My BF is Unfortunately Married

[bluish_mommy]

ang sabi kamo ng BF mo, he promised to do all his best to be with you? since sumama na ulit sya sa wife and kids nya. pano kung sa process ng "doing-his-best-to-be-with-you" eh magwagi ang legal wife sa "come-back" ni mister? and that in the end he finally decided to live happily ever after with his family?

pano ka na? pano na ang ilang taong ipag-iintay mo girl? 

[Queen Chokolah]

Actually sis wala naman talagang may karapatang magsalita kung wala sa situation na yun or kung sya yung wife. Kasi wala naman kaming alam sa nararamdaman mo o sa pagsasama nyo o sa pinagdaanan nyo. Pero nagtanong ka sa public forum, so madami talagang harsh words and unsolicited advice ang maririnig mo dito.

I won't ask you to put yourself in the wives shoes, pano pag ikaw ang wife. No. Kasi ano ba naman ang pakialam mo kay wife diba? Hindi naman kayo friends to start with. Kung sa kaibigan nga, basta nabulag ka sa pag ibig minsan nawawalan ka ng pakialam sa kaibigan pano pa kaya yung hindi mo naman ka ano ano? Hindi ko rin ipapamukha sayo ang pamilya na pwedeng masira. Kasi ano ba naman ang pakialam mo dun? If you sacrifice your happiness for them, would they thank you for it? I'm not going to bring up the karma thing because it is so overused na wala nang natatakot dun.

I'm sorry wives, I hope you don't hate me for this. But I can't help but think about the other side of the story. I have a really close friend in this situation and I know so well how painful it is to be in that situation. I saw her tears, her joys, her sadness. I love her so much (we have been friends for almost 2 decades) so hindi ko mapigilang hindi masaktan pag may mga nagsasalita ng hindi maganda sa kanya kahit pa ako mismo napagsasabihan din sya ng hindi maganda minsan. I realized there's no use telling her all these things kasi masasaktan lang sya. Believe it or not, nasasaktan din sila. You will say, "kung masakit edi wag gawin, alam nya dapat pinasok nya" blah and blah pero wala na tayong magagawa, nalugmok na sya. And it doesn't help na ibaon pa sya lalo. Iba iba din po ang sitwasyon ng mga mistresses, may talagang total bitches, meron din naman na biktima lang din ng mapaglarong tadhana (). Kaya dahan dahan din sa pagsasalita. Tao pa rin yan. Nakakaramdam. Akala nyo lang hindi kasi nga sinasabi nyo makapal mukha. Pero kahit papano nasasaktan yan kahit pa anonymous tayong lahat dito.

Pero TS, nasayo pa rin ang desisyon. Pero isipin mo. Worth it ba talaga? May hinihintay ka pa ba? I think, I think lang ha, hindi mo pa sya ganun ka head over heels mahal. Kasi kung talagang mahal na mahal mo na sya di mo kakayanin na may iba syang kasamang babae (or possibly, kasiping). So kung di mo pa sya ganun ka mahal, you can still get out. I would understand pa sana kung talagang iniwan nya na ang wife nya totally and on process na ang annulment. Then reasonable na maghintay ka. Pero hindi. BUMALIK SYA SA WIFE NYA. I can only imagine how painful it is for you. Everyday must be a torture. Hindi ka nya ganun ka mahal so if you can, forget him ASAP. Kung painful sa wife na iniwan at sumama sa mistress, I'm sure ganun din ang nararamdaman mo. And worse. Kasi siguro sa isip mo ngayon, mahal nya talaga kasi kahit iniwan nya na, binalikan nya pa.

Share ko lang din, the friend I was talking about, actually "happy ending" ang peg nila. Iniwan ni husband si wife, nag file ng annulment, at ngayon annulled na, magkasama na sila. Pero alam mo, she still tells me, the wife's shadows will never leave. Nagseselos pa rin sya (I don't know why), na iinsecure, and nasasad na kahit ikasal man sila, SECOND WIFE na ang itatawag sa kanya. Hindi orig. You might wanna think about the future as well. Meron naman talagang mag asawang hindi naman talaga dapat para sa isat isa. Hindi porke ikaw ang asawa ay ikaw na ang nararapat. Minsan nagkakamali din naman tayo di naman lahat ng decisions natin tama diba. Akala natin tama pero hindi pala. Maswerte yung mga couples na nagmamahalan talaga until the end, but let's admit it, madami talagang naghihiwalay. Are you okay to be branded as the second wife? Yun ay kung hihiwalayan pa nyang bf mo ang wife nya.

I won't ask you to think about the wife or the family. For all I know, you might hate them so much now. But think about yourself at least.

I am neither a wife nor a mistress but this is SO complicated pray ko lang na never ako mapunta sa situation na to. Naiisip ko pa lang yung friend ko sumasakit na ang dibdib ko. Kaya kahit ako natatakot na magpakasal

[nathanielle]

To the threadstarer, sorry you feel that way sis. Actually all the advice the ladies gave here were really good. Maybe you're just disappointed it wasn't what you wanted to hear. And if you really read the replies, you will see that nobody really judged you naman. People gave you advice  based on what you said. Nobody assumed anything about you that you didn't already reveal. Maybe if you had just told your story, instead of "testing" the ladies here, you would have gotten more points of view.

But anyway sis, good luck on your lovelife. Hope everything works out for you 

[insanelypurpleprincess]

Decisions are the hardest moves to make, especially when it's a choice between what you want and what is right.

Pray. Discern. Then, make a choice. Ball's in your court now. Good luck! Hope your choice is something you can live with for as long as you have to!

Once you have made your choice, you will know that you made the right decision when you pick the hardest and most painful choice, but your heart is at peace in the end.

[AkosiBella]

Be in a normal relationship where you and the guy are both single. When it comes to love, there will be complicated situations but at least it's not a situation wherein you have to think whether you're a mistress/homewrecker or not.

[quennna]

pag pinag patuloy mo pa yan..
baka malasap mo rin yan sa pagdaan ng panahon..
so ngayon pa lang.. kausapin mo sarili mo na..
mali!!! mali!!! mali!!!

sana pag gising mo..
its a brand new day!!
na.. nagka amnesia ka na dun sa lalaking may sabit..

[Girltalker2]

I'm sorry wives, I hope you don't hate me for this. But I can't help but think about the other side of the story.

Sis, thanks for sharing the other side.  I really like to see discussions on both sides.  Pero sana huwag mo rin masamain, makiki comment lang din ako sa post mo, tapos puede tayo magpalitan ng kuro kuro.

I won't ask you to put yourself in the wives shoes, pano pag ikaw ang wife. No. Kasi ano ba naman ang pakialam mo kay wife diba? Hindi naman kayo friends to start with.

Pero puede mo rin tingnan ito sa hindi magka ano ano ang mistress and wife.  Para sa pov ng wife, wala naman syang ginawang masama sa mistress pero the mistress is destroying her ENTIRE LIFE na parang pinatay na rin sya.

Imagine building your life and dreams, plan ka ahead na from say 30yo mo hanggang 80, for 50 years, may blueprint ka kahit papano ng buhay mo. Tapos may isa sisirain lahat yun na parang lost ka.

The wife feels like a victim. She wants justice, how do you put things to justice sa nangyari sa kanya. Hindi naman puede sabihin na sorry nalang. Hindi ba pag may victim sa crime, they would want justice somehow?  So paano?

I have a really close friend in this situation and I know so well how painful it is to be in that situation. I saw her tears, her joys, her sadness.

Yes, but isn't it just like any other heartache?

Pero sa pov ng wife, hindi lang heartache ang involved. You have the whole family, nasira. The kids na maghahanap ng tatay nila. The inlaws, the whole clan. Nawasak. Maliban sa heartache. You have properties, legal docs, your standing/status in society, school ng kids, etc.
Isn't is much much much more than 1 individual's normal heartache?

I realized there's no use telling her all these things kasi masasaktan lang sya. Believe it or not, nasasaktan din sila. Kaya dahan dahan din sa pagsasalita. Tao pa rin yan. Nakakaramdam. Akala nyo lang hindi kasi nga sinasabi nyo makapal mukha. Pero kahit papano nasasaktan yan kahit pa anonymous tayong lahat dito.

Masasakit minsan ang mga tinitira sa mistress. Pero ang iniisip kasi in general, first, they were not careful din naman sa feelings ng iba. Like nabanggit mo, ano nga ba naman ang pakialam ng mistress sa wife di ba?  So hindi purkit na inlove ang mistress, it does not give her (and her alone) the privilege of not being lambasted (kind and not-so-kind words ikanga) kasi sya mismo walang compassion din sa feelings ng iba, at walang pakundangan na sige nalang mang-agaw ng asawa ng may asawa, so paano nya ma expect na magiging sensitive ang ibang tao sa feelings nya. So parang sya walang pake sa feelings ng iba (as they won't thank her for moving away from the st*pid guy) pero sya gusto nya lahat ng tao dahan dahan sa pananalita sa kanya? Hindi ba napaka selfish nito? Di ba sobrang biased ito?

Second, the fact that mistresses are able to muster the strength to fight against all odds, ang kahihiyan (kung meron man such word), facing the society, and worse, magpabuntis sa may asawang tao (not sa friend mo naman or case ni TS), it means they are stronger than you think. They have the GUTS, and dun ako believe sa mistresses, andyan ang tapang nila. Kaya I don't think na may pusong mamon sila na kelangan mo ishield. They have been through hell. So I suppose, what is one word of a stranger to them? Nothing.

Kung painful sa wife na iniwan at sumama sa mistress, I'm sure ganun din ang nararamdaman mo. And worse. Kasi siguro sa isip mo ngayon, mahal nya talaga kasi kahit iniwan nya na, binalikan nya pa.

Ito sis, IMO, I can never equate the pain of 1 individual (the mistress) with the pain of the wife. Iba e. Lalo pa at walang divorce sa Pinas.    Nabanggit ko narin nga pati kids, inlaws, family friends, relatives, society, etc. Ang daming involved.

Meron naman talagang mag asawang hindi naman talaga dapat para sa isat isa. Hindi porke ikaw ang asawa ay ikaw na ang nararapat. Minsan nagkakamali din naman tayo di naman lahat ng decisions natin tama diba. Akala natin tama pero hindi pala. Maswerte yung mga couples na nagmamahalan talaga until the end, but let's admit it, madami talagang naghihiwalay.

I agree with you in a way na hindi lahat ng nagpapakasal eh happy ending.  Since marriage is a lot of hardwork. Sometimes some couples are really not good for each other.  Pero ano ba naman yun maghiwalay tsaka ka humanap ng iba. Iba ang concept na may partner ka tapos nagsh shop around. Ultimately,  I think TS, your friend and the wives are the victims here.  Ang salot talaga sa lipunan are ang mga cheaters at sinungaling na lalaki who takes advantage of women like TS/your friend na napaka gullible.

Sa case kasi ng friend mo, malay ba natin if the wife just threw him out at wala nang choice si lalaki?  Version ng friend mo syempre pinili sya. But it is not important, the point is nakisiping ang lalaki sa more than 1 na babae kahit na may asawa na sya.

I am neither a wife nor a mistress but this is SO complicated pray ko lang na never ako mapunta sa situation na to. Naiisip ko pa lang yung friend ko sumasakit na ang dibdib ko. Kaya kahit ako natatakot na magpakasal

Pero can't you see sis?  Yung lalaki ang may kagagawan eh. Bakit naman kasi nakikipaglandian pa sa ibang babae kung nagpromise ka na ng lifetime commitment? HE is the one that should be blamed here.  Di lang nya sinira ang buhay ng pamilya nya, sinisira pa nya ang buhay ng mistress by making her asa and wait for something that may never materialize.

No one really wants to be a victim of this. Kaya choose your man wisely.

[onefineapril]

To my all sisses, all points taken and very well noted

Thank you sa mga inputs again.. you may continue your discussions here   I will still read anyway

[caterpillar-girl]

TS, my friend was in a similar situation before. When she and her boyfriend met, separated naman talaga yung guy sa wife nya. Not annulled, or not legally separated, but they were living in different houses already. But then, I dunno what happened at kailangan bumalik nung guy sa wife, I think something to do with finances and shared business yata. Same thing, the wife was making all sorts of threats. So my friend waited and waited kasi sabi nung guy aayusin lang nya yung situation nya once and for all. Then one day the guy just told her he's moving to the States with his wife to start anew. My friend was devastated to say the least.


Anyway, I hope that doesn't happen to you sis. Stay strong and good luck! 

[Queen Chokolah]

Pero puede mo rin tingnan ito sa hindi magka ano ano ang mistress and wife.  Para sa pov ng wife, wala naman syang ginawang masama sa mistress pero the mistress is destroying her ENTIRE LIFE na parang pinatay na rin sya.

Imagine building your life and dreams, plan ka ahead na from say 30yo mo hanggang 80, for 50 years, may blueprint ka kahit papano ng buhay mo. Tapos may isa sisirain lahat yun na parang lost ka.

The wife feels like a victim. She wants justice, how do you put things to justice sa nangyari sa kanya. Hindi naman puede sabihin na sorry nalang. Hindi ba pag may victim sa crime, they would want justice somehow?  So paano?

This is so true. Pero dun sa situation ni husband and wife, before husband met my friend, they had BIG problems na ni wife. Ang kwento, he married her because sabi buntis and then later discovered na hindi totoo. (wow, hindi nanghingi ng test or something?) They were married for 3 weeks lang when that happened so needless to say, wala pang properties, walang kids, no nothing. as in papers pa lang. So technically, it wasn't the mistress who was the main reason kung bakit sila naghiwalay. Pero admittedly, nakadagdag sya. Because at that time na may problems yung couple, magkasama pa rin naman sila. And then husband met my friend. So meeting my friend was the final straw. After 2 months yata, he left his wife. And a few months later, filed an annulment of his marriage that lasted for less than 3 months. So di ko rin masisi kung bakit naghintay talaga ang friend ko. Kasi pinangakuan sya and actually, ginagawa naman ang pangakong yun.

Nevertheless, kahit ano pang sabihin nya, mistress pa rin sya (was). Kahit pa hindi na magkasama ng bahay, kasal pa rin yung tao sa iba. And hindi pa rin accepted ni wife na hiwalay na sila ni husband so may nasasaktan pa rin sya.

Kaya nga sabi ko, unless you are the wife of that particular guy, wala tayong say sa kanila. Hindi tayo pwedeng magbitiw ng masasakit na salita like cheap, patapon, kaladkarin, malandi, higad etc etc kasi hindi natin alam. wala tayong alam. Iba iba ang kwento. kung ikaw ang wife nung guy na yun, go. Mura all you want kasi ikaw ang na argabyado e. Kahit ako, sakin mangyari to, baka patayin ko pa yung girl. Okay! kasi may karapatan ako. ako ang wife. Pero ibang tao? No. You can give advice, but there's only so much outsiders like us can do. Sana lang careful tayo sa sinasabi natin kung wala naman pala tayong alam.

I am so much guilty kasi, nakapag bitaw ako ng masasamang salita sa kanya with the intention of pukpukin ang ulo nya baka matauhan. I once asked her, are you okay to be branded as home wrecker? And she answered, What home? There was no home to wreck. Inis na inis ako sa kanya nun. Bulag na bulag na sya lahat sinusubukan nyang i justify. I told her, ginawa nya sa asawa nya, yan din gagawin nya sayo. sagot nya, hindi nya gagawin sakin kasi iba ako sa asawa nya. May sagot talaga sya kahit anong ibato ko sa kanya (haha)

Second, the fact that mistresses are able to muster the strength to fight against all odds, ang kahihiyan (kung meron man such word), facing the society, and worse, magpabuntis sa may asawang tao (not sa friend mo naman or case ni TS), it means they are stronger than you think. They have the GUTS, and dun ako believe sa mistresses, andyan ang tapang nila.

This I agree. The situation made them strong. They can't survive if they aren't. Pero just because they are strong doesn't mean hindi na sila maapektuhan. Nasasaktan pa rin sila, but they choose to stay strong. Because they are hoping that one day, matatapos din yung pain na yun. Pero in reality, once you commit to a married man, your life is forever ruined. Kahit pa maging happy ending kayong dalawa, the shadows will never leave.

I don't know what is wrong with her. She is beautiful, matalino, at mabait sya actually. May magandang reputation, galing sa magandang pamilya. At sinira nya lahat yun. Talaga palang nagiging bobo at bulag tayo sa pag ibig.

Ultimately,  I think TS, your friend and the wives are the victims here.  Ang salot talaga sa lipunan are ang mga cheaters at sinungaling na lalaki who takes advantage of women like TS/your friend na napaka gullible.

Pero can't you see sis?  Yung lalaki ang may kagagawan eh. Bakit naman kasi nakikipaglandian pa sa ibang babae kung nagpromise ka na ng lifetime commitment? HE is the one that should be blamed here.  Di lang nya sinira ang buhay ng pamilya nya, sinisira pa nya ang buhay ng mistress by making her asa and wait for something that may never materialize.

This, I agree so much. Pero bakit ang ibang wives pinagtatanggol pa ang mga manlolokong mister nila? Hindi bat kung magagalit sya sa mistress dapat doble ang galit nya sa asawa nya? Kasi hindi sya kilala ni mistress, so pwedeng walang pakialam kung masaktan man sya. Pero ang asawa nya? asawa nya yun eh. hindi ba dapat ang asawa nya ang pumoprotekta sa kanya? Dapat may concern sya sa wife nya, at di nya gugustuhing saktan? Pero ginawa nya. Tapos pag nagkabukingan, sya pa ang pinagtanggol ni wife. Inakit lang ni mistress si husband kaya napariwara. Goodness, kung talagang mahal ka ng asawa mo kahit sino pa mang akit dyan hindi sya magpapadala. In my opinion din, si lalaki ang mas may kasalanan sa lahat. Im not saying walang kasalanan si mistress. pero minsan kasi, biktima din sya.

Actually yung guy ng friend ko, mabait. Masipag din. Pero may asawa sya. at yun ang kasalanan nya. Kahit kelan di ko pa rin sya matatanggap para sa friend ko. Kahit pa sabihing nagkamali lang sya sa unang pinakasalan nya at tinama nya na lahat, hindi pa rin. Kahit pa annulled na sya ngayon, ginawa nya pa ring kabit ang kaibigan ko. My friend still deserves better.

Ito sis, IMO, I can never equate the pain of 1 individual (the mistress) with the pain of the wife. Iba e. Lalo pa at walang divorce sa Pinas.    Nabanggit ko narin nga pati kids, inlaws, family friends, relatives, society, etc. Ang daming involved.

At least if you are the wife pag iniwan ka pwede kang maghabol kasi may karapatan ka. Pwede kang magalit. Pwede ka ding mag move on. Pwede mong ipaliwanag sa mga taong affected na nambabae mister mo kaya ka iniwan. Wala sayo ang sisi. Pag mistress ka, then iniwan ka at bumalik sa wife, wala kang karapatan. ZERO. walang kang option kundi mag let go. Hindi ka pwedeng magalit. Di ka pwedeng maghabol. May mga taong affected like friends na nagmamahal sayo, pero sa huli, nasayo ang sisi.

Sa case kasi ng friend mo, malay ba natin if the wife just threw him out at wala nang choice si lalaki?  Version ng friend mo syempre pinili sya. But it is not important, the point is nakisiping ang lalaki sa more than 1 na babae kahit na may asawa na sya.

this, I'm sure na si guy talaga yung nang iwan. Kasi the wife was pursuing him pa. Begging actually, na balikan sya nung husband nya. Nawalan na sila ng communication so she was begging to the guy's family and friends, kumbaga parang bridge para sabihin sa husband nyang missing in action. So she really wanted him back. And I mentioned earlier na mabait si guy. Before, I was there lagi. Lagi ko silang kasama (imagine ang sakit ng tenga ko sa pakikinig sa kanya)and nakita ko naman na maayos naman sya na bf dun sa kaibigan ko. If it were not for his marriage, I would say perfect na sana sya (haha) kasi mabait talaga. Hindi naman siguro lahat2 ng lalake na may other woman total assholes. Depende rin sa reason bakit nangabit. Lalo na yung mga lalakeng hiwalay na prior sa pagkakaron ng bagong babae. And I don't think nakisiping sya sa more than 1 woman kasi nung umalis sya sa poder ni wife, never na sila nagkita ulit. Pinutol nya na pati communication. Although nalalaman pa rin nila yung mga sinasabi ni wife through the family and friends na kinakausap ni wife.

Kahit ako pa bago bago isip ko haha sabi ko talaga na ayaw ko sa kanya para sa friend ko dahil kasal sya before pero maayos naman kami pag sinasama sya ng friend ko. Nakikita ko happy sila at nagmamahalan (nagmamahalan?). Well, di ko din alam sa kanila. Malayo na ako sa friend ko ngayon. They have been together for 3 or 4 years na I think. 

No one really wants to be a victim of this. Kaya choose your man wisely.

Truelaloo! Kami ni bf may baby na pero pinag iisipan ko pa rin ng mabuti kung itutuloy ba namin ang kasal hahaha. Nakakatakot and nakakatrauma hindi lang sa parties involved, pati na rin sa mga kaibigan nila.

Sana magkaron na ng divorce sa Pilipinas. Sorry po ha sobrang haba.

[Priceless]

TS, You sound like a nice, smart girl. And the smart person that you are, should know by now that judgments are passed all the time. Whether you like it or not, whether you are aware of it or blissfully ignorant, you are being judged. Now, sabi mo you felt like you're being judged, based on the little information that you have disclosed - yes, you may call it judgments (simply because they contradict this little love bubble you wish to put yourself in) or it might simply be an observation by people who either have been one, or have been casualties of infidelities.

In any case, do you think, if you disclosed your life story, your predicament will change (i.e. a querida, kalaguyo, mistress is a woman who, despite the man being married - and in this case is staying married, continues to be in a relationship with him)? For all intents and purposes, until he officially annuls or separates from his wife complete, you are indeed a mistress. There are no semi or partial mistresses... (although kung FUBU lang kayo, ibang usapan  din yun).  Once you decide to roll with the pigs, you will get dirty and smelly (no offense to the pigs).

So, let's say tama ka na if you explain or disclose the full story, people's opinion of you will change, do you really want to have that kind of life? Na kailangan mong mag explain at mag defend sa lahat ng tao ang situation mo? For me lang ha, parang nakakapagod at parang hindi naman yata magdudulot ng long term happiness yan.

[Girltalker2]

So di ko rin masisi kung bakit naghintay talaga ang friend ko. Kasi pinangakuan sya and actually, ginagawa naman ang pangakong yun.

Sa case naman ng friend ni caterpillar girl, ang pangakong napako. 

Sakin ha, opinion ko lang naman, being the other girl, just clearly decipher between your feelings and kung sinungaling ang guy. Ang dali sabihin ano? hehe

Kasi nga if the guy promises na babalikan ka, chances are hindi. Well, most often. You know why?  Because he is a cheating expert. Nakayanan nya maglie sa asawa nya, sa buong angkan nya, so what is preventing him from lying to someone din na nameet lang nya recently?

Sa case naman ng friend mo, swerte sya, siniryoso sya ng guy. But again, usually kasi ang stories ng guys na napilitan lang magpakasal, hiwalay na sila to begin with, etc etc eh gasgas na gasgas na ikanga, so I would just take them as it is. Di ko na masabi kung totoo ba talaga o hindi.
 
May kakilala ako (haha itinakwil daw as friend hehe), iyan din ang reason ng guy. Malabo naraw sila, tapos hiwalay naraw nga.  Tapos malaman laman mo, may 3rd baby pala sa asawa yung guy na as in baby pa. Tapos kung bibilangin mo ang mga buwan, eh nung time na buntis wife nya or nagconceive, eh tamang nakikipaglandian dun sa ka kilala ko pala.

This, I agree so much. Pero bakit ang ibang wives pinagtatanggol pa ang mga manlolokong mister nila? Hindi bat kung magagalit sya sa mistress dapat doble ang galit nya sa asawa nya? Kasi hindi sya kilala ni mistress, so pwedeng walang pakialam kung masaktan man sya. Pero ang asawa nya? asawa nya yun eh. hindi ba dapat ang asawa nya ang pumoprotekta sa kanya? Dapat may concern sya sa wife nya, at di nya gugustuhing saktan? Pero ginawa nya. Tapos pag nagkabukingan, sya pa ang pinagtanggol ni wife. Inakit lang ni mistress si husband kaya napariwara. Goodness, kung talagang mahal ka ng asawa mo kahit sino pa mang akit dyan hindi sya magpapadala. In my opinion din, si lalaki ang mas may kasalanan sa lahat. Im not saying walang kasalanan si mistress. pero minsan kasi, biktima din sya.

Bakit pinapagtanggol ng wife?  Kasi yung blueprint ng buhay nya, her future and her kids future, lahat iyan nakalaan/nakaplani WITH THE HUSBAND.  Without the husband, sira ang plano. She will be lost. Kaya unang instinct ng wife, is ipagtanggol ang malandi nyang asawa. And in fact, it really takes time to accept na ang ultimate demonyo sa situation na ito ay yung lalaki. Nabubulag din ang wife by ignoring it tapos lumalabas ang mistress lang masama. Pero if you are to look at this situation objectively, yung lalaki yung dapat ibitin ng patiwarik, at putulan ng **.

At least if you are the wife pag iniwan ka pwede kang maghabol kasi may karapatan ka. Pwede kang magalit. Pwede ka ding mag move on. Pwede mong ipaliwanag sa mga taong affected na nambabae mister mo kaya ka iniwan. Wala sayo ang sisi. Pag mistress ka, then iniwan ka at bumalik sa wife, wala kang karapatan. ZERO. walang kang option kundi mag let go. Hindi ka pwedeng magalit. Di ka pwedeng maghabol. May mga taong affected like friends na nagmamahal sayo, pero sa huli, nasayo ang sisi.

Oh well, with the screwed laws we have in the Philippines?  Katakot takot na paghahabol gagawin dapat ng wife, na naubos na resources at nalosyang, tsaka may makita sya, that is if ever she is lucky. 

Bilang wife, yes puede ka magalit. Pero san ka naman dadalhin ng galit mo? No use din at wrinkles lang ang aabutin mo.

Pag mistress ka, at nagpaanak ka, with the screwed up laws we have in the Philippines, puede ka parin maghabol, especially if the st*pid guy recognizes the kid as his child.

this, I'm sure na si guy talaga yung nang iwan. Kasi the wife was pursuing him pa. Begging actually, na balikan sya nung husband nya. Nawalan na sila ng communication so she was begging to the guy's family and friends, kumbaga parang bridge para sabihin sa husband nyang missing in action. So she really wanted him back. And I mentioned earlier na mabait si guy.

This is so embarrassing. 

Lalo na yung mga lalakeng hiwalay na prior sa pagkakaron ng bagong babae. And I don't think nakisiping sya sa more than 1 woman kasi nung umalis sya sa poder ni wife, never na sila nagkita ulit. Pinutol nya na pati communication. Although nalalaman pa rin nila yung mga sinasabi ni wife through the family and friends na kinakausap ni wife.

I think it is important din sa society na malaman hiwalay si guy. Kasi kung hindi, iyan nga ang kakalabasan, kabit si friend mo at naging sila na ng kabit kasi iniwan si wife. 

If the guy was smarter, when he left his wife, dapat nagpa presscon nalang sya hahahaha  Or sort of slowly telling his relatives/friends/office/everyone about his separation, bago man sya nagkaron sana ng GF. That way, it is cleaner at si GF hindi magmumukhang kabit.

Sana magkaron na ng divorce sa Pilipinas. Sorry po ha sobrang haba.

suko nako sa situation ng pinas. Kahit pa may divorce, with the red tape and corruption, aabutin ka rin ng syam syam malamang nyan.

[Queen Chokolah]

 Once you decide to roll with the pigs, you will get dirty and smelly (no offense to the pigs).

hahaha like ko tong no offense to the pigs

Hi sis girltalker 2, I really really like your posts. I always read your posts on other threads

Sa case naman ng friend ni caterpillar girl, ang pangakong napako. 

Sa case naman ng friend mo, swerte sya, siniryoso sya ng guy. But again, usually kasi ang stories ng guys na napilitan lang magpakasal, hiwalay na sila to begin with, etc etc eh gasgas na gasgas na ikanga, so I would just take them as it is. Di ko na masabi kung totoo ba talaga o hindi.
 

yup. pangakong napako. In this specific scenario, really. There's no use waiting and hoping. I hope she doesn't waste her life waiting.

Yes syempre di rin namin alam kung ano ang totoo and kung ano ang hindi. Unless nakausap namin si wife di ba. So may reservations pa rin ako sa stories nya. And kahit pa sabihing "napilitan" lang, thing is, pinakasalan nya pa rin. Somehow naisip nya at nakita nya ang sarili nya with this girl for the rest of his life. Somehow nag isip sya. Somehow, he loved this girl. It's not like kinaladkad lang sya sa city hall at right there and then kinasal sila. Kahit pa sabihin nating madaming estupidong lalakeng hindi nag iisip nang mabuti bago pumasok sa isang bagay, nagkaroon pa rin sya ng chance makapag isip. So I don't believe on this "napipilitan" thing because sabi mo nga, gasgas na gasgas na. I don't know bakit may mga gumagamit pa ng ganyang excuse. haha.

And yes lucky sya kasi sineryoso sya ng guy, pero I still believe na malas pa din. Sa dami ng magagandang qualities nya, for sure marami pang mas deserving na maging kabiyak nya. Iniisip ko nga siguro mas maganda kung talagang niloko na lang sya nung guy para nakahanap sya ng ibang walang sabit. Kasi mas madali mag move on at maghanap ng iba kesa ganyang forever kang walang peace of mind.

Bakit pinapagtanggol ng wife?  Kasi yung blueprint ng buhay nya, her future and her kids future, lahat iyan nakalaan/nakaplani WITH THE HUSBAND.  Without the husband, sira ang plano. She will be lost. Kaya unang instinct ng wife, is ipagtanggol ang malandi nyang asawa. And in fact, it really takes time to accept na ang ultimate demonyo sa situation na ito ay yung lalaki. Nabubulag din ang wife by ignoring it tapos lumalabas ang mistress lang masama. Pero if you are to look at this situation objectively, yung lalaki yung dapat ibitin ng patiwarik, at putulan ng **.

This, has a point. Siguro nga initial reaction ng mga babae is ipagtanggol ang asawa nila. Ipaglaban ang sa kanila. Bawiin sa kabit. Sila ang may karapatan. I rest my case on this kasi tama naman talaga. Hindi ko pa na experience sa ganung situation (wag naman sana), Ini imagine ko pa lang. Kami nga ngayon na hindi pa kasal, madaming plano, what if agawin din sya ng iba at masisira lahat ng plano? baka ganyan din ang gagawin ko. Tama lang naman na lumaban ang asawa kasi sya naman talaga ang may karapatan.

Mostly naman pag iniwan na talaga ng asawa totally, ma aaccept din ng wife yun. In time. And from there, makaka move on sya and be happy elsewhere. Kung magagalit ka kasi forever, ikaw din ang miserable. Ikaw ang talo. Sasayangin mo lang ang oras mo maghabol sa manlolokong lalake.

And yes, kung meron mang may pinakamalaking kasalanan dito, yun ay yung lalake. Ang ayoko lang, yung mga taong isinisisi lahat sa third party. Although hindi naman ma dedeny na may kasalanan talaga ang kabit, pero mas malaki pa rin ang kasalanan ng lalake.

This is so embarrassing. 

Yea. Siguro ganun nya ka mahal na mahal na mahal ang asawa nya na nakalimutan nya ang pride nya. Siguro desparate na din sya makausap ang asawa nya kasi nga hindi nya mahagilap kahit saan. And siguro in hope na din na matulungan sya ng family and friends. Pero still, nakakahiya pa rin.

I think it is important din sa society na malaman hiwalay si guy. Kasi kung hindi, iyan nga ang kakalabasan, kabit si friend mo at naging sila na ng kabit kasi iniwan si wife. 

If the guy was smarter, when he left his wife, dapat nagpa presscon nalang sya hahahaha  Or sort of slowly telling his relatives/friends/office/everyone about his separation, bago man sya nagkaron sana ng GF. That way, it is cleaner at si GF hindi magmumukhang kabit.

yes, dapat ganun ang ginawa nya. Dapat inunahan nya na ang lahat sa pag inform para at least kahit papano hindi magulat diba. I don't know kung ano talaga yung situation nila pero and alam ko, hindi din alam ng family na may ibang gf sya. pero alam na hiwalay na sila. (makapag broadcast daw kasi ang wife sa fb kahit kapitbahay makaka alam), kaya nung kinausap ni wife ang family, syempre nagulat and inisip na kaya hiniwalayan ni husband si wife ay dahil sa kabit.

suko nako sa situation ng pinas. Kahit pa may divorce, with the red tape and corruption, aabutin ka rin ng syam syam malamang nyan.

hahaha suko talaga. oo nga. Sabi ko nga before nung bata pa ako, hindi ako magpapakasal hanggat walang divorce sa pilipinas. Tapos ngayon kung susundin ko yung sinabi ko, mamamatay akong matandang dalaga. haha.

[purple.strawberry]

@Girltalker2 Well said.

Pansin ko lang sa mga ganitong eksena, laging pinapalabas na wife ang may kasalanan, na she did something wrong or merong pagkukulang etc. At ang lalaki palaging napilitan kuno, pero kung iisipin mo naman, kung ayaw niya talaga e di siya mapipilit, unless he has genuine affections sa wife di ba.

@Queen chokolah, fortunately for your friend, her story is the exception, not the norm.

If TS wants to wait for the guy, then that's her decision. Some lessons talaga can't be imparted just by telling, you have to experience them firsthand.

[Queen Chokolah]

Pansin ko lang sa mga ganitong eksena, laging pinapalabas na wife ang may kasalanan, na she did something wrong or merong pagkukulang etc. At ang lalaki palaging napilitan kuno, pero kung iisipin mo naman, kung ayaw niya talaga e di siya mapipilit, unless he has genuine affections sa wife di ba.

TRUE. Maaaring meron ngang pagkukulang, pero diba as husband dapat tanggap mo na hindi perpekto ang pinakasalan mo.

fortunately for your friend, her story is the exception, not the norm.

Yes. Pero theirs is a very isolated case. Very small percentage lang ng mga affairs na ganito ang happy ending. Yung specific sa naging mistress talaga literally ha.

[aquacharly]

Orderly terminations lead to orderly beginnings.  It's hard to understand why unhappy spouses can't just tell their spouses:  I can't go on being unhappy.  I want out.

It is better to be truthful and cruel, than to be kind & deceitful.    The agony in the marriage is just  extended unnecessarily. 

Going back to mistresses, well -- every relationship has a price. The wife risks her youth, even her dreams at times -- To give total support to a husband beginning to make his fortune or position in this world.   As GIRLTALKER2 cited:  There is a blueprint with a script in place.  If that blueprint eh hindi na puedeng asahan --  her husband should have enough balls to say he wants out.  The thing is, habang walang declaration -- the wife generally hopes & works at improving their strained relationship.  Umaasa na wala na palang puedeng asahan.  That is grossly  unfair & unkind. 

The price the mistress has to face, is of course the knee jerk societal/cultural negative perception of her.  Even when the husband leaves the wife & takes up a new life with her -- don't we still hear snickerings  & put downs?  Fair/unfair or unkind/judgmental --  it is what it is.   
Kill a murderer  (not a death penalty) -- - it is still wrong, no matter how many murders that person committed.  I suppose it's the same with a mistress colluding with a husband, no matter how bad his marriage is.  Wrong is wrong as so many of the Sisses here stated.  Kahit sister  ko si mistress, I will still deem her relationship wrong. 

So there,  I always vote for divorce and/or orderly terminations.   Or, for people to think things through very well, before they commit to a wife or mistress.   

[Girltalker2]

Mostly naman pag iniwan na talaga ng asawa totally, ma aaccept din ng wife yun. In time. And from there, makaka move on sya and be happy elsewhere. Kung magagalit ka kasi forever, ikaw din ang miserable. Ikaw ang talo. Sasayangin mo lang ang oras mo maghabol sa manlolokong lalake.

Tama. And there are wives din na pinapangunahan na ang lalaking walang balls magdecide at wife na mismo ang iiwan sa lalaki. Ipapaubaya pa ng wife ang lalaki sa mistress. That way, lahat happy, supposedly.

I don't know kung ano talaga yung situation nila pero and alam ko, hindi din alam ng family na may ibang gf sya. pero alam na hiwalay na sila. (makapag broadcast daw kasi ang wife sa fb kahit kapitbahay makaka alam), kaya nung kinausap ni wife ang family, syempre nagulat and inisip na kaya hiniwalayan ni husband si wife ay dahil sa kabit.

Iyan nga, if he is really concerned on his GF reputation, dapat hindi nya ito hinayaan na maging ganyan.

Kasi may officemate ako, ang press release nya talaga is hiwalay na sya. Though hindi pa sya nagfile ng divorce kasi sinesettle pa nila ang hatian sa properties nila (at hindi sila mag-agree).  Never din nya nadala ang wife nya sa office. Kung baga non existent.  Yung address na declared nya, is kung san na sya nakatira, which is not where his kids/wife are. So alam mong hiwalay na talaga.  Tapos one time, nabanggit nga nya nagd-date na sya. Hanggang sa may dinala sya one time na girl sa office.  So unang isip namin GF yung girl, hindi kabit. Kasi parang all this while, alam namin separated sya, living a single life. Tapos eventually, may 1 girl pinakilala samin. Pero iisa lang at di iba iba. So kahit papano ito ang masasabi ko na kahit hindi pa ayos ang divorce papers, clean slate ang dating at wala naman sinasabi ang mga tao na negative na kabit or what.

TS kung ganyan ang situation mo, ok sana. Kaso yung the fact na sumama sa wife, icheck mo pa yung sa company records ng BF mo. I am sure naka declare pa as dependents ang wife?  Or sumasama pa sa family day?  Eh talagang very much married ang dating nun.

[antithesisofbarbie]

Mahirap magmahal lalo na pag nasa maling sitwasyon... at syempre pag maling tao. I'm not saying na he is a bad person... or you are a bad person.. pero YOU deserve someone na walang sabit. I agree with all the posts here.. at the end of the day.. maghiwalay sila legally or not...masasaktan ka pa din. Plus they have kids...

[quennna]

dont lose hope, may next life pa naman..
baka ikaw na ang wife, si wife naman ang other woman hehe

musta na kaya feelings ni ts? sana nakapag isipisip na

[p0isonIvy]

ang dami ko kakilalang nasa ganitong situation. yung isa pa nga, hanggang ngayon di pa din alam ni wife na may gf yung husband nya. at nakabili na ng bahay yung husband at mistress.

dami kasi din na pumapayag sa ganitong situation. again, it takes two to tango. we always have to be conscious about our decisions, and kung ano man ang mga magiging consequences nito, like sa ganyan, both adults na din naman ang mga parties involved, bakit parang ang hirap pa din itama ang mali. bakit di pa din ma-realize na it will never work?