya daw ang viber ng mom ko (same room pa sila eh). May ka viber na guy and nag eexchange ng i love yous. 'Asawa ko' pa raw ang tawagan. At first akala ko joke lang. Mahilig rin kasi maki pag chat mom ko sa friends nya. Sabi ng bunso, hindi daw talaga. she even got my phone and took a picture of the viber conversation of my mom and the guy. So ako naman super shocked talaga. Kasi akala ko, sobrang unlikely na gawin nya. Nakakadismaya.

Sinabi ko to sa ate ko kasi she goes to our house naman every now and then to visit us kasama anak nya. Turns out, alam nya na pala matagal na. Nakita nya din daw sa viber. Hindi lang sinabi samin para wag masira perception namin sa mom namin. Kilala nya din yung guy. Super tagal na as in. Kinder palang daw yung ate ko nung nag start ang affair. Fellow parent din yung guy kaya nagkakilala pati yung mom ko. Yung anak nung guy, kaklase ng ate ko hanggang grade 4 bago nag migrate yung guy sa U.S. So sabi ko, ano ba dapat gawin? I confront ba yung guy? Mom ko? Ano uunahin??? 

Sabi nya, tell our brothers. Yung dalawang nasa ibang bansa to get their opinions as well. So I did.

Galit na galit sila. Lalo na yung kuya kong 31 na. Sabi nya, puro ka plastikan lang pala ang mga nangyari. Tuwing mag aaway kasi mom and dad namin, lagi kaming kampi kay mom kasi dinidiin nya palagi yung mga mali ng dad ko, may babae, mahirap pakisamahan, kung [textspeak!] ano. Hindi kami close sa dad namin masyado so kumakampi kami sa kanya. Pero this time, sorang awang awa ako sa dad ko. Wala syang kaalam alam. Kaya pala ganun nalang ang hatred ng mom ko sakanya.

True enough, hindi nya kami pinabayaan. Nakatapos naman kami lahat sa magagandang school. May kaya naman kami. Wala ko masasabi kasi good mother siya saamin. Pero naiisip ko lang, personally, never magiging justifiable kahit kelan ang third party. Cheating! Adultery! Nakaka bwisit!!! Ang unfair nya saamin. Kinausap siya nung kuya ko. Galit na galit talaga. Plano pa naman nya umuwi ng Pilipinas sa May. Sabi nya sakin baka hindi nya daw pansinin si mommy.

Kinausap ko mom ko about dyan. Sabi nya naman, hindi daw siya masisisi. 20 y/o lang daw sya nung kinasal kay dad. 24 daw sya na inlove dun. Bata pa daw sya nun. Until now hindi na daw talaga naalis. Diba wtf? At sabi nya wala naman daw masama kasi hindi naman daw sila nagkikita and alam nya naman na hindi pwede maging sila. Masaya na daw sya sa simpleng viber. Ang akin lang, hindi simple yun. Asawa ko ang tawagan. Mas nag iiloveyou pa sya dun kesa sa dad ko. Ang unfair lang.

Gusto ko syang iwasan. Gusto ko rin sabihin sa dad ko pero hindi pwede kasi baka magpatayan na sila. Kaming dalawa lang ng bunso ang naiwan sa bahay. Hindi ko ata kakayanin. Gusto kong maawa sa kanya pero mali kasi talaga. Ano bang gagawin ko? Paano matatapos to? Parang wala din balak tumigil mom ko kasi masaya daw siya dun. Galit na lahat ng kapatid ko sakanya.

Please help me. Sorry if super haba. Tnry ko lang ma idetail ang impt points para hindi bias.
Thank you everyone. 

[Girltalker2]

TS, are you sure mom side mo lang ang may third party? How about your dad? Are you sure your dad doesn't have GF's din?

Sinubukan ba nila ayusin ang marriage nila or hinayaan nalang nila magkanya kanya sila?

Hard to accept iyan. Parang wala ka rin naman magagawa for now, di ba? And your sis, kuninsinti rin naman ang mom mo for years. Baka puede mo sya tanungin how she accepted it for years.

[triciaaamaldita]

TS, are you sure mom side mo lang ang may third party? How about your dad? Are you sure your dad doesn't have GF's din?

Sinubukan ba nila ayusin ang marriage nila or hinayaan nalang nila magkanya kanya sila?

Hard to accept iyan. Parang wala ka rin naman magagawa for now, di ba? And your sis, kuninsinti rin naman ang mom mo for years. Baka puede mo sya tanungin how she accepted it for years.

dad had flings pero never namin sineryos kasi naaayos naman. with my mom, ngayon, wala daw talaga sya balak itigil ang affair.

Yun nga e, hindi nila inayos.....

[Girltalker2]

Sad naman TS.

Question ko lang bakit biased sobra kayo/brothers mo. Pag may babae dad mo, ok lang sa kanila Pero ngayon may lalaki mom mo, galit na galit sila?

If you are in your mom's shoes, what do you think she should do?

[sweetgirl]

Sad naman TS.

Question ko lang bakit biased sobra kayo/brothers mo. Pag may babae dad mo, ok lang sa kanila Pero ngayon may lalaki mom mo, galit na galit sila?

If you are in your mom's shoes, what do you think she should do?

Nakainis sa pagiging bias ano??? kun lalake oki lan na manbabae, pero kun babae, iba na agad.
di ko namn ginawa at wala di ko dn balak gawin n mgka or maging 3rd party, bias lan ang society natin.

triciaaamaldita : pray, don't worry maayos din yan and tatagan mo loob mo. acceptance na lan siguro. baka nman napuno n din s pambabae ng dad mo ang mom mo kya ganun. we will never know. pro what ever happen keep safe and pray.

[triciaaamaldita]

We are not bias. This is also the reason I posted this, to seek for help kasi nga I dont know how to react.
My mom was the very first one to have an affair. Even before my dad had one. Anyway no issue kung sino man nauna. The thing is, sobrang tagal na kaming niloloko ng nanay namin.

[Girltalker2]

^ siguro wala sa tagal, but more of nanloko sya. But your dad did the same din naman. Why super galit ang bro mo sa mom mo lang?

[ri-anne]

Anong pwede mong gawin? Honestly, wala kang pwedeng magawa sa situation na yan....not you or your siblings....
You can only try to talk sense into her, but that's it.

you can't magically change the situation; or change your mother's feelings towards the other guy; or force her to stop whatever it is that's been going on for years, if she doesn't want to...

What you can do though is either accept it or leave the house. Or stay and just resent her forever. you can only do things that are within your control.

[monopoly19]

It it's been going on for too long, how do you know that your dad doesn't know? Maybe he already knows at pinapabayaan na lang niya kaya meron siya ibang affairs.

[mei-mei]

Sad naman TS.

Question ko lang bakit biased sobra kayo/brothers mo. Pag may babae dad mo, ok lang sa kanila Pero ngayon may lalaki mom mo, galit na galit sila?

If you are in your mom's shoes, what do you think she should do?

I don't think the brothers are being biased. It's just that, all along, it has been very open to them that their dad is a cheating jerk. Then they have held their mom in a pedestal, seeing her as a pitiful, faithful wife who was suffering all along while her husband cheated. Mas masakit sa anak to feel betrayed by his/her parent whom they worshipped for so long. Kaya ganun na lang galit nila sa mom nila vs. the dad's infidelities.

[aravn22]

@triciaaamaldita, sis. naiyak ako. i went to GT hoping to post my situation. and this is so much like mine  di nga lang sa viber but sa facebook chat. i hope it's okay to share mine too, similar kasi.

these past few months napapansin namin na may kachat ang mother ko. later on na lang namin nalaman magkakapatid na pareparehas kami naghihinala na pala. then, on my mom's birthday, which we celebrated sa hospital dahil naadmit ang mom ko, sinabi ng dad ko sakin na my lalaki ang mom ko and falling apart na marriage nila. i wanted proof and he showed me yung naiwang nakaopen na facebook chat. we did the same thing sis, ngkuha kami ng screenshot so i can show it to my siblings. sinabi sa akin ng dad ko on my mom's birthday dahil todo dedma ang mom ko sa dad ko kahit binati siya. di ko talaga akalain sis. kahit malalaki na kami ang sakit pala. iba kasi yung tining namin sa mom namin. kaya kahit may napapansin na kami before. parati namin dinidismiss kasi yung thought sa sarili namin na magagawa yun ng mom namin. and yes sis @mei-mei, i have thought about that too. we feel so much betrayed and thought of her highly that's why i guess the disappointment and anger was greater. my dad never left us for anyone, pero my mom would based on the chat messages. kasi sabi nya pag nakatapos na yung bunso namin aalis na sya. nasa US din yung guy. and the guy was her workmate noon sa saudi. even before my dad and her got married. pero that time my asawa na daw yung guy sabi ng dad ko. so pumapatol talaga nanay ko sa may asawa 
being the eldest, i confronted my mom. i told her we know na my boyfriend sya sa chat and that what we siblings want is for them to stay here for us as parents. pareho na kasi silang my heart problems (literally!) and i want to be able to take care of them. i didnt tell my mom that we read a lot dun sa chat na un, because mapapahiya sya. ang sinabi nya lang sakin lahat ng ayaw nya sa dad ko as if to justify what she's doing. pinagbibintangan pa daw sya ng dad ko na nanlalake 10 years ago (different guy nanaman) pero di naman daw totoo.

and sinabi ng dad ko naman sa akin totoo daw iyun kasi they were able to hack her fone.


i dont know if its wrong, pero kasi ang gusto naming set up is andito lang silang dalawa with us sa bahay. wala namang kelangan umalis e. i just want them to be our parents pa rin. ang pinoproblema ko naman sa situation ko is that, my dad is depressed. nagagalit sya na di kami nagagalit sa mom namin. e neutral lang naman kami. ayaw namin ng may kinakampihan. i guess my dad wants to work it out with my mom pa rin. but ayaw na kasi ng nanay ko talaga. although sinasabi ng dad ko na di nya gusto makipagbalikan at di naman daw sa gusto nya kami magalit sa mom namin, e yun na nga yung lumalabas na ibig nyang sabihin.

[snowberry]

So sad to read ang ganito stories. It seems some people babae man o lalaki can't move on sa mga dating relasyon kahit  mali at matanda na sila.  How old is your mom sis? why don't you be straightforward at tanungin kung ano talaga problem.

[triciaaamaldita]

Girltalker2
Idk. hindi ko rin ma explain. siguro yun nga, ang linis and ang taas ng tingin namin sakanya tas ganun pala. Parang puro pala kaplastikan. ni-cover up nya lang ng material things tas yun pala may lalake siya. :/

ri-anne
Hayy. You're right. kahit naman pagsabihan namin sya, at the end, sya pa rin naman mag dedesisyon. Di na namin kontrolado. WIniwish lang namin sana mas piliin nya pa rin family namin kesa sa guy nya. Luck for my older bros and sister, may sarili ng buhay. Kami ng bunso, wala. Tiis tiis. Nasa bahay pa rin. Hahaha. Kaya minsan deadma ko nalang siya. Gusto kong magalit pero siyempre, nanay pa rin talaga e.

monopoly19
Why didnt I think of that? I actually doesnt know if he knows. Pero siguro hindi. Kasi kung oo malamang tumawag na ng lawyer yung dad ko. Iba kasi sya magalit eh. baka mapatay nya si mom.

mei-mei
Thank you so much. Every feeling ko, nasa reply mo. Exactly what all of us are feeling/thinking abt the situation. Kaya parang ang bigat, compared sa dad ko na parang ah ok di naman seryoso yun. Eto, iba eh. 

aravn22
Hi! Pareho pala tayo ng situation. I hope youre taking it very lightly lang. Sana wag matuluyan masira family niyo. Let us pray for our families sis. Sana mapag isipan ng moms natin kung alin dapat ang mas pinapahalagahan.. But always remember nga na we couldnt control everything so be open to possibilities. At the end of the day, sila pa rin makakaalam ng dapat nilag gawin and magdedesisyon tungkol dito.

snowberry
My mom is in her mid 50's. Nagkausap na kami ng seryoso. Pinrangka ko na din siya. Ewan ko ba. Sobrang inlove ata. #FOREVER. Nakakainis isipin.



Thank you everyone for your replies.

[Girltalker2]

WIniwish lang namin sana mas piliin nya pa rin family namin kesa sa guy nya

Don't you think kayo naman ang talagang pinili nya by sticking around?

She could have just left you all and eloped.

But then again, Baka di willing yun guy iwan family nya so wala din sya papunta Han. Bottom line, if you feel she loves you guys naman, dun nalang kayo mag focus