Realizing he's not the one but don't want to hurt him

[angel..]

^He is in f****g denial. Besides, you dropped hints here and there and let me tell you...it will not go unnoticed. He is in denial and he''s just hoping that you will change your mind. I understand his situation because that was my situation earlier this year. Mararamdaman mo talaga kung hindi ka na mahal ng taong mahal mo. Napaka hirap lang tanggapin but he needs to realize that it's a lost cause. In his own time I guess, but you have to talk to him and gently explain things.

[sofistikada_1230]

you are right, he is... and this has been going on for a long time. i hope that he realizes soon that he deserves to be happy with someone who would love him the way that he loves me...

^He is in f****g denial. Besides, you dropped hints here and there and let me tell you...it will not go unnoticed. He is in denial and he''s just hoping that you will change your mind. I understand his situation because I that was my situation earlier this year. Mararamdaman mo talaga kung hindi ka na mahal ng taong mahal mo. Napaka hirap lang tanggapin but he needs to realize that it's a lost cause. In his own time I guess, but you have to talk to him and gently explain things.

[Priceless]

OMG, sofistikada, when I read your thread, and the message from your bf, it reminded me of my ex!

I knew for a long time na that I was not serious about him the way he was with me, and because he was such a nice guy and all that, I didn't know how to break it to him gently. Seriously, it went on for a long time (10+ years) on, off, simply because I didn't have the guts to be harsh and cut clean. And he didn't want to/couldn't take a hint that I really wanted out na. For that long period of time, parang I was just "hanging" on, para bang I was not even part of the relationship and was just looking from the outside - at two people who appeared to be in a relationship.

Everytime I would try to break up, cause a fight etc etc, siya pa itong mang susuyo, would even write all these sweet nice things (very very similar to what your bf wrote) that would make me feel more guilty about everything. I worried a lot about his frame of mind, baka he might hurt himself or worse, commit suicide if I broke up with him. It came to a point talaga na I was already afraid to see him kasi nga parang emotional blackmail na yung nangyayari, and I would even get nightmares where he would be chasing and chasing and looking for me at ako naman itong pilit ng pilit magtago, tumakbo at makawala sa kanya.

I don't know what to advise you but I write this to let you know that I perfectly understand your predicament right now. And it is easier said/written than done to break up with someone like this. With mine, it just came to a point where I went cold turkey (it helped that I was in a different country), no calls, no texts, no visits, no communication at all. I changed my phone, changed my skype ID (hindi pa ako masyado into social networking then)  but up to a year after, I was still so scared that I might bump into him, that he might show up at my apartment, etc.

Good luck sis. I'm sure you'll find a way somehow, but I can tell you that no matter what you do, someone will get hurt. And the longer you prolong this pretense, the deeper the wounds will be.

[nene1117]

based sa experience ko sa ex ko, akala ko dati baka sobrang mahurt siya at magpapakamatay.. super bait nia wala ako ma-say but the love is gone and I need to tell him the truth.. yes super nahurt siya and halos araw araw nagpapadala siya ng letters at flowers sa akin para bumalik ako... pero decided na ako.. sa sobrang hurt nia, nagresign siya sa work at marami pang ibang bagay ang ginawa nia... andun yung guilt ko pero naisip ko mas-unfair kung magstay pa rin ako sa relationship.. after few months naging ok na  rin naman siya and nabalitaan ko na lang after a year may GF na siya... kung nagwworry ka na baka kung ano gawin nia sa sarili nia, tell your common friends about it para atleast madamayan siya,, mahirap kasi kung wala ka kausap baka kung ano na lang maisip mo biglang gawin sa sarili mo

[Angelite]

I don't have the same experience as you sissies but I just want to say that the email was heart breaking. If I am in the situation of TS mahihirapan akong sumagot. Napakahirap makasakit ng iba lalo pa dun sa mabait at minahal mo naman dati. Althought I understand that given her situation breaking up was the best thing to do.

It has been several months since this happened so sana naka move on na sila both.

[donzski_doinks]

i wonder what happened to TS now. its been a while since her last update.

[tomatostellar]

Baka naka move on na si TS and guy

[kiM_erZz]

I feel this thread. I'm actually going through it right now. 

Just broke up with my bf because I know I don't love him. And what's worst pa is I'm easily annoyed by him. Super moody ko around him and it's not because I'm really an awful person. It's just coz I feel like I'm already doing him a favor by staying with him and that the least he could do was not bother me with his expectations of me as a good gf. It's really bad I know. But wala eh he loved me so much he kept trying to fight for it, and ako naman tong si no reaction kasi syempre wala namang love, and siya naman tong magagalit because NR nga ako, and then away away nanaman.

But the right thing to do is to really just end it. It was really hard for me to tell him there was no love anymore, coz prior to admitting this all i gave were hints and vague explanations. But I finally did.

Give him the opportunity to find that person who will love him in return, even if it means hurting him 

[three8one]

minsan ganun talaga, mas gusto ng mga babae ang mga manlolokong lalake kesa sa mga matitinong lalake... mas challenging daw na sila (babae) ang napapraning compare sa boring na buhay sa piling ng mga matitinong kalalakihan..

just my 2 cents.

 

[Priceless]

^Medyo nag-gegeneralize ka naman siguro. Would it help if I told you that in my case, sya pa ang flirtatious sa ibang girls?

Iba iba naman talaga ang reasons why relationships don't work out. Without going into too much detail, I just realized that we had different personalities, goals, values.

[pink_stardust]

I'm in the same predicament.

Actually I don't think I really loved my boyfriend from the start.  Na pressure lang ako sa kanya and sa friends so sinagot ko sya.

I was never attracted to him.

Super bait nya. And he really really loves me. I know I can trust him, he will never cheat on me and he will do anything for me. He's the perfect boyfriend sa totoo lang. I know I'm lucky to have found someone like him.

Pero i just don't feel in love. Same with the other sis who posted earlier,  I get annoyed easily sa kanya. Para bang big favor ko na for him yung pag stay ko, the least he could do is not annoy me. Parang ganun.

We've been together for so long, almost 7 years. Pero 2 months pa lang kami, nagsisisi ako na sinagot ko sya.

And for years I've been telling him na I'm not happy. Na I'm bored. Na ayoko na. I've been picking fights and treating him real bad.

Pero andyan pa din sya, in love sa akin.

Ayoko na talaga. Pero a part of me is scared na I might not find another guy like him. Feeling ko lahat ng lalaki may tendency na magloko, except for him.

I don't know. Iniisip ko if I'll break up with him, I might find some other guy na I'm genuinely attracted to and I might fall in love with pero baka heartaches naman abutin ko and maparanoid ako na baka mag cheat or what.

Kay BF kasi super panatag ako na he has eyes lang for me and he will never ever cheat.

I'm so torn. I don't know what to do.

[Girltalker2]

^ I think the best you could do is set him free.

As for your situation, I'm amazed nag last kayo ng 7 years. I believe you can still find that someone for you.

Ang tagal nyo na, has marriage been talked about? What would you do if suddenly mag propose sya?

[mysterioza_me]

^^Huh 2mos pa lang kayo pero nagsisi ka na sinagot mo and yet umabot kayo ng 7yrs? Wow. Paano mo na-manage yun? Tatapusin mo din pala sana ginawa mo ng maaga. And no wag mo isipin na ginawan mo siya ng favor just because you chose to stay. May kasalanan ka, hindi mo dapat pinatagal ng ganyan. Omg nag-invest ng time, effort and feelings si guy sa iyo. Idamay na din natin ang gastusin sa pagde-date and gifts sa iyo. What made you stay? For sure may reason bakit tumagal ng ganyan.

[pink_stardust]

Actually may times na OK naman ako sa kanya. I'm happy, comfortable with him. Just not in love. Or baka masyado lang idealistic and unrealistic ang tingin ko sa love.

He's been very good to me. I trust him, and he's never given me a reason to doubt his feelings for me.

Actually 1 to 2 months into our relationship, I've been honest with him na parang nagkamali ako and sinagot ko sya too soon. Alam naman nya yun. Pero he wouldn't let me go.

Part din ng frustration ko is parang sa lahat na lang, sagot ko. I can't elaborate kasi baka obvious na masyado kung sino ako if we have common friends dito sa GT.

Pero ganito kasi, I'm making money coz I'm working. Sya hindi pa kasi he went to grad school right after college.

So sa 60% of the time na may date kami parang sagot ko, 30% of the time dutch treat. He only pays for the date pag special occasion.

I know I sound materialistic pero feeling ko kasi at times sugar mommy ako. Alam ko naman na gusto nya bumawi sa akin pag may work na sya, pero siguro sa tagal na din na ganun set up namin tuluyan na ako nagsawa at na turn off.

Example pa sa transpo, driver ko naghahatid sa kanya and ako din nagbabayad ng pang Uber or Grab nya pauwi after our dates.

If he proposes (matagal pa siguro given wala pa sya career coz he took further studies) I don't know, seryoso di ko alam gagawin ko. I had a dream just recently na he proposed and I woke up in panic. I really wish na sana I felt happy upon waking up pero hindi.

I don't trust men in general. feeling ko lahat sila mataas ang chance na magloko. With my current guy kasi I feel safe. Kaya siguro nagtagal din kami. Unlike my other friends who often cry or go paranoid because of their cheating boyfriends, panatag ako na he will never ever cheat. I know he loves me that much. And I know I'm lucky to have him. I know nasa akin ang problem. I should be happy I found a guy like that pero I feel like I'm missing something.

Pero at the same time, I'm scared na if I let him go, baka pagsisihan ko lang. Or he might harm himself.

If only I could force myself to fall in love.

[glamorosa_09]

If kahit naman sino siguro sis mafufrustrate kung sya yung sugar mommy.

Ilang taon na kayo? Ilang taon na syang nasa graduate school? MA ba PhD?

Bakit sya sayo nakaasa, hindi sa parents nya? Kung nasa early 20's pa kayo, understandable pa... pero kung late twenties (28) and above... ay parang mahirap na... meron ba syang balak maging independent? Baka mamaya ginagamit ang continuous study dahil takot to set out to the real world.

In your situation, you can be assured of the emotional security, but at the expense of financial security/independence. Takot ka rin siguro of being alone if there's no faithful boyfriend, you seem to equate it with loneliness.

If he's the type of man who cannot be financially independent, pwede ka naman maging breadwinner wife. Meron namang ganun. Pero mas maganda, ngayon pa lang, accepted mo na. At baka kung sakaling ikasal kayo, magrereklamo ka, pag-aawayan niyo pa yan. Eh alam mo naman na at the start ang pinasok mo.

[mysterioza_me]

It kinda sound na parang magkasama lang kayo out of convenience. Nakaasa siya sa iyo for some of his needs and ikaw naman siya ang assurance mo na di ka maging old maid. Kung ganyan setup ninyo at di ka masaya at hindi mo kakayanin ang ganyan habangbuhay then end mo na yan kasi di din magiging masaya buhay mag-asawa ninyo balang-araw.

Ako personally di ako naniniwala sa sinasabi na ?ayaw ko na pero ayaw akong pakawalan.? Pag ayaw mo walang makakapilit sa iyo. Daming ways para umiwas kung talagang ayaw na.

[Rory_Lorelie_Gilmore]

Been there,done that, walang ibang solusyon dito kunde makipaghiwalay ng maayos, kesa meron pa kayo magawang mga bagay na pagsisihan nyo sa huli.

[Girltalker2]

Actually may times na OK naman ako sa kanya. I'm happy, comfortable with him. Just not in love. Or baka masyado lang idealistic and unrealistic ang tingin ko sa love.

He's been very good to me. I trust him, and he's never given me a reason to doubt his feelings for me.

That?s how complicated love can be. Minsan ok naman partner mo but there?s really no chemistry/spark.

Actually 1 to 2 months into our relationship, I've been honest with him na parang nagkamali ako and sinagot ko sya too soon. Alam naman nya yun. Pero he wouldn't let me go.

Sis, you?re not chained to him. You?re an individual free to make decisions.

regarding naman na lahat sagot mo, pumayag ka naman sa umpisa right? But realised your mistake. So just tell him directly.

Tell him focus on his studies, if he finishes and stable na, tsaka ka na nya balikan.

I tell my kids the same things, if you can?t earn your own money, wala Kang K to be in a relationship. Both my son and Daughter applicable iyan.

For my son, obvious ba need pang date kaya can?t have a gf if you?re not earning and I?m not gonna spend a single cent on that. For my daughter naman, ano ka, may sugar daddy? You ask him to pay for everything and anong kapalit? Don?t tell me wala coz I won?t believe you.

I don't trust men in general. feeling ko lahat sila mataas ang chance na magloko. With my current guy kasi I feel safe. Kaya siguro nagtagal din kami. Unlike my other friends who often cry or go paranoid because of their cheating boyfriends, panatag ako na he will never ever cheat. I know he loves me that much. And I know I'm lucky to have him.

Sis, you remind me of ME during my younger days. But difference lang natin, pareho kami students then sabay kami grumaduate at sabay din kami nagkawork.

Nung mag bf pa kami ng ex ko, I felt so lucky. Never sya nagcheat in our 10 year courtship. My friends think the same way too. Pero Hindi sila mayaman so he has to work hard for our wedding kaya nag ipon pa kami before getting married.

When we were students, most of the time Dutch treat kami or ako nagbabayad ng lunch nya. After namin mag graduate, ako muna nakahanap ng work and I didn?t mind. Few months later, nakahanap narin sya. Dahil magaling sya (mambola), career wise, na overtake nya ako in 3 years. Na promote sya. Then tsaka kami nagpakasal. But little did I know, that promotion that made him stake financially led him to other vices - smoking, drinking and womanizing. Nasobrahan kung baga.

I?m not saying your bf will be unfaithful to you when the time comes, but My point is, there?s no guarantee in life when it comes to love. People change over time. Minsan naman friend ko napangasawa palikero (rich kid), Pero sya pala ang Di mag m Mistress when they got married kasi napagsawaan na nya when he was young.

Since maraming things beyond your control, I think pinaka importante for you is to find your happiness. You cannot bank on your guy Di magloloko and base ALL your decisions on that tapos Di ka naman pala happy.

Kaya I don?t think you should be afraid to let him go. If he is for you, in time, babalikan ka nya and you might find that spark by then, na Di mo maramdaman now.

Ang risky pa for you is if you find someone else, pano iyan, magiging Cheater ka pa sa lagay nyan. Kaya better let him go.

Or he might harm himself.

On this matter naman, you have to tell someone close to him about this. You cannot be a victim of his mental instability.