Realizing he's not the one but don't want to hurt him

[sofistikada_1230]

I've been with this guy for three years and we've been talking about settling down... thing is I don't think he's the right one as I don't see myself building a family with him... I care about him but I don't love him anymore...

I really don't want to hurt him but I think that I'm being unfair to both of us if we don't end it soon... Rocky na yung relationship and I'm unhappy...

How do I deal with this situation?

[klimts]

i cannot think of any other way other than to tell him straight. the more you delay the inevitable, the more time and emotion you are investing into it.

you cannot avoid hurting the other person so better do it now and spare him with more heartache.

i wish you luck.

[ishopnowfeelguiltylater]

TS, if you're sure na of your decision then courage na lang ang need mo to tell him. There's no easy way of doing it pero the sooner you get it over with, the better. Good luck!

[pret_ty68]

Sis, you'll also be doing him a favor if you break up with him, since the more you delay it you are also holding him back to where he might belong. He deserves to be with a person who truly loves him just as you deserve to be with a person you love.

[purple.strawberry]

Sis you already know what to do, it's just a matter of when. Unfortunately not hurting him is inevitable in your situation. Muster enough courage and do it soon, for the both of you.

[aquacharly]

What to do?
Tell him, straight to his face: "I don't love you anymore, not enough to commit for the long-term."
2 things will  happen:   His heart breaks. Or, his heart sings, out of relief.  He may, after all, not love you as much too. 
The Truth will both set you free. 

Now, if you have decided to walk away from him, and he insists he will and can do everything to convince you otherwise -- don't prolong your indecision.  Cut and cut clean.  It is kinder that way. 

[purplegravity]

There's no point staying in a relationship if you dont love him anymore.  Tell him what you really feel. Your decision will hurt him but its better to do it now than prolong the relationship.

[j.adore]

You already have your answer. Tell him at a time when his mood is on the average (not stressed/down but not too happy).

[Girltalker2]

TS, mas mabuti nang sabihin sa kanya and be truthful about it, kesa naman magcheat ka pa sa kanya.  Kahit masakit man, he will be thankful later on na hindi mo sya pinagmukhang t*nga by telling him the real score.

Tell him that you care dahil may pinagsamahan naman kayo but you just cannot picture yourself with him in the long term.  Sabihin mo you can still be friends anyway, kung ok lang sa kanya.

[sofistikada_1230]

thanks a lot... im praying to have enough courage to tell him... I was thinking of waiting until he gets his residence visa to the US, that will be 5 months from now... thanks...

i cannot think of any other way other than to tell him straight. the more you delay the inevitable, the more time and emotion you are investing into it.

you cannot avoid hurting the other person so better do it now and spare him with more heartache.

i wish you luck.

[sofistikada_1230]

I guess I'm sure because I've been unhappy and thinking of breaking up with him for a year now...
i really just don't want to hurt him because he is a good person. pero ang dami naming difference like religion and values... i guess magkaiba din kami ng priorities - he's petitioned to the US and I don't want to live there because I want to stay close to my family. kumbaga sa divorce, ang reason is irreconcilable differences.

 thanks for hearing me out though and for the advice.

TS, if you're sure na of your decision then courage na lang ang need mo to tell him. There's no easy way of doing it pero the sooner you get it over with, the better. Good luck!

[sofistikada_1230]

I believe so too, that he should be with someone who truly loves him, sana makatagpo siya soon. he's 37 already and i hope he'll not give up looking for and believing in love...

Sis, you'll also be doing him a favor if you break up with him, since the more you delay it you are also holding him back to where he might belong. He deserves to be with a person who truly loves him just as you deserve to be with a person you love.

[sofistikada_1230]

Thank you sis. I know this is for the better pero sana marealize niya rin na I'm not just doing this for me but also for his own good. *sigh* ang hirap...

Sis you already know what to do, it's just a matter of when. Unfortunately not hurting him is inevitable in your situation. Muster enough courage and do it soon, for the both of you.

[sofistikada_1230]

I've always been straightforward to other people but it's difficult when the person you're with is sensitive. he's also been through ugly breakups in the past. I've been sending him vibes that I'm no longer happy, even telling him "I'm not happy anymore" and when he tells me he loves me, I don't respond.

I hope that this time when we have this serious talk, I won't feel sorry for him and get back with him if he begs... thanks for hearing me out.

What to do?
Tell him, straight to his face: "I don't love you anymore, not enough to commit for the long-term."
2 things will  happen:   His heart breaks. Or, his heart sings, out of relief.  He may, after all, not love you as much too. 
The Truth will both set you free. 

Now, if you have decided to walk away from him, and he insists he will and can do everything to convince you otherwise -- don't prolong your indecision.  Cut and cut clean.  It is kinder that way.

[sofistikada_1230]

I was thinking before na I can learn/ relearn to love him pero hindi... kala ko kaya ko isacrifice happiness ko to keep him happy pero ang hirap pala to stay in a relationship pag di na mutual yung feelings nio sa isa't isa...

There's no point staying in a relationship if you dont love him anymore.  Tell him what you really feel. Your decision will hurt him but its better to do it now than prolong the relationship.

[sofistikada_1230]

You're right, I only lack the courage to tell him. I will keep this in mind. Thank you.

You already have your answer. Tell him at a time when his mood is on the average (not stressed/down but not too happy).

[sofistikada_1230]

I almost did this and I'm thinking of this... na gagawa na lang ako ng reason para siya na lang makipag break sakin... you're right in every way. I do care for him and still want to be friends with him pero hindi ko makita sarili ko with him in a long committed relationship.

Thank you.

TS, mas mabuti nang sabihin sa kanya and be truthful about it, kesa naman magcheat ka pa sa kanya.  Kahit masakit man, he will be thankful later on na hindi mo sya pinagmukhang t*nga by telling him the real score.

Tell him that you care dahil may pinagsamahan naman kayo but you just cannot picture yourself with him in the long term.  Sabihin mo you can still be friends anyway, kung ok lang sa kanya.

[Girltalker2]

^ sis, lahat naman nasa loobin mo. Ito rin... sabihin mo sa kanya.  You really tried. You sacrificed, kasi akala mo it will work out. Pero hindi eh. Lugi sya sayo, kasi alam mo mas magiging masaya sya sa piling ng iba kasi hindi kayo akma (religion, etc). 

I was thinking before na I can learn/ relearn to love him pero hindi... kala ko kaya ko isacrifice happiness ko to keep him happy pero ang hirap pala to stay in a relationship pag di na mutual yung feelings nio sa isa't isa...

[The5thElement]

pag ganyan na nararamdaman nyo, tell it straight to him...
maintindihan naman yan e. malay mo ganyan din pala feeling nya...

I've been with this guy for three years and we've been talking about settling down... thing is I don't think he's the right one as I don't see myself building a family with him... I care about him but I don't love him anymore...

I really don't want to hurt him but I think that I'm being unfair to both of us if we don't end it soon... Rocky na yung relationship and I'm unhappy...

How do I deal with this situation?

[sofistikada_1230]

UPDATE:

I already had a talk about it with him and he sent me this email. (Just to give you a background, we live together and we have a cat and a dog)

I wish I have the courage to stick to my decision... ang hirap pag na-attach ka na sa tao but you know that this is the right thing to do for our own peace of mind.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

what will change if we just become friends?

we can't live together
we have to move out of our apartment
you keep the cat while i need to look for a home for the dog when i leave
the dog won't see you
i won't see you as much
i'll miss you all the time
i won't be able to say i love you
i won't be able to say i care about you anymore

i can't say i'm completely happy in our current situation
but i don't think its enough to cause me to think about breaking up
i don't think its the right reason to even break up
to me, i believe, we have a good relationship, it just needs to get stronger, or we need to develop separate hobbies.
you understand me and i understand you
i know deep down you love me
and you know i love you very much

i get upset whenever you bring this up though about breaking up
i get upset when you tease that you're leaving
i feel so sad and miserable and i just don't want to breath anymore
i feel like i just want to curl up in bed and not come out again

but if you're feeling miserable while with me
and you feel its the time for a break
if you feel you no longer love me
we could go for a trial break.
i'll go back home to my house for a few days or you could go back home to your house
we'll live our completely separate lives and see how it goes.

or we could just break up and not see each other anymore
take your pick.
but we have to do this while we're together at home.
not while we're walking outside
or not while through phone
or through email

just so you know, i don't want us to break up
i love you so much it hurts when i don't see you
but i will try to understand.
i want us to be together
but if we can't be, i will try to understand.

what do you think? do you just want to be a friend status? please say no