Hindi kami maka-bukod dahil bitbit namin ang nanay at kapatid ko

[oyie]

My mom retired early with no savings, no house. Hiwalay sila ng dad ko since I was 5.

I'm the eldest of 3 kids, Ako pa lang ang married and have kids.
She stays with me, and helps take care of my kids, pero package deal nun
ay nasa akin din pasaway at unemployed brother ko.
She did not made any investment, and her reason, umiiwas
sa conjugal property at baka daw maghabol ang pasaway kong father.

Sad thing, feeling ko the burden is on me, parang there's no way
na pwede kami bumukod. I don't want to be like her, na forever nag-rerent.
My husband and I have been planning to get a studio type condo,
yun lang ang afford namin for now, and I think it's better than renting.
Pero since dala-dala namin sila ng kapatid ko, di kami magkakasya.
And hindi kami matuloy tuloy because of them.

Ang masakit pa nito, yung mom ko sinabihan pa ko na matagal na daw
syang nagtitiis sa min, and if it not for the kids and my brother,
matagal na daw syang umalis.

Feeling ko nasabi nya un kasi medyo naghihigpit kami sa pera, dahil
nga nag-iipon kami to move out. Sanay kasi sya that she has her own money,
and hindi ko talaga sya regular na binibigyan. But I got her insurance,
health card, Philhealth. I've been paying her SSS para naman pagnag-senior
na sya may makuha sya pension. My sister, who gives her cellphone, gives her
money, takes her to groceries, she's the better daughter for her.

Kung susundin ko [textspeak!] emotions ko, at this point, at kung masama talaga ugali ko,
pwedeng pwede ko sila palayasin. But of course, di ko un magagawa.

Pero ano ba ang pwede ko'ng gawin?

[lovely_carrot]

Talk it out with your other sister, maybe you can come up with solutions/ideas to help solve your problem.

I'm a single mother and my mom (who's also a single mother) looks after my daughter. Hindi ko din sya mabigyan ng allowance kasi talagang sakto lang ang sahod pero I pay for her SSS. I guess I'm just lucky that she doesn't complain much pero when she and my daughter argues minsan nasumsumbatan and nagkakakwentahan which I don't like. I actually talked to my mom about it, sabi ko there's no need to remind me, kasi alam na alam ko naman yun. Sabi nya naman dala ng emosyon pag naha high blood sya.

It would also help if all of you will talk as a family. Hindi mo pwedeng solohin lang eh, you obviously need your siblings' help. I hope, as a family, you can find a way to get a house for your mom, a small business for her to supply her basic need and persuade your brother to work, ideally mas okay yun.

[oyie]

thanks sis, naisip ko na din yan, and pero parang ang hirap for me gawin.
first things first, i will try to talk to my sister talaga. i just don't want to pass the burden on her, kasi she's single, she's staying with my tita, and she likes to travel a lot.
my mom naman, i did try to talk to her, but the emotional me, wala, tameme ako. imagine lang, para syang amelia fuentes ng buhay ko, everything i do is a mistake, at sya ang laging kawawa. like you, puro sumbatan, at tahimik lang ako palagi, umiiyak na lang ako palagi.
my brother, wala, suko na ko. we tried our very best to help him, pero wala eh. we have a business, and we tried to give him a job there, pero kinukupitan pa kami, so wag na lang.
isa pa, nahihiya na rin ako sa asawa ko. sobrang bait nya, tiis lang sya palagi.

[babyboo.0326]

nung mabasa ko yung title ng thread mo, sis, sabi ko parang kwento ko ata ito. ang pinagkaiba lang natin, i'm a single mom of 2. my dad passed away na, kaya my mom and unemployed brother is with me. my other 2 siblings, sister is now married with a baby, another brother is staying at his gf's place, not yet married. my mom and i used to argue a lot before, as in lagi talaga kaming nagsasagutan lalo na about sa mga gastusin sa house kasi ako lang ang may matinong work, and ako ang sumasagot sa expenses. yung brother ko na nasa bahay, he was working before, pero pag tinamad, like he did - again, ayan, wala nanamang work. kinausap/kinakausap na siya pero wala e, matigas talaga ang ulo kasi siyempre nakakakain naman siya kahit hindi siya magtrabaho. but the point is, mabigat silang kargo for us, lalo na may mga responsibilidad tayo, our own family. kaso feeling siguro nila since ako ang panganay, at como wala akong husband, they're entitled sa pinaghihirapan ko. i tried talking to them calmly, walang effect. pag nagalit ako, wala ring nangyari. i just gave up. one time i talked to my mom, and i just said na "Ma, kahit naman gustuhin kong ako lahat ang sumalo ng mga responsibilidad dito, hindi kakayanin ng sweldo ko dahil 2 ang pinapag-aral ko, mga bills pa, pagkain, mga emergency situations na kailangan ko bawasan ang budget ko. Kaya sana tulungan naman nila ako". then that's when we started na stop yung mga sagutan namin. siguro kasi naramdaman niyang nahihirapan na talaga ako.

i even laughed about your remark na "amalia fuentes" siya ng buhay mo. kasi ako naman siya si "anabelle rama" ng buhay ko as i always say 

sana maayos natin yung situation, iniisip ko nalang one day magiging okay rin naman ang lahat. if i may ask, how old is you're brother? mine is 27. 

[Girltalker2]

TS, bakit naman ganun, bakit nag retire ang mom mo nang walang retirement? At that time, di pa kayo nagsalita? Ano sabi nya kayo na bahala sa kanya?

Tsaka sis, if ever bubukod kayo, sino mag aalaga ng kids mo kung wala ang mom mo?

So I think your mom is responsibility ninyong magkakapatid. So if ever na bubukod kayo, you have to include your mom, and plan for a place to stay for you + hubby + kids + mom mo. Kasi if not for your mom, you would still need a helper/ extra person to look after the kids. Yung bro mo, sya na bahala sa buhay nya.

Another option is to maintain your current rented house, ask your sis to move there para may kasama mom mo and bro. Then kayo bumukod, but you cannot expect your mom to look after your kids na so you have to hire a household help/nanny.

[oyie]

sis babyboo, you're lucky, my brother is already 32. everybody tried to help him na get a work, pero pasaway talaga. he stayed with my relatives na rin before, pero kahit sila suko na.

sis girltalker2, sabi ng mom ko pag tinatanong sya, nagretire daw sya para mag-alaga ng mga apo. pero i swear di ko sya inubliga. pag sinasabi ko kukuha kami ng yaya, ayaw nya, sya na lang daw. wala sa amin ang nagtanong or pumigil sa kanya magretire, remember may pagka-amalia fuentes si madir, never sya nakikinig sa amin mga anak nya. may nakuha sya pera nun magresign sya, pero binayad daw nya lahat sa utang. sabi ko sana nagtabi ka para makapagstart ka kahit maliit na negosyo, pero sympre, supalpal lang ako.

most of the time si hubby na rin nagbabantay sa mga bata, kasi pumupunta lang naman sya sa shop namin sa morning to check. and ako naman afternoon shift ko sa work, so sa morning naliguan ko na un mga bata. may time din na nakakapag-work from home ako. or sila naman un dinadala ko sa ofis kasi may daycare naman.

yung other sister ko works in paranaque, she lives there with my aunt. kami sa pasig. plus, she can only spend a little sa rent, kasi di naman ganun kalaki un sweldo nya.

hindi ko naman sila totally pababayaan, gusto ko lang is makapag-start kami talaga kami ng family ko na kami lang, mabuo namin mga dreams namin, simple lang naman. pero it's been 7yrs since we're married, ganito na setup. sa simula kasi parang ok lang, di ko ineexpect na magiging permanent.

[Girltalker2]

^ Sis, it is your mom. I guess no choice ka unless magpaalam ka sa kanya saying you and your hubby would like to start a life on your own.  Pero she need not worry at susuportahan mo naman sya. 

Kung ganitong kaso - kaya nyo ba magbayad ng rental for your mom and at the same time bumukod?  If not, maybe you can think of ways - like cheaper rental place for your mom na malapit sa house na lilipatan nyo ni hubby.

Bottomline, you have to speak to her na gusto mo bumukod pero you also want to take care of her. so you intend to support HER (sya lang) remotely.

[Ms.Cacao70%]

taking care of your kids is a big deal for me. kase i live abroad and i dont have yaya... and you have 3 kids that she helps you with. you are very lucky. im assuming din na pareho kayong working ng mister mo. yung peace of mind na naiiwan mo ang mga anak mo sa taong pinagkakatiwalaan mo is a big deal.

now, everyone needs money sino ba ang may ayaw ng pera? siguro parang pakunswelo mo na din sa nanay mo na naaubutan mo sya kahit paano kahit pa iniisip mong pabigat lang sya sa yo. dito sa abroad walang nagaalaga ng mga bata ng libre kahit magulang mo pa yan. lahat dito binabayaran..at per hour pa. and she's your mom, bago ka naman nakarating where you are now ay dahil din sa kanya. you can't just get rid of her dahil lang wala na syang silbi or di na sya nagpapasok ng pera sa inyo. i think the feeling is mutual, ayaw na din nya talaga sa inyo pero financially hindi nya kayang magbukod.

now your brother is not your responsibility anymore. matanda na sya, bahala na sya sa buhay nya gumawa ng paraan para sya mabuhay. yan pede mong palayasin anytime para matuto din syang magbanat ng buto. kapag ginawa mo yan, magkakaroon ng paraan para makapagbukod na kayong pamilya dahil pag may trabaho na ang brother mo, he can now support your mother. i know not easy, but you have to start somewhere.

[oyie]

thanks po sa lahat ng reply.
tama kayo, my mom is still my mom. and i'm lucky to have her to take cake of my kids.

nag-usap na kami ng sister ko. mag-tutulungan kami to help her find a source of income. kahit maliit na karinderya imanage nya, tapos [textspeak!] brother ko na rin para dun sya magtrabaho kay mama. hintayin namin maging stable un before kami bumukod.

at least this is a start. thanks mga sis, nagkaron ako ng lakas ng loob na humingi ng tulong sa sister ko. and at least i was able to get a hint from my mom, na willing si mama sa ganitong plano namin para sa kanila ng brother ko.

[WorriedB2B]

^Congratulations sis! well done! Sana magtuloy-tuloy na