I always pay for everything... EVERYTHING!

[gamay]

6 years na po kmi ni BF. He is a good guy, sweet, mabait, easy to get along with at funny. Halos perfect na. Yung tipong ingit yung mga single friends ko naka bingwit ako ng BF na ganon.

But this is the problem, he is unemployed and broke. He is trying to look for a job but to no avail. Hindi po siya kasi yung tipong guy na tumatagal sa trabaho. Responsible and hard working kaya lang ang daming unfortunate events like magkakasakit siya and he need to quit his job. He has health issues.

May small family business po kami kaya mas comportable yung pamumuhay ko kaysa kanya. Pero hindi ko kami mayaman. Just enough to eat 3x a day.

Hindi po ako materialistic na tao and low maintenance lang po ako. Kaya lang I love to eat out and travel once in a while. For 6 years ako lagi yung nagbabayad ng bill everytime we go out or whatever we do on our dates because he cant pay sh*t. Minsan chichip in siya like for example bill namin dalawa 700, chip in sya ng 100 hahaha. Same with travel. Naku mas malaki yung gastos. Kaya lang naiisip ko I need to pay for him kasi malulungkot ako pag hindi ko siya kasama.

Masakit lang kasi he cant take me out for a nice dinner or momol haha. I mean lahat naman siguro ng girls gusto na ganun kahit cheap dates [textspeak!]. Yung mga girl friends ko at ate spoiled ng mga BFs nila.

Malapit na ang valentines yey! I'm excited to receive nothing. Same situation din pag Christmas. Kaya naging motto ko na yung "Less expectation, Less disappointment."

I want to talk to him kaya lang this is a very sensitive issue. Paano po to mga sis? Thank you in advance.

[chicafabulosa]

I will be brutally honest with you sis ha, being nice, sweet, funny etc wont feed you and your future family. If for 6 years as bf and gf he cant afford to at least once in a while spend on you, what do you expect if you end up with him. There was a thread like this before and the only difference with your situation is that the guy involved is your bf while the other is only suitor. In your situation, you need a guy who can at least provide your little luho from time to time.(which i also adviced the other girl here on the other thread). Because once you get married, trust me this little issue for you now will be a bigger issue in the future specially if there will be a kid involve. Why? Simply because you will have to provide first your child's needs first before your wants. Which right now ikaw na ang nagso shoulder ng lahat expect it will be the same when you two have a kid. But since you started this thread, I would assume it is starting to bother you. Ask yourself, do you want to be like this pa rin pag nagpakasal na kayo? Can you bear hearing other people saying bad things towards him and just shrug it off? Can you last a lifetime na ganito situation mo? Are you happy that youre the only one who is financially stable? Can you still live comfortably and provide your little luho if you get married and may baby na kayo?

He has health issues, so expect mo na rin yan na once naging kayo, isasama mo na yan sa budget mo. Kasi if he cant do anything to better himself and find a job that support his medication and even Jollibee man lang, magiging pabigat sya sa future wife nya. Unless mayaman si girl and type na nakabantay sa kanya yung asawa nya 24x7.

Remember sis if its starting to bother you na, you better think yourself first. Hindi totoo yung LOVE WILL KIEEP US ALIVE. He needs to have stable job so he can support you and his family. But if okay lang sayo na pag naging kayo eh ikaw pa rin sa lahat pati sa future kids mo, well ituloy mo lang relationship mo. But right now I would suggest you to reconsider things. For a successful relationship to work, (not just for bf/gf but most important to any marriages) is to have financial stability. Kasi ang away lalo na sa mag asawa nagsisimula sa stress to provide for their family in short money.

I hope this helps. Good luck TS

[lonelymiss28]

I have a friend na sya ang provider ng family nya. Yung asawa nya di nagtrabaho kahit minsan pero tapos ng pag-aaral sa magandang school. Yung guy ang taong bahay at nag aalaga sa mga anak nila. Nakapagpundar sila ng bahay, motorsiklo at napag aral mga anak sa private school. Walang problema sa kanila ganong set up.

[engr_neechee]

Question lang sis TS:  Six years?  Really?  Kasi ako noon, I had an ex bf na as per my guy bestfriend eh "walang backbone."  I got fed up after two years and seven months?  Why? Nakilala ko siya kaklase kos a review ng board exam.  Meaning, promising ang course na kinuha niya sa college.  Pero hello! Nakagraduate ng ECE ng hindi marunong gumamit ng PC.  Dutdot magtype.  Pati Microsoft Word hindi alam gamitin.  So he ended up working as contractual nung una:  tagalinis ng mga POS terminals ng credit card.  Take note! Tapos siya ng ECE ha! After ng contract, he took a break ang reviewed again para sa board pero semplang na naman.  Tapos after that, ako pa rin ang naghahanap ng job para sa kanya.  Ako ang nag-aapply sa Jobstreet, ako ang ang-eemail sa mga employer gamit ang email address niya.  Ang nakakabwisit pa dun eh, ang alam lang niya isagot sa mga call eh "Yes" kahit na overlapping ang schedules ng interview.  Natataranta daw siya.   Ganun siya ka-loser.  He could have ended up a houseband like his father kung hindi siya natanggap as management trainee sa isang local IT vendor.  Pero imagine my heartaches noon tuwing masisisante siya sa jobs (take note hindi job, jobs!).  He was too poor to even make libre me sa Jollibee.  Saka after ng mga interview niya, sinusundo niya ako sa office para ako ang magpalunch/merienda sa kanya.  I eventually got tired.


Sis, ang KPI ng mga lalaki is to provide.  Whatever your religion is, I believe ang sabi sa bible, it is the man who must toil.  How young are you TS?  Iba kasi ang standards mo nung 15 years old ka, nung 18 ka, nung nag-24 ka.  I married at age 28 and yes, iba ang standards natin as we get older.  We eventually realize that love, lambing, kisses can NEVER FEED YOU AND NEVER PAY THE BILLS.  Please rethink if you can imagine yourself growing old with this man.  Tigasin.  Tigasaing, tigaluto at tigakain. 

And sorry sis, but based on experience, hindi na magbabago yang boyfriend mo.  Ganyan na siya hanggang tumanda siya.  Lalo na't alam niyang sasaluhin mo siya lagi at lagi kang anjan at ikaw ang kayang magprovide. 

You deserve better. 

[momentum]

may similarity story ni TS sa isang GTer dito..reklamo rin niya ito na siya taga bayad lahat pati meds ng bf niya..ang kinaibahan lang is may naeearn naman bf niya pero ginagamit naman yung pera sa mga LUHO  niya and the rest yung babae na yung gumagastos.

tama sila lahat TS..sundin mo mga advices nila.
and PLEASE do not get yourself pregnant with this man. kawawa ka lang.

take care

[engr_neechee]

^super agree.  DO NOT GET YOURSELF PREGNANT!

Imagine yourself let's say ten years from now kung kayo ang magkakatuluyan.  Kahit sabihin na nating walang baby.  Do you imagine yourself stressing out on how to pay: 1) Mortgage/rent, 2) food, 3) utility bills.  Or iniisip mo ba habang buhay na lang kayo bf-gf?

Sa ngayon it's only dates, food and travel ang pinagkakagastusan mo, pero yung mga nabanggit ko, are you still willing to pay for those?

[young_maiden]

Sis, paano ka niya niligawan at napa-ibig ha? Gumagastos ba siya sa iyo nung courtship days nyo pa lang o wala din? Para sa akin kasi, hindi naman kailangan ni guy na mayaman siya para mapa-ibig ang babaeng gusto niya pero may times na need niya maglabas din ng pera para ma-date si girl. Hindi naman kailangan na laging sa mamahaling restaurant o out of town. Pwede din kahit dyan lang sa mga street foods sa tabi-tabi o padalhan niya ng simple gifts si girl. Ginawa niya ba sa iyo yan dati o zero talaga? Kung wala, paano siya dumiskarte para mapasagot ka?

Anyway, past is past. Umabot kayo ng 6 years. Nakaya mo ang ganung ugali niya sa napakatagal na panahon. Sis, tulad nga ng sabi ng isa sa mga sis dito, paano na lang kung mag-asawa kayo? Papayag ka ba na ikaw pa rin lahat ang gagastos? Paano pag nagpropose siya? Ikaw pa rin sasagot sa lahat ng wedding expenses pati sa isusuot niya at sa isusuot ng angkan niya? Sis, kailangan din natin maging practical. Hindi naman requirement na kailangan milyonaryo si guy pero sana naman sumikap siya at makahanap ng permanenteng trabaho. Kung may health issues man siya, gawan niya ng paraan para gumaling siya. Okay lang din ba sa iyo na ikaw bahala magpagamot sa kanya? Pag-isipan mong mabuti sis. If I were you, nakipaghiwalay na ako.

[ohcmon]

TS, leave before he gets you pregnant. Lol

'Yung ililibre mo siguro sa date, I would understand, pero pati sa travels? Hilo ka ba sis? Hindi pwedeng puro pag-ibig lang. Buti kung pwedeng ulamin 'yan.

Bagay na bagay sa'yo itong pampagising ko dito sa office: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EelzA1HQcg

[chicafabulosa]

Natawa ako sayo sis Ohcmon haha. Long time na di kita nakikita nagpopost sis ah.

Baka kasi need nya ng painful truth from other girls. Syempre in love sya but sis TS, like what I said if sya nakatuluyan mo ready ka na ba sa ikaw lahat? Gamot nya, kids nyo, gastos sa house, etc?

Love will not keep you alive sweetie. You need money to survive. Get out while you still can. Mas mahirap pag nabuntisan ka pa.

[simang]

Para sa akin, walang karapating makipagrelasyon ang tao (babae man or lalaki) kung sarili nya mismo hindi nya kayang suportahan financially. Kaya nga hindi rin ako agree sa mga students na nakikipagrelasyon. Nung student pa kasi ako, may boyfriend din ako at narealize kong pera pala ng Nanay ko kung pinang-de-date ko noon. Nakakahiya naman sa nanay ko.

Anyway, so gusto mo syang kausapin... Siguro the only way to do it is to really encourage him to get a job. Hindi naman siguro sya totally disabled para hindi makahanap ng work. Heck, yung disabled nga may nahahanap na work eh, I'm sure he'll find one. Maybe not the most ideal job for him at first, but wag na kamo syang choosy kesa naman sustentuhan mo sya palagi. Sure nakasurvive kayo ng anim na taon, but I'm sure, if you're in the same situation 5 or 10 years from now, magrereklamo ka na. Feeling ko naman hindi ka makikipaghiwalay sa kanya anytime soon, as most suggested. So kung gusto mo muna sagarin yung pasensya mo, at pera mo, go lang.

[nixmusic]

Para sa akin, walang karapating makipagrelasyon ang tao (babae man or lalaki) kung sarili nya mismo hindi nya kayang suportahan financially.

Super agree ako dyan sister!

[rasee16]

TS, question lang. Dun sa 6 years na yun, hindi sya makapagwork ng matino? Ano ba ang sakit nya? Kasi I understand na ang mga companies eh may medical exam at baka lagi syang bumabagsak dun palang. Ano ba ang work background nya? Hindi ba pwedeng magnegosyo nalang muna sya or sideline? Anyway diba sabi mo naman, responsible and hardworking sya..So dapat madiskartehan nya yan. Tsaka anong ginagawa nya ngayong wala syang work, nakahiga lang ba sya bahay at nagpapahinga?

I guess the best way talaga is to first and foremost address the culprit kung bakit hindi sya makapagtrabaho. Kung health issues yun, kailangan nya magpagaling talaga muna para naman fit to work sya. Ano naman sabi ng parents nya? Ok lang ba sa kanila na ikaw gumagastos para sa anak nila?

[gamay]

Thank you sis chicafabulosa!
I have no plans to marry him if same pa rin yung situation ya. Sympre siya yung groom he and his family will pay most of the wedding expenses. Hindi kaya ako magpapakasal if walang SDE lol demanding. Nakakahiya if family ko pa magshoshoulder ng gastos and also the “leave and cleave” in marriage importante yan para sakin.

I'm 25 btw and he's a year younger than me. Quater life crisis na kaya maybe I think like this na. I'm worried sa future namin but I'm still giving him a chance. He is currently looking for a job kaya hindi pa ako totally gumigive up sa kanya. I know there is hope kasi makikita ko naman yung effort niya applying online and handling resume personally sa mga companya.
Siguro if mid this year or next year if unemployed pa rin siya. I have the guts to break up with him na.

You are right. Hindi totoo yung LOVE WILL KEEP US ALIVE that's why I'm worried about our future.

[chicafabulosa]

No worries sis. Sorry to be brutally honest sayo ha. I have seen this before and I know how hard it will be for the girl. Nung una okay lang sila but eventually nagiging stressful na rin and lagi nag aaway friend ko and hubby nya. Ayun naghiwalay rin.

Well if ever he finds a job, i hope he will try his best to keep it. If he really intends to marry you, he needs to think of the future he will give you and your kids. Mahirap kaya yung di mo maibigay yung mga simpleng luho ng kids like Jollibee or toys kasi need nyo muna unahin gastusin sa house kasi wala syang job. Nakakabawas ng beauty yan sis .

But seriously, try to observe rin ha if is trying to keep the job. Kasi if di na naman sya tumagal, hay naku sissy repeated cycle na yan.. So iready mo narin sarili mo. But for now I suggest wag mo muna sya gastusan. I know malungkot na di mo sya kasama pag nagtravel but try mo to step out na rin sa comfort zone mo.like travel with your friends. If you are starting to enjoy the space without him, you need to think about staying together. Kasi spending time alone and doing things without him will help you gauge ano na ba talaga ang feelings mo. If gusto mo pa ba sya kasama or nageenjoy ka na rin without him. Of course di lang yan isang labas alone, mga third or fourth dun mo yan marerealize ano ba talaga ang real status ng heart mo. Try to spend mo muna with your friends lang.

[gamay]

Thank you sis engr_neechee!

Nagkakilala during our college days, 3rd year college naging kami. Mas promising pa nga
yung career niya after college kasi may work siya ka agad. He performs well sa school siya
palagi yung contestant if meron bartending and baking contest sa school or minsan interschool pa.
Kaya naging scholar siya ng isang cargo shipping company. So fast forward, after graduation he worked as a cook trainee doon sa cargo ship. Unfortunately, after a few months, na diagnose siya ng lumbar sprain because of hard labor and lifting heavy weights. Kaya ayun because of health issues he was forced to go back sa Pinas and quit his job.

Nag bartender siya dito sa isang resto. Poor management yung resto a lot of his colleagues quit.
He was forced to work double shift kaya napagod din siya and he decided to resign.

He worked again as a bartender sa ibang resto until his family decided to put up a small business ka nagresign siya para siya yung mag manage ng business nila. He was doing all the work. Eventually, napapabayaan yana yung sarili niya sa kakatrabaho kaya nag karoon siya pneumonia. Kailangan niya ng rest for 6 months.

His recent job was a college instructor for 1 sem. Naging teacher siya sa bartending class. He loved that job pati yung mga students niya hanggang ngayon siya pa rin ang gusto kasi ang dami nilang natutunan. Kaya lang being a teacher is not an easy job. Puyat siya palagi solving grades, reviewing his lessons and making exams. We were all worried na baka bumalik yung pneumonia niya. Gustong gusto niya yung job na yun kaya lang... again.. he didn't last long. He wasn't able make it to 2nd sem decision ng school. Now he's back to being unemployed.

Hindi ko siya basta't basta maiiwanan kasi alam ko yung pinagdadaanan niya.

[gamay]

Sis young_maiden.

During the courtship stage siya yung gumastos 
Noong naging kami I didn't mind KKB kasi we were both students noong time na yun.

Since he's a homebody and I was the one insisting on going out ako yung gumagastos. Maybe partly kasalanan ko sinanay ko yata siya na ako yung nagbabayad kaya kebs siya kahit may pera siya ako pa rin mostly gumagatos kung lalabas kami.. urrhhhggg!

[gamay]

sis ohcmon I love the song! hahahha para talaga sakin haha. Download ko nga at e play kung kasama ko siya hahahha 

[gamay]

But seriously, try to observe rin ha if is trying to keep the job. Kasi if di na naman sya tumagal, hay naku sissy repeated cycle na yan.. So iready mo narin sarili mo. But for now I suggest wag mo muna sya gastusan. I know malungkot na di mo sya kasama pag nagtravel but try mo to step out na rin sa comfort zone mo.like travel with your friends. If you are starting to enjoy the space without him, you need to think about staying together. Kasi spending time alone and doing things without him will help you gauge ano na ba talaga ang feelings mo. If gusto mo pa ba sya kasama or nageenjoy ka na rin without him. Of course di lang yan isang labas alone, mga third or fourth dun mo yan marerealize ano ba talaga ang real status ng heart mo. Try to spend mo muna with your friends lang.

Sis don't worry I didn't mind you being brutally honest. I need that talaga. Ika nga "The bitterest truth is better than the sweetest lie." He can't keep a job even for a year lang. I told him that's not good kasi ayaw yan ng mga employers kasi they will think may mga issues siya sa kanyang work place.

This year I'm starting to discipline myself. I already told him hindi ko na kaya financially e tag along sa mga travels ko even though I badly want him to come. Sayang Ilocos tour pa naman yun at canyooneering sa Cebu.  I will be traveling with my family and friends instead. A big relief for me kasi hindi na times two yung gagastusin ko. Yung next ko na gagawin if my friends ask me out, I will go alone.

[kutitapkiss]

ay, matigas ang fez ng bf mo teh. ayun lang ang masasabi ko. nasabi na nilang lahat eh. makinig ka sa kanila. hehe.

[chicafabulosa]

Im happy naman you have plans na pala to go alone. Try to enjoy it sis. basta if you need us, just post away i hope you'd find the answer you want