More than a decade of loneliness..what to do???

[defraudedheart]

I've been single for more than a decade and I don't know if there's something wrong with me.  I'm really trying my best to start and find somebody to love, but i always end up being in the "FRIEND ZONED".

I remember, when I was in college, this hasn't been a problem, what happened? Am I being cursed? Hindi naman ako head turner or the campus crush...the physical character may not be enough but I believe the real character would fill in the those gaps, nag-mature na din naman ako based on previous experiences..

Well, here's short clip...i've been in 3 relationships during college but only months, the longest was 9, I hope I remember this right. Relationship A, didn't work, maybe because her personality is way on top of mine, our friends usually call her "bossing" and I think that explains.

Relationship B, also a failure because of my childish attitude. It's my fault.

Relationship C, this was the sweetest but ended up also with a breakup.. It was an "away-bati-away" relationship. It was during our late junior and senior years in college. We started as friends, she used to wake me up in early mornings to and remind me to review our notes for our exams, used to tell any stories if even in the phone (telebabad, uso po that time But. siguro there were some things na hindi naayos. Selosa sya na pati yung dogs ko pinagselosan pero I must admit, nagkulang din ako. We had this fight, my email message to my "ultimate crush", she opened and read that message and that was it. She knew about that "crush" from the very start akala ko ok lang talaga, no problem at all. Honestly, that email message was just a plain hi message sand catching up message kasi paalis na kasi sya. We broke up and I admit, it was my fault and sayang.

Since then puro attempts na ang nangyari, crush mo pero di ka crush, gusto mo pero may ibang gusto, gusto mo pero babae pla ang gusto, nasubukan ko na rin maging third party (g*g* lang ang peg).

It was a long 10 years of searching..actually malapit na ulit ako maganniversary ulit. Ok naman so far pero sometimes or most of the time na siguro lalo na kapag may event na lahat ng kasama mo ay may partners, sabihin ko nalang sa sarili ko "darating din sya baka nagbibihis plang" or pag emo mode, "kelan kaya sya dadating?"     

It's been a long journey and a longer one ahead, and i wish I could be with my "the one" in that journey

I would appreciate your help/advice. Thanks

[purplegravity]

Well, give us a little background about you before we can give an honest reply.

[tisaygirl123]

^ Yes. Correct si Ms. Purplegravity

Ano ano bang mga social life mo or mga pinag kaka abalahan mo lately?
@thread starter.

[simang]

Guytalker ka ba TS?

[sacred cow]

judging by your story na ang last mong gf was in college pa, I guess it means na hindi ka marunong dumiskarte sa hindi mo ka social circle and only rely on those na napapakilala sayo or nagiging kaklase mo. I would suggest for you to read up on 'pick up' para magkaroon ka ng refresher on interacting with women. go to sites like girlschase, read 'the game' by neil strauss. based din sa kwento mo kulang ka sa confidence at medyo nice guy ang vibe mo, I'm not saying na kelangan mo baguhin kung sino ka..but kung wala lang napapala by being yourself for 10 years, then diba it means you've got to change something

[purplegravity]

Tingnan mo din yung sarili mo. Are you confident enough? Are you presentable enough? Not to make you feel bad, baka naman yung mga tipo mo pang ms universe, yung pang model. Madami ka ngang magiging karibal.

Or are you asking a girl that you like to date her? Gusto pa din ng babae na tinatanong sila. Nag no ba tlaga sayo? Baka puro assumptions lang.

Do you have a successful career? Sa panahon ngayon, iba na ang mga babae. They just dont get a boyfriend kasi gwapo, they also look kung kaya mo bang magtayo ng pamilya.

Ang dami dami dito sa GT na single, baka nandito lang ang destiny mo. goodluck to you!

[sacred cow]

^ what she said! don't be afraid to ask out girls left and right din. rejection is better than regret. I believe nasa 30s ka ngayon, you should be at your peak right now, para kang babae niyan with a sexual market value of 18-25, dami pang magkakagusto sa'yo

[Girltalker2]

^ I agree.  TS, all you need to do is date and date, mingle and get to know the opposite sex better. You should be rejoicing now at wala kang sakit ng ulo. hehe 

Basta be honest about your dating status. Do not commit early. Kadalasan you end up with a wrong decision kung nagmamadali ka.  Pero hindi naman din puede yung ginawa mo in the past 10 years - talaga bang naghahanap ka?  Just ask them out. Have coffee. Make it clear you are interested to get to know them, and see how it goes from there. Huwag yung "ligaw" agad, professing i love you's agad. Be honest on what you feel, on what you like/don't like - because it is by these traits you can find "the one".

[defraudedheart]

To all replies---BIG Thank you..!!medyo naalog ako dun pero ok naman

Confident enough--eto needs improvement, presentable enough--dito ok na to..hindi pa naman nag-no or pinipilit ko lang sarili ko na wala pang no??..wala pa din naman clear na sagot sa recent attempt..successful career naman but im trying/thinking to shift and start a new baka wala dito e may mga little investments naman na din pero still malayo and madami pa kailangan gawin..

I guess, yung social life kailangan nga baguhin, late bloomer na din kasi? meron ba ganun?

Nahihirapan na din talaga ko, i need a change and support and guidance sa tagal siguro hindi ko na din alam gagawin and sumabay..medyo ok na nga yung career kailangan ko naman ayusin na yung buhay ko, kailangan na ng change status..

Ngayon, meron ako nagugustuhan na workmate ko, masyado nga ata ko naging mabilis in less than 2 months nasabi ko na "i like her" tapos sabi nya friends muna kami..umiwas sya nun pero ngayon medyo ok naman na ulit, i dont know if dahil senior nya ko kaya ganun or ok na nga talaga ulit  kami..sabi nga ng nila tyagain ko..ganun naman talaga ginagawa ko kaso minsan bakit ko nafe-feel na she's pushing me away?? Ano ba meaning nun? or assuming nanaman ako?

All comments and suggestions are welcome...

 

[sacred cow]

^ sorry TS pero ayaw niya sa'yo, anything other than a yes is a No. and please do not shvt in your own backyard. kung hindi ka pa confident sa skills mo, try going out sa clubs on weekends to work up on your social skills and talking to women.

[tisaygirl123]

^^ I love the idea "TRY GOING OUT SA CLUBS"
well, ganun yung ginagawa namin ng mga friends ko, all single ladies kami and kung may lalapit welcome naman kami for that pero kung hindi namin trip, little talk and then aalis kami agad. 

Well, nung sinabi niyang friends nalang kayo muna, feeling ko hindi ka din niya gusto.
as a girl. (Pakipot ako sa pakipot) pero If I feel the same na I like the guy. Ano pa kayang sasabihin ko? Maybe I'll tell him I like you too pero kailangan muna natin makilala isa't isa

^ sorry TS pero ayaw niya sa'yo, anything other than a yes is a No. and please do not shvt in your own backyard. kung hindi ka pa confident sa skills mo, try going out sa clubs on weekends to work up on your social skills and talking to women.

[purplegravity]

TS,

Alam mo kasi hindi ka dapat agad magsasabi ng i like you.  Minsan, ayaw namin ng nabibigla.  Kung may type ka na, try to invite her with some friends. You know, magkape, dinner or gimik.  Ang mga girls kasi (opinion ko lang naman to) syempre sa una itsura lang ang basis pero if we got to know the real you, secondary na lang ang looks. Mas importante sa amin how you will treat us pero syempre importante din yung presentable ka. Do the things girls like, yung mga text messages lang na how are you, good morning, ingat pauwi. Those are small things pero sa amin eh, good move yun. Do it religiously. Pag nagreply na stop, eh di stop ka na. Pero if nagrereply sya sayo aba kahit papaano may chance yun. Send her flowers or chocolates, these could be old ways of courting but still nagpapakilig pa din sa mga girls. You have to make extra efforts. You have to treat her like a queen. Baka nanliligaw ka tapos parang wala lang sya sayo.

If you dont like naman going to the clubs, you can join charity events, travel or hiking. Be active in sports, it builds confidence.

By the way, medyo mahirap kung officemate mo yung liligawan mo.  How other people see you as an employee will have a big impact.

[defraudedheart]

Should I stop pursuing her now?

Nagulat daw sya that time and we should know each other daw muna..Am I getting the wrong/right signal?

Gusto ko talaga sya e, tinamaan parang ganun lang ang dating..prang ngayon nalang ulit to or ngayon nalang talaga after 10 years. I'm willing to wait, baka hindi pa sya ready..medyo masama yung pinagdaanan nyang past relationship (5 years--third party and insulto sa kanya), baka hindi pa sya totally ready?..enough na ba yung reason to wait further???

I remember, we were just joking about chocolates nga, gusto daw nya ng Godiva, ako naman sige lang..ang hirap pla hanapin nun almost 2 weeks ako umiikot sa mga malls para hanapin yun kulang nalang ipilit ko na balikbayan ako para lang makapag-duty free..pero luckily salamat sa makapangyarihang google may nakita ko..I gave it to her with a small note and the way naman na tinangggap nya mukang sobrang happy and appreciated nya, niloko ko pa nga na Goya na nga lang dapat (same 1st 2 letters naman e)..akala ko it will start something positive na pero parang wala pa rin e..na-appreciate kaya nya talaga yun??

[tisaygirl123]

^ IDK if you should stop or go. 
It all depends on you and her, If she likes you maybe mararamdaman mo naman. but sinabi niya na friends nalang muna. kaya niya siguro yun sinabi yun sayo kasi He finds you nice and kind but not boyfriend material. Kasi next step should be, mag dadate na kayo or may konting sweet sweet na since confirm naman na gusto niyo isa't isa. Maybe eventually (BAKA) umiwas siya if she's the typical girl na hindi gusto yung mga bagay na tinutukso ng officemates or ayaw makakita na gusto ka niya.
pero may iba naman na walang malice or hindi naiilang. inshort madaling magpanggap.
Medyo professional kasi yung dating pagka deadma sa mga nangyayari and hindi affected.

Opps. Ingat ka ha, may friend ako since 1st year college hanggang pagka graduate magka clasmate sila. nililigawan niya yun for 4years already. Pero the girl is keep on requesting to buy her Cake, chocolates etc.
Itsura niya super kind talaga and mahinhin. yun pala....
nung nagtapat yung friend kong guy sakaniya. Minura mura kaya niya.
so etong guy kong friend Iyak ng Iyak kahit naririnig yung theme song nila iiyak nalang.

Nung kinalimutan nila yung murahan scene na yon, tuloy ulit si guy friend ko na bigyan siya ng gift.. tapos si girl tangap ulit ng tangap... tapos bago mag graduate ng college, binasted niya na.
haha!
Told to my friend na sana nakinig siya agad.

[Girltalker2]

^^ I love the idea "TRY GOING OUT SA CLUBS"
well, ganun yung ginagawa namin ng mga friends ko, all single ladies kami and kung may lalapit welcome naman kami for that pero kung hindi namin trip, little talk and then aalis kami agad. 

Huwag naman ganun, baka maging itsura mo eh humahanap ng pick up girls. Dangerous din ito kasi mamaya maling girl mapick up mo... hindi pala girl! haha

Do the things girls like, yung mga text messages lang na how are you, good morning, ingat pauwi. Those are small things pero sa amin eh, good move yun. Do it religiously.

Ito naman, you have to be true to yourself din. Hindi yung sa umpisa ka lang marunong magpakitang gilas. Pag kayo na, hindi mo na ginagawa iyan or tingin ka na ng tingin sa ibang babae.

Gusto ko talaga sya e,

That's the thing. Gusto mo sya. Pero bakit sya lang?  You can ask her out if you are interested.  It does not mean nanliligaw ka, you just want to get to know her.

Tip lang din - you should be able to know why mo sya gusto.  Dati kasi when I was younger, isip ko, basta gusto mo, puede na.  In choosing a life partner, importante pala ang reasons. Make a checklist of your ideal partner - tapos hanapin mo sya. Possible na hindi mo mahanap ang may 100% na sa list mo, pero at least 70-80%, puede na.

anyway sabi mo ngayon ka lang ulit nagkagusto. That's the thing - why?  Are you after a certain look? personality?  Alamin mo, nang ma-widen mo ang pagpipilian mo, para naman happy marriage and family ang ending.

Malalaman mo kung na-appreciate nya talaga yung chocolates if you ask her. Did you like it? Anong flavor ba gusto mo? From there you can start new conversations and get to know her better.

[argento]

TS stop pursuing her. Yung sinabi niya na friends muna yun na yun. Sayang time mo sa kanya.
Pag pinakita mo sa babae na sobrang gusto mo siya sasamantalahin ka lang.

[tisaygirl123]

^ Tama.

[defraudedheart]

Would it be fair (?) to wait a little bit longer? or t**** move na yun??

Just this week..prang napapansin nya naman na ko or am I just giving it the meaning I want it to be..

Pag di ko sya pinapansin or tinitingnan, bakit daw di ko sya pinapansin or kahit tingnan man lang..sinabayan ko sya umuwi, naabutan kami ng malakas na ulan, sinamahan nya naman ako until huminto ang yung ulan and niyaya ko sya kumain habang naghihintay, pumayag naman and had a nice chit chat..responsing naman sya sa mga text message like "goodnight" thing pero mas madalas parin ang hindi yung deadma lang, pero nung isang araw lang nagulat din ako, ako yung may "goodmorning" message sa kanya, pero after nun NR nanaman...

ano ba totoong meaning nun?is she just being too nice??

[Girltalker2]

^ I am not sure if you are listening to what we are trying to tell you. Baka ayaw mo lang din, so go on with what you want to do. Or puedeng nag aantay ka lang ng confirmation na tama pag ipagpatuloy mo.  Problem kasi ikaw lang naman makakaalam.

But sana makuha mo din what we are trying to tell you.

Date around, huwag lang sa isa.  Don't profess agad na mahal mo sya eh 'gusto' mo palang naman sya. What if may mas magustuhan ka?  Kaya importante to be "around" muna, before you settle for a GF. At hindi lang pilit magka GF, just for the sake.

good luck bro.

[pinklilac]

^ I agree.

Palawakin mo muna circle of friends at social life mo. Tama isang suggestion dito na mag join ka sa isang group or org of your interest. Malay mo doon mo makilala ang "the one".
Huwag mo agad ibuhos lahat sa office mate mo. Tama na yung alam nya na like mo siya...hinay hinay lang