is it okay with you kung friends ni hubby sa FB yung mga dati niyang ka-flirt?

[dearmoonshine]

Hi everyone.  i'm actually new here and i found haven in this forum through reading threads.    i just want to know your opinion regarding my situation. And here it goes...

I married last May 2013.  My hubby and I was on our 2nd year anniversary (as bf-gf) when we decided to get married.  My husband is a college teacher and he has a record on having discreet relationship with his students.  According to him, he was moved to change when I came to his life.  So, i accepted his past and entered that bf-gf relationship with him.  It was smooth ..... based on my POV.

After that marriage on May 2013, everything was revealed to me like an open book.  I was like "****! Bakit ngayon lang lumabas to kung kelang kami na?"

So here's the story...

That was December 2013, nasa house kami ng parents ko, nung nagising ako ng madaling araw para mag-pee.  As i was moving out the door, natabig ko yung phone ni hubby.  It was not may hobby to check my husbands phone.  Never in our entire relationship na pinakealaman ko yung phone niya, yung e-mail niya and yung FB account niya.  Talking bout too much trust, i guess.  So nung natabig ko yung phone niya, something occurred to me na "you've gotta check that phone!".  So I did.  And yun na nga.  I learned that he was in a relationship with his student.  May 2013 kami kinasal, June 2013 sila nagstart na nag-uusap, then September 2013 naging sila.  Sila pa rin by the time na nahuli ko si hubby.  And hindi lang yun. Nakita ko rin na may mga nakakausap si hubby na students na inaadmit na crush siya.  Then ito naman si feeling pogi, reply.  Hanggang sa nag eexchange na sila ng sweet messages.  Nangyayari to before kami ikasal hanggang kinasal kami - December 2013 nga.  I was really mad at him and sinasabi ko talaga na maghiwalay na kami hangga't hindi pa mahaba yung samahan namin as married couple.  Pero he insisted to save the marriage.  And said he will change.

January 2014, we both decided to start fresh.  I forgave him.  He gave me access to his phone, his e-mail and his FB.  Dinelete na niya yung old FB account niya and created a new one.  At this moment, wala pa naman cheating na nagaganap.  Pero i'm worried kasi hindi niya alam na alam ko kung sino [textspeak!] mga taong nakaka-exchange niya ng messages before.  Ang alam lang niya ay nahuli ko yung student na naka-relasyon niya.  And now, nakikita ko na these students are sending him friend request at inaaccept naman ni hubby.

I dunno if its okay.  Though wala pa naman conversation na nangyayari, puro add as friend lang.  I dunno kung napaparanoid lang ako or do I have the right to say to hubby na "huwag mong i-accept yan".  Or I am being to selfish and selosa?  Or tama lang na dapat wala nang lugar sa buhay namin [textspeak!] mga babaeng naka-mingle niya..

HAAAY!  Nakakainis lang.. Kasi itong mga to, students kasi eh.. sobrang daling mauto dahil immature pa..

Thank you in advance! 

[Girltalker2]

So what's the question - Kung ok lang i-accept ni hubby as FB friends mga dati nyang ka flirt?

My answer is NO.

[aquacharly]

Professional ethics -- his students shouldn't be his FB friends

Haynaku yan na nga sinasabi -- when you cannot trust, you won't have peace of mind. 

[prettysummer]

No. Respeto na lang sayo as a wife, nakalimutan yata ng husband mo na once nagulo relationship nyo dahil dito.

In the first place he's the teacher, wala na ba siyang ibang friends? Tsk.

[brandi]

Some of my elem, hs, and even college profs are my fb friends. I see nothing wrong with that it's everybody's past time. The problem is with your husband. He should know his limits to think that he is a teacher. Bakit kaya may mga ganyan lalake, GGSS. The more na pagkaguluhan sila the more kumakapal ang mukha. 

[purplegravity]

No. He should not accept it kasi its temptation.  Madami dyan nagistart ang flirting.  Yung boyfriend ko dati dyan ko din nahuli sa fb.  Kahit na alam na nila na in a relationship yung tao, may nakikipagflirt pa din. Syempre, yang mga lalaki minsan di makatiis. Konti lambing lang sa kanila bumibigay na.

[j.adore]

Ethically speaking, these relationships with his students are wrong. Buti hindi narereview ng school board or something?

I agree, if there's no trust, nothing he does can ever give you peace of mind. It's not that easy to rebuild once lost so your husband needs to work double time on trying to regain your trust.

IMO, creating a new FB account and adding students all over again, even if you have access to it, is not a rebuild step. Pag gusto, may paraan. Madali makakuha ng ibang sim, ibang email, ibang FB.

Either you need more time or your husband hasn't really convinced you he's changed or both.

[TomHansen]

No.. If you still feel uncomfortable sabihin mo sa asawa mo, sabihin mo na kilala mo mga kalandian niya. Mahirap kapag may trust issues ka kaya mas maaga ipakita mo agad sa asawa mo na hindi pwede yung half-assed convincing niya. Since you have access to his accounts na delete and block those slluuts na rin para hindi na makapinsala. Talk to your husband sis, ipaliwanag at ipaintindi mo sa kanya na hindi na siya bata, na married na siya..

[donya_dyosa]

Nung nabasa ko yung title, i was like.. okay lang no biggie..pero nung binasa ko yung story me.. HELL NO.
sorry,. ano bayang husband mo?
actually ngayon palang sis.. naaawa na ko sayo,, oo past is past pero yung chismis kumalat na yan...not to mention baka magkascandal or even viral ang text messages at fb msgs nila,.. at daming estudyante na ang either naaawa o natatawa sayo kasi flirt ang asawa mo.. not your fault.. magiging legend na yang pakikipagrelasyon ng asawa mo sa mga estudyante...

tama yung mga sis dito, teacher siya di dapat nagaad ng estujante sa fb para mamaintain ang prof-student relationship..

sis, pag umulit pa siya save yourself.. get evidences then hiwalayan mo na.. 

[yannuh]

syempre hindi. duhhhhhhhh :s