Friends, pasensya na for venting what I'm feeling here. Kaso wala kasi talaga akong malapitan about this, and last time na nagka-personal crisis ako, your advice here had been so helpful. So, I'm hoping na ganun ulit this time around.
Friends, may problem ako sa MIL ko. Actually, with both my in-laws, but mostly sa MIL ko. My husband is the only son (madami syang kapatid na babae), so syempre love na love sya ng MIL ko. Strained na talaga yung relationship namin ng MIL ko, even before ko sya maging MIL. Medyo nawalan ako ng respect sa kanya kasi may history sya na greedy sa money (even at the expense of her other kids), and also, materialistic (kailangan malamangan nya lagi yung mga anak nya and kakilala -- that's very important to her). To be honest, it shouldn't bother me, but it does kasi my husband expects me to respect her, and treat her as I do my own mom. I want to respect her, but I'm having a hard time knowing what I've seen and observed.
If I don't see my in-laws often, it's okay, I can deal with them pag occasionally nagkikita kami sa mga family events. Even if we see them often, okay pa din kasi di naman kami matagal magkasama (few hours, tops), so kaya ko na i-sacrifice yun for peace with my husband. Kaso, parang tine-tempt talaga ako ng fate, talagang gusto yata akong magalit and mainis kasi lagi akong may napapansin every time I see them. And of course, it's worse if we're spending more time together, like if we go on vacation.
1. They stop by our house unannounced (minsan, nap time ng baby namin, they come, they don't even knock, they just use their key and let themselves in). Mahabang kwento why they even have a key, and believe me, friends, it's a necessary evil, unfortunately.
2. They call our house often, kahit na magkikita na kami in a few hours, usually during nap time ng baby namin. So our phone keeps ringing, and it often wakes our baby up prematurely. Needless to say, cranky si baby and syempre cranky na din si Mommy. Why can't they text??? Or call my husband's cell phone, kung talagang kailangan nila makausap?
3. Madalas sila magbilin sa amin ng ipapabili na kung ano-ano. We travel for work, and halos every week, nakikisuyo sila magpabili ng kung ano-ano (bread, canned goods, etc), kesyo iba daw ang lasa dun sa kanila, so they always ask us to buy stuff. Hello, ang laki kayang abala? Also, they ask for the receipt. Like tutubuan namin sila. They've even taken it to an all new level...internet shopping. May ipapabili sa Amazon, wala naman ibibigay na money. So abono kami lagi. At eto pa, minsan di sila clear sa gusto nilang ipabili, so minsan mali yung nabibili namin (pabili daw ng so and so brand ng vitamins, so namili ako ng so and so brand ng vitamins, tapos di pala yun ang gusto, yung kulay purple daw na bottle -- note na walang purple na bottle na minention at any point in our previous conversations ha? So ibabaliik pa namin sa malayong ibayo yung so and so brand ng vitamins. Pero pag kami yung nakisuyo, kailangan bigay agad ng money). And walang receipt na binibigay sa amin, ha?
4. They feed my baby stuff na explicitly pinagbabawal ko. So they go against my requests and subo sila ng subo ng Cheetos or Doritos or kung ano mang junk food sa anak ko. I'm not against junk food per se, but I want to establish good eating habits muna for my baby kasi bata pa sya. When he's older, obviously, he will get exposed to junk food, but I'm hoping na he'll eat them sparingly (or at least still try to eat a little healthier). Yung isa kong pamangkin, pinapainom nila ng Diet Coke against their daughter's wishes.
5. Nagyaya mag-vacation, gusto daw sumama sa amin sa vacation namin ni SIL and her family (SIL is their daughter). Since may kids kami ni SIL, we booked 2 rooms sa hotel to accommodate each of families. Gusto daw sumama, so okay, I tried to book them a hotel room. Pinagtaasan ako ng boses ni MIL when she found out. Di daw nila kaya magbayad ng separate hotel room, since madami pa daw gastos when we get to our destination. Dapat daw malinaw ang usapan if they are expected to pay. So, sabi ko, sige, they can stay with us (it will be tight squeeze, but may sala naman yung hotel room and it converts to a queen bed, so it will be okay). Guess what? Nagalit husband ko sa akin for even thinking na his parents will be sleeping in the living room. Dapat daw sila sa room, kami sa living room.
Since I married my husband, we've had a great several years, then it got really rocky. Maraming factors of course, and among them is yung difference ng opinion namin ng husband ko sa MIL ko. I feel trapped. I feel like my husband is always on their side, so I feel that I have to make my point more by digging my heels even deeper. Meaning pag may pinagtatalunan kami (usually involving them), I fight harder kasi sino pa ba naman ang magfi-fight for my family's rights? E parang yung husband ko, sila pa din ang family, hindi kami.
Friends, I don't know what to do. I tried talking to my husband, pero since this is a long-standing issue, automatic na yung response nya to shut me down everytime we try to broach this topic. Ganon din ako, I don't like myself na nga kasi yung reaction ko sa kanila is not very nice...kasi nga nagpatong-patong na.
I prayed hard, too, kaso parang yung stubborness ko and yung long-standing reaction ko pa din yung nangigibabaw, kaya di ko pa siguro marinig yung answer ni God sa akin.
Gusto kong pumunta sa marriage counselor/therapist to help me. Kasi nasa point na ako of giving up on my husband.
