"Ayaw Nya Na, Sa Iba Nalang"

[g-gurl]

Wives, how would you feel if your husband said this statement: "Ayaw Nya Na, Sa Iba Nalang" in answer to a query addressed to him asking him when sundan ang baby namin. He said this twice to two of his friends in his facebook messenger chat.

To me, this is plain rude, disrespectful and done in very bad taste. You don't go about making those statements even if intended as a joke. It also speaks volumes about his core values and his complete disregard of my worth as a wife.

A little background, we have a 2 year old boy. I had a very difficult pregnancy and traumatic childbirth which almost cost me and my baby our lives. I gave birth alone and it was only after three (3) months when he was able to go home -- since he works overseas.

Please share your thoughts on this. If you were in my shoes, how would you handle the situation?

[antithesisofbarbie]

Hi Sis! Nakakalungkot naman na mabasa yung post na yun. As a newbie mom, thrice ko binasa yun post mo and nakaka offend yun. Hindi madali mag carry ng baby for 9 months and like what you've said nahirapan ka sa panganganak.

I suggest talk to your hubby about it. Be open with your feelings. Nakakainis na parang wala man lang consideration sa nangyari before to think na he is not even there when you almost died.

"ayaw nya na...sa iba nalang.." this is not a laughing matter. Sorry ah.. baka these are my hormones talking.. pero if saakin nangyari yan hindi peaceful na usapan ang mangyayari.. I will make him realize na madaming mali sa sinabi niya plus nasaan siya nung kailangan siya. Well he might say na he is working for you and the kid.. well dapat lang dahil siya ang tatay.. pero it will not justify yung mga sinabi niya na yun biro man yon or hindi.

Okay maybe joke nga yun pero hello siguro naman alam niya yung pinagdaanan mo di ba? Kailangan marealize ng mister mo na hindi madali magbuntis at manganak and hindi dapat gingawa na biro ang subject na yan.

I hope you're okay.

[gwyne21]

Hi TS... nakakalungkot at the same time naiinis ako sa hubby mo while reading your post. His words, even if they are meant to be as jokes, are unacceptable. Hindi madali magbuntis at manganak. I suggest you talk to him calmly at sabihin mo sa kanya that his callous (or joking) word hurts you.
Possible na with your pregnancy background, kaya ayaw na niya "masundan" baby nyo but his words were really inappropriate. Kahit pa sabihin na sa friends nya iyon sinasabi, hindi pa rin okay.

Share ko lang, I also had complications during delivery ng baby namin last year. Naging mahirap din recovery ko (nahospital at naoperahan din uli) and I experienced postpartum depression. So kung magsasabi sa akin si hubby ng ganyang words, I will really feel hurt and disrespected as a wife.

[books_mags]

^ TS, the statement is offensive on its own pero baka we just don't know the context.  also, since we don't know your husband, maybe unless your relationship has problem, can this be his way of coping with the a of almost losing you?

[Myealexis21]

He might mean that as a joke, but still pangit pakinggan.

Talk to him sis, tell him yung nararamdaman mo when you hear/read something like that.  Like you feel na di ka nirerespeto, etc. even if it's meant as a joke.  Talk about your feelings kung ano effect sa yo, rather than his action.  (If ako, I would write my feelings, tapos review it para sure ako na well-thought ang sasabihin ko sa kanya, I would also pray for God's guidance and pick up a time wherein hindi pangit ang mood between us.)

Then also talk to him about yung pregnancy, if he really wants na masundan na si baby.  Kung ano pedeng gawin if ever mag-baby #2 na kayo.  Like getting extra help sa house kapag pregnant ka na, then getting the best doctor to take care of you while pregnant and during childbirth.


Pero ask ko lang Sis, isa lang ba ang account niyo ni Hubby sa FB? Pano mo nabasa yung messenger chat niya with friends?

[g-gurl]

Thanks so much  for your replies. Yes, I feel extremely hurt and disappointed. Yes, I will tell him how affected I am. i'm not very feeling really well right now -- suffering sleepless nights and so much anxiety that its affecting my emotional and psychological state.

About his facebook account, I have access to it since I know the password. He doesn't know that I know but I was able to figure it out. Some of you might view it as invasion to privacy but we I have trust issues with him --- another issue which deserves another thread.

[antithesisofbarbie]

Thanks so much  for your replies. Yes, I feel extremely hurt and disappointed. Yes, I will tell him how affected I am. i'm not very feeling really well right now -- suffering sleepless nights and so much anxiety that its affecting my emotional and psychological state.

About his facebook account, I have access to it since I know the password. He doesn't know that I know but I was able to figure it out. Some of you might view it as invasion to privacy but we I have trust issues with him --- another issue which deserves another thread.

hmmm for me mag asawa naman na kayo and hindi naman na issue siguro if alam mo un password niya etc. me and my hubby open kami when it comes sa mga ganyan na bagay you have to tell him if nagkakasakit ka na dahil sa sama ng loob. di ba dapat ganon naman pag mag asawa you work as a team.. partners.. magkakampi.. and if you feel na hindi ganon you have to tell him..para din sa ikakabuti ninyo

[quinone]

pwede rin na dinadaan lang niya sa joke para mapagtakpan na nasa-sad siya at gusto niya na magka-baby pa kayo in the future pero kasi nga...ayaw mo na diba?

[Girltalker2]

May officemate ako, ganyan din ang sagot.

I think kaya lang nila mag joke kung wala yung wife. Or tingin mo he can say it even in front of you?

Maganda nga to just talk it out and let him know na huwag sana ganun. Like narinig mo from a guy saying that - ano sa tingin nya and puede mo rin I-share thoughts mo. Not necessarily bringing up yung nag sneak ka sa FB nya.

[heavenangels]

Virtual hug to you ts.. Talagang off ang "joke" ng hubby mo. And hindi sya dapat nagsasalita ng something personal esp about your marriage sa ibang tao. But still, give him the benefit of the doubt. Minsan kasi insensitive ang iba sa feelings ng partner nila, kala nila joketime palagi. Kausapin mo na lang ang hubby mo. But make sure na compose mo muna sarili mo. Kasi pag super high ang emotions mo baka di mo lang maexplain ng malinaw yun point mo. I myself had a super difficult pregnancy. And to top it all, nakunan pa ko di lang isang beses so alam mo yung trauma ko everytime na IE time sa ob nilalamig ako. Nung naglalabor nga ako nagrereklamo na ko sa doctor pag time na for IE. Gusto din ng hubby ko sundan na baby namin na 1yo pa lang. But I told him na let's take a short break muna. Una sa expenses, pangalawa, para maenjoy ni baby na solo muna sha kahit hanggang 2yo sha and lastly para makahinga muna ako kahit konti and maging fit for next pregnancy. I am sure maiintindihan ka nya. Pray for guidance and wisdom that you may find the right words and also for him to understand your point.

[EllaBratin]

Hi TS. For me its just a plain joke if close guy friend ang kachat niya. Magagalit lang ako kung sa babae niya sinabi yun, lalo na kung may "trust issue" ako sa kanya.
Mas makakatulong sa relationship ninyo kung magiging vocal ka sa nararamdaman mo sa kanya para mas maintindihan ka niya. Be ready lang sa pwedeng additional reaction niya pag sinabi mong may access ka sa FB niya, na hindi niya alam.

[ishopnowfeelguiltylater]

maybe try to talk to him about how you feel whenever he says that. for all we know, he's also traumatized with your childbirth experience and is trying to keep the conversation light by throwing a joke. this "joke" has been thrown around the office by male colleagues quite a lot that it bears no meaning to me at all should my husband use it too.

[sensi]

communicate... always make your husband know how you feel towards anything he says..kasi sometimes mga guys they tend to talk or say something without thinking kung anong mararamdaman natin..maybe sa kanila wala lang yun kasi nga joke nga lang daw.pero satin sensitive kasi tayo so talagang it matters na hindi dapat ginagawang joke mga ganyang bagay specially when it comes to your relationship.
make him know sis para never na niya ulitin yun since twice na niyang naging sagot yan.

[rannastillero]

Nakakainis naman yan.

At sino namang iba ang tinutukoy nya, aber?

May 1 na rin akong anak, nakunan ako last year. (2 na sana sila)
Tinatanong ko rin naman hubby ko, kung Ok lang ba sa kanya na 1 lang si baby namin.
(Nahirapan din ako magbuntis kaya ako nakunan. 5 years old na si baby by the way.)
Sagot nya naman sakin Ok na sa kanya kahit 1 lang or madagdagan pa anak namin.
Ayoko na rin kc, pero pag tinatanong naman sya ng friends nya kung bakit di pa sundan,
tinatawanan na lang nya.

[deiz]

@g-gurl
Alam mo sis sobrang offensive naman yan. Ang daming changes na ginagawa sa katawan ng pagbubuntis pero parang minaliit lang nya ang pinag-daanan mo ng nanganak ka. I had a miscarriage na kasi, trying ulit ngayon.

I would say na don't confront him first. Pakalmahin mo muna sarili mo. Tapos pag-isipan mo kung ano naramdaman mo ng time na iyon. Ipaliwanag mo sa kanya ng mahinahon kung ano ang naramdaman mo dahil sa ginawa nya. Hindi makakatulong yung maging hysterical ka, dahil hindi ka nya siseryosohin.

[Girltalker2]

Minsan kasi insensitive ang iba sa feelings ng partner nila, kala nila joketime palagi.

Ito hindi ko maintindihan how men can be insensitive or bordering on stupidity at times. Tao di naman sila, pero mababa EQ at walang sense of empathy.

Tapos as wives, you're expected to be more understanding, or shall I say more matured. Kaya dapat compose yourself para maindihan nya or para Mas madali sya makaintindi (as if you're talking to a grade schooler). Hayz.

[heavenangels]

Correct sis Girltalker2. Madalas sablay ang iba sa EQ. Or should I say na minsan nagfifeeling lang na walang mali sa mga ginagawa nila. Pag kalma ang wife/gf abuso galore pag naman tipong gabriela silang approach magrereklamo na nagger. Minsan nga mas madali pa kausap talaga ang bata, if you tell them na bad yun, matatandaan nila na that's bad. Makiki- hay na lang.. Hay talaga..

[super bratinella]

sis heavenangels, may hugot. haha

TS >> sobrang masakit kasi sometimes kahit hindi nila mean ang mga jokes nila since they make them feel manly pag ganun level mga jokes even if it takes their partner ang laughing matter bale wala sa kanila hindi nila naisip na ang pangit na effect ng ganun sa personality nila at mas lalo na may nasasaktan sila better talk to him that you are hurt and let him feel it by reversing the situation.. kung ikaw ang magbiro ng ganun na ayoko magkanak sayo sa iba na lang, malaking pagkakamali ang pagiging tatay mo sa anak ko, what will he feel..

Mahirap sa ibang guys they are full of pride and ego but it's eating their sensitivity.

[heavenangels]

@sis super bratinella, hugot lines ba? Hehe! Ngayon ako naniwala na ang magasawa ay di biro😝

[j.adore]

Can't assess without info on the other issue of TS and husband needing another thread.. Is it posted as well?