Parents won't let me marry. I need advice

[barcode]

Hi mga sis. Newbie here. I have a problem and sana may makatulong.

I'm 23 yeards old. OFW here in Dubai. My boyfriend is also working here in Dubai. 24 years old. We are together for 6 years. Since college.

We want to get married na, pero my parents and my siblings ayaw pa nila. masyado paw daw bata saka madami pa daw kameng pangarap, hindi kasi kame mayaman, wala nga kameng sariling bahay. All our life nangungupahan lang kame sa pilipinas. Pangarap ng parents ko na makapag patayo ng bahay.

2 years na ko dito sa Dubai, si bf 1 and a half years, ako yung kumuha saknya.

We are both accountant, ok naman yung work namen, not big salary pero ok naman.

Bunso ako, my brother is 31 and my sister is 30, they are both here in Dubai, yung ate ko may asawa at 1 baby na, nandito din sa dubai. Nandito din parents ko, sila nagaalaga sa baby ng ate ko. My brother is single.

Kaka loan lang namen sa pagibig para magpatayo ng bahay. So lalong hindi papayag ang parents ko na magasawa na ko kasi need namen bayaran yon. Though kaya ko naman assure sakanila na hindi ko bibitawan yun, babayaran ko pa din. Pero syempre para sa magulang, iba yun kapag nag asawa ka na. Mahahati na yung priorities mo. Kaya ganun, ayaw nilang pumayag.

Hindi naman nila ayaw kay bf, gusto naman nila, kilala na nila for 6 years, and magkakasama kameng lahat sa bahay ngayon dito sa dubai. (Yes, parang we live together pero di kame magkatabi matulog. Separate bed kame at kasama namen sa room yung parents ko)

Hindi ko kasi alam kung susundin ko nalang ba yung desisyon nila. Sana may makapag advice, kasi gusto kong malaman kung tama ba sila at mali talaga ko.

Syempre para saken, nasa tamang edad naman kame, may trabaho. So bakit hindi pwede?

Hindi ko alam panu eexplain sakanila.

Sana may makatulong po. Salamat.

[teambdc]

sis, hindi naman pala sa ayaw nila, why don't you give them a timeline? lets just say, after 1yr, pero ngayon palang mag start na kayo mag plan?

show them na kaya mo na magkaron ng sariling pamilya, ikaw kasi ang bunso, maybe because they are still thinking that you're still a baby.

sure ka ba na yun talaga ang reason nila? nakausap mo na sila about it? ang mga kapatid mo ba, tumutulong din sa pagbabayad ng loan?

[sarsingkit]

Mahirap sagutin tanong mo. Hehe. I am not saying your parents are correct but I do understand where they are coming from. Personally for me, bata pa ang 23 and 24. Pero wala naman talagang makakapagsabi kung anong age ba dapat magpakasal ng isang couple. But siguro one question for you is, paano mo nasabi na nasa tamang edad ka na para magpakasal?

One thing I notice is hindi mo maexplain sa parents mo? Why is that? Siguro para sa kanila kulang ang reasons mo why you want to get married. What made you decide to get married nga ba? You all live in the same house and according to you, your parents like your boyfriend. Baka may nakikita sila sa relationship nyo na hindi mo napapansin. Sabi nga ng parents mo, marami pa kayong pangarap. Baka this is something you want to achieve habang single pa kayo? Anong sabi ng boyfriend mo dito?

Decisions like this, dapat pag isipan mo mabuti kasi mahirap yung ang decision mo is sinunod mo ang parents mo baka magtanim ka ng galit sa kanila in case this decision will have an impact in your relationship with the boyfriend. Are you sure na ang concern nila is yung bahay na binabayaran nyo? Mukha naman maayos kayo magkakapatid at hindi ikaw lang ang inaasahan. Kung gusto nyo talaga magpakasal, kayo ni boyfriend mo, kausapin mo parents mo ng mabuti and be prepared to answer all their questions. Si parents ng boyfriend mo, anong sabi dito?

[mooncake and leaves]

I get your parents. I also think 23 is too young to get married. But I can say that because I'm not 23 hehe and we're different. Maybe your parents are also just concerned that since you are already saddled with all these family obligations, you will be taking on even more before you've really had time to enjoy yourself. (In which case, sarap sabihin na, parents, kung ganun pala eh bahala na kayo sa buhay nyo lol.)

However, the way I see it, you're an adult and you can make your own decisions. If you and your boyfriend have a plan and you're both working and you really want to get married, you guys love each other, I don't see why you should yield to other people's opinions about what you should do with your life. Only you and your boyfriend know where you guys are and your priorities.

Listen to your parents, respect their opinion but it is ultimately your decision. You need to think of it in the sense that while you value their input, since (again), you're an independent adult, you're simply informing them of your plans. You're not asking for permission.

[budzwhiz]

I agree with sis mooncake and leaves. You're and adult na, you have your work, you're allowed to make your own decisions. You don't need their permission. But at least show them that their opinions are valued.

Panget naman kung ang dahilan lang nila for not allowing you to get married e dahil dun sa bahay na binabayaran or any other financial reason. Best to ask them, listen, and then explain your side. Ipaintindi nyo sa kanila yung gusto nyo mangyari, (in a way na mapapapayag nyo sila LOL) at kapag hindi parin pumayag pagkatapos ng magandang paliwanagan, e magdesisyon na lang kayo para sa sarili nyo. It's your life, and you guys are old enough to make serious life decisions.

[j.adore]

- These times, 23 is indeed a young age to get married. Maturity is also key to a successful marriage.
Kakasimula lang ng career niyo. Wala pa kayo masyado experiences sa buhay. There's such a thing na dapat "magenjoy" ka muna before you "settle down". Parang kailangan mo muna malaman pano yung ma"ingay" bago ka lumagay sa "tahimik" hehe.
Sure na ba kayo na naenjoy niyo na kabataan niyo at ready na talaga mag-asawa at mag-sariling pamilya?
Marriage is such a milestone. Although there are people who get married at 23 and are able to work it out, there are others who fail and the no. 1 reason is - maturity comes with age. That's the other question. Masasabi mo ba na mature kayong pareho ng BF mo at 23 and 24 years old?
Yung mga napagdaanan niyo sa 6 years na mag-BF, enough ba yun para sa lifetime pa na mga problema? (Yes, madami pang problema na dadating bilang mag-asawa.)

- You need financial stability.
Pag natanggal kayo pareho sa trabaho niyo ngayon (knock on wood), ano ang fall-back niyo?
Yung sa Pag-Ibig, I'm assuming para yun sa family mo at hindi sa inyo ng BF mo? May plano ba kayo na kumuha ng sarili niyong titirhan? Kaya niyo ba pagsabayin?
Afford ba magpakasal ng hindi nangungutang? Sorry to ask but I have a friend who is around your age and they are still paying for the bank loan they took out for their wedding.
Kaya niyo ba na magka-anak? Sa panahon ngayon, mahal ang bilihin at ang dami daming kailangan bayaran pag may anak (basic needs, health, education, etc.)

- There's so much preparation needed.
Research mo sa net "things to ask before getting married" ang dami dami na dapat iconsider. I think yan din concern ng parents at family mo na baka meron kayo namiss out at ayaw nila pagsisihan niyo in the future.



madami pa daw kameng pangarap -- Ano pala yung mga ito? Hindi kaya dahil di pa ito tapos kaya ayaw pa nila?

Pangarap ng parents ko na makapag patayo ng bahay. -- Pangarap nila pero ikaw ang sasalo? Well, if they already made you responsible for this and you accepted, totoo yung concern nila kung matatapos mo pa ito. They need to have an assurance that you can do this together with your other future responsibilities.
Though kaya ko naman assure sakanila na hindi ko bibitawan yun, babayaran ko pa din. -- I think di enough yung sabihin lang. They need to see so since kakasimula pa lang, show them kaya niyo yung bahay at yung mga iba niyo pang kailangan bayaran.



If you really think you have covered EVERYTHING at napaghandaan niyo na talaga lahat ng aspeto sa buhay mag-asawa (at responsibilidad niyo sa kanya-kanyang pamilya) tapos masasabi niyo pa din na readyng ready na talaga kayo, then, by all means, go get married

[aquacharly]

How long do they want you to stay single?
Kung ang sagot eh:  hanggang ma approve ang loan --- pagbigyan mo.  Wait.
Kung sagot eh hanggang mabayaran ang loan --  mag-asawa ka na bukas.

[baliwsayo]

Parang di naman fair na maging obligasyon mo ang pagbili ng bahay para sa parents mo. Kung maturity mo ang reason sa di nila pagpayag agree ako dun kasi nga ni hindi mo alam paano sila iconvince eh. Pero kung dahil sa loan, ano ka ba negosyo at nangapital sila sa yo kaya kailangan may return of investment? Sobrang may mali sa equation kung ganun.

[barcode]

Sis j.adore it looks like you cover everything kaya ipuputol putol ko yung sagot ko sayo. hehe.

Afford ba magpakasal ng hindi nangungutang? Sorry to ask but I have a friend who is around your age and they are still paying for the bank loan they took out for their wedding.

We have savings naman which is I think enough for a simple wedding. We are still thinking kung uuwi pa kame sa pinas to get married, or dito nalang sa dubai.

sis, hindi naman pala sa ayaw nila, why don't you give them a timeline? lets just say, after 1yr, pero ngayon palang mag start na kayo mag plan?

show them na kaya mo na magkaron ng sariling pamilya, ikaw kasi ang bunso, maybe because they are still thinking that you're still a baby.

Hindi nila ayaw si bf sis. Ayun nga, kung sa pinas kame magpapakasal mga 1 year preparation pa naman yun. The problem is kahit next year di naman sila papayag eh.

Again you are right sis, bunso kasi ako so never naman ako tumanda for them. hehe.

Hindi ko pa sila nakausap pero panay ang sabi nila na wag muna kame magpapakasal kasi bata pa saka pangarap pa nga namen yung bahay. Yung sis ko ang nabayad ng lupa na tatayuan ng bahay namen now. Kaya nga sya nakapag pakasal na, haha, kasi malapit ng matapos yung bayaran sa lupa nung nagsabi syang mag aasawa na. Ayaw pa nga nila pumayag, 26 na yung ate ko nun pero ayaw pa din nila.

ang mga kapatid mo ba, tumutulong din sa pagbabayad ng loan?

Are you sure na ang concern nila is yung bahay na binabayaran nyo? Mukha naman maayos kayo magkakapatid at hindi ikaw lang ang inaasahan.

Sis tulong tulong naman kame sa loan. Hindi ako 100% sure na yun lang ang issue dahil hindi ko pa nasasabi. Pero yun lang din naman ang binabanggit nila kapag sinasabi na wag muna mag aasawa, nagpapatayo pa tayo ng bahay

madami pa daw kameng pangarap -- Ano pala yung mga ito? Hindi kaya dahil di pa ito tapos kaya ayaw pa nila?

Pangarap ng parents ko na makapag patayo ng bahay. -- Pangarap nila pero ikaw ang sasalo? Well, if they already made you responsible for this and you accepted, totoo yung concern nila kung matatapos mo pa ito. They need to have an assurance that you can do this together with your other future responsibilities.
Though kaya ko naman assure sakanila na hindi ko bibitawan yun, babayaran ko pa din. -- I think di enough yung sabihin lang. They need to see so since kakasimula pa lang, show them kaya niyo yung bahay at yung mga iba niyo pang kailangan bayaran.

Actually yung bahay lang naman.
They made us responsible and yes I accepted kasi syempre I love them. Gusto ko maging happy sila. At ayun na nga yon. Syempre alam naman nateng lahat na nagbabago ang responsibility kapag nag asawa nila. Naiintindihan ko naman sila.

Sis hindi naman ito salita lang, every since nagpunta ako dito, for 2 years nagpapadala ako ng higit kumulang P20,000 per month. Walang mintis yun sis, every month yun. Kasama na talaga yun sa budget at wala akong balak mag stop don kahit mag asawa na ko. Tapos ngayong nandito na sila sa Dubai, ate ko na ang gumagastos sa lahat ng kailangan nila dito sa Dubai, so kaya nakapag decide na yung parents ko na yung padala ko ang ibabayad sa loan. Alam nya yun na wala akong balak mag stop sa padala.

[barcode]

I get your parents. I also think 23 is too young to get married. But I can say that because I'm not 23 hehe and we're different. Maybe your parents are also just concerned that since you are already saddled with all these family obligations, you will be taking on even more before you've really had time to enjoy yourself. (In which case, sarap sabihin na, parents, kung ganun pala eh bahala na kayo sa buhay nyo lol.)

- These times, 23 is indeed a young age to get married. Maturity is also key to a successful marriage.
Kakasimula lang ng career niyo. Wala pa kayo masyado experiences sa buhay. There's such a thing na dapat "magenjoy" ka muna before you "settle down". Parang kailangan mo muna malaman pano yung ma"ingay" bago ka lumagay sa "tahimik" hehe.

I beg to disagree sis. pasensya na. I'm really not that type of person na ma explore. I'm happy with my comfort zone. Pero I agree na wala pang masyadong experience sa buhay because of the age. Pero kapag iniisip ko, anong age ba ang dapat kong hintayin? 29? 30? Sa klase ng lifestyle namen na office, bahay, friends, family, konting travels, by 28? 29? or 30? ba ok na yun? Kailangan ko pa ba talagang antayin yun para masabi ng mga tao na "MARAMI NA KONG EXPERIENCE SA BUHAY?"

We are both have been working for 4 years, and I can say halos wala naman kakaibang nangyari. Pagka graduate, nag trabaho na kame. Happy naman kame parehas.

Decisions like this, dapat pag isipan mo mabuti kasi mahirap yung ang decision mo is sinunod mo ang parents mo baka magtanim ka ng galit sa kanila in case this decision will have an impact in your relationship with the boyfriend.

Buti nalang hindi talaga ko marunong magtanim ng sama ng loob. Believe me sis, all my life sinusunod ko lang sila, para saken mabait naman akong anak. Actually sa dulo nito kung talagang ayaw nila, eh susunod pa rin naman ako. And my bf is very willing to respect any decision I will have. Pero kapag naiisip ko din, susunod nalang ba ako ng susunod? Hindi ko ba kayang panindigan minsan yung gusto kong mangyari?

Naiisip ko din minsan, pwede naman eh. Lumaban nalang ako, ipilit ko, wala naman silang magagawa kung talagang gusto. Masusunod pa din ako. Ako yung mag aasawa eh.
Ayun nga lang magaaway kame, magagalit sila saken.
And mga sis believe me, hindi ko kayang gawin yon. Hindi ko kayang sumama yung loob nila saken. Hindi ko sila kayang saktan eh. 

Si parents ng boyfriend mo, anong sabi dito?

Sa parents nya ok lang naman. Nagpapadala din naman sya sakanila every month like me, and nakakatulong sya sa mga bata nyang kapatid na nagaaral pa. Syempre may part din don na kapag nag asawa na lalo na lalaki sya, sobrang magiiba yung priorities nya. Pero ok lang naman daw, his older siblings may mga asawa na din kasi.

[barcode]

How long do they want you to stay single?
Kung ang sagot eh:  hanggang ma approve ang loan --- pagbigyan mo.  Wait.
Kung sagot eh hanggang mabayaran ang loan --  mag-asawa ka na bukas.

Sobrang natawa ko sayo sis! Haha. May loan na sis approve na.
At oo mukhang balak ata nila hanggang mabayaran yung loan. Magaasawa na talaga ako bukas dahil 20yrs to pay yun. Haha.

One thing I notice is hindi mo maexplain sa parents mo? Why is that? Siguro para sa kanila kulang ang reasons mo why you want to get married. What made you decide to get married nga ba? You all live in the same house and according to you, your parents like your boyfriend. Baka may nakikita sila sa relationship nyo na hindi mo napapansin. Sabi nga ng parents mo, marami pa kayong pangarap. Baka this is something you want to achieve habang single pa kayo? Anong sabi ng boyfriend mo dito?

Kung gusto nyo talaga magpakasal, kayo ni boyfriend mo, kausapin mo parents mo ng mabuti and be prepared to answer all their questions.

Tama ka sis, possible nga na may nakikita sila, we never know kung ano iniisip nila diba? Yung pangarap na sinasabi ko sis is pangarap namen ng family ko na maitayo yung dream house namen. Hindi yung pangarap namen ni boyfriend habang single pa. Which is tingin ko wala naman.

Hindi ko pa sinasabi kasi alam kong hindi naman sila papayag. At sabi ko nga, ayaw ko silang saktan eh.

Kakasimula lang ng career niyo.

- You need financial stability.
Pag natanggal kayo pareho sa trabaho niyo ngayon (knock on wood), ano ang fall-back niyo?
Yung sa Pag-Ibig, I'm assuming para yun sa family mo at hindi sa inyo ng BF mo? May plano ba kayo na kumuha ng sarili niyong titirhan? Kaya niyo ba pagsabayin?

Kaya niyo ba na magka-anak? Sa panahon ngayon, mahal ang bilihin at ang dami daming kailangan bayaran pag may anak (basic needs, health, education, etc.)

We have investments sis sa forex, which is ok naman ang income. Pero i cannot say na sobra na yun. Enough lang for expenses and savings. Though tama ka, kapag nawalan ng trabaho, hindi na namen kaya dito sa dubai. Uwi na kame pinas, hehe. Which is in God's name, wag naman sana.

Sa bahay sis, as of now we don't have plan to buy a house sa pinas, we plan to migrate sa Canada. Though its not our goal pa as of now. Pero may bahay naman sya sa province from his parents.

Sa anak, there is other issues about it, which I plan to disclose din pala. Pero sasagutin muna kita. As I have said we have savings and investments naman. Pero I will admit, hindi enough para hanggang education na. Pero diba kaya nga kame nagwowork.

[barcode]

However, the way I see it, you're an adult and you can make your own decisions. If you and your boyfriend have a plan and you're both working and you really want to get married, you guys love each other, I don't see why you should yield to other people's opinions about what you should do with your life. Only you and your boyfriend know where you guys are and your priorities.

Listen to your parents, respect their opinion but it is ultimately your decision. You need to think of it in the sense that while you value their input, since (again), you're an independent adult, you're simply informing them of your plans. You're not asking for permission.

I agree with sis mooncake and leaves. You're and adult na, you have your work, you're allowed to make your own decisions. You don't need their permission. But at least show them that their opinions are valued.

Panget naman kung ang dahilan lang nila for not allowing you to get married e dahil dun sa bahay na binabayaran or any other financial reason. Best to ask them, listen, and then explain your side. Ipaintindi nyo sa kanila yung gusto nyo mangyari, (in a way na mapapapayag nyo sila LOL) at kapag hindi parin pumayag pagkatapos ng magandang paliwanagan, e magdesisyon na lang kayo para sa sarili nyo. It's your life, and you guys are old enough to make serious life decisions.

Thank you sis.  Malaking tulong tong advice mo. Sana kaya nga yang masabi.
Sana kaya ko din na mag desisyon kung ano ang tama, kahit ba na hindi pa din sila pumayag.

Parang di naman fair na maging obligasyon mo ang pagbili ng bahay para sa parents mo. Kung maturity mo ang reason sa di nila pagpayag agree ako dun kasi nga ni hindi mo alam paano sila iconvince eh.

Ouch, pero tama ka. Kasama nga sa maturity na maexplain ko sakanila lahat kung bakit gusto ko na mag asawa.


Pero kasi, paano mo ba kasi masasabi yun kung ever since pinakilala ko sakanila yung boyfriend ko hanggang ngayon ang sinasabi nila "PARATE" as in "LAGI" talaga. Wag muna kame mag papakasal kasi bata pa, at ipapatayo pa nga kasi yung dream house.

[momentum]

Parang di naman fair na maging obligasyon mo ang pagbili ng bahay para sa parents mo. Kung maturity mo ang reason sa di nila pagpayag agree ako dun kasi nga ni hindi mo alam paano sila iconvince eh. Pero kung dahil sa loan, ano ka ba negosyo at nangapital sila sa yo kaya kailangan may return of investment? Sobrang may mali sa equation kung ganun.

This. Ito rin comment ko sayo T.s

Kung maturity nga ang concern nila, i will understand kasi ibang maturity level and responsibility kelangan mo sa pag-aasawa.

Pero dahil you mentioned several times na ang only reason nila is because of that house? Aba, mahirap ata yan. Sa ngayon you think ideal pa ito pero when time passes by makikita mo rin ito from a different angle. Ganito ba talaga yung ibang Filipino families? Like yung thread na obligasyon ba ng anak buhayin parents pagkatapos mag-aral? Ito namang case ni ts, bahay naman ang gusto (After magbigay si ts ng monthly sustento)

So ok, pagtapos ninyong bayaran bahay at pumayag na sila mag-asawa ka na, what age do you think you will be? And by that time, you think ba that your bf will still be around waiting? Do you think you will be able to save more than enough for your future? Paano naman bahay ninyong mag-asawa? So sisimula ka nanaman from scratch on getting a house and paying for it for years? Kaya mo ba uli yun?(Kapag mag ka anak ka na sis at ka-age mo siya, will you let her/him do this too? Naisip ko lang) Hirap kasi niyan is you gave them your word. Sana pinag isipan mo muna yun maige and clarified, before you agreed/offered to help, na papayag ka mag help as long as when it is time for you to settle down na eh hindi ito magiging issue sa kanila.

I get that you want to please them and not want them to get mad at you but the fact na you are very much affected sa thought na baka mag away lang kayo or that magagalit sila sayo eh parang hindi ka pa nga handa na panindigan gusto mo. Kasi kapag tumatanda/nagmature na talaga eh once you decided on something, you stick to it and do what you want despite your parents' disagreement, but still maintain respect for them and value their opinion. Tingin ko sis, pag isipan mo muna to. Usap kayo ni bf ano timeframe ninyo. Yung mga iba pa ninyong goals before getting married listahin ninyo and achieve them little by little. This is kung talagang tingin mo kayo na talaga mag eend up ha?

[Girltalker2]

Tama ka sis, possible nga na may nakikita sila, we never know kung ano iniisip nila diba? Yung pangarap na sinasabi ko sis is pangarap namen ng family ko na maitayo yung dream house namen. Hindi yung pangarap namen ni boyfriend habang single pa. Which is tingin ko wala naman.

You can know what they're thinking by talking to them and not assuming lang ano iniisip nila.

Regarding pangarap, I don't get it. Sino titira doon kung lahat kayo nasa Dubai? Hindi ba mas kailangan nyo ng bahay at magpapamilya na kayo? Adults na lahat kayo, parents mo naman may edad na. So if ever magpapatayo pa kayo ng bahay, dapat para sayo or sis/bro mo. Hindi sa parents. Kung gusto nila ng house, dapat plinan nila. Why give your kids such a big burden? Kaka graduate nyo palang, wala pa kayo maipundar, ibabaon na nila agad kayo sa utang?

Kung gusto nyo makakita ng bahay na maganda (kasi di nyo naman titirhan), marami naman pictures sa google. Joke!

But still I don't get the logic ng kayo kailangan Magbayad ng malaking halaga for a dream house na di nyo naman titirhan.

Secondly, marriage. Feeling ko need mo tingnan ang 2 issues separately. Marriage is a commitment. How sure are you ready na KAYO (di lang ikaw) mag asawa? Kung pag usap lang sa parents mo di nyo ma convince, tapos ayaw mo din sila masaktan, then how can you get married? Maraming issues papasok sa buhay mag asawa, if these issues alone - paying for the loan, getting married, what they think di mo pa ma convey, then I don't think you guys are ready to get married.

[barcode]

Tapusin ko lang po yung concern about "HINDI MASABI SA PARENTS" 
Not that hindi ko po masabi. Gusto ko lang po pagisipan maigi kung pano ko sasabihin.

(Exactly why I ask for advice here sa GT)

Don't get me wrong sa thought na "hindi ko masabi"

First: Mahirap mag start kung alam mo naman na hindi sila papayag dahil don sa constant reminder na halos bago ko matulog narining ko ata. Wag muna kayo magpapakasal.

Second: Syempre I love my parents, I don't want them to get hurt, saka syempre gusto ko kapag kimausap ko sila yung ending eh, papayag sila. Hehe. kaya pinag iisipan kong mabuti kung ano yung mga sasabihin ko sakanila. Which is madami po akong nakukuhang magandang payo dito sa GT (salamat po sainyo)

This. Ito rin comment ko sayo T.s
So ok, pagtapos ninyong bayaran bahay at pumayag na sila mag-asawa ka na, what age do you think you will be? And by that time, you think ba that your bf will still be around waiting? Do you think you will be able to save more than enough for your future? Paano naman bahay ninyong mag-asawa? So sisimula ka nanaman from scratch on getting a house and paying for it for years? Kaya mo ba uli yun?(Kapag mag ka anak ka na sis at ka-age mo siya, will you let her/him do this too? Naisip ko lang) Hirap kasi niyan is you gave them your word. Sana pinag isipan mo muna yun maige and clarified, before you agreed/offered to help, na papayag ka mag help as long as when it is time for you to settle down na eh hindi ito magiging issue sa kanila.

Salamat sis for this. sobra. this is exactly what I need to explain to them!

Yung sa pag agree ko naman for the house, yung P20,000 na sustento for them every month, yun din naman yung ipambabayad sa loan. Which as I have said, I don't plan on stopping. Bigay ko talaga sakanila yon.

Regarding pangarap, I don't get it. Sino titira doon kung lahat kayo nasa Dubai? Hindi ba mas kailangan nyo ng bahay at magpapamilya na kayo? Adults na lahat kayo, parents mo naman may edad na. So if ever magpapatayo pa kayo ng bahay, dapat para sayo or sis/bro mo. Hindi sa parents.

1 year lang po yung parents ko dito sa Dubai, babalik din sila. My sis kasi will be migrating to New Zealand, may Visa na sila. So parents ko pa din ang titira don until they get old. Saka don din kame kapag uuwi kame sa pinas.


Another issue sorry may bago na naman, makakatulong din kasi to sa pagsabi ko sakanila. Gusto ko lang talaga planuhin ng maayos.


I have a uterine abnormalities, which my parents doesn't know about.
I have 2 separate uterus, and in addition to that I have PCOS.
2 separate uterus meaning its half. Nahati sya. 2 small uterus.

I consulted an OB-Gyne and according to her I have a small chance of pregnancy. Its not impossible pero she advised that the early the better. If I reach the age of 30's, then she's like 99% I won't be able to conceive.

So kailangan ko din itong explain sa parents ko. Which hindi ko nanaman alam kung pano dahil tatanungin nila ako kung pano ko nalaman. Sasabihin ko na nagpa consult ako sa OB. Then why? The reason is when I was 19, I thought I was pregnant so nagpa consult ako sa OB, in-ultrasound ako, doon ko nalaman yung conditions ko. 

[momentum]

So kailangan ko din itong explain sa parents ko. Which hindi ko nanaman alam kung pano dahil tatanungin nila ako kung pano ko nalaman. Sasabihin ko na nagpa consult ako sa OB. Then why? The reason is when I was 19, I thought I was pregnant so nagpa consult ako sa OB, in-ultrasound ako, there nalaman lahat ng conditions ko. 

So sis meaning, takot ka mabuking na hindi ka na virgin at nagsesex kayo ni bf? :p yan lang kasi naisip ko na dahilan bakit matatakot kang sabihin sa parents mo that you had a check-up with an obgyn.. Kasi mostly nakakaisip na tayo mgpacheck up ourselves without the consent of our parents kapag may sexual experience na tayo e

Di biro condition mo sis. I think ok kung isulat mo lahat ng points na you want to say to your parents para wala kang makaligtaan. Discuss mo rin ito sa bf mo. Hindi na ba msosolusyunan yang condition mo? sana naman after you tell your parents about this eh mag lie lo na sila sa pagdemand/pagpapakonsensya (sorry for the lack of better term) na kelangan unahin muna bahay nila bago kayo ikasal. Sorry pero I really think mali yung ibigay sa inyo itong pressure at obligasyon na ito.

Btw, ano opinion ng sister mo about this condition ng parents ninyo? Did they pressure her too and gave that condition?

[j.adore]

barcode, I'm sorry to hear about your condition but I don't agree that a woman should get married because her biological clock is ticking (in your case mas mabilis lang).

I have a friend who has the same problem and also wants to have kids. This is what her BF said then and I was just so floored it came from such a young person -- We are too young to get married. If it's God's will to bless us with a child once we're ready, thank you. If not, let's still thank Him that we have each other.

They just recently got married. Beautiful and happy wedding

[Girltalker2]

This. Ito rin comment ko sayo T.s

 Paano naman bahay ninyong mag-asawa? So sisimula ka nanaman from scratch on getting a house and paying for it for years? Kaya mo ba uli yun?(Kapag mag ka anak ka na sis at ka-age mo siya, will you let her/him do this too? Naisip ko lang)

Yun nga, so TS, once you have kids, sila rin ang papabayaran mo ng 'dream house' nyo?

Tsaka once you've paid the loan, you're saying continue parin ang 20k/month? What if mawalan kayo ng work?

Parang di ka pa nagkaka pamilya, you're already taking a lifetime commitment on the 20j. Parang default Ikaw ang may obligation kaya Kung huminde ka, Ikaw pa ang masama.

[izabelle]

I was 23 when we prepared for our wedding and I just turned 25 when I got married.

Para sa akin wala yan sa edad. Ang maturity ng tao hindi yan nababase sa edad, meron nga trenta anyos na , iresponsable pa din.

Sis, nasa sa inyo yun, Masama man pakinggan pero wala naman talaga makakapigil sa inyo if decided kayo magpakasal. Kung may maayos na work, may savings naman na at stable na kayo lalo na desidido kayo, and then Go.

happiness mo nakataya dito at mahirap magsisi sa bandang huli.

I hate to say this, pero i do not really like the idea na ipapasa sa anak ang responsibilidad na magulang dapat ang gumawa.

Married life is not a bed of roses though. So more than the financial aspect, mas dapat maging handa kayo sa commitment nyo sa isa't isa. Iba kasi kapag married na talaga.

[barcode]

^Kino-consider din namen yan sis. If we will prepare now, target namen is 1 yr from now, or kahit sa 2017 nalang, March naman ako, if after ng birthday ko yung wedding, 25 na din ako nun. 

Pero ganun din, ngayon palang magpapa alam na ko. which is ang hirap talaga.

Para sa akin wala yan sa edad. Ang maturity ng tao hindi yan nababase sa edad, meron nga trenta anyos na , iresponsable pa din.

Sis, nasa sa inyo yun, Masama man pakinggan pero wala naman talaga makakapigil sa inyo if decided kayo magpakasal. Kung may maayos na work, may savings naman na at stable na kayo lalo na desidido kayo, and then Go.

happiness mo nakataya dito at mahirap magsisi sa bandang huli.

Salamat sa support sis. Thank you at naiintindihan mo.

So sis meaning, takot ka mabuking na hindi ka na virgin at nagsesex kayo ni bf? :p yan lang kasi naisip ko na dahilan bakit matatakot kang sabihin sa parents mo that you had a check-up with an obgyn.. Kasi mostly nakakaisip na tayo mgpacheck up ourselves without the consent of our parents kapag may sexual experience na tayo e

  Oo sis. ang hirap naman kasi explain nun diba.

Di biro condition mo sis. I think ok kung isulat mo lahat ng points na you want to say to your parents para wala kang makaligtaan. Discuss mo rin ito sa bf mo. Hindi na ba msosolusyunan yang condition mo? sana naman after you tell your parents about this eh mag lie lo na sila sa pagdemand/pagpapakonsensya (sorry for the lack of better term) na kelangan unahin muna bahay nila bago kayo ikasal. Sorry pero I really think mali yung ibigay sa inyo itong pressure at obligasyon na ito.

Ang sabi lang naman ng doctor eh  the earlier the better. Kahit naman daw walang ganitong condition mas mahirap na daw kapag umabot sa 30's. Lalo na daw sa condition ko. Maliit masyado yung bahay bata ko. Sana nga sis maintindihan nila. Alam to ni bf sis. Hindi naman sya nag worry.

barcode, I'm sorry to hear about your condition but I don't agree that a woman should get married because her biological clock is ticking (in your case mas mabilis lang).

I have a friend who has the same problem and also wants to have kids. This is what her BF said then and I was just so floored it came from such a young person -- We are too young to get married. If it's God's will to bless us with a child once we're ready, thank you. If not, let's still thank Him that we have each other.

They just recently got married. Beautiful and happy wedding

As I have said sis, hindi naman nag worry si bf about this. At nakakatuwa din na narinig ko rin yan sakanya. Kung ibibigay naman daw ni God, wala daw yang ganyang condition. Wag ko daw masyadong isipin.

He knows my condition mula ng nalaman ko, kasama ko sya sa OB nun eh.

We want to get married because we love each other. Magkasama na nga kame sa bahay, nakilala na namen yung isa't isa and we reallt think we are ready. Its not because of my condition, dagdag lang din sya kung bakit mas decided na kame. Kasi syempre we want also to have kids.

Parang kung icocompare mo naman yung bahay at happiness ng parents ko, kesa sa magiging future namen without kids. Parang hindi naman makatarungan na unahin yung bahay. Kaya malaking points ito.

Yun nga, so TS, once you have kids, sila rin ang papabayaran mo ng 'dream house' nyo?

Tsaka once you've paid the loan, you're saying continue parin ang 20k/month? What if mawalan kayo ng work?

Parang di ka pa nagkaka pamilya, you're already taking a lifetime commitment on the 20j. Parang default Ikaw ang may obligation kaya Kung huminde ka, Ikaw pa ang masama.

No. My dream is to buy house for my children. I will not ask them to buy me a house. Kaya nagsisikap naman ako ngayon.

Pero iba kasi sa case ng parents ko, hindi sila nakapag tapos ng pagaaral pero pinilit nila kame mabigyan ng magandang buhay. Ganyan naman tayong mga pilipino. Kaya siguro kahit sinong anak. Lalo na ko bunso, mahirap kame pero hindi ko yung naramdaman, halos lahat ng gusto ko binibigay saken. Kaya ngayong matured na ko, alam ko na lahat ng paghihirap nila. Hindi din naten maiiwasan na ibalik sakanila yung paghihirap nila. Typical filipino eh. Never naten kayang pabayaan yung magulang naten.

Pangit man pakinggan, na para silang bumabawi, pero ganun naman talaga diba??
Lalo na kapag galing ka sa mahirap na pamilya.