Author Topic: to anyone who has fallen for their "friends with benefits"... read this...  (Read 11760 times)

Chef Susie

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this is an article i wrote about a guy who was my fwb but i eventually fell in love with... yes i know its wrong but im only human... i hope you enjoy... tell me what you think... i havent written in ages so this is my work after a few years..





tonight i am sleeping right next to you. this is yet again one of the nights that i dreamed of yet dreaded at the same time. its been two months since we last saw each other unlike the time we always did. there was an air of awkwardness, two months has changed me in ways i never imagined, yet we still have that comfortable familiarity we both shared as if we only saw each other yesterday.i look at your silhouette, slowly tracing your features with the dim light shining through the slightly open window of our hotel room. your arms crossed, resting on your broad chest, your head comfortably resting on the black pillow againts the head board, with the pink comforter covering half of your naked body. i look at your nose protruding, your nose that you keep on telling me you hate yet i find endearing. i look at your lips, pouting as if ready to just about kiss anyone who wishes to. i see the curl of your lashes, with your eyes closed, so gentle and quiet. i can hear your deep breath, pressing against my right cheek, with my belly flat on the bed and my right arm on top of your chest in a not so tight embrace. as you fall asleep right next to me, i wonder where your are. i keep on wondeing how a person so close to me at this very second could be so far away. how a person whom i hold on to as a dear friend can mean so much more than just that. i wonder how in a span of five months of knowing you, you have become a person i value. how everything escalated gradually from our first text, to our first date followed by several others until we became intimate. how a person who was just once a stranger in my life, could be the very person who makes me so much happy in countless ways i dare not imagine.

we have always been like this on nights we sleep together. you previously told me you sleep like a log. your body straight hugging nothing, facing the ceiling, with your face slighty turned facing me, with your arms crossed by your chest. you can even sleep without a pillow. a testament of today because you gave your pillow to me since you knew i needed two, without realizing that there was an extra pillow in the couch of our room, hence the black sofa pillow on your head as i speak. i on the other hand sleep on my side, used to hugging the big white pretty teddy bear who has been with me for five years and counting. the one that you always mistake my "boyfriend" gave me, even if he was already an ex. since shes not here with me, you are now my teddy bear. not as soft but still as comforting. not as white, yet still as beautiful to look at. not as still, but quiet enough to make me sleep tight. yet i cant. i cant sleep because thoughts of you and me keep haunting me at 2:30 in the morning. i would have loved to say that i am thinking about thoughts of "us", but who am i kidding. there was never an us and i know there never will be.

i am the girl you go to in times you crave for sex. i am the girl you go to on your quiet times and have no one else to talk to. I am the girl who you treat as a last resort, a spare tire in other words. i am the girl you treat out for dinner then sleep with afterwards. i am the girl you never introduce to your friends nor even talk about since that is a part of you that would be better kept hidden. i am that girl. yet you are not that boy to me.

you are the boy i think about when i hear love songs. you are the boy i think about whenever i watch sappy love story movies especially when the guy finally realizes he has fallen in love with his friend after so long. you are the boy who constantly haunts my mind the few minutes before i sleep. you are the boy that i even pray for whenever i go to mass. yours is a name id love to see flashing on my cellphone everytime i hear my cellphone beep. yours is a smile id love to see whenever i meet some old friend in a mall i havent seen in a long time. yours is the black car id love to see fetch me and bring me home especially during the days that i go home late from work. yours is the hand id love to hold whenever i am walking on wet pavement after it has rained outside. yet, you and any other part of you could never be mine. if given a chance to have something of yours, it would be your heart... since you already have mine.

So in days like these, in the overnight times that we spend together, in the few laughing moments in between my making love to you while i know it is just sex for you, i get to have you. i get to hold you. i get to make believe that for 12 hours or so, you are mine.i keep on reminding myself that i am lucky that i get to kiss you as passionately as i can. i get to feel your warm embrace when you lie on top of me. i get to stare at your eyes, yours that look at me so intently making me feel as if im the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. i get to feel, within your warm hug, that even if i am a strong willed, determined woman, i am still undoubtedly a damsel in distress still waiting to be swept off her feet by a valiant prince ready to rescue her. you bring out my vulnerability, a trait i had carefully hidden, putting in place as a disguise, my strength,  to mask the pain plastered on my face from all the heartache i have endured all these fighting years. i never really know if i should thank you for bringing it out. as i said, it is like a blessing and a curse.

and so tonight as i am hugging you in your sleep, i ponder on the lingering thoughts i have about you. i am no stranger to this sleepless nights already since you have pretty much occupied my mind every night before i sleep for the past two months since i last saw you. i think of whatever this is we have and how long can i last. i think about how long can i love you even if it is only one sided. i think of how much strength i would be needing in the next few sleepless days that ill be thinking about you again, praying ernestly and hopefully one day, the table will turn and i will be the one sleeping and you will be the one looking at me instead...



if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger...

p0isonIvy

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this is just sad..

how old are you sis?  is this still going on? r u still sleeping together? or are u writing from memory?

there is no happy ending in this story, sorry to say. you're only hurting yourself. best to cut ties all together and start fresh. you deserve so much more than just being a fubu. ok lang sana kung kaya mo ang ganung set-up. kaso hindi, kasi nga nag-fall ka. once that happens, things will just get complicated. save yourself from further heartaches, pack up, and leave.

omneecka

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Hi sis!

I've been in FWB situation also for almost 5 years. We are exclusive FWB. i did not date anyone. He fell first and he told he his feelings pero ako that time is not yet ready for a relationship, tinatawanan ko lang cia and iniignore his feelings. Until i decided to stop everything and he accepted my decision. After 5 months, i texted him again and we met and did like what we used to do. I thought maibabalik dati until i felt something strange, he changed a lot and i also begun to fell for him pero that time he has a gf na. I did everything to win him back. 4 months din ng pakikipaglaban. Fighting for his time, attention, and love. Until he gave up his relationship with his gf. He confessed that he still love me and he cant stand seeing me hurting. But the good news is we are now official, we started dating again for 3 months and after that, we  became a couple and we're just thinking that for those months that he has a gf, that part does not exist so we continued our more than 5 years relationship and we are planning to settle late next year. :-) :-)

I guess what i can advice to u sis is to tell him the truth, tell him about your feelings. Malay natin the feeling is mutual and ayaw lang nya umamin. I hope there's no other party on his part, i guess wala naman sau. In case negative, at least u did your best to express your feelings towards him. But if there's no assurance of reciprocated love, u have and need to love yourself sis by moving on.

i hope all will be well with u sis. Kaya mo yan! :-) :-)
..i jUst lOvE bEIng mE..

..eXPeCTiNG iS WHeN You aRe FiGHTiNG FoR SoMeTHiNG WHiLe HoPiNG iS WHeN You aRe DoiNG NoTHiNG BuT WaiTiNG..

sugardrop

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The first thing I thought of after reading this is the song "I can't make you love me".

Don't give up the fight for happiness in love. You will be happy - with or without him. It is a choice you have to make because you should NOT live like this forever. You have so much to offer and you equally deserve something more than this.
A little backreading won't hurt.

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sugardrop

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*happiness AND love (not happiness in love)
A little backreading won't hurt.

J'adore Rougit

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Chef Susie

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Re: to anyone who has fallen for their "friends with benefits"... read this...
« Reply #5 on: November 23, 2014, 09:23:45 am »
hi sissies... its is still going on until now. i try my best to mask the feelings i have for him when were together kasi piinag usapan namin at the on set na bawal kami mainlove. ang hirap ilet go sya kasi aside from the good things weve shared for 8 months, mahal ko. minsan i hope hed love me too. pero kahit na anaong gawin kong lambing, matigas talaga sya.

as for me telling him, siguro di ko pa kaya... im giving myself a few more months. if umabot man kami ng 1 year then maybe id tell him
if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger...

omneecka

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Re: to anyone who has fallen for their "friends with benefits"... read this...
« Reply #6 on: November 23, 2014, 02:19:49 pm »
Hi sis!

That's right, set a deadline and timeline for everything. U mentioned your set-up is going on for 8 months, make it 1 year then after that and wala pa rin, well, gising-gising na. Stop mo na. Malay mo, he'll realize your worth once you're gone, if hindi naman, isipin mo na lang hindi talaga and you will never end up together. For now, pagbigyan mo pa sarili mo, ang puso mo. But remember after a year, c utak naman ang sundin mo.

Good luck sis! 😊😊
..i jUst lOvE bEIng mE..

..eXPeCTiNG iS WHeN You aRe FiGHTiNG FoR SoMeTHiNG WHiLe HoPiNG iS WHeN You aRe DoiNG NoTHiNG BuT WaiTiNG..

anonemus

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Re: to anyone who has fallen for their "friends with benefits"... read this...
« Reply #7 on: November 23, 2014, 08:25:17 pm »
@Susie, you write good. Nakakalungkot basahin. You might to consider showing what you wrote to your friend. Is he married? Or tingin mo katawan mo lang talaga habol nya?
we fell in love by chance; we stay in love by choice  -- JR

Raserei

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Re: to anyone who has fallen for their "friends with benefits"... read this...
« Reply #8 on: November 24, 2014, 11:08:33 am »
Ramdam ko yung emotions mo sis...saya, lungkot, sakit!  :'(

It seems to me, dine-deny mo sa sarili mo ang chance to be really happy with someone who deserves your love that you are currently offering to the person you are talking about sa write up mo. If holding on hurts, you always have the option to let go and be free from the pain.

Vylette13

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Re: to anyone who has fallen for their "friends with benefits"... read this...
« Reply #9 on: November 24, 2014, 11:46:49 am »
Naiiyak din ako habang binabasa ko to. Ang sad lang talaga pag one way lang ang nagmamahal, hindi mo talaga alam kung paano ka sasaya. Nanggaling na ako sa ganyang situation, mahirap maging martyr. Kailangan sis bigyan mo din sarili mo chance na mahalin ng iba. Mahirap umasa at lalong masakit pag na dis appoint ka sa mga paasa ng guy.

ohcmon

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Re: to anyone who has fallen for their "friends with benefits"... read this...
« Reply #10 on: November 24, 2014, 12:03:15 pm »
Sis, may I know why you think he doesn't/won't feel the same way for you?

What you wrote was exactly how I felt for my boyfriend (then-FWB) before we became official. He was in a long-term live-in relationship then (9 years), kaya super feeling ko wala talagang pag-asang maging kami. Ipinaglaban ko siya nang almost a year until he broke up with his then-gf to be with me, pero sabi ko sa sarili ko before he made his decision, if this year ends na hindi pa rin sila break, ako na ang makikipaghiwalay sa kanya. He chose me in the end.

Siguro sis bigyan mo rin ng ultimatum ang sarili o kumng hanggang kailan mo kikimkimin ang feelings mo at kung hanggang kailan mo siya kayang ipaglaban. Ang hirap kasi nang nakabitin ka.

baliwsayo

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Re: to anyone who has fallen for their "friends with benefits"... read this...
« Reply #11 on: November 25, 2014, 10:37:32 am »
Nalungkot din ako. Pero kung mas okey na ganyang set-up for you, then wag ka na muna mag-isip ng kung ano.. enjoyin mo na lang sis ang kaso di kaya mas malaking heartbreak pag pinatagal mo pa yan to 1 year?
Cause I'm happy...

graezieylicious

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Re: to anyone who has fallen for their "friends with benefits"... read this...
« Reply #12 on: November 25, 2014, 10:44:40 am »
Expand your options and widen your horizons. Be irresistable to other guys and make that guy feel that they are lucky to have you and a loser to lose you.

imyourangel

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Re: to anyone who has fallen for their "friends with benefits"... read this...
« Reply #13 on: December 08, 2014, 09:57:46 pm »
It's so beautifully written, yet it's so sad. :( How are you now sis?

twix01

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Re: to anyone who has fallen for their "friends with benefits"... read this...
« Reply #14 on: December 09, 2014, 08:44:44 am »
matigas talaga sya.
as for me telling him, siguro di ko pa kaya... im giving myself a few more months. if umabot man kami ng 1 year then maybe id tell him

sis may fwb ako before turned to lovers we were together for 4 years :) pero we broke up na recently lang. malay mo mutual feelings dont give up! pero still dont forget to respect and love yourself padin :) keep us posted sis!
What we all want in life, to travel ✈, fall in love ♥, and be
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thirtylicious

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Re: to anyone who has fallen for their "friends with benefits"... read this...
« Reply #15 on: December 29, 2014, 12:59:11 am »
Naiyak ako sis... I feel u

pinkpastels

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Re: to anyone who has fallen for their "friends with benefits"... read this...
« Reply #16 on: September 21, 2015, 11:45:11 pm »
Hi! Share ko lang, may nakilala ako through online chat, same city lang din kami, and we've been talking for 3 months, wala pang meet. Though dun sa time ng paguusap namin lagi nyang nababanggit na magmeet na daw kami etc. Then came a time na napag-usapan yung sex. Na try daw namin, ako naging hesitant kasi una, I'm really not into meeting people whom I've only known online, never had a boyfriend. Since hindi ko alam pero, nagustuhan ko siya, at naging pursuant naman siya na makipagmeet sa akin, kahit hindi daw namin gawin yun, meet lang. Pero sa huli napapayag din ako, and dun na nagsimula. So far it happened at few times na ganun ang scenario namin. Little did I know nakita ko nalang yung sarili ko na parang I'm getting attached to him. Wala kaming pinag-usapan about sa setup namin, which is sobrang hirap. Hindi ko alam. I don't have the courage to ask him, hindi ko alam if meron din siyang iba. I find it so hard to figure out, nauunahan ako ng takot. I don't want to lose him yet, syempre, if it turned out the other way around. Any advice po?

reighnyielle

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Re: to anyone who has fallen for their "friends with benefits"... read this...
« Reply #17 on: September 22, 2015, 10:24:29 am »
Reading this beautiful piece is giving me the feels. I haven't been in this kind of situation but the emotions and feelings behind it makes me feel like I'm in her place and going through the same set up.
If you can't accept me at my worst then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

OtherBoleynGirl

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Re: to anyone who has fallen for their "friends with benefits"... read this...
« Reply #18 on: September 22, 2015, 02:31:46 pm »
Hello mga sis, share ko lang, may experience akong ganito nung college pa ako. Now 28yo na ako, at mukhang nangyayare na naman - with the same guy. Nung mejo nasa teens pa kami, na-fall ako sa kanya. Ang tagal ko nakamove-on dun, kinonsider ko siyang first love hehe! Pero ang maganda, naging friends kami. Seryosong friends talaga na para na kami magkapatid. Last year, nagpuntang abroad yung GF niya, so madalas sa hindi, kami na lang yung parating magkasama. Kahit saan! - sa mga gimik with barkada, mga out of town trips, birthday parties, sa kahit saang events, ultimo pagsashopping.  Tapos ayun, may nangyare na ulit sa amin. Simula nung umalis yung gf niya, 3 times na namin ginawa. Since alam ko namang ganun yung set-up namin, wala naman akong attachment na naramdaman. I mean meron konti pero ramdam ko, mas naging siya yung clingy e. As in gusto niya parati kami magkasama to the point na ako na minsan yung tumatanggi kaso minsan nagugulat ako nandun na lang siya sa bahay namin pag-uwi ko. Some time last summer, tumawag sa akin yung gf niya, umiiyak kasi nakikipagbreak na daw si guy. Naloka ako ng slight haha!

Lurker_Man

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Re: to anyone who has fallen for their "friends with benefits"... read this...
« Reply #19 on: September 30, 2015, 11:23:05 am »
almost...kaya until now...i am longing for her fb to be active again so we can communicate
skype: LurkerMan

 


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